3 year old is mean. How should I handle her???

Samantha - posted on 04/18/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Ok so my daughter is super aggressive. She tends to hit, playfully most if the time, and use people as a jungle gym. It's kind of irritating. I have tried time outs, sending her to her room, talking to her, and it doesn't seem to settle her down. Any advice??????!!!!!!!

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Louise - posted on 04/19/2011

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At three she can understand what you are saying so you need to be very firm with her. Get down on her level and tell her that it hurts people when you hit them and jump all over them and she is a big girl now and she needs to stop. Make sure you get eye contact to get your point across and show that she is listening. If she lashed out send her to the naughty step for 3 minutes and then get down to her level again and tell her every time you hit somebody you will sit here becuase it is not nice and I want you to stop. Ask her if she understands and then end the chat with a cuddle. You MUST do this every time wherever you are stay consistant. Again with the climbing on people ask her to stop and if she does not then take her to the naughty step and make her sit for 3 minutes. She will soon get fed up with being removed from people and should modify her behaviour. This is not a quick fix but if you treat her the same way every time it will work. The cuddle is just as important as the time out. Just make you use a firm tone to the voice to show her you are not pleased and then give her lots of praise for doing something other than jumping on people.

Children love to rough and tumble but you need to control when and with who. If dad plays with her at home make sure she realises that on this occasion it is ok. It is very hard to understand when is ok and when is not. She maybe just confused.

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Karina - posted on 05/22/2011

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I have a 3 year old that was mean too, I just kept talking to her and telling her that she is hurting other poeple feeling and when she would be mean to me I would tell her that she wasn't very nice. Keep telling her eventually she'll get it. But pull her aside as soon as she doing anything you don't approve of, and get down to her level (knees) so she can see your face expression and tell her how bad that makes people feel. My little girl is begining to be aware of others feelings but I also have in mind that she is going thruough what Piaget calls egocentrism that's when the child believes the world revolves around them. Look up this theory there more to it and it will help you understand your toddlers actions a bit more.

Pamela - posted on 04/26/2011

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I agree with Louise on all points. my son has a receptive disorder so doesn't understand alot but with being rough we are constant with the naughty spot and then make him apologize.. I would add that rough play is very important to teach children to learn boundaries so don't stop playing rough all the time but only when everyone is a willing participant, we went away for Christmas/ new years and my father in law loves playing with his grandsons but my just turned 3 years old due to his personality as well as his disorder takes time to get to know people my father in law kept pushing him to play rough and he did not like it in the end I had to pull him aside and explain this as cameron was starting to be rough with others and could not understand why grandaddy could do it but he was not allowed. after the 3 weeks my son still had not gotten connected to him due to his pushiness. When I told my father this when he came to stay all my dad had to do was let Cameron come to him and after 3 days they both were forming that bond and able to rough play nicely together. good luck and remember to praise all the little things she is doing right as Im sure she is a lovely kid ! 8-)

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