Need suggestions on how to stop son from sleeping with parents.

Lydia - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My son, 17mth, loves to sleep with us at night. I usually put him to sleep with me on our bed first, after he's deep sleep, I transferred him to his crib besides our bed. But he'll wake up few hours later and cry. I usually fight with him to put him back on bed, but he kept crying and refuse to sleep in the crib after woke up. The only way to stop him from crying is take him to sleep with us on our bed. Any suggestions on how to solve this? I want him to sleep on his crib as we plan to let him sleep independantly.

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Amanda - posted on 11/12/2009

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Both of my sons slept with me for many months. I found that it was easier to nurse them at night if they were right beside me. When I quit nursing at night, I tried to do as you did, let them fall asleep and then return them to the crib. They would wake up because they were looking for the comfort that they usually get from me. Having your son's crib in your room is a bad idea because when he wakes up and sees you, he thinks that you will get him. Both of my son's did this. If they are in their own room, they will wake up and cry, but often times they will relize that you are not there and find a way to soothe themselves to sleep. Try having something in the crib that comforts them that smells like you. I slept with a blanket a few nights and then gave it my son, so it had my scent on it. It was tough not getting the boys right when they cried, but they did learn to self soothe, and now we all sleep better at night.

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Rubria - posted on 12/18/2009

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Hi! I just went through that with my 18 month daughter. it all started when she was 16 months. She would sleep in her crib in her own room, every night at 8 pm. There was some changes in my house and she started sharing her room with her older sister....that's when she started waking up in the middle of the night or just refuse to go to sleep. Tried placing the crib next to our bed and she ended up sleeping with us, put her back in her crib and she would wake up crying. we decided to stop using the crib and sending her back to her old room that she shares with her sister...we would stay up really late untill she would fall asleep, give her water if she woke up in the middle of the night, lay her with us and take her back to her room...it was all too much and we were very tired!. My husband and I decided to work a little bit harder on this issue...and it only took a couple days to see great results. both of us would walk her to her room, put her in bed, rub her back, say good night and leave, she would follow us a couple minutes later, we would do the same thing, make her climb to her bed by herself, put the covers on, say good night...we repeated that like 10 times that night...the next time was less...and after a few more days she understood it....
Hope you find a way to take care of this, it takes a lot of patience!

User - posted on 12/15/2009

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We have had a very sick little boy. He used to have nightmares in his cot, wake up and we think he thought he was back in Hospital with the 'bars' around him. Luckily we have a cot bed so we turned it into a 'big boy bed' and he goes to his room, climbs in his 'big boy bed' and has his stories, bottle and cuddles there and goes to sleep there. If he gets lonely or scared in the night it is easier for him to come and find us. He does do this but at least he is still sleepy and not screaming. He will usually go back to sleep or if we allow him he can come for cuddles. It is now on our terms not his. He likes his 'big boy bed' now. It is much easier to get him to sleep. Good luck. It is hard to find what works for you and your family.

Nicola - posted on 12/15/2009

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i got into that way of getting my son to sleep with me then putting him into his cot when he was in a deep sleep ,i have stoped that now , not got him to go into his cot staight away though , i get him to sleep downstairs first then into his cot ,dont think this will help him go into his cot but gets him out of sleeping in our bed.xxxgood luck

Jenine - posted on 12/09/2009

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I've always had a nightmare with my daughter especially getting her to sleep. She is a lot better now but it has taken a lot of patience! I tried from the onset of putting her in her cot to fall asleep which was in a different room. If she cried I picked her up until she stopped but then put her straight back down. I would repeat this process until she didn't cry anymore. Every night it gets easier. Lie her down put a reassuring hand on the small of her back then gradually get further and futher out of the room. It does work I promise. We have had a few set backs because of illnesses and teeth but be patient and he'll get there. I do feel as others have said that he needs to be in a different room if possible and to go to sleep and stay there and not be transferred. It must be a nightmare for you. I do sympathise. Let us know how you are getting on.

Angelique - posted on 12/07/2009

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I have the same problem. My boy is sleeping with us ever since I returned home from the hospital with him. We have tried the pram the crib everything but he ends up sleeping with us. I saw somewhere that you should put him directly into a big bed and you should have a chair next to the bed, you should sit there until he's asleep and then go out of the room. You should move the chair closer to the door every night and eventually he'll sleep by himself. If it works I don't know I haven't tried it as yet.

