Step-kids and conflict

Courtney - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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How do you cope with 2 teenage step-kids???

My partner has 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship and they are extremely rude to me,the eldest has been staeling off me for the last 3 years and I'm at my wits end with what to do.

I know how much my partner loves his boys but i cannot tolerat their behaviour toward me anymore and I'm considering ending the relationship because of it.....not an easy desicion considering i'm 3 days away from my due date!!!

Any advice on how to deal with the situation would be greatly appreciated!!!

Thanks ladies x

13 Comments

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Angie - posted on 04/25/2017

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I have 2 step children and most of the time they are good. I thought we had developed a relationship that was strong. My stepdaughter keeps yelling at me when I ask her to do stuff and she doesn't want to. We have different parenting styles and he is very soft with her. I have tried to fix this. She says that when I tell her to do something it's in a disappointing way when she comes up with an excuse. And she almost always does. I tried to talk last night. She finally told me why she yells. I thought we were trying to resolve it but she said some things that made me feel really bad. I do a lot for them for her, and I don't do it to get any gratitude I do it because I want to. My bf always jumps to her defence and puts my feelings second. I can't say anything about this girl. I'm getting so fed up and tired of crying. I'm at my wits end and I'm starting to close off. I'm shutting down and I know that if I do it means the end for us but I just don't know anymore how to get through

Angie - posted on 03/11/2010

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We can say we should never tolerate it but how are you to deal with it? That's a tough question I have been trying to find an answer for.
Your partner needs to step up to the plate, if the kids don't respect you how do they have respect for themselves? Your partner is the one to put a stop to their behaviour.
You have a child coming and you won't want to be dealing with the stress of his kids treating you that way.

Claudette - posted on 03/08/2010

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Creating some clear boundaries is key. If they need to be written and posted on the refrigerator door, then do that. When that baby comes, it will not be easier.
They are also feeling some jealousy toward another child coming. Still not excuse for their behavior.
The dad needs to be the person to enforce these boundaries because the boys have a longer history with him. Have a discussion with your husband around the top 5 things you expect to happen in you home and have him discuss it with his boys. I would also encourage you to be present to support what your husband says but not to lead the discussion.
Hope this helps and good luck with the new baby.

Kathy - posted on 03/05/2010

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Your partner needs to step-up and take control, the disrespect should not be allowed and the stealing I'd kill him. Maybe you can give your partner a ultimatum, I am not sure where the mother is or what influence she has over the kids. But I think you and your partner need to sit and chat about this soon. Good luck and congrats.

Lisa - posted on 02/27/2010

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The best advice I got was to bite my tongue and let the birth parent do the discipline. Hold family meetings. Pray a lot. Its worth it when they grow up and you haven't stooped to ugliness. Mine are grown now and it wasn't always easy, but they are all great now.

Mindy - posted on 02/27/2010

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you should never tolerate any kind of stealing in your home. neither should your husband. my own husband would never tolerate that from his kids, they would not be allowed back in my home at all. not till they apoligized and earned your trust back. that is not a good example they r gonna set for your own child. if you love this man than fight for your marriage, if he wont listen than move on after all you have your own child to think about now

Amanda - posted on 02/26/2010

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i have two step kids and one is 10yrs and the other is 16yrs. And the youngest son i do not get along with and i can tell you this if he were to ever steal fromme i would never allow him in my home until his father got him under control and learned to respect me and my home and rules. theat is waht i had to do and my hubby still knows i don't trust his son and i will not stand for drama and lies from any of his sons and if i was with you i would stand your ground and don't let them walk all over you and let them know its your house.

Retta - posted on 02/26/2010

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i have 4 teenage step kids, 19,16,14,and 11 and the 16 and 14 year old a girl and a boy use too disrepeact me a lot, because their mom didnot like me @ all, so she allowed them too! but my husband did not and he often disciplened them for disrespecting me! now their fine, they listen and we have a good time! your husband needs too lay down the law and let them know you are the new women in his life and they have too respect you! and put your foot down as the parent to not allowing them to disrespect you, we as stepparents concentrate more on the kid liking us than how they treat us! my husband told me do not allow them to run over you because once they see you allow them too, then they do not listen and think they do not have too cause your not their mother! i learned the hard way and no im laying down the law and they respect me more!

Trina - posted on 02/25/2010

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wow really hard to deal with trust me I have been there ! 7 years now , talk to yr husband about how u feel both of u really need to agree on the same thing stand as one on the rules and respect! it is going to take alot of work on there dads part to stand firm and reinforce what u both have agreed on and as foe the stealing , u guys need to do bag checks when they leave ur home and and decide what a good punishment would be . if you realy love this man then these thing will still be hard but it will be worth it in the long run we have almost sep many times over the kids and his 2 nd oldest isnt even allowed at our home any more i had to put my foot down to 7 yrs is a long time to deal with crap ! and puting the others at risk also .

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I have three step sons who are extremely rude to me and two of them have stoled from me. My husband kicked them out and sent them to their mothers to live. The only time they come around is Christmas and their birthdays. Their mother has taught them to steal from their dad also. The third on is in a group home for special need adults. Don't give up your marriage over his kids. Let him take care of it and you two can raise your little one together. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and what you are thinking. Good luck

[deleted account]

You dont deal with the situation thats your husbands job if he cant get them to treat you with respect then he shouldnt let them be around you. Do they live with you or their mother? If they live with their mother then its time your husband put his foot down and told them straight if they cant be respectful to you then they dont visit the house. Im not saying he doesnt see them anymore but he takes them out somewhere then drops them back with their mother. You shouldnt have to put up with them treating you this way especially in your condition. Ive been in your position my stepdaughter hates me but she will not bad mouth me or be disrespectful to me because she knows her father will never allow it. If they live with you and your husband he needs to have a serious chat and tell them straight because you dont really want them talking to you this way when you have a little one in the house or in a few years you'll end up with your own treating you the same way.

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