Sometimes I feel incompetent because......

Mary - posted on 04/15/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )




Ok - I'm venting here about being a busy mom. Feel free to commiserate. (And, yes, my daughter is totally worth it!)

Sometimes I feel incompetent because:
- I have trouble multitasking - taking care of the baby's needs and other things at the same time. i.e. making a meal and trying to watch/play with/ give affection to a baby. Some times dinner gets only half cooked.
- I am very forgetful and sometimes completely overlook very important things. I blame this in lack of sleep, being busy, and an altered state of mind since having a kid. I have forgotten to put up the side of the crib when my daughter is sleeping. When I go in to get her after a nap, I'm horrified that she could have fallen.
- I don't have enough time to take care of myself. I skip haircuts, don't always shower, don't always put on make up or wear my contacts. I haven't gone to the gym in ages and am extremely out of shape. I used to pride myself on being fit.
-Have little free time to do fun things - rarely get to do the hobbies I enjoy, only occassionally read a book that is not a child's book.
- Am not very neat and tidy. The house is rarely vaccumed. I wouldn't want to look too closely at the bathtub.
- My attention span at work is in the toilet. I feel distracted and am not nearly as efficient as I used to be. I'm always thinking about my daugher and wishing I could be with her. Also, I am frustrated that coworkers make assumptions about my work responsibilities or work travel because I'm a working mom


View replies by

Toni - posted on 07/13/2009




Hi Mary.

First you need to take a deep breath and take a step back and look at all these things you're trying to accomplish. Now truth is, no one can do all this and be perfect. I bet your a loving mother and your daughter cherishes every moment with you. You need to priortize yourself. Start making of list of things that need to get done from most important to least important. I know it sounds ridiculous but it helps. I was in your same shoes. I still kind of am, I'm not sure the last time I showerd?! haha oh well. There are easy solutions to some of these things...the whole shower thing..grab some baby wipes and wipe urself down mama! We use it for our babies so it must be good and clean. While your daughter is playing wipe urself down. Also try to find a day to make large meals and save leftover in containers! It helps! it may seem like a lot but trust me it isnt'. Like pasta you can make so much and store it in containers in ur freezer and next day u can warm it up in minutes. Try to join a stroller strider mommy walk. That way u and your daughter can enjoy a walk together and u can get ur excersise in! What I do I got to the gym my 13 month daughter goes to the kids club and I do my workout I use their shower and get dressed there! without any interrupitons and your mind is at ease knowing ur little girl is palying in the next room. Don't worry about what other people have to say. You are doing the best you can..just think of simple ways of doing them. hope this helps.

Cheryl - posted on 07/06/2009




Yes, we are not alone!! I Have an almost 6 dd, 4 ds, and 13 month dd. It does get better as you adapt to your circumstances. I made a cleaning schedule- bathrooms on Tuesday, kitchen on Wednesday, sweep/mop/vac on Thursday etc and that helps me. I have another friend who hires a lady to come clean for a few hours once a week- small investment for ease of stress. I have accepted that showers are not a daily necessity- earlier generations didn't do it as much as we do. I shoot for every other day (unless I got good and dirty;-)

When my older ones were little, I did alot of freezer meals (Once a Month cooking). Now I still do some and the crock pot too so that dinner time is not so pressured. Also, don't be afraid to ask Dad to help do traditional "mom" chores or let him do more babycare! Most are wanting to and feel left out of babycare, especially if you're breastfeeding. Good luck!!

[deleted account]

hiya evryone i am mum to a (nearly ) 3 year old and a 14 month old. im am so happy im not the only one who felt like a complete ditz. but i have came to a solution to get my jobs done.... put the baby in a pushchair, highchair whatever and tell the older one to get his toy hoover and help you out. i generally do this after their lunch as its a mess..... then we (my son and i) grab a duster and polish. or i let him do it while i chuck in a load of washing. there are ways round it but i generally dont worry if i dont get anything done because at the end of the day does it really matter??? housework can wait. and im with the other mum's about taking time for yourself...when yr partner comes home pop the dinner in and go for a shower...they can cope for half an hour surely!! ha ha ha my husband was abit shocked but he coped. and now we work together.

so fingers crossed for you honey its does get better and easier as time goes on. just dont get stressed about it. life is to short and here is a quote i really love.

