Mental & abuse and Sexually Assulted, stay married or let it go?

Nikki - posted on 06/11/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello i am not good at typing at all sorry
Well i need help and i am not saying that anyone will have the right answer and i have to live for myself but i also believe it is good to get advice from others who don't know me. I have been married right at 6yrs come July and me and my husband have never been a part besides when he is deployed..we have one child.
We met online and the 1st thing i found out he did was not even tell his family he was getting married he told me that they did not want to be a part of the wedding because how we when i did met them they were very upset because i am a year older than him they believed it was my fault.
OK so we over come that issue.Well about 2 yrs after we were married he was to deploy so he asked me would i go to his home town find a apartment and try to get to know his family better also so i would not be alone while he was away.So i went to go and find a place i was to stay a week or so to look around but while i was there i was visiting his family i was assulted by my husband father i mean as soon as my husband mother went too work his dad came into the room i was in with our child and while i was sleeping i guess he must have figured he can do what he wanted to do to me.

I woke up to him rubbing on my breast i was so scared i did not know what to do or say and the whole time i was there he put my husband down and i should not be with his son,he put down his family and his wife (the father did) he talked about how he did not like my husband mom he rubbed on me as i walked by i wanted to beat his head in but i was at his house in the woods alone with him. My husband called and i told him what happened and he told me to leave asap which i did the 2nd day the was there i was gone i got calls like where are you why did you leave well once i got back home my husband had me call his dad on 3way and i told his dad while my husband was on the phone how hurt i was by what he did too me and how his son would feel if he ever found out his father said this while my husband was on the phone (HE WON'T KNOW CAUSE WHO IS GONNA TELL HIM AND WHO WILL BELIEVE YOU) .
Ok people why did my husband not say a word he did contact his brothers and sister and mom and let them know what happened his mom told me she was sorry about what happened to me.but that is all i ever got from anyone was 1 I'm sorry but they had no choice because i was telling the truth the father told me things that only there family knew and things between him and his wife that only they knew. People to this day my husband has not said a word to his dad about what he did but he keep asking me to go and see his family with him.So i went went him again how bout his mom took me riding well how about we end up at my husband EX girlfriends job and how about the rest of the day they talked about her right in my face about how good she is doing and all.ok so I'm ready to go like right now.
How about when i wake up from about 3 hours of sleep how about my husband brother has hit my car he said he did not see my car there.i was like what the fudge he is like im sorry sis and law i will take care of it well till this day 6/11/12 he still has not paid me anything and my husband talked to him about the matter but my husband is like i can't make him pay you...
So these people have never liked me because i don't have a bachelor's degree and i don't own anything i really don't get it because i take darn good care of their son i make sure all the bills are paid,i cook,clean,put up with the lies, his job is hard enough on me and i am 100% faithful and honest and he still plays mind games and won't speak up for me and our child at all.

he tells me i want to say something but then if i say something to them i may loose them and what if you leave them i won't have anyone. So the latest issue is they have a family function coming up and i told him i was not going but if i did i want to stay in a hotel because i feel safe there and he can still chill with is family and then come back to the hotel and you know just do thing that way he tells me that's not good enough that they will be mad (his family) if i stay at a hotel so if i stay home they will be mad or if i go and stay in a hotel they will be mad and then he ask if he could take our little girl I'm like no because i do not trust your dad oh i have to add my husband dad slept with his brothers wife as well.and he has another woman in TX.....
So me and my husband is thinking of just ending us over his family he said I'm making him make a choice which i am not and never will he has went to see them at thanksG and xmas leaving me and my child alone and i said nothing but now i am tired of him and all this family crap i told him if my family treated him the way i have been treated they would not see me or my family.My heart aches over all this what would you do? oh my husband tells me I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him wtf for real


Lisamarie - posted on 06/19/2012




Hi, ok so my problems are not as bad as yours but I do not get along with my in-laws either. They don't think I'm good enough for their son because we met at 15 and 17, he's the baby of the family and I think they think I corrupted him somehow (although I would say the corruption was the other way round lol) His mother is the worst, although only ever facing up to me once she likes to make snide comments about my children or what I eat or how to tidy my house. She even came to look after my children and re-hoovered my stairs, which had already been done that day.
It got to the point where I couldn't be around her anymore, everytime we saw her I would get really angry and take it out on my husband, there was to be a breaking point. My MIL always had a big influence over my eldest child (my daughter, much to my annoyance!) but would leave out my younger son. At first my husband, like yours, would not say anything to his mother with excuses like "Well, that's just the way she is." Which is not an acceptable answer. After years of this and not seeing his family very often my husband has spoken to his mum and told her to back off and leave me alone and she has! (well, most of the time) she still thinks she knows best and undermines me in front of my children but we are working on it.
I think you need to have a word with his mother and father together with your husband there, make sure you have your husbands support 100%. We choose our husbands/wives/partners, we do not choose our birth family therefore your husband should be supporting you on this and if he's not then you have to wonder how committed he really is at making your marriage work. You and your children should be his number one priority not his parents, they are old enough and have each other for support.
I hope that was kind of what you were looking for in this post. Good luck and stay strong. Remember you are in control of your own life, make it count, don't spend it worrying about what other people think and feel, family or not. :-)

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