You discover your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of a mix up at the hospital, not yours.

Kimberly - posted on 10/06/2010 ( 61 moms have responded )

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Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake?

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Charlie - posted on 10/08/2010

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i love pregnancy and birth but its such a small part of being a mother , for me it's the bonding that comes outside the womb that holds greater importance for me , its the skin to skin , breastfeeding , the smiles and coo's , watching them grow and develop , its the sharing of a life lived that forms a greater bond for me , i just cannot imagine giving that up , of course i would have a bond with my bio child but she / he would be a product of their environment and nuturing .

I hope that makes sense LOL

Krista - posted on 10/08/2010

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Of course you'd want to bond with that child, and I think that's why most of us would want to live as close to the other family as possible and arrange for the kids to basically be raised as siblings. But I can't ignore the fact that my bio-child would, for all intents and purposes, be someone ELSE'S beloved little bugaboo -- how is it fair to rip that child away from them, after they've poured their heart into him for a year? And like Erin said, your child that you raised for that year is YOURS. If I walk into the daycare and can hear a kid fussing, I can tell if it's Sam right away, before i even see him. If you asked me to draw his toes, I could do it right now without looking at him. Obviously, you'd also feel a strong pull to your biological child, but I'd give up all my limbs before I'd give up Sam.

[deleted account]

What a horrible choice to have to make, luckily I KNOW 100% Ethan is mine, he never left my side from the moment I gave birth, AND he is the spitting image of his daddy (I have a picture of his dad at one and if the picture wasn't so old looking I would swear it was Ethan right down to the expression on his face). If I had to make this choice, Ethan is mine I have raised him, loved him, cheered him on with his accomplishments, I could not imagine having to live without him. Horrible.

If the other family was raising my bio child in a lovng, caring way then I would just want visitiation rights, I agree it is unfair to take the child that they love as much as I love Ethan (unfair for parents and child) but if they were not caring for my bio child I would want full custodial rights for BOTH children.

Krista - posted on 10/07/2010

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I wouldnt even think about taking my biological child away from the parents who cared for her, as long as thats what the did, care and love her.I would expect the same from them.I would do anything to bring the two families together to allow each of us to get to know the other half of us, in a positive, loving and safe environment.I think that our children would deserve that.

That sounds about right to me. If Sam weren't "mine", and the other couple felt the same way about my biological baby as I do about Sam, it would be cruel to rip them away from each other. (And it would devastate me to lose Sam.) I would do my best to bring the two families together, instead.

[deleted account]

I wouldnt even think about taking my biological child away from the parents who cared for her, as long as thats what the did, care and love her.I would expect the same from them.I would do anything to bring the two families together to allow each of us to get to know the other half of us, in a positive, loving and safe environment.I think that our children would deserve that.

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Sherri - posted on 10/10/2010

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I agree with Loureen on this one as well. I wouldn't love someone I didn't know existed and it takes time to generate love and a bond. I don't think that happens overnight. I would want the child I had loved and given everything too and maybe just get to know the other child even if they were biologically mine.

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2010

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I honestly don't know what I would do in that case! Thank goodness my daughter was in either my own or my husband's sight the whole time we were at the hospital:o)

Dana - posted on 10/10/2010

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Eh, I guess I feel differently, I think there's of course a bond but, I think there is a stronger/different bond with your own child.

Alahnna - posted on 10/10/2010

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I have to agree with Loureen. A bond is a bond and just because someone comes up and says they aren't your biological child, that doesn't lessen the bond or make it non existant.

Charlie - posted on 10/10/2010

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But how would i have known any different ?

Without knowing otherwise i would have raised him as my own .

Yes i did just have him and am very hormonal LOL i was singing beyonce Halo yesterday and kept bursting into tears everytime i looked at him haha.

But i do believe i would have felt the same if this scenario was the case , like i said a bond is created by nurture not nature IMO.

Dana - posted on 10/10/2010

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But, do you only feel that strongly because he is your child? Not to mention, you just had him. lol Not saying anything against those who have adopted but, I imagine for me at least, there is a difference between my own flesh and blood and a child who isn't biologically mine.

Charlie - posted on 10/10/2010

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Yes Dana if someone came to the door and said Harry was theirs and they wanted him back i would fight as hard as possible even if it seems unlikely that the courts would side with me.
There is no way i would let him go without a fight , he is my baby , ive fed him, loved him ,nurtured him , held him when he cried , made him laugh, watched him develop , ive put my heart and soul into him , you take him , your taking my heart and soul too .

Cat - posted on 10/10/2010

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Dana, I dont think there's much you can do in the situation that the other parents want their biological child back... I dont know of any court or case where a judge would rule against the biological parents except in the case of abuse/neglect or if they were proven unfit...

