Tiffany - posted on 09/02/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )




Alright ladies. I desprately need your help and opinions. Just yesterday I went back to a therapist for the first time. I wanted to focus on some more recent stuff but she did ask me while taking my history if there had been any childhood stuff. I told her yes and she warned me that she would have to report it. I said that was fine as long as they didnt need to talk to me. She told that rarely happened.

I had been to a a previous therapist and told them the exact same things (without any detail) and I never heard from them. My therapist just called me though and told me that she had reported it like we talked about but that they requested my information and were transferring the report to sex crimes in the morning.

I'm freaking out. I mean I think this would destroy my family. I dont want to hurt them but I dont want to lie to the police either and I felt that my therapist needed to know for background purposes. I was told I could deny it. Which I guess just means tell them I dont want to file the report or press charges or whatever. Or I could file it and see what happens. I just dont want to hurt anyone. Any advice?


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Tiffany - posted on 12/28/2009




Gail sorry its been a long time since I was on here. I wanted to update everyone. It was reported to the police by my therapist but they did not end up contacting me directly for which I was thankful. I'm not sure yet that even now several months latter I can really answer your questions. Part of me still wants to and part of me still doesnt. Good thing is I will never HAVE to now.
It still bothers me but I think that it isnt a huge part of my therapy so I dont really bring it up anymore. I have other issues to deal with from more recent attacks.

Therapy is hard but I suppose good. Its brought up a lot and I get frustrated easily and I hate how much its affecting my mood around my daughter but I suppose I have to work through it all to give her a better life so to therapy I go every week. In the end I know it will be whats best for both of us.
Thank you for responding and caring.

Gail - posted on 09/03/2009




Tiffany, wow! Are you a minor? I ask because mandated reporting is only in the case of ongoing child endangerment. If you're an adult and living away from your abuser then I can't fathom why this wouldn't be kept completely confidential! Perhaps it varies state to state. One of the main points of therapy is going and knowing that you have the freedom to put everything on the table without consequence! This gets me so angry.

However, in response to your question - yes, you can always deny it but you shouldn't have to. You have the full right to honor yourself by telling the truth. I hear you completely about not wanting to hurt your family but right now I'm more interested in YOU.

You said you could file and see what happens. That doesn't have the tone of someone who is 100% opposed to coming forward. It sounds like (and forgive me if I'm misreading!!!) you're really scared of hurting the innocent but aren't entirely unwilling to penalize the guilty. If that's the case then speaking up may be extremely liberating for you. On the other hand if legal action ensues that can be a whole new nightmare.

Ultimately the choice is yours. If I could offer any advice it would be - what would YOU gain from pressing charges? Personal freedom? Justice? Protection for any future victims? And what would you gain from not pressing charges? Keeping the familial peace? Dealing with your own private matters privately and solely on your terms?

I wish you the very best in making this decision and am really glad you felt safe enough to share it here. Please keep us posted!

Gail :-)

PS - Fabulous that you went back to therapy!

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