Working, am I being selfish?

Vegemite - posted on 06/19/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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So I want to go back to work, probably only 2 or 3 days a weeks. I have two boys 2 and 3 who are already at daycare/learning center 2 days per week because I needed to sort out my PND and now they love to go so I don't want to take them out of something they love. Now I'm thinking about sending them another 2 days to make it 4 days and going back to work, I'm also studying so will still need those 1 or 2 days to myself. The problem I have with this is I don't need to work. We are one of the lucky few who are comfortable but not well off. I have conflicting thoughts because I feel like I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home with the kids so I should take advantage of that but I also feel a little trapped at home 7 days even though 2 days they are at kinda for about 5hrs and I would be a happier Mum if I could be out working.

What do you think about Mums working when they don't need to? Is it ok, wrong or a case of what makes the family happy is what should be done?

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[deleted account]

You don't HAVE to work in order to get time w/ adults though. ;) Granted, it may make it easier, but it's not impossible to have grown up time while being a sahm.

[deleted account]

If I didn't HAVE to work... I never would. I have extremely strong, personal feelings on this subject, but my life isn't yours.

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I think if your job brings you satisfaction without making you resent your kids, then go for it. It's really no one else's business if you work or don't work. I wanted to stay home with my son in both of my marriages but the cards simply weren't dealt that way. If you have the choice, I won't dishonor the great gift you have of CHOICE. Isn't that what we women and feminists pushed for? That we can choose to define our motherhoods and working careers?

You're not selfish. YOu're a human and not all women have their needs 100% met by being a Mom. In fact, NO women have that met by motherhood alone. That's why women throughout time have formed friendships with other women, have engaged in hobbies, etc.

So you're not doing wrong, you're doing what we've been doing since we've recorded history and probably before.

Nicky - posted on 06/20/2011

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I went back to work when my daughter was 4 mths, granted I was working from home, and well, lets just say I wasnt productive whatsover because it was WAY too early, but my boss was extremely grateful for the time he did have me, and it made things a lot easier when I did start going into work, which was when my daugher was 6 months old. By easier I mean for my brain, but my heart was not right, I wanted to be at home with my daugher. She was with her nana, my husband's mother, but it still didnt sit right with me.
Now she is 1, and Im pregnant again, and am at work 4 days a week, I'd still rather be at home with my child, but I look at it this way, I can't afford not to right now, she LOVES daycare for 2 days, and nana for 2 days, she is an incredibly social and integrated wee girl, and our weekends are absolutely precious family time.
The work is hard, but when I have my 2nd baby, there will be no working for a long time, and 20 hrs a week at best, so gotta make hay while the sun shines, and anyone who thinks that its not appropriate can shove their opinion where the sun dont shine as they dont know our situation, and they can't judge what they dont know.

Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2011

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I think if you want to work then why should you have to stay home? I don't NEED to work but I cannot wait until I can study and get out of the house a few days a week and then eventually work a few days a week and make extra money, not being greedy or anything :P Even myhusband agrees that mums who work should be allowed to have the kids in daycare on their day off so they can have some time to themselves.

User - posted on 06/19/2011

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I don't do paid work, but I do a lot of voluntary work such as leading a parent and toddler group and other activities which means I get adult company and time to use skills I have which are not Mummy related.

In the current economic climate I know a lot of people who really need to work are struggling to find jobs. I would not like to take a job, which someone else really needed. I know I'm really lucky and am garteful that I don't need to work for financial reasons.

Vegemite - posted on 06/19/2011

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Thanks girls. haha Teresa I knew you'd say that but I feel the same which is why I feel conflicted because I also want to get out and do something with adults.
Maybe I should give it a go and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out and I'll try something else.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/19/2011

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I think whatever makes you the best mum is the best choice for your family. To be your best, you need to be happy.

[deleted account]

I worked for the first 3 years of J's life, off and on, because I wanted to. There was never a need for me either, I just couldn't figure out the whole sahm thing--I sucked at it. Finally, I figured it out, and I am happy now, but you have to do what YOU want to do.

When I worked, I missed J, when I was home, I struggled with domestic duties I was never good with (we cut cleaning services since I figured I'd have all the time in the world as a sahm--NOT TRUE!!!!!!) and felt like an aimless wanderer.

Structuring my time, setting goals, and volunteering helped me make being a sahm work for my family. I'm not the type to sit at home 5 days a week waiting for my husband's day off--it drove me crazy not having anything to do, and never accomplishing anything, but now I find the work I do for our community both challenging and much more rewarding than the work I did in my career.....maybe I was in the wrong career :P Doesn't matter now, there is no need for me to get paid to do what I do, and the time I spent working is past.

One of the best benefits of volunteer work over paid work is that you have much more flexibility over your schedule, and you can do anything you want to do, not just whatever someone is willing to pay you to do.

April - posted on 06/19/2011

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Who says the NEED to work HAS to be financial? Part of being a good Mommy is being a happy mommy (aka a mommy in good psychological health). If your kids are happy, then I don't see the problem. If your kids were totally miserable and not adjusting well, it would be a different story. If that were the case, I'd slowly introduce them to more hours at daycare and then go back to work when they're ready.

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2011

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Of course it's not selfish!

Although I moan about having to work, I think in reality I'd be going a bit crazy if I wasn't doing something.

Don't feel guilty at all :)

Katherine - posted on 06/19/2011

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I LOVE working! It's my respite. If you can do it, do it. It made me feel so much better.
I totally think it's a case of what makes YOU happy.

Constance - posted on 06/19/2011

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It's not selfish at all. They love going to daycare. You are just looking to do something else f a few hours a week. Nothing wrong with that if you can keep your sanity. I know for me I love being home but I would love to go and work with other adults a couple of days a week. I had always planned on it after my youngest started school and it didn't work out that way. I work from home, school fulltime, 8 kids who live with me, plus their 20+ friends here daily, homeschool 2 of my kids, and have a husband who works in another state. My life is crazy and insane but I love it and I am happy. So if you want to go to work and it makes you happy then go for it. Just have some adult conversation for me ok?

Minnie - posted on 06/19/2011

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Some mothers are better mothers if they work. We're all different. What works for one family might not work for another. I'm sure you know your children and how they would respond to this.

Firebird - posted on 06/19/2011

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Of course it's not selfish. As soon as my daughter turned two I wanted to go back to work, just for a couple days a week. Of course, that didn't happen though. And I was too miserable for too long because of it. And like Louise said, you can always change your mind if it doesn't work out for you. =)

Louise Faith Donelan - posted on 06/19/2011

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I think it's a great idea, your a mother yes, but thats not all you are. Your children love there day care. Ask your kids, see what they think, if there okay with it go for it. You can always change your mind if you or your kids struggle with it. A happy family starts with the parents, if your not happy your kids will sense it and they will become unhappy. You do what you think is right you can always change your mind.

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