Your First Baby

Katherine - posted on 02/14/2011 ( 52 moms have responded )

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So I've been reading these posts about moms with their first babies worrying about the house and other chores getting done. I was the same way with my first so I never slept or took time to myself. I also wouldn't accept help.

What about you? Did you let your house go, or did you struggle to keep it all going?

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Katherine - posted on 02/15/2011

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@ Casey, make sure you rest!!! Take care of yourself and the baby. The house will still be there.
Especially with a c-section.

Jenni - posted on 02/15/2011

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I didn't want to accept help, really.
I didn't have any problem maintaining the house or anything else after my first was born.... now after my second was born that is probably a whole different potato. I find additional kids make it harder to maintain the house because if one doesn't need you the other one does.

Nikki - posted on 02/14/2011

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Mandy I think a lot of it had to do with my mind set. I was in a bad emotional place and it all became too much. I persisted full time BF until she was 4 months then pumped and supplemented with formula until she was 6 months. I physically and emotionally couldn't take any more, but I was too hard on myself. It was a great lesson for next time, I am much more relaxed now and I look forward to breast feeding my next baby problems and all if I have them. The house may go to shit again but it's not important.

Katherine - posted on 02/14/2011

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One of the problems I had was not being able to LET my daughter cry. I couldn't stand it so thats why nothing ever got done.

Now with my second I got smart and bought a carrier :)

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Sharon - posted on 02/16/2011

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The first couple of weeks when I was still sore and tender - yeah - I didn't do much. Dishes were easy, but vacuuming and the laundry - no way. I only did baby laundry.

The rest was done by my mom & hubby. The only thing I had hard time doing was getting a shower. Later when I was healed up, I dragged the bassinet or baby swing to the bathroom door and showered with the door open and the baby half way in and out.

[deleted account]

I "struggled", but I could not really call it "struggling). It wasn't difficult until my son was a toddler and I decided to stay home with him.

We kept the housekeeper on during my maternity leave so I could rest and adjust to being mommy, and we also had the nanny there for the last month of my leave so that our son could get used to her before being left alone with her. Between the two of them and me, everything ran pretty smoothly. There is NO WAY I could have done it without them.



Now, when he was a tot and I stopped working to stay home--that was a problem! We let the housekeeper go to save $$, and of course the nanny because we didn't need her anymore with me home, but I didn't realize that I had no idea how to clean a house--we didn't have a home when I was a kid, I lived in my car or hospital room through college. By the time I got my own place, my business was going well and I hired a housekeeper, so I just never learned how to do it. To say my house was a disaster would be an understatement--stuff was EVERYWHERE, laundry was piled up, food was rotting in the fridge, everything got dusty, dishes piled up--stuff was stuck to the pans & I couldn't get it off, I didn't even know what to wash windows, tile or counters with. After 3 weeks I gave up and went back to work, but I still felt pulled to stay home. The second try, I made it 3 months (but I cheated A LOT) before returning to work. The third time, I kept my housekeeper on to teach me how to keep my house until I had a good system in place, and I've been a sahm for 3 years now.



I just couldn't "leave the mess" it was too much of a mess. I can't stand clutter, or dust, or streaky mirrors. When I worked, my work suffered a lot, I was constantly thinking about our son, and when I was home, even though the housework was taken care of, my time with our son was strained because I was worried about work. Maybe I'm just not that strong, but I couldn't "do it all, and do it well" as everyone seemed to think I should.

ME - posted on 02/16/2011

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I thought I was struggling after my first...but I was a sahm with one very good baby...After Mayah was born, I went back to work when she was 4 weeks old and I had two babies (Miles was just 2)...That has been a REAL struggle! The house work definitely suffers more than my school work or my time with the kids. Some days I feel bad about it, but mostly, I realize it will all still be there whenever I get to it.

Merry - posted on 02/15/2011

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My house was so gone!
I slept every time Eric did as long as we didn't have company or were out of the house. Breastfeeding him really put us both to sleep so it was easy, we slept on the couch together a few times a day.
House work came back to priority only when Eric started tummy time around 3-4 months and when he crawled at 6.5 months the deep cleaning began.
I highly advise ignoring house work with new babies, they grow so fast, and depression comes easier when you are tired!

