advice

Becky - posted on 11/15/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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So me and my husband and 6 month old daughter has been in Germany since September. Well he sent me and my daughter back to the states last week. Well since we been here we havent been happy. We are living with my parents and my daughter seems like she screams more now then ever and she is only happy when she is around me. She keeps looking around for her dad and she gets mad when she doesn't see him. He wont deploy for awhile and since the holiday's are coming up i think we should be together as a family. It is our first christmas as a family. He told me i could come home if i wanted to given the fact that he will be working crazy hours. What would you do in this situation.

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I'm another that doesn't understand why your husband sent you back to the states. I'd be curious as to why my husband didn't want me around. When we got orders to come here to Spain, I stayed stateside an extra month to be a bridesmaid in his sister's wedding (his new command wasn't going to allow him to come back for it). In the end, he was upset with me for extending our time apart even for his sister.
If I were you, I'd get a POA for someone else to sell the car and look into online college courses. The Navy base here in Spain has a college office that works GREAT with spouses and even offers some in person classes. I'm sure with the Ramstein base in Germany being way bigger than this one, surely they have something similar to support military spouses. You should look into it (and let me know cause my hubby wants to go there next).
Bottom line: The military will keep your family separated PLENTY, No need to increase that time apart.

Kirsten - posted on 11/15/2010

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why did he send you home to begin with? home is where he is no matter where that is!

Bree - posted on 11/15/2010

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I am on board with the not fully understanding but I will say that if you want your family to be whole again you need to make it happen. I don't personally think there is any reason you couldn't be here and hold down the fort, so to speak, while he's deployed. I'm guessing it's a 6mos deployment? I don't know a ton about the Airforce but all the friends I have had went through 6mos deployments. Crazy hours or not, seeing him some is better than not at all. For both you and your daughter. If I were you I'd sell the car asap and get back to Germany. I don't know what your major is but there are a lot of programs you can do online. If he's deployed or working crazy hours online schooling would give you something to do.

Candi - posted on 11/15/2010

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Why did you leave? Wherever the military sends you is where you should stay and be a family as much as you can. Your baby needs both parents and when he returns from deployment, he will go back to Germany. Nothing would be better than to return from deployment to a loving family. Just my opinion!

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Louise - posted on 11/18/2010

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Why did you leave Germany? In my opinion your priority should be to stay together, although it may be difficult and a bit lonely for you at first, it would get better with time. It sounds like that's what would make your baby happiest too, so i would go with that. Its not forever and you would soon be reunited with family and friends. I'm sure your husband won't want to miss all milestones, i know its a cliche but you can never get that time back. On the bright side I believe Christmas is fantastic in Germany and if you end up staying for a couple of years or so, your baby could end up with the advantage of being bilingual! I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide x

Cassidy - posted on 11/18/2010

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What are you going to school for? I know there are degrees that they don't offer in a face to face setting and certain online programs that are not the best for what our degree is in.
It would be easier to have someone with a POA for the car so you can go back when you want. That way you are not stuck in the states if you don't want to be.
I am on Ramstein if that is where you are stationed so if you need anything message me. I do family child care so am always home.

Rebecca - posted on 11/18/2010

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Also, I ask which base you are stationed at because Ramstein has several colleges you can choose from to either go to on base or do online.

Rebecca - posted on 11/18/2010

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What base in Germany are you stationed at? I suggest you get a power of attorney for someone in your family to sell the car that way you can get back to your husband as soon as possible. Your daughter is probably having separation anxiety and that's why she doesn't want you out of her sight. It happens every time my husband goes TDY. Just get back to your husband because it's hard enough to adjust out here by yourself so get the time in with him that you can and try to meet other wives that work with your husband.

Cassidy - posted on 11/18/2010

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We planned a trip home for 2 weeks but before the time came my hubby found out he would be deploying a month or so after we returned. I was finishing my BA and we have 3 boys (7, 6, and 1 at the time). He knew that it would be hard for me to handle it all with him being gone and the holidays would be even worse being without him or family. He told me that I could stay there and just fly back around the time he would get back. I didn't want to b/c I wanted to spend that time with him but there was no reason to waste another $3,000 on plane tickets home. We stayed and it was nice but I got along with my family. I did have people around me during the holidays but it wasn't the same b/c I wasn't with him. That is why I said to go back. I understand why your hubby "sent you home."

Cassidy - posted on 11/18/2010

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Go back. I have been apart from my hubby with my boys during the holidays. It is so hard. It will be hard to say goodbye again but you have a little more time together.

Fallon - posted on 11/16/2010

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I was in a similar situation, my husband moved to California and I remained in Fl for a year after he left to finish school. As much as it sucked I am really happy I did. I had my family to help watch my son while I was finishing my degree, so I didn't have to have a stranger watch him and it gave me time to finish school. (I had to start him a daycare the last part of school, but he was older so I didn't mind) but now that I am able to live with my husband I am glad I can just spend time with him rather than worry about school. The best time to get things like that done is when they are gone and you can't be with them anyway. I think he probably just wants to have you there with him and you not being stressed with school when he gets back from deployment. I am sure whatever you decide it will be the right decision. Good luck.

Patty - posted on 11/16/2010

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I agree with all the ladies on here. GO and be with your husband. Be a family while you can before he deploys. YOu can do everything else online and it can be done while he is gone. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

Tah - posted on 11/16/2010

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you needed to sell a car and finish school???.....you can go to school online and you can sell a car that way also, if you have family in the states they couldn't have helped with that..ok...we have the decoy reasons, what is the real deal??? girl go get your man...

Angela - posted on 11/16/2010

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I understand the school thing - I'm in the process of switching to an online school is it can travel with me if required.
I hope you can sell the car pretty quickly. I would head on bck to Germany. It takes a while to make friends sometimes but most bases are big so you have a good chance, helpful for when he's doing the crazy hours

C. - posted on 11/15/2010

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I agree with these ladies here.. I don't understand why he would send you away in the first place. Hubby sent me back home during his deployment, but that b/c we hadn't been here long and I didn't know anyone that could drive (didn't have my license at the time.. Long story- nothing illegal.)

Anyway, I think you should be where your husband is. There's no reason you should have to spend the holidays w/o your husband since he's not deployed.. And crazy work hours.. Pretty much all military members go through that at one point in time or another. And how many families get through it? I say go back and be a family. Good luck :)

Becky - posted on 11/15/2010

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we have a car in the states which needed to be sold. He also wanted me to finish school but i didnt want to finish school until my daughter is a year old because i dont want to miss all the firsts in her life.

Tah - posted on 11/15/2010

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he sent you home..why?....i don't understand, if that is where he is, why aren't you there?...

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