My daughter won't sleep in her room

Renee - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My daughter Evangelina will be 2 the end of June, I can't get her to sleep in her own bed. I don't know if it's because her brother sleeps in our room in the playpen he is 6 months. I am having a very hard time with this because ever since the last month of my pregnancy she became extremely clingy to me. Than when the baby came home with us she was in our bed every night, I didn't mind at first but now i'm just getting tired of it. I try putting her in her own bed once she's fallen asleep and she just wakes up screaming. We have started putting her on our floor but she still just screams. I have even just moved my son into his crib to let her see that he isn't in our room anymore. PLEASE HELP ME!!! I need any advice I can get...

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Meaghan - posted on 05/07/2010

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She is still really young. Why dont you put her toddler in your room next to your bed? Then transition her gradually. Its scary to sleep alone at her age. Try to put your self in her shoes. Her borther gets to sleep right next to mommy and daddy, but she cant? She may be feeling just lonley at night. If I was a toddler I would want to be close to my parents too. She will have her own room eventually. Before u know it this will pass.

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Carly - posted on 05/08/2010

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I had the same problem with my 23 month old Sophie. She wouldnt go to sleep in her own bed becasue she was brought up sleeping in the bed with myself and her dad. Is your daughter still sleeping in a cot? Because i got my daughter a bed and ever since then she has been sleeping fine, she just didnt like the cot! You could try that? Just an idea :-)

Charamine - posted on 05/08/2010

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um my girl sleep n her room from when she was 7 mouths old just talk to her tell her she is a big girl and that she need to sleep in her room to let her brother no how to do it

Jessica - posted on 05/07/2010

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My son slept in our bed until he was 14 months old. He had never gone to sleep on his own, but I had become pregnant again and was finding it hard to sleep with him there. I set his cot up in his room and started teaching him to sleep there. It was hard work and he did cry a bit (not distressed crying just whining) but now at nearly two he goes to bed happily most nights and usually sleeps through.
Good luck!

[deleted account]

I am going through the same thing... my daughter will be 2 on june 25th and been sleeping since feb back in our room in the pack n play..we set it up because we are expecting our second any day and i planned on her sister sleeping in our room but shes become so clingly to me its either the pack n play or she wants to sleep with us ( shes the biggest bed hog ever).. she was out of her crib at 1 year and into a twin bed and we have back tracked since we got stuff set up for the second baby... But we are going to try re doing her room and see if that gets her more excited to sleep in it... also im going to try to do bedtime where i can lay down with her until shes asleep and hopefully it wont be a hard thing to over come!! I hope things get easier

Rachael - posted on 05/07/2010

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I was having the same difficulty with my 23 month old daughter. She wouldn't sleep in her room at all and was continually waking her little brother in the middle of the night. My older sister advised me to try and make it a nice time sleeping in her room. So I would pretend that I wanted to sleep in her room because that was so cool. I know it sounds funny but she is really protective over her toys in her room so as soon as mummy wanted to sleep in there I was told "out" then she would shut the door, (I snuck around to her window to see what she was doing because there was a lot of chatter and noise) she had put all the toys the way she liked them then layed down with them and went to sleep, I finally got a full nights sleep, and her baby brother was much happier that he wasnt getting woken up in the middle of the night. This made for a better day for all of us.

Priya - posted on 05/06/2010

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Kathy C - thank you so much for all this information! Very interesting to learn and have already put it into practice - luckily, controlled crying hasn't been required yet as he settles ok in his cot in his own room. I give a dream feed before i go to bed so that certainly helps him remain full and sleepy.

Kathy - posted on 05/05/2010

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just to give you some insight into sleep patterns which will allow you to further understand why moving him into his room after he's asleep is only exacerbating the problem.

when we sleep, we all transition from light to deep sleep. i won't bother getting into the clinical terms but during these transitions, we all have partial arousals (brief wakings). we may roll over, fix our pillows or rearrange our blankets - normal sleep behavior. subconsciously during these brief wakings, we are also checking to make sure that the conditions in which we fell asleep are the same. for example, if you went to bed and all the windows were closed but then someone opened it while you were asleep, you'd definitely wake up during your partial arousal to get up and close the window.

now this is the same with when a child falls asleep in their parents' bed. when he is moved into his crib, the conditions in which he fell asleep (your bed) are different (now in his crib) therefore, the brief waking that normally occurs will turn into a full awakening because he will realize that he's no longer in your bed.

what i suggest is to teach him that his room is safe for sleeping and to always start and end the night routine in the room that you want him to sleep all night. the goal is to promote that his room is a happy and safe place to sleep.

the first week or so will be rough. put him in his crib and then go to him at set intervals, increasing each interval by a few mins. only console him for 1 or 2 mins tops and in the exact same way every time. do not let him fall asleep on you - only let him sleep in his crib.

if you're consistent, it will work. send me a direct message if you have any more questions or want more details.

good luck

Crystal - posted on 05/05/2010

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this may sound a bit cruel but i would just leave her to cry, we did this with our daughter when we got her a bed of her own and it took a while but she got used to it, she has to learn that she has her own bed and that she cant sleep with you all the time. put her to bed at her usual bedtime and leave her. she may cry but dont go to her straight away leave her crying for about ten mins then go and comfort her and leave her again. this will work it will take time but you must be strong good luck

Priya - posted on 05/04/2010

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Looks like I was a bit late joining the conversation and Renee, am glad that it's all come together for you. I've had an interesting few days now that my son has been a little poorly and decided that he likes our bed best!! Aargh! So, need to come up with another game plan for him! Any suggestions welcome!

