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Does anyone else find this odd?

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/12/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Before I said yes to marrying my hubby I already knew he was an Atheist (one who doesn't like the joke about the dyslexic atheist) but I married him because of who he is, not because of his religious convictions. He treats Abby (my first baby- who BTW will be 7 next week) like his own daughter. So what that he believes organized religion is silly. He respects my beliefs and loves my daughter so what if he doesn't want to set foot in a church.

I've seen on random boards now about how women wouldn't've married their husbands if the man didn't believe in God. Well I'm sorry for them because they could be missing out on a great guy. But I'm also wondering how common that is. Would some of you have not married or gotten into a serious relationship with your signifigant other if he or she didn't believe how you did?

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Angela - posted on 09/16/2011

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For me their are certain things that are deal breakers even if I am falling in love with someone. Religion is not a deal breaker if it is something I can live with. If you are going to feel our child or I will burn is hell because we don't believe in your God, then that would be a problem. If you are open and respect my beliefs and can be unbiased fine. However I have met atheist and believers of all kinds of Gods and both can be too extreme for me. I do not like to hear Atheist state how stupid non atheist are. That is not fair nor do I like to hear Christians state I will burn in hell etc if I don't follow as they do.
So for me it would be a deal breaker if my husband was not respectful of other's beliefs and including mine.
But that is just one of the deal breakers, drugs, violence, and hurting any child would be a deal breakers too.
I learned a long time ago it is not hard to fall in love but it is hard to stay in love. Know what you want and need and go for that. Do not compromise where you can't compromise.
So if you can't compromise your religious beliefs to the point you are surer that your partner are damaging themselves and your child well heck that is not a good environment for anyone is it!

April - posted on 09/15/2011

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ps. my husband is orthodox but he actually isn't a true believer. he is just afraid to stop believing. he doesn't comment on my beliefs but he doesn't go to church either. i guess you can say religion hasn't really affected our relationship. ironically, i had to convert to orthodox to get married in his church. so technically i am orthodox on paper but not in my heart!

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At the moment im not a devout catholic. So it doesnt really bother me but it would make things easier. My guy doesnt have a religion and he will not go to church. I do go to church sometimes and i take our daughter and some days im like well it would be nice if he went with us. Before weve gotten into arguements about it just on how to introduce religion to our daughter. I want her to know about the catholic faith and he said when she is older he will tell her that it is fake and full of contradictions and bad people. Idk i dont think thats cool but if she has a question i want her to be able to ask the both of us. I do wish sometimes he was catholic and i completely understand why people would not marry someone with differeny religious backgrounds. To some its really important and if you cant come together on your beliefs then a relationship may be impossible. just like with other things everyone has their standards, morals, and beliefs and if someone goes against one of those important categories then its obvious that it may not work so why even pursue it

Lady - posted on 09/13/2011

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I don't think I could be with my husband if he was in anyway at all religious - it so important to me that he is an athiest and wants to raise our children that way that it would cause a lot of conflict if we were not on the same page about it. We were both wavering believers when we got together and took the journey to full athiesim together - it's something that has brought us closer so I would never want to loose that.

Michelle - posted on 09/12/2011

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My husband was brought up Catholic and I wasn't brought up with any religion. I went to a catholic high school and hated the religion classes. That's when I chose to be an athiest.
My husband chose at around the age of 15 that he wasn't going to church any more. The only time he went was if there was a wedding of funeral. Since he has moved half way around the world from his family he doesn't go at all.
We are both law abiding citizens and have morals, the same as someone who goes to church each week.
It upsets me when people say that because we don't go to church and believe in God we are going to hell. I'm just glad that religion isn't a bit part of the Australian lifestyle.

There are many different people in this world and we all have different opinions. It would be very boring if we all believed in the same things.

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April - posted on 09/15/2011

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ditto what Krista said. I am not quite atheist because i believe that mother nature is god. the trees, the flowers, the grass, the Earth. when i say god, i just mean powerful. i don't attribute a personification to mother nature. and i also mean that control is something that happens, not because of some "God". Now, I grew up catholic and my mom has mentioned the catholic god to my son on a few occasions now. i'm getting upset because i want to teach my son about the Earth, NOT god.