Casey - posted on 02/15/2011

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I will be doing exactly that this time, I think I was trying to do everything when i had my first I wanted to be the perfect mummy and houswife so I just kept pushing myself and eventually the postnatal depression set in, I think I learnt alot from those first few months and I know this time I am going to relax more and not stress so much about the house and what it looks like, so long as the kids are happy, healthy and alive thats all that really matters :)

Casey - posted on 02/15/2011

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I had an emergency c-section with my first child so it was really tough trying to get around and do the housework but I didn't have a choice my partner had to go back to work and for some reason no-one came near me once I was home from the hospital so a week after surgery I was vaccuming, mopping, doing the washing, making the beds ect and I even had to drive myself to the shops to do the grocery shopping cause no-one even offered to help me with that even though I wasn't supposed to drive for 6 weeks after the surgery.
I am expecting my second child in 11 weeks time and my son is only 2 so I am stressing already as this one will be born by planned c-section, but I am sure I will manage.

[deleted account]

With a baby there was no mess so i slept when me 1st did. once the second came along i cleaned when i copuld because with a 2 yr old and a baby my house would have looked like a bomb had hit it within 5 minutes.

September - posted on 02/15/2011

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Luckily my husband was home with us for the first 6 weeks of our son's life so he did everything that I was unable to do. Between the two of us the house was kept pretty clean for the most part. My husband is a bit of a neat freak (ok I am too) so it was no surprise that he kept the house in order. Our son is 2 now, and still to this day he does more chores than I do...man I love him!!! :)

Tara - posted on 02/15/2011

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Hey Bonnie,
Think of how messy a house with 5 kids gets. (my oldest doesn't live with me but the other five do).
I don't know how some moms do it all themselves, nor do I understand why. All my kids have chores to do, even the 14 month old, he puts the plastic stuff away out of the dishwasher.
If it weren't for the kids doing their fair share I would be cleaning 12 hours a day!
:)

Amanda - posted on 02/15/2011

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I let my house go and felt terrible about it!!!! my first was colicky and there was no way to keep up with it! i rarely got any helpful help, it was all counterproductive. with this second one i HAD a good house cleaning routine down, until about a month ago when we all started getting sick.....

Bonnie - posted on 02/15/2011

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I have also heard of the self soothe business, but rarely did it. After awhile you are stressing while trying to get things done anyways and it isn't exactly fair to the baby.
I spent more time trying to get stuff done with my first child. With the second, everything seemed to come naturally and I felt more at ease. With my first I didn't want to really accept help, but I had my days where I gave in. With two, they have each other to play with and to give one another some attention. Although the house gets messier much easier with two.
I wonder what three would be like??

Tara - posted on 02/15/2011

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I did it all, i had a small log cabin when I had my first child, it was easy peasy to keep clean. He was a good baby and I used a sling from day one so I always had both hands free. Things didn't get really hairy for me until number 4 came along, that's when I gave up on things like dusting on a regular basis, now I only dust when someone writes "dust me" in the dust itself.
I also gave up on separating my laundry around child number 3. White? Dirty? Goes in with the rest of the heap thanks.
:)

April - posted on 02/15/2011

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we lived with my husband's parents at the time. i just let some of it go (everything but the toilets and laundry) and hoped they'd clean their own house (they didn't and still don't. thank goodness we have our own house clean house now)

Rosie - posted on 02/15/2011

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well, i was single so my house struggled to look good. plus i had PPD. the only thing i really worried about too much was when i let all the bottles get dirty and had to make sure they were washed before the next feed.
i acccepted as much help in the first few weeks that my mother wanted to give (which i would've died without), but after that when he started sleeping through the night i managed to do pretty good i think, balancing everything. some days shit wouldn't get done, some days it would. i didn't care. :)

LaCi - posted on 02/15/2011

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I did both, I struggled to not let it go, but it always looked like hell regardless. I still don't take time to myself. Fortunately, I'm in a better routine. Probably has to do with the lack of PPD at this point, and the fact that I let the kid go away to his grandparents frequently now. But that first year SUCKED. The boyfriend helps too. He sweeps every day, he does the mopping, he cleans the tables, and he straightens the bathroom and bedroom up. I do the yuckier cleaning, we both do laundry, so now it just works out better.

