blended familes question SM and BM at it again

Britt - posted on 03/15/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )




do you get along with the step mum of your children? why or why not?

does she ever overstep the boundaries and giving you info on what not to dress the kids in and please dont use herbal essences shampoo and conditioner on your own DD's hair?

Im sick of the step mum telling me what to do and not to do, i cant even call the two kids since we share 50 50 cust


View replies by

Unknown - posted on 04/26/2016




I am a SM to a beautiful 15 year old girl. We are in a blended family with my two adult children. There is a 10 year gap between the kids. I've always had a close relationship with my step daughter until the day I married her dad. That's when the BM flipped out. My step daughter lives with us full time and see's the BM maybe once or twice a week for a couple of hours. We financially support my step daughter. But, in my step daughters mind (because of mom) her mother is raising her and not us. The BM is nothing but jealous that I am in the house with her daughter. In my opinion she is more than happy to raise her daughter but she is too selfish to give up her freedom. It breaks my heart to watch my step daughter go through all the turmoil she goes through with her mother. Before I was married my husband and I read many books on this topic. I wanted to make sure I didn't over step my boundaries so we could keep peace for my step daughter. That didn't work out. Just before Christmas the mother called CPS on us. It was dropped almost immediately and my step daughter was informed this is her mothers problem that the two adults in her home are only trying to raise a teenage daughter. Having a blended family is difficult. Especially when one of the bio parents makes problems in the home. I tried to get with the BM so my step daughter wouldn't have so much turmoil at home. But, she never wanted to get together with me. All she would say "it's none of your business. You are not the mother". I might not be the mother but I am the adult woman in the house. I know this family has lots of mental illness, but I always thought mothers would be there for their children regardless of the circumstances. In the past 2 years I have seen nothing but drama come from the BM. It has gotten so bad that my husband and I are having marriage problems. I've always looked at step children as a blessing. It's unfortunate that the BM see's me as a threat and not as a blessing to her daughter. I have never tried to take her role as her mother. I have always encouraged my step daughter to have the best relationship with her mother.
We were informed last week that the BM wants to call CPS on us again. Will the cycle ever stop?

Laura - posted on 07/27/2012




If I had one wish, it would be that we could all co-parent and get along.
It's sad to see the stories on here.
My DD's SM refuses to speak to me. In the past 4 years since she became a part of our lives, the only words she's ever spoken to me were 'I don't have to get a long with you and I ain't gonna'.

For someone who doesn't know me at all, she sure has a lot of negative things to say about me to my daughter.

For all the BM's and SM's out there that are just trying to co-exist and give your children a good home and lots of love, stay patient and keep smiling.

Stefani - posted on 06/07/2012




NO !!! I am the SM, and BM has hated me the second I stepped in their lives. Shes tried to be up my boyfriends a** whatever chance she can. She's always had to have things her way. Calling him whenever she wants to just talk or whatever. Ive complained to my BF all these things that bother me and he runs and tells her. Their daughter plays the victim every chance she can and shes no angel. Causes BM to think im just some jerk bc shes too childish to call and ask me. 5 yrs this has been going on :(

Lisa - posted on 03/20/2012




I am the step Mom of 3 boys and my two biological girls My husband and I raised them in the house together. We were very lucky that neither biological parent on both sides was very interested in what went on in our house. Not to say that we didn't have issues we had many. The best thing we ever did was we never disagreed in front of them. We would go in our room and come up with a united front to present to all of them, we would then have family meetings to resolve the conflict. Much as they tried they could not separate us. They ranged in age from 7 to 14 when we got married, all kids had emotional baggage from divorces and abandonment issues with the Mom. I decided that I had one job and it was to love them all and treat all with respect and dignity and it would work out. 19 years later we are all still together and there are no steps in this house don't need the labels

Dusty - posted on 03/18/2012




Fortunately, my children don't have a step-mom because the only child I have that isn't biologically my husband's child does not know his biological father (for good reasons.) However, I am a step-mom to a 4 year old little girl. In the beginning, I fully intended not to overstep my boundaries. My top priority was that she followed the rules while she was with us. Whatever she did at her mother's house, really wasn't my business. After awhile, I realized exactly how shitty of a mother she really had. She was constantly dirty when she came to our house, never had clothes that fit, & more than once you could literally smell the pot that her mother had been smoking around her on her clothes, & in her hair. That's when I decided to step in to be a real mother to her. She needed someone there!! This was about 2 1/2 years ago. We just recently went to court over this, & unfortunately her bio mom won primary physical custody. My husband & her share joint legal custody, & now she can't pull the crap that she won't let us see my step-daughter (she used to do this whenever we wouldn't give her money, etc) because the court ordered visitation. Her bio mom seems like she is doing better for herself (I don't think she's on the drugs anymore, & she has job that she's held for about 4 months now). Unfortunately for her, I am not going to just step out of my step daughter's life. I told her that I was the one who provided everything for her previously (my husband lost his job) so that I would continue to be a mother to her. Her bio mom wasn't very happy to say the least, but my step daughter always comes to me with things, she's always wanting me to take her out, paint her nails, do her hair, etc. I feel this would be overstepping my boundaries IF her mother was a good mother to her, but because of her bio mom's previous stunts, I feel that right now I am doing more good than harm for my step-daughter.

Kay - posted on 03/16/2012




As a future stepmom, I think that is ridiculous. My dear stepdaughters have a mom--thy don't bee two. I have tried to let them know that I am there for them if they need me, but I would never step over into parenting them...I read a 'rule' in a post here that summed it up perfectly. "Let the biological ones do the parenting."

Now, we do have rules for our house that we expect to be followed when they are with us, but that is about the extent of my influence and I like it that way. :)

Maree - posted on 03/15/2012




My sons step mum is awesome...i could not ask for a better woman to care for my son when he is at his useless dads house. I don't know whay she is with him but anyway....

We get along great,she and their daughter were in my wedding,she is my daughter's god mother and our babies are 11 days apart.

My son is a lucky boy to have such a fantastic family and all the love he could ever ask for by so many people.

I also have a step son whose mother is an absolute piece of shit.

She has stopped at nothing to ruin our life together.

She accused my husband and i of abusing his son and made it almost impossible for us to see him,my husband was prevented from picking his son up from school...she would only meet him in a carpark and then not at all for several months.

The family court let us down terribly.

They made it clear that the sport that the bitch enrolled the child in (which he didn't really even care about) was more important than family and if my husband wanted to see his son he must go to the games,give up work,family time,parties or anything he may have wanted to do with his son...he was also told that i must prove myself as a worthy woman to be around his son.

This woman is a piece of work. She has always told us what we can and can't do...if we don't do it she denies visitation and says it's in the childs best interests.

He is not looked after and they do not even live in a propper house that has a bathroom or propper facilities....and she thinks WE are doing the wrong thing.

It has been getting a little better lately as she has finally got herself a life and left us alone....oh and guess what !!!! The sport is not so important now that she got the consent order that she wanted...apparently the child doesn't really want to play it so she took him out....well wasn't that worth all the fighting between them and the suffering for the child...

I will never do that to my son as much as i don't agree with his dads ways. He has rights and i let him do as he pleases as long as my son is happy and safe. I think getting in the middle of someone elses relationship claiming it's because the child "needs" you to is a cop out...and it screams jealousy !!!!

I am not jealous and i have been given no reason to act like a bitch...not recently anyway lol.

The bio mum of SS however...well i have no doubt she is a jealous bitch as well as a control freak....rant over !!!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms