Does anyone else feel like they have become "mean mommy"?

Kari - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My son will be 2 on January 22. He can be very sweet and polite. He's so smart and is doing everything a 2 year old should. He is also acting just like a "terrible" two year old! He's constantly pushing and hitting, getting into things he knows he's not supposed to, he throws temper tantrums, and he sometimes screams and slaps me when I tell him to go to time-out. I love him so much, but he is really testing me lately. I am constantly fussing at him and using my "mom" voice. I have to put him in time-out at least 3-5 times a day. I can be very strict, but I'm trying to be understanding and loving. I just feel like I'm always having to yell at him and that I've become a "mean mommy." I'm not worried he doesn't love me or anything like that, but I just want to be able to have fun and play with him and it's just so hard when I know I need to discipline him when he does something bad.

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Kathryn - posted on 01/22/2010

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I recently completed a parenting course and although my boy is generally a good boy, the course taught me that consistency is the key ie carrying out threats: "If you hit me one more time, you will go to time out" then make sure you carry that out. Also, praising the behaviour you like even if you feel a bit silly stating the obvious like "what a good boy for sitting and playing nicely on your own". I also think that keeping them occupied and letting them do the things they enjoy if they're being good. My boy says "painting please" and if we're at home just chillin I get the paints out and we have fun. Being a mean mommy is sometimes the key to becoming a kind mommy in time. You do get tired of hearing your own voice, though!

Erin - posted on 01/20/2010

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Oh I am in the same boat! It can be SO hard when your 2 year old is more stubborn then you! My son is turning 2 on the 25th, and can be such a doll most the time. However, there are several times throughout the day when in his opinion, his little world is crashing down. When he was 21 months he went through this dreadful stage where he would hit me in the face when he was mad. Including every night when I took him out of the bathtub. It is just a stage though and sometime it will end! I know what you mean about feeling like a bad mommy. I feel that way too sometimes. I just figure I love my child enough to set boundaries that keep him safe and also under control. Darn me for not letting him jump off the table! You sound like you're a great mom! Toddlers just seem to be VERY testing at times. However, they can be such big love bugs too!! Just take several deep breaths, that's what I do! Good luck :)

Jacqueline - posted on 01/05/2010

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I have two children also. as I ready your story I feel exactly the same. when i was pregnant i was worried about liking one over the other, now that she is here though i feel totally the oppisite. But my toddler seems to be acting the same way as yours does, I wouldnt feel like a Mean Mommy for putting him in time out. In my eyes its better than anything else you can do, i tried spanking lightly it didnt work cause i wont spank hard cause i feel bad and putting him in the playpen but neather worked so i discovered the corner and he hates it more than anything. Its hard with a new baby too but just think in the long run it will teach him to do the right thing while your trying to teach the new baby to do it too.

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Marilyn - posted on 02/04/2010

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I did the same thing. When he was testing me, all i kept in mind was patience, mommy, patience. It has really helped me and our relationship has gotten so much better. I learned that popping his hand when he did something only taught him that popping was okay, so if I popped him he'd pop me! All methods for mommys work different and I'm glad you found one that is working for you. It makes our lives so much easier when we learn things that help us. Good Luck!

Kari - posted on 01/23/2010

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Thanks for all the advice and encouragement :-) I decided about two weeks ago to stop raising my voice and trying to be as calm as possible with him even when he's done something really bad. I also stopped the slapping of his hand when he hits. This has made a world of difference and he has really started listening much better and he's been playing really well with his little friends lately. He turned 2 yesterday and he had his birthday party today and I was so happy that he was so well behaved and we were all able to have a good time.

Kerry - posted on 01/22/2010

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Sounds like he's discovering he is a person in how own right and is learning how frustrating it is to know exactly what you want but not to have the language and emotional skills to be able to express it. My chappie was 2 on the 7th of January, and we give him some choices - red top or blue, jeans or chinos, toast or rice cake - not too much, just enough to give him some say so.



When he does start to throw a tantrum we completely ignore him - we don't use time out - and find that within about 30 seconds he's fine again. Since he turned two, when he's finished a tantrum I ask him if he is sorry, and he comes and says sorry and gives me a cuddle.



So, my advice would be, let them have some control, and put yourself in their shoes - good luck.

Lea - posted on 01/21/2010

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Sounds like hes trying to be the boss. Maybe he senses you are unsure of yourself or feel guilty? Or maybe there is something going on with him that is making him crabby? I take my son places that he can play so I am sure he has fun everyday, so I don't feel guilty about having limits at home. Could he be bored?

User - posted on 01/20/2010

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We have used time out a few time since he turned one but he doesnt misbehave very often (I am lucky for now) When he does he is doing it trying to be a smarty or be funny. He throws fits at times but I just ignore then and dont let him get a rise from me in those situations.

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2010

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We use a time out stool, and it has worked wonders. The fringe benefit is that when the older 2 behave like babies (whining, crying etc) they get to sit on the time out stool too, and get punished like thier little brother does. It has cut out alot of whining, and Noah's behavoir has improved alot.

Melissa - posted on 01/07/2010

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My daughter will also be 2 on the 22nd and she has started really acting up and I know what you mean about the mean mommy because thats how I feel when im constantly getting on to her but I have found that being constant the same action recieves the same discipline, etc... seems to help and im always sure to reward her when she does something good like not having a fit when we are at the store. we are starting to see some improvement in her behavior and its great!

Emily - posted on 01/05/2010

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I have noticed that my little one will repeat behaviours that get the most reaction from me. Whether it be good or bad. I have been trying different methods to get her to stop hitting me. So far I have found a gentle reminder to not hit when she forgets and gets over excited. If she hits me when she is angry I ignore it and try to address why she is angry instead of the hitting part. If she hits me really hard I usually start crying and she will hug me to make me feel better. These seem to work and then I don't feel like I am always yelling at her. When she is acting out she is doing it for a reason so I try to figure out why. Hungry, tired, bored, ignored?

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