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Well my guys mom has never done anything like that to my daughter but then again she doesnt even aknowledge her existance. However i would never ask him to not see his family. Thats the only family he'll ever have no matter how fucked up they are and trashy. however me and my daughter are never around or involved in any way with them. If something like that were to happen ( if she were to ever put her hands on my child ) i kno for a fact that he would completely "disown" his mom. But me and his mom and other people in his family have gotten into it before and he knows where i stand with his family and he respects that and he always backs me up. However i do not forbid him to go and see them.

Constance - posted on 09/15/2011

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My husband has't spoken to mot of his family in about 9 yrs. It never effected our relationship. When he stopped talking to his mother was on Christmas in 02. She called our 2 oldest bastards and hit my son he was about 18 monthes. I had her pinned up against the wall by her throat. When I finally let go I told him me and the kids were leaving and he had until I was done loading the car to come or stay. She was happy until she realized he was coming with me.

The biggest problem with his family is almost all the women have children out of wedlock and the have nerve to call other peoples children bastards. His mother hell all the omen in his family call me a whore. I have been with my husband for 17 yrs. His mother had 3 children all with different men and last count she had been married 15 times, but I am the whore.

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see im in love with my guy and hate his family and they hate me it has definitely put a strain on our relatioship in the past it would be so much easier if things were differentso thats how i totally understand how other facotrs besides love can determine if a relationship will be successful

Constance - posted on 09/15/2011

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I only believe in being in love with the person. I married my husband an I hate his entire family. I know people who would never do that either. I dod think it is how strong someone truely feels about something but arelationship should be about love and respect. Which seems to be the biggest problem in relationships.

Krista - posted on 09/14/2011

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I could be married to someone who followed a religion, as long as they were okay with the fact that I am an atheist, and as long as they didn't try to convert me. But I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn't respect my rights to my own beliefs. And we'd definitely have to decide ahead of time how to raise the kids. Fortunately, my husband is also an atheist, and we agreed well ahead of time to not raise our children with any particular religion.

Jenni - posted on 09/14/2011

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Meggy, I do actually believe Jesus existed. ;)
But to me he was more of an activist of his time. Like Ghandi, MLK, Mother Theresa etc.
There were various stories and versions of his life after his death. It was Emperor Augustine who then decided which versions and which stories of his life to include in the NT 300 years after his death.

As far as the original Hebrew texts, which has evolved into the Old Testament (KJV version) they were the Hebrew people's history and beliefs (a slave race) that were past down through generations by tongue. Recorded in written text sometime after their enslavement and they had become a civilized culture.

I believe there is a grain of truth to these stories but much has been embellished and accuracy lost. Much like the story of the Trojan war depicted in the epic poem the Iliad. Which was recorded 500 years after the event after being told, retold, changed, embellished, and losing its historical accuracy.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/14/2011

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Laura you're right that even with Christians there is a ton to discuss. Both my parents are Catholic, my mom's father converted to Catholicism to marry my mom's mother (He was Protestant). My mom doesn't believe that God sends people to Hell just because they don't believe as she does. I know of nuns who don't even believe in Hell.

I believe my husband appreciates that myself and my family have never tried to convert him to believing how we do. But I will say that even in the Wicca 101 class I took a few years ago the guy teaching it said that even if you don't believe in Jesus and God you have to agree that something over 2000 years ago happened, and that it was big enough to change how the western world records time.

As for myself I've just researched so many religions (I worked at a predominantly Jewish assisted living building when I lived in New York and learned a bit about the religion and learned about Islam after 9/11 for myself along with Wicca) that I just embrace too many different religious beliefs to just stick to one organized idealogy now.

Jenni - posted on 09/14/2011

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I think it would really depend. If he respected my non-beliefs like you respect your husband's, then I don't think it would be an issue. Of course I would also respect his beliefs.



If before we had children we agreed that we would expose them to many different religions and non-religion and allow them to carve out their own beliefs then I think it wouldn't matter what his beliefs are.



My hubby's beliefs are different from most people's. He was raised in an Athiest home but he believes in Jesus. Doesn't believe he is the son of god but believes in him as though he is a god, like he prays to him. ;) But doesn't believe in the Old Testament god. I know, it's different. lol

He certainly isn't devout by any means but his belief came about during his operation and praying to Jesus when he was near death. He believes his prayers saved his life. But he has never read the New Testament and really doesn't know anything about what is written about Jesus.



I on the other hand, started going to church when I was 6. My mom believes in the Christian god but she is not devout. I began my transition to Atheism at the age of 12. Practiced Wicca until the age of 18. Returned to church around the age of 25 for a few months, thought I'd entertain the idea one last time. But that quickly reafirmed my Atheism.

Merry - posted on 09/14/2011

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Heck yeah! I would never marry a man who didn't believe the same asi do! Barely want to get close to friends who aren't Christians because my heart aches at the thought of a loved one dying and going to Hell. How would I be ok with my husband and soal mate dying and going to Hell. Now I realize thisisnt a popular belief but it's mine and my husbands belief and I'm glad weare on the same page because there's way more things to debate besides religion. And even within the general Christian belief there's tons to discuss and debate and search answers for. But the basics, we have to agree on those.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/13/2011

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Holly that's really nice. I took care of a man who was Muslim and his wife was Catholic. He was one of the nicest people I ever took care of.

And it's true that religion doesn't always have to matter in a relationship.

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I'm Methodist and my husband is Muslim (he converted about a year before we married - before that he was Agnostic, but drastic life changes made him turn to religion). We have some very interesting religious debates/conversations, but for the most part we agree that it's more important (to us) to have faith than to have religion.

To me, it doesn't matter if you believe in God or if you believe in nature, or whatever. What's important is that there is LOVE between the people.

Now, I do know some people who refuse to get involved with others not in their same religion (or at least the same general religion), but if I had followed that then I wouldn't have my wonderful hubby or my children, so I don't care what they say :) I have lost a couple friends because of my husband's religion, but I don't want them as friends if they're going to be that closed minded... Love is love and that's all that matters to me.

Carolee - posted on 09/13/2011

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I've had a couple of people not want to date me because of what I believe. I am open and willing to support (but not convert to) any religion that my SO would have. Accepting me means accepting ALL of me. I will do the same for those who do that for me.

Nikki - posted on 09/13/2011

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What Gillian just said "I don't think I could be with my husband if he was in anyway at all religious - it so important to me that he is an athiest and wants to raise our children that way that it would cause a lot of conflict if we were not on the same page about it."

This is exactly how I feel, I respect others beliefs and I am, happy for others to have faith but I don't believe in it at all. I couldn't live with it in my face all the time.

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I'm just going to stay away from all religious debates cuz I can't figure out how to say what I want to say w/out offending a bunch of online people that I care about. Carry on. ;)

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For my husband and I it is a non issue b/c I am Catholic and Aaron is Protestant. But we have other things in common, and are so in love with each other that our different religions don't matter. I do find it odd that some women would think that way.

Tara - posted on 09/12/2011

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My husband and I have very similar religious beliefs (we're both agnostic), but if he had been atheist or Catholic or Buddhist, etc it would have been a non-issue for me as long as he wasn't trying to shove his belief system down my throat.

I think that the problem with different religious views occurs only if one person is trying to "convert" their partner all the time. You either accept that a person has a certain set of beliefs or you don't - there is no middle ground on that. If you were someone who couldn't accept that your spouse/partner/friends, etc had different beliefs than you, then his being an atheist probably would have bothered you.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/12/2011

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Teresa, I don't feel sorry for you. I guess I did put that wrong. It's just that my ex makes such a big deal now out of being Christian and he's practically the antithesis of being Christian. My husband would probably be an ideal version of a Christian- except he doesn't believe in God. So I just meant that I feel someone could miss out on having someone because of religion. Not that he's perfect because right now he's talking on xbox live and it freaks me out when he does that. But you get what I mean.

Stifler's - posted on 09/12/2011

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my husband is an atheist pretty much. i'm not. we just don't discuss it and neither of us have any desire to go to church. we both agree on not baptising or christening our kids and letting them make their own choice to get baptised or not. we have a very strong connection as best friends religion doesn't really come into it.

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And if that works for you, that is fine. It totally would not work for me at all and I wouldn't want it to, so there's no need to feel sorry for me at all. :)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/12/2011

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I don't feel like I have a lack of connection with my husband. Religion is something we get to talk about and debate. He's told me a few times that if he did follow any belief system it would be closer to first nation spiritulism or Buddhism. We have so many other things in common besides religion that the religious differences didn't matter.

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I wouldn't marry (or date) someone w/ incredibly different beliefs because my beliefs and going to church as a family (as one small example) is such a HUGE part of who I am as a person that it wouldn't make sense to be w/ someone who wouldn't be a real part of that.

Trust me... near the end of our marriage my husband almost never went to church w/ us and it was really, really hard on me. I wouldn't choose to have that lack of connection w/ anyone....

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