Krysta - posted on 12/06/2009

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We are having a similar issue with our 17 month old daughter. She has co-slept with us for the majority of her life but over the last few months we have been trying different things to get her to sleep independantly because I'm expecting and we don't want two babies in bed with us! We tried letting her cry it out in her bedroom, the phase-out method, letting her get into deep sleep, moving her right away to her crib, giving her late night snacks, different bedtime routines, changing her sleep environment, etc. Nothing worked! She wanted to be with mommy and daddy. Finally, we moved her toddler bed into our room, at the foot of our bed. Once she's asleep in a deep sleep, I move her to her toddler bed. This way, she's still in our room and she can hear my breathing, but she's not IN our bed. We're hoping that once little brother is here and sleeping in the crib, she'll be more comfortable sleeping in a room with him so she's not ALONE in her room. We're also NOT letting little brother ever co-sleep with us! I know it's difficult but you will find something that works!

Shelly - posted on 12/04/2009

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We have the same problem with our 17 month old son. I will not do the cry it out method, but I'm interested in learning more about the controlled crying method. Where can I find more info on this? Thanks!!

Mercedes - posted on 11/18/2009

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I had this exact problem with my 17 month old son, i had always put him to sleep on our bed or in my arms and them VERY CAREFULLY moved him into his cot, when he woke in the night there was no point trying to settle him in the cot because he wasnt familiar with the process of going to sleep in the cot and would create until i put him in wiht myself and my partner which as he got bigger became a nightmare, none of us getting any quality sleep. A week or so ago we made the decision that we were sick of being kicked to hell and getting next to no sleep every night, we had to do something drastic.....
First bought him a toddler bed as the restriction of the cot caused him great anxiety even if we were in the room with him
We then used a controlled crying method because we couldnt quite hadle the cry it out thing, i'll be honest, the first couple of nights felt like hell, no one wants to lisen to their most precious little person screaming but the key is consistency. also with controlled crying, you go up and pop them back in bed after measured intervals which means the little one knows you havent abandoned them completely but it helps to enforce the idea of "bedtime" being non-negotiable.

This is still a working progress for us but on the 3rd night the initial period of distress was down to 20 mins before he settled himself in bed and 2 nights after that he whined for only 5 mins before the blissful silence filled the house.

I cant tell you the relief i feel after trying this and finding that it actually works! would recommend this to anyone having trouble with a toddler at bedtime!

good luck to you, i hope you find a solution that works for you x

Hayley - posted on 11/13/2009

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Hi, i had exactly the same problem, beacuse from birth my son slept in the bed with me as it was easier to nurse. He is the same age your son. I live in a one bedroom flat so i cant put him into his own room. So i bought him a toddler bed and started putting him to bed in it from the start, i stay with him until he goes to sleep and he sleeps great in it. He still wakes up in the nite and tries to climb bk into my bed, so i give him a cuddle and tell him im going to put him bk in his bed and he falls bk to sleep. It wasnt easy at first but he has now been in his own bed for about 3 months. Hope this helps x

Rebecca - posted on 11/13/2009

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First of all, try getting him to sleep somewhere other than your bed. Falling asleep somewhere and then waking up somewhere else is probably confusing for him. What worked with my daughter is simply putting her in her crib and even implementing the cry it out method. It sucks at first but after a couple of days, it will be better.

Lydia - posted on 11/13/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

Both of my sons slept with me for many months. I found that it was easier to nurse them at night if they were right beside me. When I quit nursing at night, I tried to do as you did, let them fall asleep and then return them to the crib. They would wake up because they were looking for the comfort that they usually get from me. Having your son's crib in your room is a bad idea because when he wakes up and sees you, he thinks that you will get him. Both of my son's did this. If they are in their own room, they will wake up and cry, but often times they will relize that you are not there and find a way to soothe themselves to sleep. Try having something in the crib that comforts them that smells like you. I slept with a blanket a few nights and then gave it my son, so it had my scent on it. It was tough not getting the boys right when they cried, but they did learn to self soothe, and now we all sleep better at night.


Tks Amanda for the ideas. I'll try it. Have a blessed day!

Lydia - posted on 11/13/2009

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Jelena: Tks for the soothing comfort. Knowing that i'm not alone really make me feel better. Let's work it out and have our sons sleep independantly in near future :)

Jelena - posted on 11/09/2009

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I have the same problem. What I realized few weeks ago is that there is no way I can make him sleep in his crib. The problem is that the crib became too small for him because he got used to big bed and plenty of room to turn around. When he is in his crib and tries to rotate, he would find it difficult, and would wake up and starts to cry wanting me to put him in our bed.



I think the next step would be to get him regular bed and put it just near ours, and during the time to just move it little by little from it.



I have no solution really. Just wanted to say that you are not alone. :)

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