I am having alot of back talking with my 3.5 year old son, and he is very very rowdy. alot of family has told me it's just him being a boy, I need to some advice on the best way to discpline him.

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Rachael - posted on 12/28/2008

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It may be him just being a boy, but if you feel it is something more than that, then here is what has worked with my 3.5 yr old daughter going on 16...the first step which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't is to simply say we don't do that..if you would like me to listen to you, then you need to listen to me...the second thing that usually works it to put her in her room until she calms down or realizes that she will not get to do what she wants to do until she listens to what I have to say. It takes some practice, but she doesn't really talk back to me anymore...except for when she is over tired.

Diana - posted on 02/15/2009

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Quoting Rebecca:

I think its the age, and it could have something to do with the stress in a kid's life. My daughter has an attitude of her own. She will scream at us for the silliest things. She says "I'm mad at you!" at the top of her lungs. She tells us "Don't talk to me.", and heaven forbid one of reply to a question when she directed it toward the other of us. The other day in the car, she asked, for gazillionth time, "Dad, what you doing?" He was driving, so I answered her with "He's driving honey" She said "I talking to dad." But she says it in a mean way. We tell her that it doesn't matter if she was talking to dad (or mom depending on the conversation), and that he was too busy to talk to her at that moment. But she yells at us all the time over this kind of thing. I hope she grows out of it.



OMG..  That is exactly what my 3 1/2 year old daughter says..  exactly..  I am so happy to hear Im not the only one dealing with that..  Thank you..

Rozlyn - posted on 01/24/2009

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Omigod! Me, too. I am an elementary school vice principal, so I really see this all day.I am irritated. I will say that it seems that the kids this age are all doing this, despite what other moms say. I have a girl and I see it. I decided that I cannot stop it all or punish nonstop, so I decided to pick two behaviors only. We sat her down and explained if we see or hear about those two things happeneing, she was getting a spanking. You might have a different punishment, not advocating spanking for everyone, but whatever your choice of consequence is. We went with 'sassying ANY adult' and refusing to follow adult instructions. The first two weeks, I swear, I felt like she got spanked everyday. The key is explaining why he is getting the punishment. It has been about 3 months now. She still does these things, but WAY less. Now, right when she does it. I freeze and say, "WHAT? WHy are you about to get in big trouble?" She instantly tells me what she did wrong. I ask her to tell me what is going to happen next, she pouts and says spanking. I ask her to choose what she should do next. She apologizes and stops. Of course this ALWAYS happens in public and everyone goes, "Aw, she is so obedient!" I feel good about the spankings that she had. I will admit that it felt HORRIBLE those first few weeks. I cried after a few spakings, Seriously, there were days that she got 4-5 because of the smart talk and it seemed it would never change. Now, thankfully, she probably gets the threat once a week, but we rarely have to spank. Think of it as deal with it now or deal with it later. Some of my friends say let them grow out of it, but those are the ones in public that are getting he foot stomping and screamed at. Whatever you choose, be consistent. One or two slip ups and they know that it is not for real. Decide the action, explain it to them and don't let 'next time' or the threat take the place of the consequence. It is so hard with your little smile or sweet face, but it willpay off.



Just my two cents.

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Jana - posted on 07/18/2011

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I have 3.5 year old twins and a 2 year old that are out of control and have tried everything and nothing works even the odd spank on the butt they just laugh and hit me back I really don't know what to do anymore

Tammi - posted on 02/18/2009

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We are having the same issue. Our son turns 4 at the end of June and his mouth is way over the top. If you tell him to do something he will either tell you no. The other day he put my husband in time out. He is already a somewhat "active" kid so sometimes his mouth is making life a little challenging for the staff at his child care center.

Amanda - posted on 02/07/2009

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We do the Nanny approach. Naughty spot for how old they are. My daughter will be 4 at the end of the month and she has a bad temper. Her brother 14 months old is the calmest kid I know. I don't have experience dealing with short tempers. My daughter will tell me "I quited you!" i guess when she is really mad she is trying to say I'm mad and done with you! How do i get the back talking to stop. We have given the 3 chances and done warnings prior taking away her favorite blanket. Today even at the Mall Of America we did 2 time outs for talking back and then when it continued we just told her she was done with the rides since she couldn't controll her talking back. Is this age like toddler hood in the means that they just don't have things quite conecting?

Rebecca - posted on 01/28/2009

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I think its the age, and it could have something to do with the stress in a kid's life. My daughter has an attitude of her own. She will scream at us for the silliest things. She says "I'm mad at you!" at the top of her lungs. She tells us "Don't talk to me.", and heaven forbid one of reply to a question when she directed it toward the other of us. The other day in the car, she asked, for gazillionth time, "Dad, what you doing?" He was driving, so I answered her with "He's driving honey" She said "I talking to dad." But she says it in a mean way. We tell her that it doesn't matter if she was talking to dad (or mom depending on the conversation), and that he was too busy to talk to her at that moment. But she yells at us all the time over this kind of thing. I hope she grows out of it.

Amy - posted on 01/25/2009

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It's nice to see I'm not the only one going threw this with my 3 1/2 yr old.  We were having major problems with him while we were in public.  I guess, he thought that he could get away with more when we are out.  Now, even if it sucks for us, we stop whatever it is that we are doing and go.  He hits another kid at a play place or talks back...  We leave. I remind him of that right before we do whatever it is that we are doing that day.  It has made sooo much dif!

