Newborn and husband deploying

Jenny - posted on 07/20/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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Has any other woman had a baby while their husband is deployed? I'm having my first and I'm terrified!?
I would love to hear from some of you and get advice and tips.

My husband is leaving 3 months before the baby is due and coming back when the baby is about 8 months old. It's our first child. I'll be moving back home (to another state) to be closer to family and have their help but I will be living by myself still. I am so terrified and there is so much that I don't know. I'm so upset about him not being there for me for 8 months. I know family will help but it's just not the same!! A lab, a dachshund, and a newborn will be a handful.

I would love to have people I can talk to who can relate. I think it would help me through this. Can you relate??

Thanks

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Jennifer - posted on 09/20/2012

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Although it seems scarier to endure infancy alone, it had become a welcome distraction for me while my hubby was away. I was so involved in taking care of them, that time moved a little quicker. Stay busy and let your baby be your welcome distraction. You will do great!

Jasmine - posted on 07/28/2010

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When i had my first baby my husband was at tech school.. i did EVERYTHING by myself without any help... and to be honest i loved every moment of it... yes it was hard and i missed my husband but everyday i went to sleep feeling like i was the bomb... and yes there will be times where you cry while your baby cries and yes its normal but you do what you have to do... and i promise you will love everysecond of it and your new baby will keep you so busy that the time while your husband is away will fly by.. with the best of luck jasmine

Unior - posted on 07/26/2010

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Hi Jenny! It must be one of those moments when you feel that you cannot make it on your own. But trust me, you can. I did!! I got pregnant with my second child when my first was 9 months. 3 months into the 2nd pregnancy my hubby left for a 1 year military course. Like fate would have it, it was the kind of training that did not allow him to come home at all!!! He came home when the baby was 3 months old.

I should say ......
Try not to dwell on the unfortunate side of your situation. Make an effort not to spend your precious time reflecting on how unfortunate you are or will be ....... Instead, use such time to plan every birth detail in time.

You sure need to be close to your family and friends, people will not judge when ya hubby is not on the phone the whole time you are in labour ........ Allocate emergence duties to such friends and family and prepare them for their responsibilities while you still have the energy to do it.

Prepare yourself for his absence so that in the unlikely event that he shows up at the time of your delivery, it will be bonus for you and the baby. Do not expect that he will come at the time of the delivery, otherwise you will be disappointed.

Talk to your baby at all times, and assure him/her that you will both be fine and that Daddy will be very proud of you when he meets you again. Keep yourself busy planning (with your baby) a reunion that will be fitting of the occasion and all the accomplishments. Tell your child what to expect when they meet. A hug, a tall, well built man with kind eyes .......
This can be fun after doing it for a while.

Let your hubby take every opprtunity to bond with the unborn baby before he leaves e.g by rubbing your bulge ..... Involve your child in your phone conversations with your husband from time to time.
Am available for a relationship with you in this period. I have been there ........

Kathleen - posted on 07/25/2010

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my situation was slightly different but really hard too. my husband was home for my sons birth but left within 3 weeks after and came home when he was 13 months old. i moved home too just for family support. it was really hard to be able to see all the firsts and knowing my husband was missing them was the hardest. it isn't the same having the help of family as it is having the help of your husband. all i can say is as much as it is hard for you, it is just as hard if not harder for your husband. i had a newborn and had no idea how to do anything on my own but i learned fast and made sure to document EVERYTHING for my husband. My son knew who his Daddy was the day he came home. He knew who he was by looking at pictures and hearing his voice. It's hard but you will get through it. What I did was moved home, had a part time job to keep my sanity and get out and be able to talk to friends and get some time away for myself, and just made sure as much as it was hard to be away from my husband, my son needed me to be strong. you will be strong and before you know it he will be home driving you nuts again! keep your head up! it will be ok and you will do fine, you'll be amazed at how much strength you find in yourself. good luck and take advantage of any help that you get.

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Amber - posted on 09/25/2012

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I was in the same boat just a few short years back, my husband made it home in just enough time to meet me at the hospital for the birth of our daughter. She was born with a rare neurological disorder and is now just like any typical 3yr old.

My advice to you is, take it one day at a time, talk as much as you can, tell your baby all about daddy. Skype is a good one for long distant communication. My husband was gone for almost a yr and I did everything possible for my baby to hear/see daddy with every oppertunity avalible. The voice is the big one that helps both mom and baby.

I wish you the best

Karie - posted on 09/22/2012

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Jenny,



My husband deployed two months before our son was born and returned home when he was five months old. I didn't move back with family, but had been living away from them for 16 years, so it wasn't really an option to move back...