[deleted account]

Yes I would, the child I raised is my child, I would fight for his benefit as well as mine, he has developed a strong bond with me and his daddy, he is happy and confident with us,he feels loved and safe. At 1 year old it would be damaging to him to be whipped away like that, he would feel abandoned, and he would wonder why his mommy and daddy don't want him, he'd wonder what has he done wrong, why did we leave him. I would fight them ALL THE WAY!



Edit: to correct string to strong (oops)

Dana - posted on 10/10/2010

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You discover your one year old child isn't yours because there is a couple at the door who wants "their" child back. What do you do then? What if it's not up to you? Do you fight them on it?

Cat - posted on 10/10/2010

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In the situation where the kids were only about 1yr old, I would discuss the idea with the other parents about switching back... Any time after that though, I think I'd just want to be a part of the child's life but not necessarily swap... At age 1 or even 2 I think the kids could easily overcome the trama of being switched, but I think there'd be lasting psychological damage by switching an older child... I'm no Dr, this is only my own theory... Looking at my kids NOW at ages almost 3 and almost 6, I know I'd not switch with anyone for any reason, I think it would be too damaging

[deleted account]

yes Cathy that is assuming the child is being raised in a loving home, if they wasn't I would want and would fight for custody of BOTH children, I couldn't send a child I've loved into a situation like that (either the one I raised or the one I carried).

As for IVF, I very nearly needed IVF, it was the next step for me to conceiving, however I had a small miracle and conceived. For me it was about being able to carry a child and experience growing a baby inside me. However, as I was led to believe by the consultant that adoption was the way I would eventually have children I do not think it is better to conceive naturally, I KNOW I would love a child whether I gave birth to them or adopted them because I am made to be a mommy. Although BOTH IVF and adoption are agonising for the couple taking those routes!

[deleted account]

Cathy, look at it from the child's perspective. It would be horrendous for them to be pulled away from the only parents they have known, even if they spent some time with the bio parents before swapping them it is NOT the same, Ethan loves his guidance parents and is really comfortable with them BUT they are not his mom or dad, when he hurts himself or is really tired or needs comfort it is me or his daddy that he goes to and he sees them a couple of times a week.

Imagine the psychological damage that could be done by removing them from the people who they trust and rely on most to look after them, children are adaptable but there WOULD be irreversible damage.

[deleted account]

this reminds of the story of Solomon and the two mothers who both claimed the same son. it's not really the same thing, but it reminds me of it.

Alahnna - posted on 10/09/2010

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I would not be able to let go of either of my children I have raised, it would be like tearing a piece of my heart out. I would want to get to know my biological child, but like others said, I couldn't see hurting the child by taking them away from the only loving family they have ever known (if this was the case, if it was not a good environment, that would be different). I think part of being a parent is to make decisions that may not be easier for us, but are in the best interest of the child. Of course, this is what I say now, if it really happened to me, it may be a whole different story, more than likely I'd just want both kids, lol

[deleted account]

I'd definately want contact with my biological child but dunno whether I'd exchange...they're not toys you swap in the schoolyard - they're children =[

Stifler's - posted on 10/09/2010

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I think it would be agonising and disappointing and I'd definitely want to know my biological child and spend lots of time with them. I wouldn't want to let the child I raised for a year go either.

Charlie - posted on 10/09/2010

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That is assuming the parents want their Bio child back though , if both parties wanted to keep "their" child im sure it could be arranged , of course the parents could take you for custody but then of course you would take your bio child ,i doubt anyone would abandon them and i dont think it's abandonment of a child if both parents decide to raise them in their own loving homes reguardless of DNA .
One story shows two boys at just two years of age swapped back with their biological parents after a mistake :
Both children are reportedly struggling to adapt to their new families. Adlan, now called Nikita by his biological mother, misses his Chechen mum and his older brother says he loved the old Nikita(non biological mother ) more.”

I feel being a parent is more than DNA , bonds are formed through nurture not nature , its loving a child for him or herself as your own , i am sure most adoptive parents would agree that they feel a bond as thick as blood as any other parent .

I guess im just looking at it from the perspective of my own little Harry not being my bio child , how would i react ? what would i do ? i suppose the other thing that drives my opinion is having a strong belief in attachment theory , I think the childs bonds and attachment should be considered and respected , the whole thing would be heartbreaking for all involved lets be thankful we never have to go through it !

Sherri - posted on 10/08/2010

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I would want the one I had been raising with visitation to my biological child. Guess that is why I love the hospitals here baby stays with mom always in the room. There are no more baby nurseries.

