Worried that i am being to hard on my son

Audrey - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son just turned 10. We are dealing with trying to get through 4th grade. He is a very smart boy (ok, so I'm partial). He gets decent grades. I feel that we have to ride him really hard just to make sure that he gets those grades. He just gets so frustrated when we are doing homework. It's as if he shuts down. I always tell him its like he is shutting the door and nothing can get through. We are at the end of his first 9 weeks of scholl and I think i want to try something different with him starting this 9 weeks. I want to put it more in his hands by having him tell what he wants his grades to be and set goals. Does anyone else have these issues? Am I being to hard on him? Just trying to figure out the best way to make things easier for him. The other day he actually told me he was just going to flunk out, this worries me

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Brandy K - posted on 11/03/2012

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me boy did the same and the school let me sit in his class and he brought his grades up from fs to bs

Audrey - posted on 10/31/2012

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Thanks Angela. You just described my son to a T. I have mentioned the Test Anxiety deal to his teachers. We did actually begin him early. he was 4 and then turned 5 a month after kindergarted began. I will have to look do a google search to see what i can do to help with test anxiety. thanks for your feedback and I am looking forward to this getting to be just a little easier for all of us. Thanks again

User - posted on 10/22/2012

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Hi Audrey! My son had the same problem when he was in the 4th grade. Did your son start school early? Mines did. I think my son's problem was that he was actually smart enough to be in the 4th grade at 9 years old (he turned 10 in September) but his maturity level wasn't where it should have been for a 4th grader and he would do the "shut down" thing too. I also think..actually, now I know that my son has test anxiety. He would always do really well on his homework & classwork but when it would come down to test taking, he would "freeze". He's a junior in high school and he still has the same problem - just not as bad as it was during elementary school. I would check to see if this could be the issue that your son is having also. If so, there are alot of websites that talk about test anxiety and how you can help your child through it.

Melissa - posted on 10/21/2012

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i have a child that has never been tested with a learning disability but shows signs of it. He is not able to share with the teacher what he knows, he struggles in reading and math- but excels in animal sciences..He is in 1st grade and the school may actually test him at the end of 2nd or start of 3rd grade, but they can only test 2 kids a year. I have sent him to sylvan with the help of my parents to get him to where he should be. He excells more there and at home than at school. Sylvan does do a lot of token rewards, so we are doing that at home now to help encourage him to do his homework and extra home type work. He is a kid that needs a lot of positivity. Maybe instead of encouraging higher grades, try encouraging how much he already knows and how much he's learning, and get him into things that will help him. I have done that with my son, I do flash cards, reading, and extra stuff at home, I make learning fun. Make it fun at home and he will learn with you, find something for motivation.

Audrey - posted on 10/17/2012

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we had our first parent teacher conference last night. Overall he is doing well. he is testing lower in his reading and math then his teacher would like. I know the reading he can test higher in. Math has always been a subject he has tested low in. The thing with the testing is he test low but he is a B student overall. So I don't feel the testing that they do shows his true self. I wish they would look at what his grades at the end of the semester are and go with that. When we repeated him in second grade it was because he tested low in reading and math but his grades were B's and C's. How if a kid is not testing at grade level can they be pulling grades such as 80's on papers and ending up the semester with all most all B's. Schools need to go back to what grades look like and not what testing shows.

we do do breaks when it comes to his homework. At this time we just can't afford a tutor but if we could i would do Sylvan.

In reagards to what grades i expect. I would like for him to bring home 80's minimum on his papers. 70's are ok but i don't want him bringing home failing papers. Realistically i know that he will bring home papers that have a failing grade on them once in a while I just dont' want that to be a habit.

On the goal thing. We are trying it and he is the one that set what he wants for his goals and then what he wants for the reward. He stated that since he is able to do 80's on most homework then that is what he wants and he also stated since he gets B's that is what he wants to do also. We will see how this ends up working for us.

In the way of older family members to help him out. He is an only child so there are no older siblings and his cousins don't live close, so all he has is me, his dad and his grandparents. We all help him out all that we can.

He is doing well overall Just wish I knew what we could do to help him improve in the areas that he needs improvement in.

Thanks for listening I know i rattled on quite a bit.

Ariana - posted on 10/14/2012

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I would try to get your son a tutor to help him out. It sounds like this is really hard for him and he's struggling.



For homework it might be best to have him do it in sections. So have him work for 30 minutes, take a short break, play a game with him or something for 20 minutes and then have him come back for another 30 minutes. Make sure whatever you let him do isn't all consuming, so don't let him watch tv or play video games, but just have a short break, and give him a 5 minute warning before he needs to go do the homework again.



It might help him with the homework to break it up a bit.



I don't think having him set the goals for his grades is appropriate at this age. He's 10 so he's not going to try to get super high grades if he thinks he can get away with it.



What grades are you expecting from him? You shouldn't expect him to get perfect grades but he should be trying for B's.



I would really suggest getting him a tutor who can help. Or having him use a online 'homework helper' instead of you guys if he needs help maybe? Are there any other older family members who can help with his homework? Even a high school student or something? Sometimes having someone else help can be easier than having parents help.



You could ask him how doing homework could be a bit easier. He may have some legitimate solutions that you guys haven't thought of.

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