Priya - posted on 05/04/2010

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I completely feel for you as have been battling with exactly the same thing! I have a 23 month old daughter and a 7 month old son. Up until 2 months ago, our daughter still expected to come into our bed every night, mainly as my son was in his crib next to our bed. Both children now share a room but it was hard work getting there. I found that having an established and daily bedtime routine was important. This included making her feel as comfortable as possible in her own room throughout the day too e.g. afternoon nap on her bed, having her favourite soft toys around her in bed. At night, lying down with her in her room until she was fast asleep was the key. She does still wake up at night but rather than expect to come into our bed, she waits for either my huband or me to settle her back into her own bed. This often means us falling asleep in her room for an hour or so - not the most comfortable but a much better idea than allowing her to get used to being brought into our room. Also, we have found that it helps to have the same person put her to bed every night so my husband does just that whilst i intend to the baby. Best of luck!

Melissa - posted on 04/30/2010

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I know you said that but you said you had let your daughter start back sleeping with you so I said that bout your son not to let him back in there & keep him in his bed in his room or you going to have double the trouble with both of them

Renee - posted on 04/30/2010

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Thanks everyone for your advice! It's funny a few days after I posted this she decided on her own to start sleeping in her bed!! I guess she needed to make the decision on her own. Both kids are now in their room together!! And to Melissa if you had read my question you'd see that I did move my son into his crib.

Melissa - posted on 04/29/2010

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Put her in her room tell her night night & leave out if she gets out keep taking her back & dont give up & id advise you to stop letting your 6 month old sleep with yall even tho he is in a playpin because he will end up doing the same thing


& DONT GO BACK ON IT & LET THEM IN YOUR BED B/C IT WILL JUST BE 10 TIMES WORST TRYING TO GET THEM TO GO TO THERE ROOMS AGAIN AFTER YOU LET THEM BACK IN YOUR ROOM.

TRUST ME ITS NOT GOING TO KILL HER TO SCREAM

Yvonne - posted on 04/28/2010

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My 22 month old shares a room with her 6yr. old sister and even if her sister was in the same room she will still cry.
In the beginning she will sleep with me and when she was completely asleep I moved her to the crib but then she will wake up in the middle of the night crying.
I got tired of it too and I started putting her to sleep at the same time her sister goes to bed. When she woke up in the middle of the night I will just lay her back and tell night, night and she did cry but I didnt get her out and she will eventually fall asleep. Just had to ignored the crying which It felt so bad but at the end it really work.
If you try this its going to be hard the first two weeks with the crying and all but she will finally get used to it. Well Good Luck :)

Bonnie - posted on 04/28/2010

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I still have my little guy in a crib. He will be 2 June 17th. I would start the whole process over again, like you would when you are trying to get a newborn used to there own room. comfort them, let them know that you are right around the corner if they ever need you. But make it clear to your little one that screaming is no longer acceptable. She wouldnt want to wake up her little brother, and she need to get her sleep too, so she can play and dp her favorite thing the next day. But say it how your child would understand. And it might hurt, but if she screams, let her scream it out for a while. I wouldnt move her back into your room, that seems like going backwards to me.

Hope it helped, and good luck!

Hayley - posted on 04/28/2010

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Have you tried moving her bed into your room for a while? My son (22 months) was the same and slept in with me from birth as he wouldnt go into his cot. When he was 12 months i moved him into a toddler bed next to my own and he started sleeping in it straight away. He still use to get into my bed if he woke up in the night but i just put him back into his bed and eventually he stayed in it. Once she gets used to sleeping in her own bed in your room then transfer her back into her own room. It may take awhile for her to stay in bed but u need to perserve and dont let her win!! Keep putting her back. It will take alot of patience and possible a little lack of sleep but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck.

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2010

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My son will be 2 in June as well. I can definitely relate. Since he was born, he has slept in his crib no more than 5 times total. He's so used to sleeping with my husband and I that when ever we do try to put him in his crib, he wakes up screaming. I know that we have to move him into his own room because he cant sleep with us forever, but its going to be hard. My daughter used to sleep us until she turned two and eventually she moved herself over. Eventually she decided for herself that she was grown and she had to be a little more independent. She showed that by moving on out to her own bed in her own room.

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