So tired of the posts about how to buy the husband a gift for holiday/ birthday

Michelle - posted on 12/02/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )




One of the posts that comes up with stunning regularity is the one about how can you buy a gift for your husband if you don't work. Really how does a SAHM think she doesn't work. It really irks me that we live in a society where SAHM's have such little value. I'm supposed to believe that by choosing to raise my kid, I am sponging off my husband or something. In my house the money my husband makes is our money. If I want to buy him a gift, the kids clothes, or myself a pair of shoes I do. The money is as much mine as it is his. I'm starting to feel like I'm in the minority though. Even when I worked the money was ours. What about all of you? Working or SAHM do you and your spouse consider the money shared, have a his/ hers/ ours system, or a strictly his/ hers division of money? It really irks me to see that type of post all the time. But maybe I'm the only one.


Medic - posted on 12/02/2011




It is ours...which really means it is mine. My husband couldn't care less about the finances as long as they are paid. I always make sure there is money on his card but he still tells me before he buys ANYTHING. I don't even know why, I think he is just wanting to make sure no one else in the house needs anything before he buys a freaking soda from the gas station. I am a SAHM right now but I just buy whatever it is we want or get gifts for him when I want.

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Tami - posted on 04/27/2015




I think it is great that you get to stay at home and take care of things, especially the kids. Most of us wish we could have had that opportunity and some may be jealous. I have always had to work, so it seems like a luxury to me, to be able to devote your time to your home and family. I believe that a married couple becomes one, as stated in the bible, and should share/combine all their resources. Nothing is mine or yours, it becomes an ours....

Jess - posted on 12/05/2014




Well a lot of women are in a controlled and mentally abusive marriages. They stay at home having kids or being house wives and the men tell them where they can go, they have to ask for money or even ask to go out. These men have insecurities in them selfs and fear if they don't control all the money and make all the decisions that they are not man enough.

My husband was one of the men who did not want me to work, he wanted me home to cook and clean. One day he got hurt and could not work. Me as the hard working women I was raised to be went out to seek a job to cover bills and expenses. My jobs were never good enough for him he complained I did not make money like him that I was never home. I worked from 3pm to 12 am 6 days out of the week. He did not handle my role well the kids drove him insane. Even if his mother who lived with us was helping him. Needless to say he took my checks I never saw my money or knew what was what. So I left him after a 10 year marriage I was tired of being controlled and put down tiered of having to ask for my own money. I'm happy with my 2 children I'm going to school and working and I will never depend on another man again.

S. - posted on 11/14/2012




His money is my money i don't work at the minuet but if I did my money would become his. We pay the house hold things then, he has a little money for the gym, his dinners and not much more and I have the rest for general stuff! I don't but if I spent a months left over cash on a full wardrobe for myself he wouldn't care less and he'd be ecstatic if I spent it on a gift for him lol.

My sister splits everything down the middle but her hb earns so much more then her and I see her struggle all the time whilst he's ok. To me it seems unfair.

Bethany - posted on 11/09/2012




i work 4 days he works 5 i have his ebanking details but he cant be bothers knowing mine, kids clothes/shoes he gets told i havent had a new bra since i was 6 mths prego (kid id now almost 3) he wanted new mag wheels for his car which were very cheap $300 au for all 4 so i got a lounge and 2 recliners for $500 au we are now very broke but will survive there is food in the cupboard and the essentials are up to date so meh his bday and xmas pressies will be outta what little we have usually i get a card or something bub makes at daycare but i dont care!

if hubby is gonna get shitty about a pressie from the kid bought with his money screw him dont get him anything!

Maria - posted on 11/05/2012




Honestly, my husband doesn't buy himself anything because he wants his kids and myself to be happy and to have everything we want. I am a SAHM I take care of all the finances. If I were not to give him a gift he would not buy him self anything. I buy his clothes, underwear socks etc.". Because he won't. I have to buy him gift cards from the places he loves because he doesn't want to spend the money!

The money is ours, I have talked to him about it because believe me I feel bad. But as he says "I have my son & my daughter a wife who cooks cleans and cares for my children, the bills are paid & we don't lack for anything"

Honestly I don't think any SAHM should feel bad about it. Especially if you are keeping your house in order and your husband happy, you are working just as hard to raise a family & that includes using the money.

A question though I have about this, why is it that notably rich people, why do their wives not get asked this question? Why are their wives not made to feel that they are spending their husbands money?

Stifler's - posted on 12/03/2011




I know right. How do they pay for groceries or rent? We just pay for whatever out of Damo's pay, it's our family's money not just his to do what he wants and I go to hell because "I don't work". We both get what we want within reason meaning if there's no money for it you wait for next pay or save up in cash or budget for it on the list for next week.

Michelle - posted on 12/02/2011




I'm glad to know I'm not completely in the minority. We each have an allowance that we can spend in any way we want and the rest is jointly spent (bills etc). I cannot imagine asking my husband for money or permission to spend because it's not his it's ours. I always get sucked in to those posts because I think they're asking for home made ideas because there's no extra money this year, or their just stumped as to what to get. Then it'll start out with "I'm a SAHM with no money because I don't work.....". I don't have any idea how any SAHM would think it was normal to have to ask for money or for it to all be his.

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2011




We have a joint account, so any money that goes into it is ours.
We do however give ourselves spending money on payday which we can spend on whatever we want.
We sit down every week and work out what expenses we have that week, we set aside money for any bills, birthdays, groceries for the week, give ourselves our spending money and save the rest.

If I need something for the kids, or myself then I go get it, I don't need to ask permission.

[deleted account]

It's OURS. We have a great system so that neither one of us is ever asking the other for money, but we discuss bigger purchases. Basically, we both have a set amount we can spend each week that we know, even if we both spend our entire allotment, it will not break the bank. If for some reason we have to make a purchase outside of that allotment, say new tires, or back to school shopping, we tell each other, but it's more "I need new tires this week. If you need to make a big purchase wait until next week." If we both have to make big purchases, we discuss it and pull some out of savings if we need to, but we keep it low enough that I can't remember ever having to do that.

I am a sahm. We both have access to all of our accounts and credit cards, except for an emergency account I set up before I was married--in case I ever have to flea an abusive situation. After 9 years of marriage, I don't see that happening, but I still keep the account. It also serves as a cushion if John dies before me because both our names are on everything, so there will be a short time when it's all frozen. John has one too, but we don't put $$ into them anymore, just interest payments.

Amy - posted on 12/02/2011




Both my husband and I work, it's our money but he can't have access to it. I give him money everyday, it's a pain for me to have to be in complete control but that's what I have to do to have a roof over my head. I usually buy clothes for the kids without telling him but if I make any major purchases like a computer or refrigerator I talk to him before I spend the money. If he wants anything he has to ask me for it.

As far as gifts go we stopped exchanging them after we were married. We would rather buy for the kids rather then each other. We still celebrate our birthdays but again it's more for the enjoyment of the kids. I don't think anyone should have to ask their husband for money regardless if they have a paying job or not, I don't understand why a sahm would think that's normal however I do understand asking the question if the money isn't in the budget to go purchase something

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