Working Moms - Happy, or Deluded?

Krista - posted on 10/01/2010 ( 94 moms have responded )

12,562

16

847

Are moms who work outside the home truly happy? Or are they just deluding themselves and making the best out of a system that increasingly requires two-income families? On the welcome page, there was a question about daycare that wound up turning into a debate, and a point made by one mother was this:

"...let someone else raise your child while you delude yourself with the belief that you are happy and satisfied working your careers to earn money you can't take with you when you die..."

So, WMs...are you truly happy? Or are you just putting a brave face on things? SAHMs, do you think that overall, women are naturally happier to be SAHMs?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Krista - posted on 10/05/2010

12,562

16

847

Dammit, COM ate my post. /shakes fist.

Anyhoodle, what I was going to say was that I think we can safely assume that most WMs love their kids more than they love their jobs. I mean, shouldn't that pretty much go without saying?

But you can love your kid with all your heart, you'd take a bullet for them if needed, and still think that the best thing for your family is to be a working mother.

I also had to address this: "I want to make sure that he is taken care of exactly the way that I want." I can totally empathize with that. I'm a total control freak when it comes to my kid. And being a working mom does not mean that some random person is raising my child however SHE sees fit. It means that I did my homework and had a long discussion with my daycare provider when I interviewed her, to make sure that we shared similar childrearing philosophies. She takes care of my child in exactly the way that I wish, and also provides me with insight and advice gleaned from her extensive experience in caring for children, which sometimes prompts me to adjust my methods...and sometimes it doesn't. We're a TEAM, and it works really well. I can't speak for all WMs, but the ones I know still call the shots when it comes to their kids -- they just do it by proxy.

[deleted account]

Ok, ladies! While I agree that there are some moms who literally sit on there butts all day while the kids are in school, isn't it possible that SOME of those moms who are going back into their houses in there pj's ARE in fact working. We don't know their situation. They could have a home-based business? As women, and mothers, WE shouldn't be the ones judging. We already get enough judgement from everyone else.

[deleted account]

Tah, you seem hostile and defensive about SAHMs. I do understand what you're getting at but I think you came into this debate with a chip on your shoulder and I'm not sure why? Has anyone told you that daycare is raising your children? I'm honestly trying to understand where you're coming from.

AND, I only plan to be home with Roxanne until she starts school full-time, at which time I will go back to work at least part-time. Do moms with kids in school all day actually stay home? Are there any here who do that? I'm curious??

Charlie - posted on 10/01/2010

11,203

111

409

I think it really comes down to whether you have a career you love or whether you are just working for the money .

Krista - posted on 10/06/2010

12,562

16

847

I always get a kick out of when people say that they don't believe in daycare. I know, I'm quibbling with semantics (and that they mean to say that they do not think daycare is a good choice for them), but it makes it sound like they don't think daycare actually exists, and is just a figment of our imaginations. LOL!

And can we PLEASE get rid of that tired old saw about how the daycare is raising our kids? If someone is raising your children, it means that they are making all of the decisions with regards how that child is brought up. And for the most part, with daycare situations, that's not the case. If I do not want my child spanked, the daycare provider will not spank him. If I do not want him to have juice, he will not be given juice. If he's being clingy lately, I advise her on how I want it handled. If an unexpected situation arises that needs to be handled (like when Sam hit another kid), she will handle it according to what she thinks I would want her to do, and then calls me later to discuss it so that I can confirm or adjust her approach to things. So please just stop with that insulting old trope about the daycare raising our kids. They are our proxy, they are not the parent.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

94 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

I used to be a SAHM and now I work. Sadly, I did not start work because I wanted to, we have no choice the way that the GST and everything is getting pricey. I would stay home with my girl if I could but I guess it is not the governments problem wether we have to get our children raised by strangers. Ah well...

Stifler's - posted on 10/06/2010

15,141

154

604

I've thought about doing that. A lot of the women in my mother's group put their kids in one day a week to have time to themselves and I think in this kind of town where all our husbands are gone before daylight and come home after the sun goes down and everything is closed by then and on the weekends before 12 it doesn't leave much time to do anything by yourself like get your hair done.

April - posted on 10/06/2010

3,420

16

263

oh i don't think daycare is raising our kids and i have no problems with a mother who needs alone time while her child gets experience interacting with lots of different kids. i didn't mean to offend anyone when i said i didn't want my son to go to daycare. i just believe that he's too young and should be with his mommy who's lucky enough to be able to stay home for the time being. also, i didn't have the best experience with child care providers when i was a kid, there was some abuse involved and LOTS of neglect.

[deleted account]

As a SAHM, I believe daycare is exactly that....DAYCARE! I believe that it has it's benefits just like everything else and I will never fault or judge anyone for choosing to put their child in daycare whether they need to or not. I have a friend who puts her 18 month old in daycare twice a week so she can have time to herself to do errands, go for lunch, whatever. Maybe we should focus on all the positive things that daycare can offer?



Her daughter LOVES it there!

April - posted on 10/06/2010

3,420

16

263

oh this topic hits home for me. i have a master's degree in early childhood education and a bachelor's in psychology. i thought i had plans for a fabulous career in both fields. I was even filling out applications to continue on to get my PH.D. Then when I decided I was ready to get pregnant and have a baby, oh my world changed!! I love every minute with my son. I've toyed with the idea of being a SAHM forever, but financially that just won't be possible. As soon as my son and future child are old enough to go to school (NOT daycare), I will once again join the work force. Hey, I gotta save for their college educations!

Desiree - posted on 10/06/2010

910

17

13

each of us is different, I personally would love to work half day and be home in the afternoons with my children. As a working mom I feel like i miss to much, as to needed time for myself there other ways of getting that like scrap booking or going out for coffee with your friends. So to being happy being a fulltime working mom the answer to that is no I am not happy. but the life we live requires that work. The interesting thing is that even though I can give my kids more than I had at thier age, I think I may have been happier with less that my kids are with more.

Stifler's - posted on 10/06/2010

15,141

154

604

I just think you're still raising your own children if they have to go to daycare. Daycare or not was a financial decision for us, we can't afford it and I don't want to slave away at an external job to break even when I could be at home doing stuff so my partner and I can have more time together when he gets home instead of both of us cleaning and stuff on our time off work.

Sherri - posted on 10/05/2010

9,593

15

391

I don't think schools raise our kids but they do see my kids more hours in a day then I do. :( My poor kids don't get home till 4pm, then they have 3-4hrs of homework, dinner, and bed by 9pm. I am lucky if I get to spend 1-2hrs a day with them. I hate it!!

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2010

15,141

154

604

Kids go to school, would you argue that school is raising people's children? No, because they still have time at home with them to raise them, just sayin'.

Tah - posted on 10/05/2010

7,412

22

400

see told ya..always someone pulling that daycare is raising your child card out the deck...so offensive..and one sided....

Leslie - posted on 10/05/2010

134

26

13

I am not happy working part time so we have the things we need. I am happy that I only have to work part time so my husband and other family members can watch my two boys. I do not believe in daycare. I have two children and it is up to my husband and I to raise them, not a nanny or some other daycare to do so. I wish I could be with my kids rather than work. If I want time away I can go out witha friend. Working sucks. But again I am very thankful that I don't have to use a daycare. Thank you to my husband for having a pretty good paying job and putting in the hours:)

Angel - posted on 10/05/2010

89

11

1

LOL! I hope you guys have a great time! I agree, it is really hard to not be over protective. There are certain areas that I am not over protective in. Like when he falls, I do not run to him worried and make a big deal out of it. I laugh and say uh oh, then slowly go to him and pick him up, and then check for injuries. I REALLY want to run to him and make a big deal but thankfully I resist, lol. I would be afraid what my list would be like if I made one, lol. Scary idea.

Hope your son has a happy birthday!

Charlie - posted on 10/05/2010

11,203

111

409

Well Angel how will he ever learn to be a father ?
Sorry but i just do not understand that , a lot of dads and mums for that matter have not been around a baby or know how to care for one until they actually have one .

[deleted account]

Ok that makes sense, although I wouldn't be too uncomfortable about a nappy being put on backwards, no harm can come of that...just a little mess (I know just an example). For your sanity I would try and be a little less over protective of your son (I know it is really hard), I don't mean to leave him willy nilly but relax a little, most people are able to look after children very well,maybe when you do leave your son with people you could give them a comprehensive list of what they can and cannot do, what works etc, my moms a trained nursery nurse and I STILL ran over everything that I could possibly think of when I left my son with her, I still do now although the list is not as comprehensive because she knows it all - my son is 1 yo in a week, and we have the first over nighter on friday because my hubby's boss is taking us out, so here come the lists lol!

Angel - posted on 10/05/2010

89

11

1

I am not comfortable with his dad sometimes because he has never been around babies and has no idea what he is doing(put diaper on backwards, lol, etc.). It's not that I worry about his safety with his dad I was just using that as an example of how protective I am of him.

He is a baby. I don't need to "let go". He isn't old enough to have to worry about him having a complex. I am not saying that I have never had anyone sit my son, I'm saying that I am not comfortable(he has stayed with aunt & uncle and his grandma), which is ONE reason why I stay home. I can't know because I am not there and he can't tell me. Untill my son can talk or communicate( we are teaching him sign laungage), he won't be going to daycare(meaning care that is not mine). I do plan on returning to work at some point(not till he can communicate, as before mentioned).

Sherri - posted on 10/05/2010

9,593

15

391

Angel you are not comfortable with his own father? That is very frightening to me. You should be able to trust his father 100% without a doubt. You can not be with him every second for the rest of his life. You need to let go or you are going to give this child a horrible complex. What are you going to do when it is time to send them to school?

[deleted account]

Angel you don't even trust their dad with your son? That is really sad, he is the ONE person you should be able to trust without doubt!

Sherri - posted on 10/05/2010

9,593

15

391

I do home daycare and as much as I don't raise the kids. We have a specific schedule each and every day that we don't vary from so as much as I accommodate every child in my care. They have to adapt to our schedule. I can not give this one a snack, lunch or nap at different times etc. They all need to be on the same schedule. Discipline is simply time out a year per age or a stern speaking too. Parents supply all food./drink so I never have to deal with what or what not to feed them. Also just due to things being lost all personal items such as toys or a blankie need to remain at home or instantly into there bag when they arrive. I have enough things to have to worry about rather then where they placed a cherished item that now I must search for.
These children I love with all my heart but they are not mine and I do not raise them.

Angel - posted on 10/05/2010

89

11

1

I did not say that working moms don't love their kids more than their job, I did say that " I " love my son more than " I " loved working, therefor " I " stay home. "YOU" think that it is best for "YOUR" family that you work and " I " think it is best for "MY" family that " I " don't. Neither is the right or wrong way.

Unless you are with your child(ren) 100% of the time, there is NO WAY to KNOW. You can HOPE that they are, but the only real way to know is if you are there(unless you install cameras). " I ", personally, absolutely have to know what my son is doing at all times and I can't know that if I am not there. Even if his father is home with him, I can't KNOW for sure. If you are comfortable with whom ever "YOU" choose to care for your child(ren), then I say great! " I " am not comfortable with anyone(sometimes including his father). " I " want to do more than "call the shots". This is not to say that "YOUR" method is wrong. No one should take personally "MY" reasons for staying home just as I do not take personally any WMs reasons to not stay home.

[deleted account]

I need time away from my family, as much as I love them, so work was a nice escape. Also, for a few hours of the day I could worry about other things. I'm also a single mom so unless I want to live off of welfare for the next 18years, I *have* to work....that thought alone actually makes me shudder, I honestly don't know what I'd do all day after the cleaning, cooking etc were done, I'd probably go bonkers. You SAHM's have it harder in one sense.

Tah - posted on 10/05/2010

7,412

22

400

@krista, sara b and sara..yep yep..what ya'll said, but gotta run to work so i can't really talk...glad i live 10 minutes away with a 7 minute grace period..lol..

[deleted account]

Krista that is true. I used to keep a little girl 1-3 days a week when her parent's shifts at the hospital overlapped (both nurses working three 12 hour shifts a week). I had her from 6 months to almost 2.5 years. If they told me a specific way to do something, their word was final. However, there were times when I was not given specific instructions, so my own methods were used. I typically gave a detailed report on the day, and if they weren't comfortable with something it was always made clear (in a nice way of course). I was caring for their child, but I was in no way raising her. They still had the final say in anything and everything they felt was important (whether I agreed or not). They moved out of state this summer and now she is thriving in daycare. But Eliza and I miss her.