Your comment "I'm so upset about him not being there for me for 8 months." concerns me. Please don't go into this thinking it's his fault. That is setting you up for a hard deployment. I'm willing to bet that he's miserable about all that he's going to miss and he feels completely helpless about it. Please look at it as you both have a role to play in making it as easy on each other as possible. He won't have the memory of your child's birth or even your child's first rolling over, sitting up, first smile, etc.



Keep in mind that once your child is born, she/he will take up all your time and the deployment will go a lot faster than any one before. You may be worn-out from caring for this little one, but he will be sitting alone with nothing to do and no way to see his child more times than he can count.



I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but I know of several resources that might help if you're interested. There are many of us who have walked in your shoes and you can not only survive, but thrive in His power.



May God bless you and keep you,

Karie

Sarah - posted on 09/20/2012

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I was lucky that my husband was home for the birth - baby girl is 8 weeks and daddy leaves for a six month deployment very soon. Too soon. I also have 3 dogs (a retired military working shepherd, a golden retriever and a shih-tzu) as well as a large house and yard to take care of. My family is in state but like you said - it's not the same. I know this post is about 2 years old but I am terrified about having to deal with everything on my own. I've been through so many deployments before but this one is different with a newborn and I'm worried.

Dana - posted on 08/22/2012

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I can kind of relate. My fiance was supposed to be home for the birth of our first baby (which is 3 weeks from now) but work got in the way. I've seen him once this entire pregnancy and it's been really hard. He now won't be home until our child is 3 months old or so.

Just surround yourself with positive people who will lend a hand to help or be a shoulder to cry on when you feel nothing is going the right way. Most people love newborns and would be willing to take the baby for even an hour so you can do something for yourself to relieve the stresss.



I wish you the best of luck with your new baby and those dogs too!

Cindy - posted on 07/28/2010

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You can do it! That is what being a military wife is all about. We know we have to do it, and tell our husbands that we are doing fine while they are away protecting our country. There is nothing they can do and we need to support them while they are away. I had my first daughter when my husband was out to sea, I also choose to live closer to family, and they all stepped up to the plate and helped a whole lot. My family was concerned about me, being a first time mommie, but when Samantha was born, and put into my arms, it will come naturally, what to do, you will be able to figure it out. It is 18 years later, and 3 teenagers now, and a retired Navy Sailor. We made it through, with all his deployments, we stuck by him through it all and let him know we were there for him when he returned home each time. My prayers are with you and your family. Trust in the Lord...

Erin - posted on 07/28/2010

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You'll be surprised how many women can relate to your story! My husband was deployed last year until my son was 5 months old. He was able to make it home for 2 weeks for the birth, but then I was on my own! You'll be even more surprised at your own strength! So many people had/have said to me that they can't believe that I was able to do that on my own AND having to worry about a husband overseas. My response was always "it's surprising what you can do when you have to do it!" I never thought that I could beforehand, either. Now, after it's all said and done, I know that I'm stronger than I ever thought! You'll do great! And, trust me, you're husband is extremely jealous that you have that time, and he doesn't. You can also occupy your time thinking of ways to involve him in your child's development! Good luck!

Alicia - posted on 07/28/2010

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my husband was deployed from when i found out i was pregnant to about 7 months pregnant, home for a month, and then left 5 days before my daughter was born, he returned when she was about 4 months old. im not gonna lie to you, it was hard. what i think made it harder was we couldnt talk, or email, or send pictures, or anything like that. i was virtually left alone. she was our first, and i was sooooo scared. the day she was born, i cried, but each day after it got easier. especially with the lack of sleep (haha) they keep you so busy, you hardly notice in all honesty. just try and find things to keep you busy during the day, keep in touch with your family, and document everything. you can NEVER have enough pictures. just know this isnt the worst thing that could happen, and focus on that little one. :) hope this helped a little and if you need anything at all, message me. congratulations on the soon to be little one.

Veronica - posted on 07/27/2010

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My husband left 2 weeks exactly before our first son was born. I was so overwhelmed with having a colicky baby that I really don't think I could've handled taking care of him, too...It wasn't until we recently had our 3rd son that my husband has started helping out around the house. There were many days when I only had cereal to eat because I was too tired to cook and I didn't get a lot of sleep. I spent a lot of nights driving just to make Jackson ( my oldest) stop screaming.
Your family can help with your dogs. Your baby will be all you care about for at least the first 3 months. At least that's how is was for me...and the time will FLY by. Jackson was 6 months old when my husband came home and the reunion was difficult for my husband who wasn't used to accomodating a child.
Try not to worry about him being gone and leaving you alone, and staying at a military installation may be better for you. You will be surrounded by women who truly understand your situation and can be a shoulder for you. I don't recommend moving home.

Tara - posted on 07/27/2010

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I had our first child 3 months after my husband deployed for the second time. We couldn't skype or anything. I had my mother come and stay with me for my last month of pregnancy and first month of baby. It was easier for me to have all the neighborhood support, access to base, and tricare medical where I was, rather than moving somewhere else. I was pretty much ready for my mom to go home after the baby was 1 month old. 8-)

During the delivery, my mother-in-law was there too. We bought some disposable DVD cameras and she took as many videos as she could of the delivery and first bath, etc. Then, CVS developed them onto DVDs and I was able to mail them to my husband. I kept a second copy in case they were lost in the mail, as sometimes happens with overseas packages. Another thing I did that was really special was to bring one of my husband's olive military tee-shirts to the hospital with me. When the nurse did the baby's footprints I had them put one on the tee-shirt where my husband's heart would be. Then, when I got home, I sprayed it with something and then ironed it to make it permanent. I think it was hairspray, but I'm not sure. Then, I mailed it to him and he wore the shirt under his uniform.

Another greaet thing is to make a cloth photo album with your husband's photo or to get a daddy doll (www.daddydolls.com). The daddydolls website has lots of great advice on it too about how to make it through deployments. Once you have the baby, the time will past SO fast until he is home!

[deleted account]

I was 19 weeks pregnant when my husband deployed. He came home on my due date and a week later our son was born. He left when he was 1 week old. Fortunatly, he is coming home when our son is two months but he wasn't suppose to. I moved to be close to my family but i found that it was the wrong choice. I didn't feel like they helped, they wanted to do everything when i needed the chance to be a mom. I'm ready to go back to be with my husband and be a family. It is hard, i have 2 cats and a dog as well. The stress is overwhelming sometimes but you'll get through. Just have friends you can talk to, and you'll be fine!! I regret not having anybody who knows what i was going through to talk to, so make sure your friends are supportive!! Good luck!!!

Christina - posted on 07/27/2010

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I have had 4 out of the 5 kids with out my husband, he deployed 8 days before my twins were born, 4 days after my son, and my second to youngest was born 6 weeks early mid way through a deployment. I can say it does not get easier but you learn ways to handle it and you to get better at it! The emotions you need to feel and express tell him you love him but it hurts not having him and you know he is hurting not being there! Its not easy for either of you! If you need anything please feel free to message! I always did my best to take TUNS of photos to e mail offten to skype if we could (one deployment) and to have the baby see plenty of pictures of him and hear his voice every chance we got, you might want to web cam or video him reading a few books to the baby and play that for the baby then he or she will know the sound of his voice... any way feel free to message

[deleted account]

Our first child, my husband deployed just when she turned 6 months, so she kinda knew who he was. He returned when she was 18 months old. I just gave birth to another little girl barely two months ago and my hubby is deploying again in aug. I took pictures of him and posted them all around my first child. When he could call, i asked him to talk to her. She got to know him visually and by voice. It helped a ton. She was skeptical at first for a couple of days and then after that, they are inseperable. I'm in the same boat as you, going home to another state with an almost 3 year old, and barely 2 month old, a chinchilla, and an alaskin malimute. Be strong and everything will pan out. Good luck

Marlena - posted on 07/26/2010

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Same boat My husband leaves in sept. we are due in jan. He is hoping to get two weeks live when the baby is due. Just sucks he wont be here for 4 mths of pregnancy and 8 mths of the babies life. I have my doubts i dont have family but his. I will still be going right back to work afte r6 weeks. I am scared shitless

Shana - posted on 07/26/2010

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I had my daughter on my husband's mid-tour leave. He left when I was only 6 weeks pregnant, came home for mid-tour leave, then left when she was just 8 days old. He didn't come back until she was 2 1/2 months old. It's not easy but with help from family and friends you will be ok.

Kimberly - posted on 07/24/2010

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I found out I was pregnant with my first 2 weeks after my husband left for a 5 month (that turned into 17 months) deployment. He missed the entire pregnancy, birth and her first 7 months, minus the 18 days he was home for her first month.

Fortunately, I have lots of family who came and helped out during the first 3 months - they would stay with me for a week at a time, then I'd have a couple of days alone with the baby, then someone else would show up. By Christmas, when she was about 4 months old, I was confident enough to travel with her.

My best advice is to find a mom's morning out program at a local church or preschool that takes them as early as 6 weeks, so you can go to the grocery store, get your hair done, take a nap, whatever! Then, network to find a babysitter (i had a grandmother) who can care for the baby in the evening so you can have some adult time with other moms.

But remember, you are NOT alone and you will get through it.

Evelyn - posted on 07/24/2010

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yes Megan, u r right. Its like dating for the second time and feels great, continue with the mails , pics and everyday will make u stronger !!

Meaghan - posted on 07/24/2010

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I have had my husband deploy with an almost 2 year old and a newborn. Yes, its hard being a single mom for a bit. I also had two dogs. At least you got your family with you. This will make you a stronger person in the end, and give you a sence of aprecation for your marriage. Remember absence makes the heart grown fonder;) I always found after a long deployment its like your dating again and its really fun. I know you wont ever be able to get back those precious months lost, but your husband is doing an hornable thing.

Evelyn - posted on 07/24/2010

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Hey,
I have been there, though my Hubby did nt go for deployment but studies abroad when I was 5 months pregnant, it was hell, and worse still he did not come back but married another womanin USA, due to the pressure, my baby died on birth, so I just want to encourage you to 1. thank God that ur hubby is coming back 2. Be strong for the baby to grow without mummy's stress and 3. Pray alot. God knows the plans he has for you, and needs you to be strong. Dont worry , all will be well, Im now a single mummy with twin boys , and I bless God .

Olivia - posted on 07/24/2010

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As long as he has internet on the ship you should be able to teleconference...or skype!

Olivia - posted on 07/24/2010

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My husband was deployed for the birth of our 1st daughter. We contacted Freedom Calls. They are a free service to military families. It allowed my husband to "be in the delivery room with me" via satellite. He viewed from a large monitor & I had a laptop next to me. We could see eachother & talk to eachother. We were allowed as much time as we needed (for labor, delivery & some time after.) We were also given time the next day to talk & for daddy to see his newborn. I highly recommend it. Good luck & be strong.

Alicia - posted on 07/24/2010

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Jenny,

I know you're terriefied, but all will be just fine. My husband has been deployed most of our daughter's life and we have survived. I am also Active Duty so you can imagine how hard it is. It will be okay and you need to surround yourself with as many family or friends as possible. You will have your ups and downs, but I can tell you from a lot of experience that if you form a routine and stick to it religiously, you won't go wrong and the time will fly by. Our daughter was only a couple of weeks old when he first depolyed for one year, but I figured out that a set routine really works! You can do it, I promise!

Shenae - posted on 07/23/2010

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I have an idea as to what you're going through, Jenny (my mom's name). My husband was there with me when I gave birth to our daughter, but left a week later for a year. He did take leave halfway into his deployed. He came back permanently September of last year, a week after her first birthday. It was hard for me. I had family and friends that were a big help to me. Maybe you can find a support group for wives of deployed members. You can always ask for advice here. Hope this helps.

Tina - posted on 07/23/2010

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I moved to Germany with my husband last June, he deployed in July and I found out I was pregnant with twins soon after. So, I went to whole deployment, in Germany, only with friends I barely knew. They were a big help though. He got to come home on R&R 2 weeks after they were born. They had to stay 17 days in the hospital and he was here for that and got to bring them home. Now, the girls are 5 months old and he just came home from Iraq.

Believe me, You will do great! I though I wasn't going to get through that. I met some amazing people and things like this is when you know the people you can count on through everything. So good luck and you will do an awesome job!

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2010

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Hi there! I can relate!! My husband was deployed for both of our 2 kids infancy. The first time I was 8 months pregnant with my son when he left. He was still state side when I gave birth, so he was released for 48 hours just to see his son born. Then he left to back to base to prepare for deployment. I came home alone with my newborn son. Other than pictures and webcam, he didn't see him again til his R&R leave. I did not move in with family. I was pretty solo with my newborn and my 5 year old daughter.

The seconde deployment, I had already given birth. As a matter of fact, my youngest was 3 months old before my husband left on his 2nd deployment. Again I was solo. Due to some health issue that arose in me while my husband was gone, I did depend more on neighbors the second tme arouns. I have only what worked for me, but feel free to PM me if you would like. Hange in there and God Bless!!
Jennifer

Donielle - posted on 07/22/2010

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I had my first baby while DH was deployed as well. He wasn't able to take any leave what-so-ever between when he left a couple months prior to my due date up until our daughter was 4 months. Some things I would suggest are to live with someone or have someone come stay with you for the first month. That is the most difficult time and living with my parents then was the best thing I ever did. A friend of mine also had her baby during a deployment. Her mom came to stay for 2 weeks, but she found that wasn't enough and went to stay with her mom for another 2 weeks. So if it's possible for you to do that, I definitely would.

Along with that, never turn down help. Almost always people really do want to help when they offer it so don't be too prideful or scared to take them up on it.

The next thing is to not think too much on everything your DH will miss. Instead take pictures and videos of EVERYTHING. While he won't be able to enjoy them first hand, videos are an awesome alternative and plus it also helps you enjoy all those firsts, too.

Also, make sure to still include him in your parenting decisions such as, breastfeeding vs formula, vaccinations, pacifiers, etc. Let him know what you would like to do and why, but also make sure he has a say in it, too and don't make those decisions without knowing how he feels about them.

It can be difficult, but with a loving, supportive family near by, it will be easier. My prayers are with you!

Erin - posted on 07/22/2010

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We are about to start depolyment number 2. I have 2 girls who are 3 and 8 months. I feel for you. The first deployment I only had 1 and she was 10 months when he left. I know it's easy to think about all the negatives, but try to stay positive. Babies during deployment keep you so busy that time flies and it makes it easier not to worry 24/7. This time my 3 year old is old enough to know that daddy is leaving for a long time and cries about it every night and asks to fly to afghanistan with daddy. Ask for help and rely on those around you. Also, web cams are a must. If your husband will, have him make a couple videos of reading stories for the baby. My daughter used to watch hers over and over and say 'my daddies on the tv'. God Bless

Lisa - posted on 07/22/2010

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hi, i have just had my first son and my partner was deployed at the time, he went away 3 months before the birth, he managed to get his r&r just after the birth. He was home for just over a week then he had to go back and he will come home when the baby is 4 month old. Its so scary being on your own, but all your family will be a tower of strength and you will need them more than you think, but the time will pass, and do remember that he will be feeling the same! missing the birth and you and everything else. send him lots of photos of you and the baby and try your very best to stay positive, he needs to hear your ok when you speak to him, even if your not, try to speak to another family member. just take each day as it comes and don't stress about anything, it is hard but it does get easier, hope that helps, hope your ok x

Samantha - posted on 07/21/2010

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he is deployed on a ship so the whole teleconferencing isnt possible. we pretty much have snail mail and email.

Kimberly - posted on 07/21/2010

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Your story sounds just like mine! I was 30 weeks the day my husband deployed to Afghanistan. Nine weeks later, our beautiful little girl was born. I, too, went back home with family. Have you looked into doing VTC (video teleconferencing)? My husband and I did that when I was in labor. He was able to "be there" for the whole 14 hours of my labor- and an hour after our daughter was born. It is amazing! Contact me if you want the information. :) My daughter was about 5 months old when he finally got back. So I know how it is. :(

Samantha - posted on 07/21/2010

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My husband left on deployment and a week later i had our first son. He wasnt here for most of the pregnancy and wasnt her for the birth. It was really hard to do without him. We also decided that i would stay in va while he was deployed. All of our families are in Cali. So i am alone here in VA with a newborn baby and beagle. I wont lie it has been really hard and i am learning from doing when it comes to my newborn. Yes its been hard but between phone calls and emails with family i have been surviving. It has been the hardest on my husband though. But i have found that by sending him lots of pictures both emailed and mailed it helps him to see how our son is growing. And it helps him to realize what he gets to come home to. I hope this helps. And feel free to contact me if you need to chat. :D

Chelsea - posted on 07/21/2010

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I definitely can relate! My husband will be deploying either right before our 2nd baby is due or right after. I'm moving home also and my parents will be such a blessing, but our hearts will still be wherever my husband is. This is his first deployment although he was at Basics and AIT from the time our daughter was 6 weeks old until she was about 5 months old. All I could do then is take care of her and stay positive for my husband. We also have two dogs and while it is definitely a handful, its so nice to have them since they go outside to do their business and they don't cry :-) If you don't mind I'll pray for comfort and peace for you and wish you the best in the next year.

Yvonne - posted on 07/20/2010

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Hello, I just had my first son and my husband was fortunately able to take leave for the birth, but he was not here for the entire pregnancy, and left two weeks after the baby was born and will not be able to see or be here for me or the baby for the next 7-8 months. You find your groove of things and with each day it does become easier. Being around family will deffinately help take all of the help that you can possibly get. Take each day one at a time. Try not to get overwhelmed or upset when you hear the baby cry every two-three hours... Thats just there way of telling you that they are hungry , need changed, are too warm/cold, or that they are tired of laying down and just want to be held. Be Strong and hang in there... thats just what us moms do.Good luck!!!

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