"the people who matter dont mind, and people who mind dont matter!!!"

so keep that in mind. take care.xx

Mary - posted on 04/23/2009




This was a good exercise for me for me to complain, commiserate, feel a little sorry for myself, confess, get my gripes off my chest, and to contemplate why it is so darn hard to be a parent, and especially a mom. (I could surely add to my list of shameful forgetfulness --- oye, it just keeps getting worse!) Thanks for the support and sympathy! It is especially challenging to NOT hold one's life/cleanliness/accomplishments/

child/ or parenting up to standards of others and that is certainly where some of the stress and frustration comes from. Another challenge is to let others help and take some of the responsibility! I specifically left the dinner dishes in the sink last night after my husband offered to do them. When they were still in the sink this morning, I gently reminded him of his promise, instead of just doing them myself. This is the perfect example of ongoing challenges for a modern woman -- hubbies/partners need to step up and do their part! I do get frustrated because I feel like I have to do it all and sometimes don't get very enthusiastic or reliable support. However, I'm working on asking for help when I need it and trying NOT to feel responsible for every household and parenting task. The other important thing is, of course, trying to take some time for myself! I definately need a nap, a night out, or even just time for a shower, just to revive my spirits. Again, I am learning to ask for help - even demand it, damn it!

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2009




Welcome to mommyhood! I often find myself having to shower when my husband is home & most of the time, housework is neglected until my husband comes home from work as well. Once in awhile, you can leave your baby with someone you completely trust and get out, even if it's just for an hour or two. Moms make all kinds of sacrifices for their children & that's just what happens. Just do what you can & leave the rest for the next day or the day after. Having everything clean all of the time really isn't the most important thing in your life: your baby is.

User - posted on 04/18/2009




I used to laugh at my mom when she would forget things. Now that I am a mom myself I totally forget things all of the time too. I have been told that 50% of your brain goes to your child...that leaves you with only 50%. I too skimp out on myself...I have older baggy jeans which really need to be replaced. Instead of getting myself a new pair of pants, I get my son a new pair of pants, or diapers, or something else he needs more than I need a new pair of pants.

Not only do I have to make dinner at night, I have to make my husband food for work the following day. After he and my son go to bed, that is when I get most of the major house work done: dishes, picking up toys, cleaning the cat box, dusting, etc. I crawl into bed around midnight. Showers...well, if I wake up before my son does or if he takes a nice nap I can get one in on a daily basis. If I try to do dishes during the day, my son will unload the dishes faster than I can load them. I have a dishwasher, but it doesn't work, so it is a glorified drying rack. I haven't eaten a hot/fresh unshared meal in months but my husband eats one every night.

Cindy - posted on 04/17/2009




You have time to read a book that isn't a kid's book?? :-)
I'm right there with ya on the rest of it. I have sort of adopted a motto that my mom used to say - "I'd hate to think that when I die the only nice thing people could say about me is how clean my house was." That gets me through a lot of days.

Jessica - posted on 04/15/2009




I know EXACTALLY how you feel..The thing that makes me feel the worst though is when I do finally get the time to vacuum, my fiance comes home and if I missed a spot he will say "gee, you did a shit job vacuuming over here" HOW BLOODY RUDE!!

Ashley - posted on 04/15/2009




Welcome to life as a mom!! I wish I could say it gets better, but we tackle one thing and then completely fall behind in another. All I have to say is add another kid into the mix (I have a 4 yr old and an 11 month old), and watch your competence, self-esteem, sleep, time with husband, guilt over time spend with oldest, etc go into the toilet! I've talked about this with my friends who have older kids and we've chalked it up to the "super-mom" complex. We, as mothers, think we have to do everything all the time. What about dad? Why doesn't he have these feelings of inadequacy? Because he doesn't know that he should- he doesn't feel the need to heap all of these things onto himself. So what if the floor isn't vaccumed, who cares how clean your toilet is? I have learned to do what I can, when I can and try to put my kids first. They only stay little for so long and I want to look back and say that I did all that I could with them and for them without any regrets of things I missed out on. Easier said than done on some days, but that's life.

Stephani - posted on 04/15/2009




welcome to motherhood... don't know what to say other than i'm in the same boat (minus the leaving the crib side down, ours doesn't do that so i guess i'm lucky) my daughter's 11 1/2 months old and it only get more hetic when they get mobile i wish she was little on again that would stay put when i set her down. lol :)

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