Your Opinion of SAHDs

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

There is so much about the conflict between SAHM vs. working moms. What are your thoughts on stay at home dads? Is it the same or different? What if the mom is able to be the better financial provider? What's the difference between a mom who is a workaholic and a dad who is a workaholic?

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Christa - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Joy:

Whatever works best for the family and sometimes the mom working is what is best and I see nothing wrong with there being stay at home dads. It may be different to have a dad at home but that doesn't mean that one is better than the other. I don't think someone should be workaholic to the point that it takes away from them having a relationship with their family. I like the philosophy of life that author James Patterson goes by which is that we are all juggling balls and some of them are made of rubber and others glass. The ones made of rubber represent things like work and education and if we drop these balls they will bounce back. The glass balls represent things like family and friends and if we drop these balls they will fall and shatter and though we may be able to pick up the pieces and put them back together they will still have cracks in them and ultimately never be the same.



I love the analogy!

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Jaime - posted on 07/12/2009

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I agree that the concept of the SAHM and childcare being primarily the responsibility of the mother is--in majority--a western ideal, however I am impressed to see measures being taken and laws being passed that allow for both maternity and paternity leave. It gives the choice of a mother taking a full year, a father taking a full year or both parents splitting the year 50-50. Having the choice to stay home, is what makes it possible for the men that do feel emasculated or embarrassed about the thought of having a lesser-paying job, more accepting of the fact that childcare itself is a job and although it might seem easy, it is a 24-hour-per-day gig that requires emotional, mental and physical stamina. I applaud any Dad that chooses to stay at home, the same way I applaud any Mom that chooses to stay at home...and for that matter, I applaud the Moms and Dads that choose to work outside the home, because there are so many factors to consider when raising children--most of which would not be possible without an income source. The nuclear family dynamic is quickly becoming a thing of the past and families have more freedom to be expressive in their uniqueness.....whether it be one-income families, two-income families, two-parent families, one-parent families, same-sex-parent families, adopted families and the list goes on...

Megan - posted on 07/12/2009

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I think that as long as the kids are cared for- it doesn't matter. i am a SAHM and i would rather go to work and have hubby stay at home than send her to daycare - but i like being at home the best. I think some people go overboard with their "careers"- What is the point of all the money if you never get to see your family? We live with a lot less money than other folks but we have such a wonderful family and happy home that i wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world!

I don't have a problem with working moms- I just think that some folks put work ahead of family which is wrong. I also thing more moms (or dads) can afford to stay at home than they realize!

[deleted account]

The whole concept of the SAHM and child care maily or fully being the mothers responsibility is a western ideal that came about in the 20th century. If the family is better off with a SAHD then this is ok too.

I wouldn't let my husband do it unless he was already unemployed or fully comfortable with the idea though. Men are very sensative about things and this has to be something they want to do, not something they are pressured into doing.

Jocelyn - posted on 07/12/2009

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there are two sahd in my swim group, and both have decided to stay home because their wives have better jobs (one wife is a doc and the other is an engineer). i am only a sahm until i get the chance to go back to school, then my hubby will probably be the one to stay home (i am going for my masters in architecture, and dh is a tattoo artist) i think that as long as the home is stable, and the parents are involved in their children's lives, it doesn't really matter which parent stays home.
and there is no difference between a workaholic mom or a workaholic dad (imo) i do think that the workaholic mom would be looked down upon more so than the dad (there seems to be a stigma (still) around working moms...)

Amie - posted on 07/09/2009

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This brings to mind a man my hubby met at the park 2 days ago.
He is a SAHD, sort of. Not by choice but my necessity. His wife took off after they have their 2nd. Their baby was only a week old. Their other was 3 yrs at the time.
He sold his home, got a different job so he could be there more for his children and now lives in his parents home. He sacrificed it all for his kids. The great paying job that demanded a lot of time and all materialistic things that went along with it. I think he is an awesome dad for doing it. He's still providing for them just with the help of his family.

I have nothing against SAHD's in the full sense of it either. So long as the kids are well taken care of and they do everything that a SAHM would be doing all the power to them! = )

JL - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Emily:

Some days I think my girls would be better off with a SAHD than this SAHM!!! My husband would be a great SAHD for the girls BUT my house would be a wreck :)...I'm the organized one in the fam.



The same here...I think somedays when I have lost my patience that my hubby would do better to stay home with the kids but then I imagine how my house would look---a total cluttered disaster and how the kids would look--I mean as far as hair and clothes...he cannot put together an outfit that matches and he has no clue how to do girls hair, LOL! I am also the organized one in the family. I even have to have all the throw pillows in the correct spot or I get irritated, haha!

Traci - posted on 07/08/2009

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I think it's okay, if the father is up to it. I know my hubby would be a great one, but I think he'd feel emmasculated in doing so....



I'm getting a mental picture of Mr. Mom. LOL funny movie :)

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2009

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I've no problem with SAHD's, sometimes it makes sense that way.
I don't think my husband would cope for very long tho, he says i have the 'easy' job, but he knows deep down he'd rather be at work! lol! :)

Emily - posted on 07/08/2009

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Some days I think my girls would be better off with a SAHD than this SAHM!!! My husband would be a great SAHD for the girls BUT my house would be a wreck :)...I'm the organized one in the fam.

Cathelijn - posted on 07/08/2009

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I would love for my husband to stay at home with our daughter. I offered when I was on maternity leave that I would go back to work and he would look after our daughter and do evening university.. He said he couldn't do it I don't see any problem with dads staying home with the kids but my husband says he would be to ashamed... He is from Africa and his family would be upset if he did decide to stay home... they are very traditional in their views but I say whatever is best for the kids!

Abby - posted on 07/08/2009

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i stay at home and look after my son, i dont claim any state benefits, but because i hvaent finished my qualification i wouldnt earn enough to put cammy into child care. also he isnt one yet and i am not ready to leave him yet. that may soun pathetic but thats just how i feel.

again if dave were to stay at home i dont think i could leave cam even with his daddy. if i could provide more then i'd just have to deal with it and grow up and leave him with his daddy.

as it is we run quite nicely the way we are! x

[deleted account]

I don't see a distinction between moms staying home and dads, nor do I think it is worse to be a workaholic mom than a workaholic dad. I think kids need quality time with both parents. If either parent wants to and can afford to stay home, good for them. While both of my parents worked, my mom was the main financial provider, and it wasn't an issue at all in our house.

JL - posted on 07/08/2009

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Whatever works best for the family and sometimes the mom working is what is best and I see nothing wrong with there being stay at home dads. It may be different to have a dad at home but that doesn't mean that one is better than the other. I don't think someone should be workaholic to the point that it takes away from them having a relationship with their family. I like the philosophy of life that author James Patterson goes by which is that we are all juggling balls and some of them are made of rubber and others glass. The ones made of rubber represent things like work and education and if we drop these balls they will bounce back. The glass balls represent things like family and friends and if we drop these balls they will fall and shatter and though we may be able to pick up the pieces and put them back together they will still have cracks in them and ultimately never be the same.

Christa - posted on 07/08/2009

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On the workaholic thing, I don't think anyone should be a workaholic. Nobody has ever said on their death bed "I wish I'd worked those extra hours". A job is just a job and if you need it to be more then that, then don't have a family. IMO.

Christa - posted on 07/08/2009

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I think if a Dad wants to stay at home that's great. In fact we may end up doing that because my job has more potential to be able to support us then his does. We feel that one of us should stay home if we can, especially as we have more kids. The cost of daycare would be more then his salary. I think whatever each family does is fine as long as the kids stay the #1 priority.

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