Angel - posted on 10/05/2010

89

11

1

Hopefully no one will misinterpret what I said. Hence the reason I used " I " statements and using words such as "I choose". " I " do love my son more than working and " I " am too protective to leave my son in someone else's care. I understand women who say that they love to work which is why I stated that I loved working when I did but " I choose" to stay home(I know I keep repeating that, don't want anyone to think that I am attacking the working mom). I, in no way, shape, or form think that one is superior than the other and I absolutely agree that "we're just all trying to make it work and hope we're not raising serial killers."

Sara - posted on 10/05/2010

9,313

50

586

You're totally right that people shouldn't take other people's opinions personally, but it's difficult to look at another person's opinion, especially when it's the opposing opinion, when things are said like "Before I had my son, I did work and loved working, but I love my son more and so choose to be home with him" and "I am naturally a nurturer and very protective, therefor I choose to stay home". That kind of language can be misinterpreted to mean "I love my son more than working moms" and "Working moms must not naturally be nurturing or protective", especially in the context of a debate or discussion. I know that was not your intention, but both sides can come off as trying to be superior to the other. I mean, this is an issue obviously close to people's hearts. All moms worry they aren't doing right by their child(ren), but it does seem like moms in general (not just this issue) do and say a lot of things to try and convince themselves they're doing the right thing when in reality there's no right or wrong answer. One way is not better than the other, we're just all trying to make it work and hope we're not raising serial killers.

Becky - posted on 10/05/2010

2,892

44

93

I would love to be able to stay at home at least up until my kids got into highschool, so I could be more involved at school, go on some field trips with them, and do volunteer work in other places too. I think that my husband is going to want me to go back to work once they're all back in school, just for financial reasons, but that's still a few years off, so we'll have to see where we are then. I do the home assessments too, and would have more time and be able to get more of them done once the kids are in school, and it's a decent income, so maybe I'll just stick with those and take on more of them. We're thinking of fostering once the kids are school-age too, so if we do that, that would be my "job."

I don't understand how a woman with her kids in school can just do nothing all day either. And I've even admitted that I'm a bit lazy! But that would just bore the snot out of me!

Angel - posted on 10/05/2010

89

11

1

Hey everyone,

I was just reading some of the posts from "my child is 6 months old, is it ok to put her in daycare", and the first thing I would like to say is...WOW. Lots of judgemental comments...from both sides. People shouldn't get so offended from someones else's opinion. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion regardless if it offends anyone(granted they are following COM rules). The girl asking the question did in fact ask for everyone's opinion and no one has the right to say someone else's opinion is wrong, or right for that matter.

I, personally, am a stay at home mom. Before I had my son, I did work and loved working, but I love my son more and so choose to be home with him. Let me say that we REALLY struggle each month to pay our bills but both me and my son's father think it is best that I stay home with him. I trust NO ONE with my son(including family). I want to make sure that he is taken care of exactly the way that I want and the only way to be sure of that is if I stay home with him. Please note that I am in no way against the working moms, it is just my opinion that it is better for my son if I stay home with him. Some people(including my son's father) think that moms who stay home don't do anything all day, when actually we do work and have a more stressful job than people who go to"work". Changing diapers, wiping butts and faces, feedings, comforting, doing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning toilets, taking care of animals, other various house work, and cooking meals...that is WORK. How much money would you spend if someone else were to do that stuff...a lot.

Do I think that overall, women are naturally happier to be SAHM's? No, I don't. All women are different, all people are different. Some women are great mothers and some are terrible. Staying at home with kids is great for some but not for others(not meaning working moms are terrible lol). I am naturally a nurturer and very protective, therefor I choose to stay home.

Stifler's - posted on 10/04/2010

15,141

154

604

Volunteering is working though. I want to finish uni and do my own thing when the kids are at school, they can make their own lunch for school and help do the dishes and laundry and keep the house tidy. I'm so not going to be one of those mums that does everything around the house when I have able bodied children.

[deleted account]

I've considered NOT going back to work when my kids are in school. Like Kelly, I love the idea of being able to volunteer in their schools. When I was a teacher, I was grateful to have those SAHMs come and help each week. Before I became a mom, I used to volunteer, but now it's not practical. I can't bring the kid with me, and because I'm not working I can't pay to put her in childcare. So I might consider doing that again. But then, I think about teaching again and I get excited about it. So only time (and our financial situation) will tell what decision I make in about 6 years or so.

Charlie - posted on 10/04/2010

11,203

111

409

LOL Krista she sounds like Kath and Kim .

Aussie SAHM's .





I joke , dont shoot :D

Krista - posted on 10/04/2010

12,562

16

847

I would imagine they're not that common. They do exist, though. Like I said, my husband's coworker's wife is like that. From what he says, this woman does nothing all day except smoke, gossip with neighbours, and buy scratch lottery tickets.

Obviously, she is in NO way representative of SAHMs. I just mentioned her because the topic of SAHMs of school-age kids came up, and it just got me thinking of her and wondering how she doesn't go completely nuts from boredom.

Charlie - posted on 10/04/2010

11,203

111

409

What you describe Krista would totally bore the shit out of me ! i dont understand that as a life , there is no direction however i wonder if these type of women are really that common ?
Like someone else said we cannot presume to really know what a person does with their day without really knowing them , can we ?

Krista - posted on 10/04/2010

12,562

16

847

Exactly, Toni. Some SAHMs get a work-from-home job, some volunteer, some chair committees, some just even take up a hobby. And that's all perfectly great and awesome. I was just talking about those situations where the mother stays home while the kids are in school and doesn't volunteer, doesn't have a hobby, doesn't even do much in the way of cleaning, and you can't help but wonder how they manage to fill their days and not go bonkers.

[deleted account]

Kelly, I think the SAHM's they are discussing are the ones who JUST stay home and do NOT do anything. Volunteering IS working you just don't get paid for it!

[deleted account]

I am a SAHM and my child, my ONLY CHILD, is in school. He started in August and I have not plans to return to work. Call me lazy if you want to, but you are just deluding yourself.

I used to own two businesses, but I sold them so I have a few grand to fall back on. It is for my retirement, but it will give me about 5 years or so if hubby decides to leave or something.



Before Jake started school, I thought I would go back to work part time, so I could still take him to school and be home when he got out, but since he has started, I have changed my mind. I don't really have time to work--no, I don't spend all day cleaning my house. I volunteer two days a week at school in addition to once a month for SEEDS, and I work with a program for neglected kids once a week. I do still clean my house, doesn't take long with Jake not here to tear it up :) I have brunch with my girlfriends once a week and get a mani-pedi once or twice a month. It makes me happy and I will not be made to feel guilty about it--I have the time to do these things because I do not work. I still get the benefits of working by volunteering, but I get to be there for my little, and for the kids in my program, and I get some "me time" that makes me happy.



I happen to hate working mom's who think that just because I stay at home while my kid is in school I am lazy and uneducated. I'm not, I'm just happier not working and doing everything I can for my child.

Tah - posted on 10/04/2010

7,412

22

400

@Dana..i know them, i have talked to them. They aren't. Now are some of them somewhere out there, yes. I am talking about the ones i know. Now my friend to the left of me, she has just started working from home because her husband just deployed for at least a year to afghanistan and her youngest are 6 and 5 so she wanted to be home when they got home etc..okay. The others will tell you they don't do anything, i am not judging blindly. The ones i don't talk to the husbands talk to my husband and they have also said what i see with my own eyes Then some of the husbands have talked to me and asked me if one of my jobs were hiring and could i help there. Thats one of the reasons fights get so ugly out here. I live outside the base, but it's still base housing, it's a small world.

[deleted account]

No worries and trust me, I'm confused about those types too. By the time Roxanne is in school for full days, I'll be back working or at the very least volunteering my time. Shack-wacky! LMAO!

P.S. I LOVE that you called me DMak...lmao.

Krista - posted on 10/04/2010

12,562

16

847

Oh, I agree completely, DMak. I didn't mean for my comment to come across as critical of SAHMs -- I was speaking specifically about those who I KNOW do not volunteer or have a home-based business. And I think I'm coming more from a place of bewilderment than judgment. I just don't understand how those particular women can be home alone all day with no kids, no job, no volunteer work, and not go completely and utterly shack-wacky.

