Bottle feeding and Guilt

Genie - posted on 01/29/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )




I am having a hard time choosing what to do about breastfeeding for my 2nd child on the way. My experience breastfeeding with my first child was horrible to say the least. I wanted to do it, but I ended up giving her formula after 5 weeks.

This time around, I will have 6 weeks with my son before going back to work. There really isn't a place at work where I can pump if I wanted to, and I am BIG on privacy. Most everything in me says to to just bottle feed because it would be so much easier and eliminate a lot of stress. Yet, there is a big feeling of guilt to go that route. I feel like I can't win either way. Anyone else tearing themselves up about this?


View replies by

Anna - posted on 03/28/2009




Since this is our first I don't have a lot of experience breast feeding. According to my midwife it is best if you try to breastfeed as long as you are able. Now I have the luxury of app. 12 months paid maternity leave (Danish maternity law is the best) so I will have more time to get it to work than your 6 weeks. I hope you will find a solution, otherwise it is not something you should feel bad about. As long as the baby is gaining weight and is healthy :o)

I hope this helps.

Lora - posted on 03/28/2009




I completely understand what your saying. I was in so much pain with my son when i breastfed and now i dont know what im going to do either. I'm thinking about just giving her formula. I dont work but i have a 10 month old son, that will be a year before my baby girl is born and im just scared that i wont have time to pump or breastfeed with him running around and getting into everything!

Allison - posted on 03/26/2009




You may find that breastfeeding is easier the second time around, too, so maybe give it a try and see what happens before deciding. Even if you only breastfeed for a day, your baby gets significant benefits. Go into it with determination and information, that way you will know you tried it and, if it didn't work, you won't feel later like "maybe if I had tried X it would have worked out". You might want to see if you can meet the Lactation Consultant at your hospital ahead of time to discuss the issues you had last time, so she is prepared when you get there with the new baby. You might even want to try attending a La Leche League meeting in your area to help you process your first experience and meet a few moms who might be able to support you if things get difficult.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

you should breastfeed.

they have laws about how they HAVE to have a place for you to pump. did you know that?

also, my sister worked full time, and went back to work 4 weeks after having her son and breastfeed him till he was 13 months. it can be done, you just really have to want to do it! it's sooo much better for your baby, you should really think about it! breastfeeding for me was really hard for the first month or so, especially because my son was born early... but i knew i wanted to do it for him and i did breastfeed him for 14 months, the only reason i stopped is because i found out i was preggo (this time around) and the doctor told me i needed to stop.

Noel - posted on 03/16/2009




as long as you dont stress about breastfeeding then it will come thats the problem most women have they get all stressed and then the baby can sense that and the latch doesnt work... dont worry about ppl and being afraid of what ppl in public might think... Breast is Best... it is what our bodies make for our babies... and it is completley individualized for your childs needs

Felicia - posted on 03/16/2009




Try not to let the guilt get to you too much!!! I gave my first born formula (& pumped for the first 2 months )then just formula. No luck with nursing him from the get go. This time I think I will bring the pump to the hospital and use both again.I totally understand the guilt!!! I felt it too, but it does pass, formula is perfectly healthy! I was a formula baby and had a perfectly healthy childhood! (yes these are the kind of things I tell myself) Don't beat yourself up over it, your baby will be fine & happy no matter what you do :-)

User - posted on 03/12/2009




i know what you mean its sad that people an make you feel guilty for not breast feeding. with my first i tried so hard to breastfeed but he just wouldn't take even after help from the lactation specialist. so i just straight pumped for 12 months (i was very gifted in the milk department lol). i still got crap from people cuz it wasn't normal nursing and they said that i wouldn't be able to bond with him as well...which is complete crap because there was never a problem with bonding with my child. and it got painful to straight pump for that long and i even had a really good pump and i wont have that kind of time this time around because of my toddler so im debating if i even want to try to nurse at all with my second or just go to formula.... but either way you'll be able to bond with your baby just fine and everything will be great :)

Megan - posted on 03/12/2009




i really wanted to breastfeed my daughter, but she wouldnt latch, and when she did, she would pass out. so i decided to pump while i could and then switched tov formula. i'm just glad to have given her all i could while i could.

i plan to try again with my son, but i will have less guilt if it doesnt work out, i'll still pump for as long as i can.

just do the best you can, and that is enough. and skin to skin time is great too :)

Genie - posted on 02/10/2009




Thanks girls! I would rather be stressed than feel guilty, so I am going the pumping route at least for a month. Hopefully, it will be a better experience this time! I think now that I know what to expect, things will be easier.

Kynyetta - posted on 02/05/2009




because i am a full-time student and will be working i decided to pump...i pumped with my daughter, i loved it to me it was helpful considering we are a busy household lol. I tried to breast feed with my daughter it hurt so bad so two days after having a fever and being engorged i brought a pump.

Charlene - posted on 02/05/2009




All I can say is do what is best for you. I bottle fed both of my kids and plan to with this one. I tried for only a few hours with my first and did not like it. Don't feel bad which ever decision you choose. I loved bottle feeding because my husband was able to help at times and have that bond with the baby as well. My children are no different as far as health because of this. Good luck in whatever you choose!

Kali - posted on 02/05/2009




Any breastfeeding you can offer will benefit your baby, even if its just for a short time. The first feed (the colostrum) is full of anti bodies and will be easy for the baby to digest and help it expel the muconium (I know thats spelt wrong). It will also leve you less as risk of bleeding out and help your uterous contract faster. If you can breastfeed even for a few days there would be health benefits to you and your baby.

Brittany - posted on 02/05/2009




I am too. I've heard that breastfeeding is best and other ppl tell me bottlefeeding is. This is my first. I think I'm going to breastfeed straight for at least 2 weeks and then do both breast and bottle after that or pump so that other people can help or I can do it in public. I might bf at home and formula feed in public. I'm also a private person and can't imagine breastfeeding in front of people, and there's a lot of guys living in this house, including a 10 yr old boy.

Brenda - posted on 02/04/2009




Relax, dear.  Either way is good for your baby.  If you really want to breast feed, do so at the beginning and then move to bottle when you go to work.  It is perfectly acceptable to do both!  Even if you want to breastfeed and work, you may not need to pump.  Our bodies will do amazing things once we get them on a schedule.  I am going to breastfeed as much as I can, but I have to attend graduate classes which eat up most my evenings during the week and it just isn't possible to pump during class!  My LC has told me that I shouldn't worry because my body will figure out when to make milk and when not to, and if it tapers off, I have no problem going with the bottle.  With my first, I nursed for four weeks until my gall bladder was removed and I had to turn to the bottle because of my milk drying up. 

If you can nurse for the first few weeks, your baby will get all the really, really important antibodies from the early milk.  Even just nursing through the colestrum (sp) passes those important antibodies on. 

And one thing I've learned about the second baby, it is a lot more often than not nothing like the first.  My pregnancy this time has been nothing like the first, and I'm sure the baby will be nothing like the first either.  Some moms have a hard time with breastfeeding the first time, and no trouble the second.  Don't count yourself out if it is something you really want to do!  don't feel guilty no matter your decision, because you are the mom and you decide what is best for you and the baby!

Ann - posted on 02/04/2009




With my first he just wouldn't take and my milk didn't come in very well. The nurses tried to help at the hospital and we were living with my in-laws so my MIL tried to help but nothing! After having him at home for two days I had to give him the bottle. I cried for ever, but he needed to eat, and atleast he got those first few days so that was comforting.

Hilary - posted on 01/29/2009




I went through a similar situation (my milk made my daughter sick) and my sister said something to me that really hit home. I was beating myself up over not being a "good mother" because I couldn't give my baby breastmilk...and she said, "If you choose to give your baby the food that DOESN'T make her sick, that makes you a great mother." My sister had struggled terribly to breastfeed her first 2 children, and it was painful and stressful. With her last baby, she decided to bottle-feed from the start, and she was able to relax and heal. What's best for you and your baby is what's best. It's your life and your child and your decision. What's best for you will be best for your baby.

Patty - posted on 01/29/2009




I could not breast feed as well, I was told to add more skin to skin time. The only thing I can say is to do what makes you feel comfortible. I hope this helps

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms