How do I teach him to keep private areas private?

Amelia - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )




In potty training my son I made sure that I referred to his genitals by their anatomical name. i didn't want him growing up calling it a "wee-wee" or any other euphemistic name. This led him to ask if Mommy and Daddy had one as well. I told him Daddy did but Mommy didn't. Now he's constantly playing with his penis, saying the word, and trying to touch his father's. This makes his dad angry because he's very private. I try to tell my son that we don't touch our private parts unless we are going to the bathroom and we never touch other people's but he's not getting it. He also finds it funny to look down my shirt or grab my chest. I know its curiosity about his body and how it is the same or different from ours, but its still weird. Anyone else having this problem? Ideas?


Ashley - posted on 10/29/2009




My daughter touches herself all the time. Especially since our potty training involved a month of nothing waist down. Since she is in a big girl bed we now tell her whenever we see her touching herself that it is hers to touch but she has to go in her room so that it is private. Took a couple of times but she understands it now.

Laura - posted on 06/22/2012




HI Amelia how are you? well,it might be a good idea to ask your-self," why your 5 yr old is so curious about bodies,and breasts.".I am a counselor,and run into these things all the time....let me ask if you had breast-fed him.....he may be needing that type of closeness.(SEE POST" breastfeeding older children " as you will see here the facts are that now-days many moms are bf their child PART-TIME at 4 even 5 yrs..You see all children are unique,and have different emotional is not a one size fits all reality!...

.......also it might be a good idea to take him aside and let him know that the body is beautiful,not nasty or bad......

....Do I understand that he has NEVER seen a nude body? This is shocking!....I can never understand why some family members make it a point to hide their bodies from each-other...I have kids ,ages 4 TO 11 ,...and we have secluded land where the kids have a joyful time running and playing naked in our forest and meadows..( maybe hubby would like to try that sometime,.it might loosen him up a little bit! )...but seriously...every boy in the history ,plays with his penis,this is as normal as the air we breathe...

.to make him feel ashamed ,and guilty.and anxious...well,with this pressure and the added anxiety ,when he is old enough he will masturbate him-self to pieces..( instead of just normal masturbation ,which again,all boys,and also many girls do..)

......You may wish to try asking him if he would like to go nude in the home sometimes....this usually takes a great deal of pressure off a little one's shoulders.,THE BEST TO YOU AND YOURS.......This is Laura Mornings,Naturopathic Dr.(N.D.) and L.C,,,and ADMIN.of Nature Moms community


View replies by

Laura - posted on 06/23/2012




hi Amelia., many
millions of female children do it,..................very normal

Maria - posted on 01/02/2010




I'm getting ready to have the private vs. public conversation with my son within the next week. I have a unique living situation where I'm living with my best friend and her barely 3-yr-old twin daughters. They loved to run around in only panties which prompted my son to run around in only his underwear, and no one needs told what a boy does when things are that accessible. so he's finally getting that he needs to keep fully clothed around the house, but he is still curious to try to watch when one of them is going potty or doesn't think twice about them watching him potty either. It is just normal curiosity and there really isn't inappropriateness going on in their mind right now, but socially it becomes frustrating. Lately he has been trying to look down my shirt more and touch my breasts, etc. He has even been trying to do the same to my best freiend.

I plan on making the conversation take several days. He doesn't have the attention span to follow the things I have to say. We will talk about private vs. public body parts, private vs. public places, and private vs. public people. It's important that we identify ourselves as one of their private people for now, but that it's not the other way around. One thing I feel very strongly about is to be very careful about not making your child feel ashamed of themselves or their private/sexual areas. They will have a much healthier mindset about things in the long run. Instead of saying, "don't play with that." say, "if you need to play with that, do it in your private place please." kwim?

Raquel - posted on 12/03/2009




my twin girls will touch sometimes when I'm changing them and bathing etc. but I don't make a big deal at this point. I remove the hand and divert the attention somewhere else. They also look down my blouse and try to grab lol and I just tell them yes those are mommy's breasts lol. It is just curiosity and I've noticed that with these little ones, the more you say don't touch it blah blah blah, they want to touch it more. So for now my reaction is no reaction. It hasn't really been that much of a problem.

Kara - posted on 11/01/2009




My son is the exact same: asking does "everybody have one". I laugh now but it can be embarrassing at times! I just keep reminding him that he needs to "leave it alone" sometimes he stops and says "leave it alone?" other times he just thinks its funny.

Amelia - posted on 10/27/2009




Ok, well at least I know that I don't have some weird pervert kid or anything. This must be a boy thing because I don't remember my baby sister doing it.

Jamie - posted on 10/27/2009




please i need help too lmao my friend told me to make sure that i tell him to shake after done to make sure he doesnt dribble after going potty welllll.... this led to getting out of the bath and shaking it and when done potting before pulling up pants running around the house laughing and shaking "it" i thought it was funny at first and was his new way of figuring out himself, but i dont want him doing this at other peoples houses!!! i would love ideas as well i try not to laugh now and be sturn and tell him to put clothe son or pull up his pants works but not every time

[deleted account]

I am having the same problem when it comes to my son and him trying to touch my boobs. I just keep telling him that they are my private parts and no one should touch another persons private areas. I am hoping it will sink in soon, but if anyone else has any ideas on a better way to get him to understand that would be great.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms