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Bringing the Lesbian info to the kids.

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

I am sure these questions have been posted here and there. I wanted to write my own to see what kind of feedback I could get from the community.

Okay, so I have an eight year old daughter and a six year old son. My partner and I have been together for five and a half years.

A bit of history part of this may put me in a bad light to some of you. I met my partner when I was still married to my ex-husband. This was indeed by accident. I had been in Lesbian relationships before I was married. I new my ex-husband six months before we we married. There is a twelve year age difference between us. Two months into my ex-husband and I hanging out I became pregnant. He and I were not in a relationship (yes I know this sounds awful I was twenty two and single). I was a little young and dumb. He had two children from his first marriage that were five and eight and loved me. So he told me we needed to get married and so on. Naturally I didn't listen to anyone else and I married him. Needless to say he knew about my previous relationships with women. My best friend and I used to talk about it in front of him. Funny stories etc. We were friends at one time so he knew me before all of this. So, I had my daughter in 2001 and my son in 2003.

I had been seeing a therapist about my feelings. I needed to get a divorce. I could not keep living with this man. The fact that I am and always have been a lesbian was a huge problem as you can imagine. We had not slept in the same room for three years. There were many other issues as well.

I met my partner by accident. I was not looking to meet anyone and there she was. Beautiful with great big blue eyes. She and I talked for about three days with her having no idea about my feelings or my past. I was passing myself off as a married straight woman. After the three days went by I told her how I felt. How she made me feel. We talked a lot. She had feelings about me as well, but thought I was what I was portraying to be. One week and four days later I told my ex-husband everything and I wanted a divorce.

My partner and I have been together since that very day.

My children were so young they do not remember their father and I together. They know the four of us are a family but they are a little confused sometimes. They started calling my partner their step-mom. We were not sure how they came to this. They picked it up on their own. However, my children think a man and a woman are who get married and have children. I thank Disney for this and the school coorperation. They know my partner is for sure a parent but I don't think they are sure what kind. We have talked about how mommy and my partner (I am trying not to use her name) love each other like Cinderella loves the prince and they say two girls don't get married and they giggle. I have talked to them about it in many ways. I have explained how many different types of families there can be.

Now for my question. I have talked to my kids about all of the types of families and how much they are loved and how cool it is that they have two mommies. As they get older I need more help. We live in the mid-west so...... Their father is not involved. We are wishing to move to California soon. My son has a health condition and where we are going has a more constant climate and a kick butt specialist close by. Maybe we will be able to be more open there. I worry here about our family leaking out in the school because I do not want my kids to be made fun of or lose friends. I need some advice.

Help :-)

Sorry about all the personal information. I usually would not tell a person I am beginning a friendship with all of this, but I want honest opinions and advice with information to give my kiddos.

Thank you in advance!!


[deleted account]

GM Karey

How are u this morning? Any who my name is Mookie and I came out to my son who was a little older than your children he took it pretty hard because all he knew was mom being with men.( like you I was married to a man) We talked and talked till the cows came home and I let him know that it doesn't change who your mother is and your father will continue to be in your life. I always leave the door open for any information that he wants. At first he didn't really want to get to know my girlfriend but as time went on he has learned to open up his heart to her also. I never pressured him to except me being with woman because that was his choice but I did tell him that he will always respect whom ever I am with.

I think what kind of bothered him was he thought when people found out or should I say his peers found out he thought that they would tease him and as he later witnessed that alot of his friends could care less. I still talk to my son an ask him about his feelings. We do things as a family and still as just Mother and Son.

Now as far as your schools children I feel that they will not treat them any different and just keep talking to them and ask them how they feel and see what they know about your relationship with your partner. let them know that they are loved by they 3 of you communication is the Key


View replies by

Danielle - posted on 05/16/2009




wow thats alot of info i was married as well, but always like women just never really fully acted on it. i did the whold make out thing with women, but that was as far as i would go cuz i was afriad that i would like it too much. i was one of those ppl that thought the only way you could have kids was with a man so i got married to a guy that i new since i was in middle school. well come to find out he was still in middle school when we got married. we had my daughter before we spilt when she was 16months. i met my now girlfriend when she was 18months and fell in love quick. something i didn't want to do but it happened. i now consider myself to be lesbian. i would never go back to being with guys. 5months into our relationship we started having so many problems and my then husband was trying to get back with me and at the time i thought that was what i wanted and ended up breaking up with her and going back to him. we got pregnant a month after being together again and he pretty much went back to his old ways. my now girlfriend(again) was more excited about me being pregnant then he was. Well it wasn't hard to make the decision to leave him yet again and go back to her.

Now my daughter will be 6yrs old and my son is 3yrs old and me and my girl have been together for 4yrs. I'm having trouble with my daughter and trying to explain being with a woman. she hasn't asked me any questions and her friends thinks that she has a mom and dad at home. Her dad hasn't been in her life since she was two. i'm afriad that she is alrdy learning to hide us. I don't want her to have to do that, but like you i also don't want her to have problems in school. I'm not really sure how to start the conversation, but i know i'm going to have to start it some way or another.

I know i really don't have any advice, but i really felt compaled to respond to ur post. my son only knows me and my girlfriend, so i don't know if he is going to have the same problem or question, but you just never know. my daughter still remembers her dad, but he's just no where around. I really hope you find a way to talk to ur kids and when you do let me know as well. i need the help too. Sorry for all the info..

[deleted account]

just remember to be patient with them. Remember this is not new to us but it is new to them. It may seem hard at first but it will get easy.. Kepp me posted on how things turn out. Gud Luck

[deleted account]

Mookie, I am good this morning how about yourself? Thanks for asking :-)

Thank you very much for your input. I appreciate all the insight I can get on this topic. I agree with you about keeping the lines of communication open. Hopefully things will go well here and I will be able to answer any questions that may arise. Thank you again!

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