My husband's 38yr old daughter has driven a wedge between us.

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

I am married to a 71 1/2yrs man with 3 adult children (2 sons 40 and 45, and 1 38yr daughter). I am 49 wh 29yr son and 20yr daughter. I love my husband, but his daughter has driven a wedge between us. She does not want to work, and she expects for her fathr to take care of her and her 3 children, whom he never, ever sees. She does not like me and has come to my house to fight me. I have never done anythi ng to her but try to be family with her. I have not seen her since July 4, 2009, because in June, 2010 she was banned from our home because in April, 2010 she tod me she had a problem with me while I had her on speaker phone. She stated that her father was not going to say anything to her because he never says anything. And he didn't. Since she has the problem, I told her not to come to my house anymore. He told me he was protecting a relationship with his daugherr which really hurt.She showed up in June, 2010 with her brother, children, and mother's brother (fortunately, we were not home) that's when he told her not to come to our home any more. She had her mother calling my husband calling me names. since then we have been struggling with our marriage because she wants him to meet her out of our home like she is a woman in the streets. I feel insecure now when she calls because he has allowed her to do some serious emotional damage. Now I have begun to lash out at him by destroying his things. I am so ashamed of myself. I am tired of all his women. By the way, he has a second wife that he pays $300 a week in alimony. I do not feel that I should have to stand back and watch him support every household and I be disrepected. I do not feel wanted in my o wn home. I have grown to distrust him very much and it has taken a toll on my emotional state and mariage.

The phone call was on a Sunday at 8am while we were preparing to go to church. She called me. She has been talking about us to his 2nd wife. She does not want him to confront her about her behavior. When he does, she blames me and everyone else and says that it's just him and her. She has a real problem and it is making me sick because everytime we get to where we are enjoying one another, UP POPS THAT DEVIL NAMED ROBIN!


User - posted on 03/29/2012




I'm sorry to hear about what your going through. Life with your husband should not be such a struggle and kudos to you for putting up with it. I dont think I could!

I dont understand why your SD hates you so much, other than because you're not mom, which means she is acting childish. If there is no basis for her feelings, then she's obviously wrong and someone needs to put her in her place. From what you've said, I think you already know that responsibility falls under your husband. As her dad, he needs to "man-up" and stand up to his daughter. Sounds like he wont do that though because he is NOT CONFIDENT in his relatioship with her and is AFRAID to rock the boat and loose his daughter. My guess is that their relationship has not been a strong one. He feels more confident in your marriage, which is why he is willing to sacrifies your feelings instead. In the long run, however, that doesnt work. Because, just as you are feeling it now, after not being taken seriously for a long time, you start to feel neglected and unloved. It's a tough situation. How is a parent suppose to choose between their "child" (although she is an adult) and their spouse? From his point of view, I understand it's a struggle. From your point of view, I can see your growing resentment and mistrust.

There's 2 ways that I can see as a solution to this:

1) An ultimatum for your husband. You ask that he defends you or else your marriage is over.

2) Understand that he in unable to stand up to his daughter for whatever reason, and you will have to live with it. You DO have control over who comes to your home. You DO have control over who you speak with. If your husband wants to visit his daughter somewhere that is not your home, let him. If speaking to his daughter upsets you, then dont speak with her. Hang up the phone. And as hurtful and disrespectful as it is to have other ppl call you names, you have no control over what comes out of ppl's mouth, so dont sweat it. Who cares if they call you names behind your back? It's only their opinion and their opinion should not MATTER to you. Their opinion of you does not make you who you are, so dont worry about it.

As far as the money situation, I think telling your husband directly that he is spending his money foolishly, is a dead end. He's only going to become defensive and feel like you are trying to control him. Go at it from a different angle. Set up a monthly budget. Make sure all of YOUR household needs are met first. Make allotments for vacations or a cpl of other extra things. If after that there is money left for him to support other ppl, so be it. Let him. And dont complaint. If there isnt money left, then show him what you've come up with. Numbers dont lie. It's not personal but simply what's on black and white. If he has a different way to budget your expenses to make room for him to support his "other" family, then see what he comes up with and be open to it. It sucks to share income with other ppl that you feel dont deserve it, but i think that unless your willing to break off your marriage, you're going to have to deal with it the best way you can.

Sorry if this sounded so long winded. There were alot of different subjects to tackle. I think you and your husband would best benefit from going to counseling. There's alot going on here and I dont think your wounds are going to heal that easily unless you address them.

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