Michele - posted on 01/24/2009

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my son is doing the same thing. I have started taking his toys away and putting them in time out. It seems to be working pretty well. All i do is warn him that if he does something again ill out his toys up and he usually stops.

Lisa - posted on 01/24/2009

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He sounds just like my son! I think it's just something that they will grow out of but the best way to discipline my son seems to be immediate loss of privileges like turning the tv off or losing a toy that he's playing with or no dessert if he's acting up at the table. And just really trying not to react too much when he's talking back. I tell him I'll talk to him when he's being nice!

Kim - posted on 01/23/2009

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My 3 1/2 year old daughter just started that this week.I want to cry because she has been a very easy going,loving child.It is making me crazy,she even tends to be mean to me and other people.I don't let her get away with it,but it is really getting to me.HELP !!!!

Caoimhe - posted on 01/19/2009

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uoting Brandy:

I am having alot of back talking with my 3.5 year old son, and he is very very rowdy. alot of family has told me it's just him being a boy, I need to some advice on the best way to discpline him.




Hi my 3.5 son is exactly the same I find that giving a warning about taking away privileges like tv watching or treats and then following through usually works.

Angie - posted on 01/15/2009

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Hey Brandy! I too have a 3.5 year old son, so I'm feeling your frusteration. Noah is VERY independant and us telling him what to do doesn't work so great LOL. Try this...it works most of the time with Noah. We give Noah 2 choices and that way he feels that he has a say in what he does. We say, "Noah, you have 2 choices. You can choose to pick-up your toys or you can choose to go to time-out. What do you choose?" I never said they have to be fun choices, but it works. If he chooses time-out, then make sure you put him there...after all, he chose that. He'll only make that mistake a couple of times. Hope this helps and good luck!

Melanie - posted on 01/15/2009

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i have to say my son is exactly the same age and behaving very much the same. we try to be firm but fair with him but he does try to override us ! Stay calm but mean business ! that works for me !! xx

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Ignoring bad bahaviour as long as it is not harming himself or others/other things around him..Takes awhile but evntually my little un got it,.. that she wasnt goin to get a reaction!! I think keeping calm is really important as a lot ov the tym its 4 a reaction, even a negativ reaction to the child is stil a result lol!.. Hope this helps? x

Tiffany - posted on 01/14/2009

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I have that same prob my son Zion will be four on the six of jun but every timei tell him somthing he has to have the last word. Or he say what he is not go do please HELP cause i have three under three and is this what i have to cum from the 1and 2 yr olds ..



Help mom thats goin CRAZY.....

Tiffany - posted on 01/14/2009

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I have that same prob my son Zion will be four on the six of jun but every timei tell him somthing he has to have the last word. Or he say what he is not go do please HELP cause i have three under three and is this what i have to cum from the 1and 2 yr olds ..



Help mom thats goin CRAZY.....

Lucy - posted on 01/13/2009

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i carry out the 3 strike rule with my son. he has 3 warnings to correct his behaviour and then gets placed on the bottom step of my stairs for time out. he used to get up off it constantly but i just kept placing him there over and over he soon got the idea i was not giving up. he is put there for a min for every yr of his life. he is 3 now so is there 3 mins and that increases as he gets older. ie when he turns 4 he gets 4 mins, 5 yrs 5 mins etc. hope this helps x

Desiree - posted on 01/07/2009

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Fortunately my three year old son is a very active child, but has the sweetest temperment.  His younger 2 year old sister on the other hand is ----- how do I say "AHHHHHHHHHHH!?!"  



 I am in complete agreeance with Brenda.  I believe in nipping problematic behavior in the bud! This goes for all of my children,  male or female.  My husband and I will use a stern voice, we will give directives in smaller increments and have them repeat back what we want, we use time out (according to their age), I will take away a favorite toy or activity [momentarily] and if all else fails I beat their butt. 

Ahla - posted on 12/30/2008

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i am facing the same thing, but all what i do is to ignore her,,, it really works... it took some time but now its ok... good luck

Dodi - posted on 12/30/2008

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my 3.5 boy is sooooooo naughty too,he is talking too much and he started to hit me if i didn't do what he wants.plz tell me what to do

Brenda - posted on 12/29/2008

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I'm sorry, but to say it's "just him being a boy" is a sorry excuse. We nip it in the bud every time. Give an inch, he'll take a mile. Our approach is zero tolerance on this matter, but still show we love him so he's not scared of us. Our punishment is the effect of the crime, not personal from us. I try to be open about how people handle things, but this is one that I just don't get. The "just being a boy" comment is a free pass for bad behavior. Why are boys held to such a lower standard? I love my boy, and I consider it a favor to him to teach him to be a bigger person.

Alicia - posted on 12/29/2008

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OOoOoOo I think that every boy at this age learns very well how to talk back to us!! i just usually ignore it ... get his mind on a different track... when he talks back to me i usually do what i want to do and when he is calm and can respect me then i pay attention...i have never had a problem with biting hitting or any of that...but he does use his words when he is frusturated...so i usually just "ignore" him...he sits and screams for a few mins but then moves onto the next thing...he will even do something"good" so he can get my appraisal!! i pay attention without him noticing just so he doesn't hurt himself!

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2008

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My son is starting to do the same, his newest phrase is "don't tell me what to do". Some of it may be because of the excitement of the holidays and maybe schedules and routines are off because of the holidays. We always have issues when we're not on schedule.

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