My husband expects sex everyday!!! Please help me!!!

Erinn - posted on 04/18/2009 ( 154 moms have responded )

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I really need help! My husband has the highest sex drive of anyone i've ever met! We have a 3 year old son and 5 month old daughter and i'm up very early everyday with 2 young children while he sleeps in (he's unemployed right now) and at the end of the day (despite my major exhaustion level) he expects me to be in "the mood" and if i'm not and just wanna get some sleep, he gets pissed off at me because he expects sex EVERYDAY and miss just one day and there's an argument ready to happen! :*( I really do love him and desperately WANT my marriage to work, but I feel like my needs (of sleep) are being totally ignored!! This is not fair to me and all I do these days is cry. Can someone PLEASE help me??

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Alicia - posted on 07/16/2009

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Ok if someone has a cure for this I'd really like to know! lol Because I have the whinest husband and he is CONSTANTLY bugging me about sex! Of course this could be because of our age and what not. I am only 23 and he is 27. But we have a 6 year old, 4 year old, and a 3 year old. He is gone to work all day long and I am here with the kids. Chasing after them, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry is exhausting! When he gets home he thinks I am just some sex goddess that should be roaring and ready for him! HA Let me tell you what! Taking care of 3 children and running a house all day long is a full time job and I don't care what anyone has to say about it! By the time we get to bed, the LAST thing I want to do is roll over and give it up to him! lol Now don't get me wrong, hes not deprived (although he will tell everyone he is!) He still gets it 2-3 times a week which is more than I really want to give it to him anyways lol! But I made the mistake of giving it to him 7-10 times a week when we first started dating!

So now he jokes around and says he is going to divorce me and just date me so he can get it again. Now our 1 year (yes I said 1 year anniversary) is on the 25th of July...But that makes me feel like crap because after catering to the kids and him when he comes home from work, my job still is not done because I have to continue it in the bedroom! But not only do I have to listen to it just in there..But all during the day! All the comments and gestures! It's like I am some piece of meat to him! It's so disgusting and such a turn off, and he gets upset when I try to express that to him..SO Like I said, if anyone has a cure for this! LOL PLEASE TELL ME! Im dying to know it! :-)

Junaid - posted on 09/17/2013

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MY WIFE IS VERY VERY BORED.
SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN SEX AND I M HARDLY DOING SEX WITH HER 2 OR 3 TIMES IN A YEAR.
PLEASE HELP ME.

John - posted on 04/08/2013

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It's not a bad thing that your husband wants sex from you. It means that he loves you and it encourages him to stick around. It motivates him to care for you. Also if you don't want sex he knows it and it doesn't matter how often you go through the motions he will still feel betrayed and unwanted because you only do it out of obligation and don't really love him. Yes, guys equate sex with love. There is nothing you can do about it. If you are not making love you are not in love.
Now it sounds like your having issues with the fact that he doesn't provide for you. That's a problem, he should pamper you. It's his responsibility. If he doesn't then maybe you need to find some one else. If my wife asks me to make her popcorn and we are out of it, I'm on my way to the store. She will have popcorn if she wants it. Because I am her man and i'll get it for her. She is my reason for living. Why wouldn't I get her something she wants. I would feel rotten for denying her any simple luxury in life. Everything I have belongs to her. And you know what? That's what makes me happy. I honestly want to serve her. And spend my whole life serving her. That's what love is. I don't view it as a chore to do things for her. I find it exciting to see the look on her face when I get home and surprise her with earring or those stupid Cadbury eggs that she said she was craving. I enjoy going out of my way to please her! What he needs is for you to go out of your way to please him. And if you resent him for having such needs you're resenting him for being a man, and your not really in love. You are using him to fulfill your own needs and don't care about his.
I once stopped doing things for my wife because I resented her for not taking care of my needs. She then took care of my needs even less and we reached the point where we fell out of love. And i became angry because I wanted to make her happy but wouldn't out of pride. I was denying myself the need to be a good husband. I realized that what really made me happy was giving her everything I had regardless of what I got in return. We are seeing a councilor and working through our issues but one thing that I've learned. Withholding love from my wife is a dangerous path. It won't make anything better. I do everything I can to make her happy now. And that's what makes me happy.
So if your husband isn't good enough for you, leave him or see a council. But if you keep him around, love him. give him your whole heart and forget about what you get in return.

Erin - posted on 05/14/2013

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geez. im shocked at some of these answers. our job to have sex? at least your husband wants you? what is this, 1950? okay look I completely understand where you are coming from! at the core of this, this isn't about sex or expectation, or duty..... its about respect. It sounds like your husband is not respecting your needs. I would try to have a talk with him about your boundaries and what yiu need. you need to be comforted and respected. if you are too tired for sex, then you shoukd be able to tell him so as his equal partner. Having kids is exhausting and wonderful and stressful and time consuming. It is truly a gift, but you need sleep and alone time to be a good mom and wife, and you need time to still be YOU. It sounds like your husband is not respecting your boundaries. Have a talk with him aboit how his behavior makes you feel used and disrespected. Let him know that you love that he is still attracted to you and that you love him, but that there are times when you are just too tired and need to be left alone. with young kids, you have ZERO personal space all day and sometimes you just need it to recharge! Starting an argument over not having sex is pretty much the opposite of intimacy and sends the message that if you dont give in, he wants nothing further from you. Its so all or nothing. Woukd he be willing to just cuddle or apend time together on nights when you are too tired but dont mind sharing some time with him? Love is about mutual respect and it sounds like you are dking all of the work! Also, it sounds like you are not being provided for, and that can be a major turn off. Let him know what you need too, or you will end up with a lot of resentment and feeling used. im sorry you are going through this. and like I said, this is less about the actual act of sex and more about respect and boundaries. good luck hon!

Henry - posted on 09/15/2013

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Tricia - posted on 08/22/2016

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Please be aware ladies that this behavior may be more about control than just about sexual need. Watch for a combination/patterns of other negative behaviors such as; Having an oppositional/in charge or critical attitude towards your opinions, ideas/ or antagonistic behaviors/frequent negative stories, complaints about you, others, work ect.. And having mood swings back to being sweet, generous ect.. doesn't mean he's just moody, it may mean that he likes to control your emotions/control you. Until you're sure try not to react too negatively, especially if upsetting topics get brought up by him,friends or family, because you then may be seen as the harasser/antagonist, especially if he is manipulating you, he may want you to develop a bad public image.
I don't want to get into more details here because there obviously are others (Trolls) here who are not interested in Moms Supporting Moms for the same reasons. There could be many motives//psychological reasons. I wish I had known these things decades ago. Learn about Communication styles and especially learn the Assertive style. Check out some websites like Psychology today,Psych Central , melanietoniaevans free webinar and systemiccoaching.com

Tricia - posted on 08/22/2016

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@ Monami..First of all this is Circle of Moms, and It's pretty obvious by your post you are not a Mom, so you are a Troll.
2nd...Marriage may mean different things to everybody, but if a person sees it as an business type of arrangement, he is a dishonest con man if he doesn't make that crystal clear before getting married, especially if he's telling his Fiance that he loves her. And if he doesn't, then he has your attitude and he actually has little or no respect for the women, and sees her more like property than a person.
3rd you are sensitive, because you are here to complain, and thus that means you are a complainer too, and cleary you do not think women should have as much freedom as men.
4th in the USA women can and do participate in the Armed Forces.
So, go back to the dark ages, which clearly influence your thoughts, or get someone to help you grow up (mature) and get a 21st century mindset.

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Antony - posted on 02/10/2014

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hai i am antony from INDIA..,there are two types of man lives in this world..,
1.spiritual
2.unspiritual..,
i have an idea..,you can go to work and make some free time to spend with outside world people..,you can easily handle..,if your age more then 30..,you can say to your husband that..,you can't no more keep sex with me..,because say that you lose the mood age..,that try to make understand your problems..,

GERRALD - posted on 09/16/2013

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Me - posted on 09/11/2013

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What a beautiful and wonderful testimony some time things you don't believe can just happen. My name is Johnson from UK am 34 years old i got married at the age of 25 i have only one child and i was living happily .After one year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don't really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dream's of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail i cry and i cry seeking for help i discussed it with my best friend and she promise to help me he told me of a man called Dr agbalagba, he is
a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot do that is why they call him Dragbala. I
contacted his email address at (agbalagbaspellcast@gmail.com) And i told him
everything that happen all he told me is that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, it really happen i was very surprise and very, very happy our relationship was now very tight and we both live happily again. So my advice for you now is to contact this same email address:agbalagbaspellcast@gmail.com, if you are in any kind of situation concerning love issues and any other things that give you problems. THANKS

Monami - posted on 07/16/2013

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listen u all here , woman is weaker gender , much sensetive , that y such prob. occurs , woman r given all rights

1. a woman can enjoy husbands property , bt he in turn cant enjoy

2. they say its their body so they will do sex when they want bt when husband dare to ask for sex , then they considered their husbands as bad one , & such negative cmts r appeared on such web sites by u all woman

3. a man has testosterone in his body every day & needs to be released & he expect his wife will do best to release it through sex, blowjob..etc.

4. but a good man should understand that what is sexual capacity of her wife is , & accourding to that he should go for it with his wife

5. i know we all men are poor , we have no rights !!actually it is man 's life which is tough , bt he never complaints , he can die for his country in war bt woman cant do this.

6. we men need a tough , insensitive gender like us(men) , not like women ...someday in future if possible we men could get a gender who is beautiful as women & strong like us men from a alien planet.

Monami - posted on 07/16/2013

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listen u all here , woman is weaker gender , much sensetive , that y such prob. occurs , woman r given all rights

1. a woman can enjoy husbands property , bt he in turn cant enjoy

2. they say its their body so they will do sex when they want bt when husband dare to ask for sex , then they considered their husbands as bad one , & such negative cmts r appeared on such web sites by u all woman

3. a man has testosterone in his body every day & needs to be released & he expect his wife will do best to release it through sex, blowjob..etc.

4. but a good man should understand that what is sexual capacity of her wife is , & accourding to that he should go for it with his wife

5. i know we all men are poor , we have no rights !!actually it is man 's life which is tough , bt he never complaints , he can die for his country in war bt woman cant do this.

6. we men need a tough , insensitive gender like us(men) , not like women ...someday in future if possible we men could get a gender who is beautiful as women & strong like us men from a alien planet.

Helena - posted on 06/05/2013

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I can see a lot of immature over here. If that's what they need then why don't they just go and marry a whore!? Two person get married suppose to be in love, so that is very important for both of them to look after and care about each others feeling.. Darling, try and talk to your husband, if he understand which mean he is still a real man, but if he didn't give a shit about it, then I'm sorry, I don't think he is the right one for you! Real man wouldn't let his own woman unhappy, wouldn't let her cry over him! They will give you the best if not , well at least will listen to you can care about how you feel!!!
P.s!! If that's what wives for then why did they have sex even before they got married! Why don't they just go out and do some chicks everyday until they die from aids instead!

Manuel - posted on 05/28/2013

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com'n you guys are all liars. Excuses... Does it really matter how much you man is doing around the house, how much money he's bringing in, how much romance he's giving you? He could cook dinner everynight, do all the chores, and have you in a mansion, and it'd just be some other reason why you don't want to have sex every night. Just asked the 1000's of wealthy men who have wives that enjoy their husbands money, servants, and lifestyle, and still have an excuse for not having sex.

Manisha Koul - posted on 04/09/2013

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manisha :- i thought i need a sexpert but ahaaaaaaaaaa m now happy that maximum women's have same problem

User - posted on 03/28/2013

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First off to the dumbass who said "it's our jobs as wives to put out to our husbands!" Let me fill you in...it's your job as husbands to provide for us. I have 3 kids and am pregnant with my fourth and I work 50+ hours a week go home do laundry, clean house, cook dinner, etc. while my so called husband sat around all day watching TV or putting his ass on the computer! So as far as I'm concerned the day we said I do it became 50/50 and he will get nothing from me until he "earns" it. And if he feels the need to cheat haha be my guest because no woman wants a man who is lazy and still lives with a 1950's mentality. So hang in their ladies and make sure you do speak with your husbands, because if your happy there is only one way to fix it....speak up.

Tootie - posted on 03/21/2013

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Here is the solution and I'm a guy who constantly wants sex and it hasn't calmed down since I was 22 (I'm 32 now). You and your husband need to work on the time before the sex. First thing you are going to have to do is sit him down and explain to him that you are just over tired. If he could help you more with the kids or the house and in a way court you, you'd probably put out. I found that out when one day I was so tired of shit I decided to be the sweetest most helpful guy ever. My wife knew what I was doing and she gave in. Here is the guys perspective: We can only have sex with you. So while you expect us to take your position into consideration, you should take that. That's why men cheat (I've never cheated) is because the wife completely forgot that person who she was when they dated and is just completely a mom. What has worked for me is setting two days a week like saturday and wed. Also MAKE saturday your date night and keep doing that. I don't care if it's dinner + movie, take-out night, ice cream night, we cook and make something together night. Point is you can't just be a mom and he can't expect you to change without helping. Last thing is for all those people who just don't feel sexy, a guy won't ever understand that. If he thinks you are sexy in hi eyes that's all that matters. So if you don't feel sexy try taking a long bath and primping your self. Ignore your husband if he doesn't give you the response you want just doll yourself up. Some guys aren't the best at talking feelings. Last word of advice: Girls cry, guys yell and get pissed.

Rleftright - posted on 03/02/2013

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This is your duty as wife. You submit to your husband, and fulfill your role. It's not just all about you. When a guy needs it, he needs it.

Cassandra - posted on 01/23/2013

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I just want to say thank god its not just mei have the same problem he wants it everyday if not he wants oral or hand jobs( turned into my bestfriend at one stage was so much easier when ur completly exhausted) i work full time with a 6yr old and a 3 yr old my husband has been in and out of work since ive known him been married for 6 yrs and its not getting better he does make me feel guilty when i say no he sulks and is in a horrible mood for the day always gropping me it makes me sick thinking we let men treat us this way!! its because we are too nice and too good for them so glad im not alone i pray he gets out of it but i just cant seem to see it!! he wont see a counseller so please someone help us all!!

Stephanie - posted on 10/11/2012

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Omg I have that problem to its so annoying and I hate when he ignores me . He wants it everyday and if I don't give it up he automatically thinks I'm cheating . He does get it everyday maybe I made it a habit (damm)but I have 4 kids and my sex drive is nowhere near his. And one time I recall him saying since he works that that's all he needs from me . I am a stay home mom I wake up at 430am everyday to make him lunch he s in construction,and get kids ready for school clean cook help kids homework feed clean have to go to bed when he wants . He wants it not in the mood sometimes. O and when he gets home all he wants to do is be touching me all the time and sex . What ever happened to the romance now its just sex sex sex I don't know what to do I do love him but I don't know I'm lost and sad !

Tania - posted on 10/04/2012

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My husband and I are currently not speaking because he said "he's tired of my sh*t" (me not giving him sex every night) Its been 3 nights so far. 1 of the night are because of this fight. I dont know what to do. Hes been like this for years. Expects me in bed at a certain time with him cuz' hes gotta get up early to go to work. We have 4 children. He tried again last night and I said "What do you want from me!?!?" He said " I want you to take care of your man like your suppose to." This came after a an all day argument on the phone. I didnt want him touching me but he still thinks I have to do this!!!??? I have a bad chest infection right now, a 21 month old toddler, a 9yr old, 11, yr old and a 13 yr old. I am EXHAUSTED. Apparently he said that was his last try, hes not going to try anymore and that he is done with me. Not sure if that means he's going to find it elsewhere and actually leave us...but I do not have a job outside of the home because he told me that our toddler needed me 24/7 and not to work again until he goes to school. I love to work and earn money. Its getting very abusive, He is petty and now not sure whats going to happen since I have no money to fall back on in case this is it. What to do....its comical to him that I could possibly be tired. His job is in contruction and since I dont do contruction, there is no possible way that I can ever be tired all I do is "sit at home with kids all day" how hard could it be? mother F'er

Lindsey - posted on 07/02/2009

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I'm right there with you my son is 4 months old now, I work from 9-5:30 every day, with an hour commute each way. My fiancee stays home with the baby as he's been unemployed since february, but the second i get home i take care of the baby til it's bed time, then i can finish cleaning up the house and do little things that i need to get done, so my norm bed time is about 1 a.m. now, when i finally drag myself into bed he wants to have sex, and he knows that i'm exhausted but it doesn't seem to matter, so he gets pist and pouts and i end up in tears because i want to make him happy but mentally and physically i'm exhausted. Just try to talk to him about it or make it like a super speical night just for you 2 like once a week or so. Hope it works out for you keep your head up :)

Carol - posted on 05/24/2009

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You really need to have THE discussion with him....I've never been in your shoes, but as a teen I know that my father was that way with my mother and had been for years and years...if you let this go...the problem will go on and on....probably....I like someone else's suggestion that he start helping around the house...its only fair, especially if he wants your affections! Make him earn it with chores!!! LOL

Heather - posted on 05/06/2009

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My first thought is just tell him how it is going to be and that is that, but some things are just not easy to say - even in a marriage. He does need to understand that you are exhausted and sex just isn't on your radar as much as it is for him. He should understand and if he doesn't I’d say since he is not working outside the home it is time he start working inside the home. You could use the help right? Sleeping in is just no longer an option. Set the alarm and don’t shut it off. If that doesn’t work you have a 3 year old son…send him in to wake daddy up. If sex is that important to him he needs to relieve you of some of your other duties so that you have time to nurture that side of your relationship. If he isn’t willing to help, then maybe you should just have him help himself, if you get my meaning.

Erika - posted on 04/27/2009

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Guys are such babies! Mne used to be like that also, he still wants it all the time but has grown out of the part of getting mad when he doesn't get it. I think you need to seriously talk to your husband and if he's not working he should be doing at least 50% of the work your doing, just b/c he doesn't have to go to work doesn't give him a pass to sleep-in and watch tv all day! maybe if he has to do some of your work he'll be a little more tired at the end of the day and you won't. explain to him that it's impossible for you to do it all and if he wants something he has to give you something, like do the dishes or a laundry load. I hate to tell you but your kids are young now and it'll ony get harder to talk about this if you don't address it now. good luck, I hope he loves you as much as you love him!

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2009

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I used to have this problem years ago with my husband. He would get mad if I was not in the mood. I am also the main caregiver for my children, but my husband is employed and does have to go to work in the morning. I would just give him a quickie when this became a problem. It helped him out and it eliminated the whining and fighting on his end. And it only takes a second (LOL), so I could get some sleep on my end. Not sure if this will help out or not. It gets better, believe me. Best of luck to ya.

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