Tah - posted on 10/04/2010

7,412

22

400

@Emma and Krista..for the most part nothing..lol..one wife over here, her husband gets out in 6 months, her youngest graduates elementary school this year, he gets on the bus with my 8 year old, her daughter (who is wild and will probably be pregnant soon) is in 8th grade because she gets on the bus with my 13 year old, her 19 year old is out of school and doing what?....nothing...her oldest is somewhere in florida and she stays home and had the nerve to say she doesn't know what she is going to do when he gets out because she hasn't educated herself in the 20 years and the job she had as a cashier at the store on base she quit because she didnt want to have to go 2 more miles down the road and work the other store once a month. HUH????...i guess i am for education and having something to fall back on as well when you are a sahm, i respect staying at home, but i really enjoy hearing from the women who have finished their school no matter what is it, or are taking classes. i see alot of these women and as Krista said, their houses should be on a spic and span commercial and i don't mean before mr. clean shows up, but they aren't, you can walk by and they have their screen door open as if it's presentable..if my house looked like that i would hang a curtain between the screen and the door.



Emma, don't let them flame you..lol...all of them are not cleaning all day...when i was a sahm, i did alot, but i would be lying if i said it lasted all day, i did whatever running around i had to do as soon as the school bus pulled off with the baby in the truck, was home by about 10, straightened up, played with him, put him to bed, i was usually making whatever calls i had to make while diriving via bluetooth(before i promised oprah..so sue me..) took out dinner, laid him down for a nap and either watched tv or got a nap myself...by then the kids were about to get off the bus. On days i didn't have to go out because noone goes shopping and pays bills everyday of the week. we did his tummy time, and shapes, colors etc and went to the park and i still had the rest of the day. My children were old enough to help clean their rooms and take their clothes to the washroom, my son washes his own clothes after he seperates them. Now that Rylan will be 4 and has been in school, i am doing what exactly???...thats right, going to work and school.

Krista - posted on 10/04/2010

12,562

16

847

@Emma...HA!!!..lol..come around here....you'll see people put their kids on buses to 3 different schools in their pjs and then go in the house and do what exactly...and then come back out at 3 in the same pj's to get them..lol..people stay home when the kids are in school...lol

Yeah, I don't really get that either. I can totally understand wanting to stay home while the kids are little. That makes perfect sense to me. But once your kids are old enough to go to school, wouldn't you at least want to volunteer or something, in order to fill your day? My husband's coworker's wife is like that -- her two kids are pre-teens, so they're certainly old enough to clean up after themselves. She's home, and her house isn't even that tidy, and she doesn't volunteer at the school or in the community, and I'm just thinking, "What in the hell do you DO all day?"

Krista - posted on 10/04/2010

12,562

16

847

No, I can understand your point, Sara. It's one thing if a working mom enjoys what she does and makes no apologies for it. Or if she's working because she really HAS to, but wishes she could stay home.

But there ARE some working moms out there who are constantly complaining about not being able to stay at home, and they COULD stay at home (or at least go to part-time) if they made some sacrifices, but they just don't. Basically, you just want to say to them, "Well, put up or shut up!"

Becky - posted on 10/03/2010

2,892

44

93

Being a SAHM does not necessarily mean you have no other skills or experience. I was 31 when my first child was born. I have a university degree and had a career before he was born. It would not be hard at all for me to get another job if I chose to go back to work, and in fact, I do do home assessments from home, so I guess I"m a WAHM, not a true SAHM. I love it this way, I can set my own hours, do most of my work from home and the outside the home part when my husband is home so we don't have to find childcare, and I feel like I'm contributing financially. We could get by without me bringing in any income, but of course, it helps if I do.
The way I see it, I've put in my time working. I loved my job, but I never really loved working, if you know what I mean. The whole getting up early, having to be there at a certain time... I guess I'm just lazy, lol! I love the freedom I have being a SAHM, to set my own schedule, do what I want, when I want to... as much as it works with the kids, of course.
I did say I didn't want someone else raising my kids, and I shouldn't have said that. What I mean is, for me personally, it is very important for me to be able to be at home with them during their early years. I love the baby and toddler phases. I don't want to miss a minute of them. Well, okay, maybe a few minutes... :) And like I said, I like just being able to do whatever I want with them, whenever I want to, not having to miss out on things because I have something at work I can't get out of. I find ways to get adult interaction - going to a moms and tots group, hanging out with my sisters, and getting away for girls nights sometimes. And the working from home thing. Really, I don't miss work at all. The only thing I missed at first was my coworkers and our lunch time conversations - we were really close and had some hilarious lunch conversations! but 2 1/2 years in, I don't even miss that anymore.
I will go back to work when they're all in school full-time, although maybe only part-time, so I can still get them off to school in the morning and be home when they get home.
Like I said before, I know everyone is different and I certainly don't judge or would not presume to think that someone who was a working mom was not happy!

