Am I Wrong Or Is He?

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband works nights and I am a stay at home mom. I know that he is a very hard worker and I am thankful for that but I also do everything that most house wives do. I even search for his work clothes, wash them, and put them away or set them out for him before work. The problem is that I rarely hear thank you from anyone. And lately it seems like everything that I do is not good enough. I have tried talking to my husband about it but we end up getting into an arguement and everything is always my fault. He tells me that being a house wife is a thankless job. That his mom did it for years without ever expecting to be thanked for it. He compairs me to his mom often. I love her and she is a great lady but I am me, not her. Anyway tonight I woke my husband up for work and gave him work clothes that had just came out of the dryer. I then got on the computer for a little down time. Well my husband then wanted something to eat, cold spaghetti would just be nasty recooked! I got annoyed bc I was tired and sick of being a maid. But I did get up and make him 2 grilled cheese in the oven. We usually cook them on the stove but I was so tired and honestly things taste better to me when they are cooked in the oven! Well he said that I did not care if he ate or not bc I made them in the oven and only used 1 piece of cheese on each one! I blew the f- up! Well he ended up going to work and not eating what I had made him. He also said that he just would not be home tomorrow! My question is....Did I make a big deal about nothing? Was I in the wrong or was he? were we both? And what would you do?

4 Comments

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Mallory - posted on 09/22/2010

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I am a stay at home mom too. I do just about as much for my husband as you. Laundry cooking, cleaning, and kids. It is nice to hear a thank u every once in a while. My husband knows that I hate cooking and cleaning but it was our arrangment that if I stayed home with the kids that is what I would do. If he doesn't llike what I cook or how I cook it I tell him to make it himself because I am not the maid I am a partner. maybe if you show him that you are thankfull for what he does it might help. But do not think we are in a thankless job. we do not have to do everything that we do for our husbands.

Shela - posted on 09/15/2010

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I know how you feel my husband goes to school and works and i am also a stay at home mommy. i am lucky to get a thank you or it looks great. and i also get the saying i wont come home tommarow. i just tell him do what u want. and then he always comes back and says sorry. dont be affraid to tell him. he always comes back

Erin - posted on 09/03/2010

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If I am to be honest, I think you are both wrong. He feels under-appreciated and so do you. I don't think you're going to get anywhere in this battle until you can put the anger aside and speak honestly to each other about your needs from one another.
It's so easy to fall into a pattern...this is just how things go everyday...she cooks, I work, etc. Then there's no one taking time to make the other one feel loved, or to do something out of the ordinary together. You guys love each other, then you can make it work. Maybe you can find someone you both trust to mediate a conversation for the two of you to work on your problems and go from there. Relationships always take work, but both partners have to be willing to do the work. Allowing yourselves to fall into these patterns each day isn't doing any work for the relationship. Take time to verbally appreciate what one another does for the good of the household. Saying it to us or someone else isn't the same as saying it to his face. Not that I think you're anymore wrong than he is. I'm just saying that in relationships, everything takes two, give and take, and love and support.
Good luck on this. Nothing is ever perfect, but we can all find our own happiness : )

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2010

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By the way, we have been together for 10 years and married for 5 of them. We have a 9 yr old, 7 yr old, and a 3 yr old.

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