Jenn - posted on 02/15/2011

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Neither. I didn't let it go, but I didn't struggle - I just did it. Now that I have 3 kids, I do let some of the smaller messes go because I just don't have the energy to keep on top of it all, but by the end of the day the house looks good - then the next day it's repeat all over again. Make breakfast, clean up, kids make a mess, clean up, make lunch, clean up, kids make a mess, clean up, make supper, clean up, kids make a mess, clean up.

Melissa - posted on 02/15/2011

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thank god mine isnt crawling yet. I keep telling people things were easier when she was a newborn. now its just more full on

Kylie - posted on 02/14/2011

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My first..i was pretty much in control, i slept when she did, sometimes i cleaned the house, sometimes i didn't. I always accepted help from my hubby and mum. Second kid i was great for the first few months, i baby wore and always had time for cleaning up, never let the washing or ironing pile up etc. But when he started crawling and sleeping less thats when it all went to shit. I've given up on the hope my house will ever be sparkly and neat. I am just so thankful my hubby doesn't expect to come home to a clean house and dinner on the table.

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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hahaa the only thing i do before we go away is take the bin out. we go away too much.

Iridescent - posted on 02/14/2011

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We still struggle, even with 5 kids. I don't lose sleep often over it anymore like I used to, but I still do make certain to leave the house CLEAN when we go on trips, because the last thing I want to come home to is a mess when I know I'm going to be exhausted.

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I guess I should clarify... My second daughter IS my first baby. My oldest is my stepdaughter who lives with us full time :)

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I guess I was lucky in the fact that my oldest was 5 years old when we had our second daughter and 6 years old when we had our third, so she was actually able (and very willing - lol) to help me out when I needed an extra hand or two. She loved housework then (and still does!) and she loves spending time with her sisters. My youngest turned 2 yesterday (::tear::) and I still rely on my oldest to keep her sisters entertained from time to time while I load the dishwasher or fold laundry.

Yes, it can be a struggle, but for the most part I was able to find a happy balance while letting my daughters forge a strong bond at the same time. :)

[deleted account]

I can't even remember the first 3 months. I was pretty much an eating, sleeping, nursing machine. My ex and I WERE a great team in the beginning. I know I did all the dishes (I 'owed' him after 3 months of bedrest), but we split (or he did) just about everything else.

Kate CP - posted on 02/14/2011

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First time around wasn't so bad...now I have a five year old to clean up after. My house looks like crap now. And I really don't care. :P

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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my mother in law is a clean freak but i hate it. she rearranges things and lectures me. pffft.

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2011

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same here! I like to keep my house pretty clean every now and then it gets on top of me but hubby is there to fix it all up I just dont like him having to lol. There was one time where I got a comment at my daughters first birthday "your house is very clean today" I was like wow did she just say/ I think Id gone way over the top for me that day. Cleaned everything in the house a million times

[deleted account]

I had plenty of help. My MIL stayed with us for two weeks after the baby. She's a machine when it comes to cleaning. My mom helped on weekends and during the summer (she's a teacher). Mom was the biggest supporter I had for breastfeeding, and I don't know if I could have done it without her help. My husband is very encouraging and wasn't so concerned with a perfect house. Most of our aunts and uncles, close friends, and church family brought meals and groceries to our house (I'm thinking this is a local or regional custom since being on COM.) I was very lucky to have lots of help, and I wasn't shy about accepting.

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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For ages I felt guilty about letting him do anything.. now I don't care and he has to do things I can't get done or don't feel like doing bahahaha

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2011

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Yeah I still breast feed I dont want to stop anytime soon. I only started supplementing because I have to get her used to one otehrwise I wouldnt have and she first had formula at 5 months. I had my hens night saturday and it was so nice ot go out but I also had to pump at about 4am from being so sore I breast fed at 4pm then not til 9am. Breast feeding is amazing though I wouldnt give it up no matter how much people wanted me to

Charlie - posted on 02/14/2011

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If I can't do it my fiancee does we have a great partnership in that respect .