Sarah - posted on 10/03/2010

1,499

10

41

I am a full-time SAHM, and I absolutely LOVE it! Yes, of course there are times when it can be stressful, tiring, or boring etc. but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy getting to hang out with my son everyday (he's 12 months old) & even though cleaning/laundry etc isn't the most enjoyable thing on earth, I do feel accomplished when everything is nice & tidy (which is hard with a toddler!) I have a few activities that I really enjoy & it gives me the chance to interact with others and to get out of the house some. Once a week I play on an adult softball team & twice a month I take piano lessons. I also love to work out & scrapbook.

My best friend has a 6 month old son. She works full-time as a teacher AND is taking classes towards her Master's degree...plus she is exclusively breastfeeding her son, too. She always tells me how incredibly tired she is, but she loves being busy. I get stressed out just listening to her talk about her schedule! She loves what she does & I love what I do. It just depends on the person & their personality. :)

[deleted account]

This might be slightly controversial...but this is a debating board right?



Like I said before, I love being a SAHM. And I get that it's not for everyone. You need to do what is best for you and your family.



But I have ONE issue with working moms. And it's not even the majority of working moms. Some have told me how lucky I am that I get to stay home and they wish they could do they same. Okay, if your husband has the SAME job as my husband, couldn't you make it work too? Sure, you'd have to sell the house and settle for something smaller. Sure, you wouldn't be able to drive the $40,000 vehicle. And nope, no designer handbags either. But it's DOABLE. I'm not lucky. I just know what I want, and we make it work.



AGAIN, that statement does not apply to the majority of working moms. If you love your job, or you need your job, I'm glad you are doing the best possible thing for your family.

Stifler's - posted on 10/03/2010

15,141

154

604

Lol! That would be so boring though. I know someone will flame me and tell me they're cleaning all day but I don't believe that.

Serena - posted on 10/03/2010

453

10

55

First of all, we don't have kids so someone else can raise them...There are people knocking the whole daycare thing but what about school? The children leave for 8 hours (give or take) to be taught by a teacher? Does that mean we should all homeschool too?
I am currently a SAHM by necessity. I have three children under the age of 4 so it comes out cheaper than to send them all to daycare barely making ends meet because of the rising cost of daycare. I will admit that there are many a days that I feel completely drained, frustrated, and desperately seeking some alone time. But there also days where things magically start running smoothly and gives me hope for the next day. I loved working and didn't see it as my children being raised by someone else. There are tons of benefits of daycare that we cannot teach them at home.
I know this thread was not about the benefits of daycare. We have to each do whats best for our families. I know I have said it before but the children should come first and if it means they can eat everynight and enjoy some of the perks like a disney vacation or spontaneous treats at the supermarket because mommy works. And if mommy enjoys staying home with the children and financially she can, than good for you too. We each have our own situations that lead us to our decisions and we shouldn't judge anyone else for theirs.

Tah - posted on 10/03/2010

7,412

22

400

@Emma...HA!!!..lol..come around here....you'll see people put their kids on buses to 3 different schools in their pjs and then go in the house and do what exactly...and then come back out at 3 in the same pj's to get them..lol..people stay home when the kids are in school...lol

Kimberly - posted on 10/03/2010

705

59

52

I am a SAHM and am VERY happy. I do not miss working at all. I interact with other adults by joining Mommy Groups and inviting friends over during the day or getting a sitter on weekends so my husband and I can go out occasionally. I never find myself bored.

One of the moms in my group said she couldn't wait to go back to work because she missed feeling important. That kinda blew me away because to me, this is the most important job I have ever had. I do not want someone else raising my daughter. I know how fortunate I am to have this opportunity. I am very grateful and enjoy spending this time with my baby.

That's just my life. I know this arrangement is not for everyone, nor can every mother afford to stay home. Everyone of us does the best that we can.

Stifler's - posted on 10/03/2010

15,141

154

604

Oh I still stay home lol I'm going back to uni once the next one is a year old and they're both going to daycare 3 days a week, hopefully. I don't want to stay home while the kids are in school, hardly anyone does that anymore. Most women have interests other than child rearing now.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms