Would you lie for your kids?

Tania - posted on 06/20/2011 ( 34 moms have responded )

280

28

12

How far would you go? I'm talking all aspects from not getting homework done on time, or being late for school, to big lies as in lying to authorities to protect them.
Is it ever ok or do you make them take responsibility for their actions right away?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Iris - posted on 06/20/2011

1,993

29

51

No. One time last winter my daughter didn't turn in her homework on time. She had to explain to the teacher why and she didn't really have a good excuse. She has a journal she brings home where the teacher comments on the kids homework from the day before. In that journal the kids also write down the homework for each day.

If you are going to teach your children responsibility, you don't lie for them to keep them out of trouble.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/20/2011

36,025

50

681

Depends on the circumstances. How serious the problem was. If he was wrongfully convicted of a crime, I would. A small life lesson like not turning in a homework assignment on time because he waited too long. Then no I wouldn't lie for him.

Becky - posted on 06/20/2011

2,892

44

93

How could I tell my children it's not okay to lie to me and then go ahead and lie to someone else on their behalf? That makes no sense!

Tania - posted on 06/20/2011

280

28

12

True. I want my boys to know that there are consequences to their actions. My oldest is 14 and walks to school. If he forgets to turn on his alarm and ends up late he asks me to call the school. I don't and he faces detention. I always want them to take responsibility for what they do. That doesn't mean I don't want to always protect them I just want the to understand that lying doesn't solve the problem.

34 Comments

View replies by

Mel - posted on 02/24/2013

3

0

0

I have did lie her dad is really strict i been her step mom since she was 3 and she is 17 now. I lie for her to be able to date this guy she liked her same age. But when she decided one night not to come home she told her father that he has been living with a liar because i allow her to see that guy. So is not worth it to lie.

Jeannette - posted on 11/11/2011

911

3

78

No, my kids can attest, the only way I will lie for them is if I think it is really in their best interests. Protecting them from consequences is not in their best interests. I am the parent who has ratted her kids out to teachers if I caught them cheating or was concerned about how they were treating a fellow student. My middle daughter wrote a paper for English about how honest I am, 'even when it hurts my feelings, she wants me to know the truth and to live by it'. Paraphrasing, but it went along those lines. My kids appreciate that I don't lie for them or to them - most of the time. ;)

Sal - posted on 11/11/2011

1,816

16

34

I might ring a teacher and say why something isn't done if I feel it is a valid reason but that's not lying for him it is being on his side and supporting him but if he had every opportunity to get stuff done and just didn't ge has to face the mudic

Sal - posted on 11/11/2011

1,816

16

34

I fully believe that stePping up and taking responsibility is the most important lesson we can teach our kids..... but I know at times a little white lie makes life easier.... Last week my son wanted a day off school so I told the school we had appointments to gO to.... I did he didn't but occationally we need some down time together I also bought him sOme new clothes we are on a pretty tight budget here at the moment and really didn't have money to spare (esp as it is costing us the part of a grand for his school trip he goes on next week) so when my hubby asked why the groceries were so ( in a omg that was a big total not a why did you spend so much way) i jjust said

things were pricy this week so I guess that was lying for him too.....And once he really didn't want to stay at



someones house he had been invited to so I range and said he was sick

But as for anything illegal never homework not done nope

Patience - posted on 11/10/2011

15

26

0

I don't lie to my kids or for my kids as we have an open communication home with a rule of no lies. My kids know to expect consequences for their actions but the consequences will be much harsher if they lie rather than just tell me the truth. They seem to find pride in telling the truth. I am proud of my kids. The truth rule in my house goes for adults as well because children learn by watching their parents.

[deleted account]

"it depends. but i'm pretty sure i'd lie about almost everything except for things like child abuse, child molesting, murder etc."

[deleted account]

Hell yea i would lie for my daughter. Would I lie about her not getting her homework done? No. Would I lie about the reason for her being late for school? Depends. If i knew why and before hand then yea possibly. Would I lie to the authorties? IN A HEARTBEAT. No matter what i will never hand my daughter over to the police. No matter what she did and if she did it.

Leeann - posted on 09/13/2011

235

26

8

now see i'm on the fence about this one. would i lie for them to get them out of homework or back them up on the 'dog ate my homework' story no. about being late for school, again no. but the authorities? they would have to look me dead in the eye and tell me they didnt do it, and i would have to believe them.

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011

15,141

154

604

No. They need to learn that they can't get away with anything and me lying for them just reinforces a sense of entitlement to misbehave and expect nothing to come of it.

Dodie - posted on 06/21/2011

68

15

2

Hey Heather! Unfortunately, you are so right! My Girls--now 30 & 31, but still my Babies:)--used to complain to me because I wouldn't lie to get them out of trouble because they didn't do their work. You see, in our house, their job was school. It was full time, & I was home. So, housework was primarily, with the exception of their own rooms, my domain. So, I figured, if they didn't have to worry about anything else, then they should be doing their "job" to the best of their ability. However, the biggest complaint was always..."Well, so-&-so's Mom wrote her/him a note with an excuse on it! Your just mean!"
Of course, they see the light now! Especially my eldest--who was the loudest complainer--now that she has two children of her own!!...chuckle!!
Sad but true, what some people will do "for" their Children! Then, when they grow up to be selfish & immature to those around them, & can't hold down a job, the parents never take responsibility for the way they raised their Children!!
I realize that, as adults, our children have to make their own decisions. However, many of the decisions they make are based, at least partially, on what they learned from us as Parents. Especially what they learn in early childhood! So, come on, Ladies! 'Fess up!! I know some of you who are reading this have lied in at least a minor way for your children, even if it's just to your Spouse to keep you as well as your Child out of trouble!!...chuckle!!
Dodie/Nana

Heather - posted on 06/21/2011

97

14

5

Absolutely!! Some lessons are hard to learn, but necessary! There have been a few times when I ask a student where their homework or whatever is and they look me in the eye and say, Mrs. Peters- I was playing video games and I forgot (or whatever they were doing). I usually give them a hug and let them turn it in anyway, (this one time) for being honest. I tell them we all make mistakes.

Jodi - posted on 06/21/2011

3,562

36

3907

Not me Heather. My son is FINALLY handing his in tomorrow after sitting up most of tonight finishing. He has automatically lost 15% off his marks. He can live with that. He is in Year 8 (Form 2). Better to learn now than in a few years from now.

Heather - posted on 06/21/2011

97

14

5

The parents here are in the minority. Every time a report or project is due I get at least one note, if not more, of excuse from the mudane to the fantastic about why the little one couldn't do the project in time. I hope that all parents will be as honest as you.

Dodie - posted on 06/21/2011

68

15

2

Well, Tania, this is the shortest answer any of the Ladies in C.O.M will ever see! My answer is a definate, unequivacal: NO!!! NO!!! NEVER FOR ANY REASON!!!
I never lie for or to my children for any reason--well except for the ones about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny & the Tooth Fairy, but they don't count as lies as far as I'm concerned...*chuckle!!
God Bless...Dodie/Nana

[deleted account]

My daughter accidentally broke my neighbours tree that was growing.We were out and i heard my neighbour saying "oh who did this, you can have nothing"she was well pist.I had no clue what was going on.
My daughter seeing the neighbour angry went right up to her and said"I broke your tree by accident, i am really sorry"Both the neighbour and my self were taken back by her honesty and for a 5 year old at the time to do that showed true courage and honesty.I don't think i could of done that at her age.Especially seeing the neighbour so pist.I was very proud of her.I always teach honesty.I teach her to always do the right thing even when no one is watching.No good comes of dishonesty, if you think it does..Karma is always watching and will bite you back at a later date lol:-P

Becky - posted on 06/20/2011

2,892

44

93

I saw that on the news tonight, Johnny. Even though I think he was an idiot for taking part in those riots, I do have to admire him standing up and admitting what he did and taking the consequences, instead of hiding behind his young offender status.

Johnny - posted on 06/20/2011

8,686

26

322

Would I wish I could? Yes. But I would not. For exactly the reasons other posters have listed. How could I teach the importance of honesty if I told lies? I also believe that natural consequences can be the best learning tool possible. We all want to protect our children, but what we think might help them is not always in their best interests.

There was just a huge riot in my city. Young men and a few young women tore the place apart and were captured by news cameras and cell phone video & pictures. One young man, who was photographed trying to light a cop car on fire recently (I suspect at his parent's insistence) turned himself in and actually went public to apologize. Here in Canada he is categorized as a young offender meaning that his identity is protected from the media. His family requested a court order to allow him to speak to the media and to publicly apologize and take his lumps. I believe he's going to be a better man than all the other punks out there whose parents are hiding and shielding them from the police, even though they know what they did. Shameful.

Jodi - posted on 06/20/2011

3,562

36

3907

Nope, I'm going through that exact thing right now. My son has not completed an assignment that was due on Friday, and he loses marks for every day it is not handed in. He asked me if I could request an extension from the teacher and I absolutely refused on the basis that he has absolutely NO reason not to have completed it other than pure laziness. And I have ALSO made it clear to him that until he has Bs in all of his subjects, he is now banned from TV, computer games and the like on school nights indefinitely.

I don't think I would lie to the authorities either. Heck, I can't even lie on my OWN behalf, so why would I lie for my kids? But then, I've never really been in a situation where the consequences have been such a big deal that I've really had to reconsider where I stand on this issue. But I can't foresee that happening.

If my kids make bad choices, they have to learn to live with the consequences.

Karen - posted on 06/20/2011

481

19

48

I think honesty is always the best. I try to teach my kids that. If they got into some sort of dangerouse situation i would find the right people to go to. If it would happen to be the police, and I knew my child wasn't going to do it again, I would get a lawyer. But I have heard of parents grounding their teens for telling the truth to police, over simple little things. I know I would reward my child for doing that.

Amber - posted on 06/20/2011

1,909

13

145

I can't imagine ever lying for my children and don't ever intend to do so.

I used to date a guy whose parents jumped through hoops to make his life easy. They covered his ass at every turn. Writing notes for him, paying bills when he blew his money, lying to people who he pissed off for him. He was the laziest person I've ever met and he had no clue how to manage his life. That is not what I want my child to grow up to be.

If I had to lie for my child's physical safety, I think I would do that. Especially if it was through no fault of his own. I will make him be responsible for his actions, but I don't think I can let him be physically injured though.

Krista - posted on 06/20/2011

12,562

16

847

I'm with Amie. How are they going to learn if you lie for them? If my kid doesn't do his homework, I'm letting his ass hang in the breeze for it.

Amie - posted on 06/20/2011

6,596

20

412

No I don't lie for my children. That teaches them nothing.

Our oldest had an assignment that she had to do. Admittedly since moving to a rural area this is her first time, ever, having homework like this. She still didn't finish it on time and she wanted me to ask for more time. It's not my work, so it's not my responsibility to ask for more time. So I told her she needed to talk to her teacher. If he had any questions or wanted to know anything, he could then call me. So she talked to him and she got her extension. It wasn't that hard but she had herself worried.

I firmly believe in natural consequences. That means, if they screw up - they face the consequences. Whether it's from a teacher, principal or a police officer. I am not going to shield them from that.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/20/2011

36,025

50

681

My son (8) waited until the last minute to do a book report. Turns out none of us could figure the assignment out. (It was confusing) But since he waited so long we didn't feel right e-mailing the teacher and asking for an explanation. He didn't turn it in. He lied to the teacher and said he left it at home. Mark just so happened to talk to the teacher that day and explained the whole story. Putting it off, not understanding the instructions etc. So she agreed he could turn it in on Monday. She still gave him an A. WTH we were trying to teach him not to put things off to the last minute, not to lie, we talked to her about what we were trying to teach him and she agreed with us. She still gave him the A.

As far as big things, I guess it would have to depend on the situation. But my gut reaction is I wouldn't want any harm to come to him. Example: Be put in jail with real bad guys.

Rosie - posted on 06/20/2011

8,657

30

321

it depends. but i'm pretty sure i'd lie about almost everything except for things like child abuse, child molesting, murder etc.

Jenn - posted on 06/20/2011

675

1

47

It completely depends on the situation. It may be my mother bear instinct to lie and protect my children from harm but I hope my good sense would override that desire if the situation were truly serious!

[deleted account]

I haven't come across any instance where I've lied for my kids and at this point.... I can't think of any where I WOULD.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms