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Significant Others/Spouses

Sara - posted on 01/06/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Ok, so as you all know I have lost a significant amount of weight over the last 9 months or so. I'm at the point where I'm really into the lifestyle change too, I exercise very regularly and am dedicated to it, I try not to eat junk and am conscious of the amount of calories I have in a day. Problem is, my hubby isn't. He has been SUPER supportive of me and has helped me to find time to get my exercise in even though he is working 50 hours a week and taking a class for his master's degree. He has really helped me. But he is about 90 pounds overweight himself. He probably weighs about 70 pounds more than when we met, which I don't begrudge him for, as I gained a lot of weight myself. However, he has zero motivation to do anything about it. We joined the gym together, but he'll go *maybe* twice a week for 20 or 30 minutes each time. He continues to eat absolute shit outside of the home (fast food, donuts, etc). I'm just at the point where I'm worried about him, but I know I can't motivate him to lose the weight, he has to want to do it himself. But it's getting to the point where it's impacting our sex life. I don't know what to do. How do you deal with a S/O or spouse who isn't in the same headspace as you?

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[deleted account]

I say cut the guy some slack. He is working a ton and going to school and has been helping you achieve your goals. He might be a little stressed with all that is going on and taking on one more task might be too much for him to handle.I say take what you can get out of him now even if it is for 20-30 min twice a week and have a heart to heart with him about your sex life. He'll probably have a little more motivation just by talking about the impact of your sex life. As for having him be as gung-ho as you that might have to wait til he is finished with school. I know you're worried about him but you need to take baby steps with men. Heck I have been with my husband 2years and i've got him to go from drinking a case or more of soda per week to having none in the house.

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"So not griping on the bad choices, but really encouraging the good choices and giving him the education to make the good choices."

oh my god that is my philosophy with children. guys are such babies!

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[deleted account]

oddly enough nick and I just were on this topic, as in the conversation is what led me to signing in on this group again and yeah what barb said...sex. we were just talking because yet again babies are sleeping we're both concious and yet no sex, why because he's not in the mood after gorging on pizza. our conversation just made it worse now he's all self concious and depressed and even though we joke and it isnt a huge deal its somehow become an issue. I understand and if anything I feel like I need to get into shape to get things back on track but he thinks I'm making excuses for him even though I'm just re-itterating what he's told me. We're tired, we're busy, did too much that day or not enough so feeling sluggish, he ate too much, too late, too gassy or bloating food, etc. I want to get in shape for the wedding and just to be back to my normal energetic healthy self, I might be able to drag him to the gym with me if he's serious about making changes. If he is the main reason is sex for sure.

Tara - posted on 09/16/2011

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My husband is 6" and 153lbs and can eat whatever he wants. My trigger foods are chips and cookies both of which he loves. What I did was sit him down and tell him that I know its not fair to ask him nt to have them in the house but that I needed his help so I didn't eat it. So now when he buys it he locks it up and even trys to eat it when I'm not around. If you just talk to your husband WITHOUT pointing out his issues it will make it easier for you

[deleted account]

(sorry off topic)...um barb...what are you doing watching dr oz spin-off of yes I dare say it...OPRAH?! (she has issues with oprah - kinda weird actualy but she does :)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/08/2011

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I completely understand. He will get there, especially when he sees you getting looks and head turns!

Sara - posted on 01/07/2011

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Well, his size hinders the kind of positions we can do and stuff, so that's a problem for me. And generally, since I'm taking more pride in my appearance, I'd just like for him to put in a little effort too, you know?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/07/2011

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LOL Vicki!

Oh man Sara...All I can say is keep up the good work and lead by example. You are doing awesome, and it is always easier when your partner in crime is right along with you. My hubby has a whole 20 lbs to lose...I wish that was me. He is hugely supportive of me also...but doesn't help me. That is why I started this community. If I broke down right now and told him we are having pizza for dinner...he would tell me what he wanted on his. He is doing this with me cause he wants to lose the weight also...but I think your hubby will come around when he is feeling more confidence in himself.

I have to ask, how is it effecting your sex life? Is he insecure about how he looks?

Sara - posted on 01/06/2011

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Yeah, I'm proud of him for going to the gym at all, but I can just tell his heart is not in it. I think he feels more pressure by me than anything else. But those are great tips, Barb. Thanks!

Barb - posted on 01/06/2011

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Encouragement and information and patience and humor.. lots and lots of humor. with him, not at him, of course.

My husband is the same way but after 4 years he is slowly coming around. I've watched supersize me probably 10 times just so i'm sure he's seen it while at least once while walking through the living room or at the least, heard it over and over again. I have Dr Oz on every day talking about diet and health and how it effects your body and sex life.

Sex is usually a great motivator for men to want to be in better shape.

I've also gotten a subscription to "men's health" magazine and left it as the only reading material in the bathroom.

If i read something online about health, i'll say 'hey honey, what do think about this?" and then read it to him. Or like last night, this diet pill commercial came on saying something about increasing your metabolism to help you burn fat and he said "yeah, like everyone's metabolism is the same" And i added, "metabolism is also in ratio to belly fat. the more belly fat you hold, the lower your metabolism which of course, makes it harder to burn the belly fat"

he rubbed his belly and said "i must not have much metabolism then" so i said "the good news is there are great metabolism boosters that you enjoy, like cinnamon and mustard, we can add more of those into your food choices."

This morning i saw him eating oatmeal and i could smell the cinnamon. :) So i said "oh that cinnamon smells wonderful, good breakfast choice, i think i'll have some too!"

So not griping on the bad choices, but really encouraging the good choices and giving him the education to make the good choices. I think him going to the gym twice a week is awesome!! That shows some effort and its better than not going at all.

Lindsay - posted on 01/06/2011

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Well my problem is slightly different with Josh. He eats a crap diet and a lot fo it. But he's 6'1" and maybe 170 lbs. I won't buy the junk at the grocery because I know if it's around the house, I'll get into it eventually. Will power is something I seriously lack in and the temptation is a struggle. His way of supporting me is saying that he loves me how I am. While that's nice, I guess, next time he brings home Grippos or Honeybuns, he's likely to get a swift kick to the nuts.

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