[deleted account]

Wow that would probably break me. I would be so torn apart. A part of me says "take the biological baby!" but after one year of raising that child it is easier said than done. I would want both (lol greedy) but that is unlikely....I would honestly have no idea what I would do. It sounds all too confusing to me. Atleast my daughter is mine. 100%. I actually had a fear of that happening when I was at the hospital! :/ So I never took my eye off my girl hehe.

Sharon - posted on 10/08/2010

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I like how defensive everyone got about "nope this is MY baby and I know because..." lol.

Stifler's - posted on 10/08/2010

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It would be so hard to come to an arrangement especially if you didn't know them from a bar of soap. I reckon the court would have to be involved and counselling and compensation.

Krista - posted on 10/08/2010

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Exactly - we are all presuming that the other parents are kind people who are treating our child well. If they're not, then that's when things would get tricky.

Thank goodness this stuff hardly happens anymore! Even without the bracelets, I know perfectly well Sam is mine -- he looks just like Keith, and he has my feet.

Caitlin - posted on 10/08/2010

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Wouldn't have happened for me! Both mine looked unique. My first had an insanely crooked nose at birth, and my second has a birthmark on her left leg. That and where my babies were born, I reached down and was the first to hold my baby, and anytime the baby wasn't with me (weighing and first blood test) they didn't leave my husbands sight. Other than that, they were always with me. My girls, and always will be.



I have no idea what i'd do. I'd want them both (but something tells me the other mom would too). Unfathomable in my mind, I just can't wrap my brain around it!

Stifler's - posted on 10/08/2010

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my kid looks so much like i did as a baby that it's scary. i think people would twig if they had the wrong kid or at least have a suspicion.

[deleted account]

Thankfully I know my almost 1 year old is definitely my daughter. She is my mini me AND she was never away from either myself or my husband at the hospital. That being said, I really don't know what I'd do. If I could only have one, I think I'd choose the one I raised BUT who knows how I would feel seeing my biological child? Think of it another way, imagine you were raising some other child and the one you have now was the with someone else. I couldn't imagine not having MY daughter. Its a tough question, all right. I'm just glad I don't have to make it.

[deleted account]

My baby just turned 1 last month...he is soo utterly attached to me I couldn't POSSIBLY think to give him up :'( That's MY Jakob! If for some ungodly reason he wasn't (which couldn't poss be the case as he never left the room until the day we took him home) I think I would concur w/the other women saying it would be good to move next door and have them raised as brothers/siblings... It would be easier to give my 1 yr old up over my 4 yr old, but the other baby would be a stranger to me :( I know what Jakob wants when he cries whatever cry, his fav. foods, ELMO! I don't even know what the other kid looks like? I could pick Jake out of a line up! Hell I could pick him out just hearing him!!! I can understand the others that would want both...and if the other family was unfit I would surely try! But if the other family wanted their biological child over the one they raised I would be soo heart broken to lose my baby! Just devastated...somehow, even though I would be getting my biological baby, I would feel cheated if we had to switch :(

Charlie - posted on 10/07/2010

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Just a question for those who said they would want their bio child .

Could you honestly look at a photo of your child at one year old and say " yes i could give them up" ?

Stifler's - posted on 10/07/2010

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It's very immature of the biological parents to refuse to let her have anything to do with him.

Charlie - posted on 10/07/2010

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That is so sad Ashie and on top of caring for that child she gave birth to him and carried him to term only to lose him , that is so unfair :(

[deleted account]

READ THIS:Well imagine it happen BEFORE the baby is even born, in this case at an ivf appointment.

True story of two couples who desperately wanted a child, both couples went to the same hospital and waited in the waiting room.

The both got what embryos survived planted and off home the went.



The first couple miscarried.

The second carried to full term and gave birth to a perfect health baby boy.

The baby boy was black born to white parents and it all came to light the other couples baby was implanted in this woman and her embryo implanted in the first lady who miscarried.



It came out in the news and the lady found out her son was born and couldn't let go and stalked the woman and her son..it got to court anyway and it was so sad the courts ruled that the child would be better off with there biological parents, even though the couple had raised him over a year and obviously bonded with there child.



The biological parents didnt allow the other couple who raised him to be apart of his life.so sad.It was the hospitals fault but i couldn't punish a couple who raised my son for over a year and loved him dearly..how could any human do that and live with themselves.

Charlie - posted on 10/06/2010

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Jamie it happens a lot more than people know !
many of which raised "their" children into adults before it being known .
One quick google search came up with these :
# In 1951 a hospital in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, the babies of Mary Miller and Kay McDonald were accidentally switched. Mary Miller immediately suspected that a switch had occurred, as the baby she received weighed a full two pounds less than at the hospital. Mary Miller knew Kay McDonald, and assumed that it was their baby she had taken home. However, a series of circumstances kept Mary Miller from actively pursuing her suspicion for 43 years, when she revealed to the now grown girls, Sue McDonald and Martha Miller, what she suspected of their births. Genetic tests later confirmed that a switch did in fact occur. The story was featured on an episode of the radio show This American Life.
# In 1953 at Pioneer Memorial Hospital in Heppner, Oregon two babies were switched. In May 2009 the women discovered they were switched. DeeAnn Angell of Fossil and Kay Rene Reed of Condon learned about the mistake from an 86-year-old woman who was a former neighbor. The former neighbor said that one of the girls' mothers, Marjorie Angell, insisted back in 1953 that she had been given the wrong baby after nurses returned from bathing them. But her concerns were ignored. With both sets of parents dead, the Reed and Angell siblings compared notes and family stories, learning that rumors of a mix-up had been around for years. Kay Rene Reed decided to get their DNA tested, and that confirmed the mistake. They both say they just have to move forward with their lives now, and they celebrated their latest birthday together.
# The case of Kimberly Mays and Arlena Twigg switched at birth as a result of a medical error in a hospital in Wauchula, Florida, the events surrounding whom were subsequently dramatized as the made-for-TV movie Switched at Birth
# The cases of the children of two South African women, Margaret Clinton-Parker and Sandra Dawkins, whose sons were accidentally switched at birth in 1989, and who sued in the High Court of South Africa in Johannesburg in 1995, demanding damages of ZAR120,000 each from the government of the province of Gauteng for the error,[and who were later that year awarded damages to cover medical expenses and the future projected costs of visiting their biological children Each family kept the child they had been living with, though, and raised them as their own even after learning of the switch. That was until one of the boys Robin at the age of 15 decided to leave Sandy Dawkins to go and live with his biological mother Margeret Clinton-Parker. The two now live as brothers.
# In 1992 it was discovered that Brent Tremblay and Marcus Holmes had been switched at birth.

# In 1998, it was discovered that Callie Johnson and Rebecca Chittum had been switched at birth in 1995. The switch was discovered when a DNA test of Callie Johnson to determine paternity for child support found that she was not biologically related to either her purported father, Carlton Conley, or her mother, Paula Johnson. In a tragic twist, Callie's biological parents Kevin Chittum and Whitney Rogers died in a car accident the day after Paula Johnson learned of the results of the DNA paternity test. Five others also died in the accident, but Rebecca Chittum, Johnson's the three-year-old biological daughter whom the slain couple had been raising as their child, was at home with her supposed grandparents at the time of the accident. Over the next decade, Paula Johnson repeatedly grappled with Rebecca's purported grandparents for custody and visitation rights, until a judge determined that the two girls were old enough to express their own wishes in regard to seeing their biological relatives. In 2001, Carlton Conley married the sister of his biological daughter Rebecca's slain adoptive father Kevin Chittum. Rebecca Chittum lived with the couple as of 2008, but had limited contact with her biological mother, while Callie lived with Paula Johnson and occasionally visited her biological relatives.

# In 2001 it was reported that a 35 year old woman from the Canary Islands had discovered that she was one of an identical twin, and that she had been accidentally switched at birth with another girl. She grew up as an only child, until a friend of her twin mistook her for being that twin. But the person was shocked by the striking similarity in appearance, and summoned them together. They took a DNA test which proved they were identical twins. The twin who had grown up thinking that another girl was her twin said that the girl she thought was her twin looked nothing like her. Since the women were born in a state hospital, they sued the government for damages.
# On December 9, 2006 two newborn girls were switched in a hospital in the Czech town of Trebic. The families hadn't found out until September 2007 when a couple of friends of one of the fathers made fun of him for not being the biological father of the baby. DNA tests proved that the girl was indeed switched. After days of investigation, the other family was found. As of October 11, 2007 the families were in contact and figuring out ways to switch the children back

Charlie - posted on 10/06/2010

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I would have to keep the child i raised , bonded with , nurtured , fed , loved for a whole year .

To me that child would be mine , if someone told me right now Harry wasnt mine there was a mistake even at 12 weeks i could not for the life of me part with him , i so intensely love him , im actually tearing up thinking about it .

I agree with JuLeah the damage and heartache of seperating with the one you have formed a strong attachment to would be terrible .

Luckily our hospitals dont seperate you unless in emergancy we even co sleep in the same room my last hospital encouraged bedsharing ! so there is no way they could pry my bubba away to cause such a mess up .

Stifler's - posted on 10/06/2010

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That would be a horrible decisions to have to make. I'd probably get my real child back and keep close contact with the other one and their parents. I had Logan with me all the time though and knew what he looked like when he came out and they bathed him and I wheeled him back to our room.

[deleted account]

I have my reasons for believing a mother is not going to make it home with another woman's child whether they switch the baby at the hospital or not. I think at least one of the mothers is going to KNOW that child isn't the right one and they're not going to go an entire YEAR thinking all is well. There'd be something that just wouldn't seem right. But that's just me, thinking carrying a child for nine months should have given a mother plenty of time to bond with the baby beforehand. I know I have with mine.

Nikki - posted on 10/06/2010

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I was in the hospital for 4 days and never once was my son not by my side, also from the second i saw his face im not sure I could ever forget it and mistake another baby for mine......thats a horrible situation, i couldnt even imagine having to deal with that

April - posted on 10/06/2010

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i don't like the word "exchange". we aren't talking about christmas gifts. i wouldn't want to give up the one i'm raising ...i love him so much. i would be devastated if someone tried to take him away. instead, i would try to create a visitation schedule that would be similar to what happens in a divorce when it comes to custody. i'd try to get the parents to agree to some kind of schedule where we share our kids.

JuLeah - posted on 10/06/2010

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All that love and time and attention .... the child is yours. The child has bonded with you and the damage that can be done (I have seen this) when a child is removed from the one they bonded with, is life long.
Maybe the two families could move next door to one another, get joining yards .... raise the kids at sibs ... yah that would be the solution.

Janessa - posted on 10/06/2010

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Interesting topic. I would want my biological child asap because i carried that child for 9 months and I gave birth to the chid because everyone knows how hard it is to gave birth. I do not think the switch would be that hard it would take small children like that few weeks most. It would not compromised the child like Tara K mentioned. Trust me I know because i was adopt at the age of 9 it was difficult for me because i was older. But it was not difficult for my younger sister who was 2 at the time because she was so young and did not remember anything at all. All she knows is what i tell her about our country and our birth mother. Children under the age of 5 is the best time people say to adopt because they do not remember much at all if that. So with that said it would be hard but i would want my child what if some of you did not take your child back and we grew up in a bad home? would you not feel bad when you had the chance to raise him in his bio parents home.

Tara - posted on 10/06/2010

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Honestly? I would keep the one I had been raising, whoever said that it wouldn't be that bad cause the kids are 1 and wouldn't remember is nuts! They might not remember but surely a child's world would be completely compromised and their security and sense of self and safety would be damaged by a sudden change in parents.
It would be like a child who suddenly is taken from his home and placed in the care of strangers.
If this happened I would hope to have visitation with my bio child but ultimately the one I had been raising, had breastfed etc. would be my child more than the one who shares my blood.
I like the idea of living beside each other!

Jocelyn - posted on 10/06/2010

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Oh god, I'd probably want to keep BOTH kids. I would want my biological child, and the one year old I've been raising. You can't just throw away a year of raising a child that you THOUGHT was yours. If I could only keep one child tho, I think I would probably keep the one I was raising, but INSIST on very VERY frequent visitation rights on the other child.

[deleted account]

I echo what Sharon said. I'm glad they keep the babies with the mother at all times where I gave birth. Besides, I'm pretty darn sure this baby is mine he's like a carbon copy of his brothers and his dad. ;)

Sharon - posted on 10/06/2010

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Yes & no. I'm the best mom, I'm raising great kids, I don't know those people at all, I want my child to raise!

However, I love and am nurturing this child and its mine too.

It doesn't make sense but thats the way it is.

I'm not sure what I'd do for certain though. Probably leave things as is and try to become an additional family for the kids. ALL the kids, theirs as well.

I read a story? or saw a movie? where the two families moved next door to each other... I thought that was awesome.

Isobel - posted on 10/06/2010

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I think I would go to the mother of the child, switch our babies back and try to work out a visitations schedule for both mothers of both children...because the other mother will love "your" baby too...visitation seems the most likely solution.

Krista - posted on 10/06/2010

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Oh dear god, what a pickle THAT would be. I'm pretty sure that doesn't even happen anymore -- I know that as soon as Sam came out, they had an ankle band and wrist band on him right away with my name on it. Otherwise, I honestly have no idea what I would do: I would want BOTH babies -- the one I raised and the one I carried. All I know is that if I found out tomorrow that Sam wasn't biologically mine, I wouldn't care -- he'd STILL be my baby. But I have no idea what I would do with regards to my biological baby.

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