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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I want to breastfeed the next one too and that will take priority over picking up toys and crap like that that doesn't even matter.

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2011

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Nikki, i Know alot of people who say they cannot breast feed after the first baby because it is so time consuming. Think thats why my dad brought that up. It is difficult and time consuming to breast feed but I choose to persist. It wanst fair on my toddler she had to be put in her booster seat for meals then wiat for very long periods of time to be taken out whikle making a big mess

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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Everyone would be like 'let him cry, he needs to learn how to self soothe.. you can't always pick them up'. I dont'; know why I was so concerned about the house, my husband would come home and be like "i don't care if the house isn't clean".

Nikki - posted on 02/14/2011

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I tried in the beginning to keep the house clean and organised then at 6 weeks I began having major issues with breast feeding and it consumed my life. Something had to give and it was the house. I am still more relaxed with housework now. My daughter comes first. I like the saying "your kids will not remember how clean your house was but they will remember how much time you spent with them"

Angela - posted on 02/14/2011

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Emma I actually havent heard of that, to let a baby "self-soothe" thats loco!!! Whoever told you that was as you said, an idiot!

Joanna - posted on 02/14/2011

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I let everything go but baby care and sleep. I only showered once a week. Then again never left the house.



Now with my second I just do what I can and don't sweat what I can't do.

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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Yeh I just don't care anymore. I will load the dishwasher and do washing but if it's not folded or unloaded by the time Damo gets home or dinner isn't on the table I won't be concerned. I won't let a baby scream while I clean like I did with Logan, it was just mean.

Angela - posted on 02/14/2011

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I just had my first baby 4 1/2 months ago, So I can completley relate. I have alot of pride so its really difficult for me to ask for help, but I have learned to do it. For about the first 2 months I would stay up all night with her and when she would sleep during the day I would not sleep at all,cause id be cleaning and doing this and that...But at around 3 months she started sleeping through the night and she still does,So I manage my time better now. Since she sleeps through the night now,Iam able to sleep too and be awake during the day to do the things I need to do...I think it just comes with time,being able to clean again and doing necessary household chores.

Sal - posted on 02/14/2011

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i was running a business with my 1st, i had heaps of help, but my time was something i never got, and my house was not up to scratch much of the time, i feel like i have had 2 first babies, when my daughter was born after a 12 year gap i got no sleep ever almost, i tried to keep everything up but it did slip i had to make priorites and vaccuming fell way down low, my neighbour was the most wonderful help, if it weren't for her help i still wouldn;t have the washing up to date i doubt.

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2011

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I have to let my baby self soothe sometimes Emma so I can maintain the house. When she was a newborn I had to leave her strapped on the change mat to vacuum. I knew she was screaming but couldnt hear it. It was the only way to get it done. Now we generally give her cuddles but sometimes just no time. Yesterday though the vacuuming needed to be done I put her down picked up the toys got the vacuum out and I knew she wanst ready for sleep so I just had to wait until my hubby got home.

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011

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I let my baby "self soothe " under the advice of idiots to get the vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing etc. done and dinner cooked by the time my husband was home and the sheets changed every week. Never again. The house is going to shit for at least 5 months with the next baby and I'm going to get all the cuddles I can before she grows up!!

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2011

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I know it does. Gosh its all about time managment. I guess you have more experience and know what to expect the second time around and I was lucky and shocked to have such a happy healthy little one this time

Katherine - posted on 02/14/2011

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It seems weird doesn't it? I think it's easier with 2 also. You just have more of a routine.

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2011

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I let my house go. I think back now and cant believe I thought it was all so hard. I chose to sleep when my baby slept. God one baby is nothing compared to 2 or 3 or more. I manage alot better now with my 2 yr old and 6 month old. I must add though my first was about 10 times the work of my second

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