What do you write when your husband is deployed?

Jennifer - posted on 03/29/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )




Hello. I just joined the site. My husband left for his first deployment within the last few days. I signed up for motomail today and now I'm not sure how to start my first letter or what all to put in there.

I know I don't want to talk about the epic fit our daughter threw in the store and all the way home because I put the ducky back because she threw it at my face. :/ I don't want to talk about all the things I have to get done in the next two weeks before I move. I don't want to talk about anything stressful or negative.

At the the same time, I'm not sure how much I want to talk about our daughter's progress on things because I know he will feel like he is missing out(because he is). I don't know if I should talk about when he comes home. I'm just at a complete loss as what to write about other than I love him and miss him so much.

So, what do you ladies write when your husbands are deployed? Do you have any suggestions for topics? What about length of your letters? Do you talk about the hopes for your future, the plans to obtain those hopes?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully I can get some good advice here.


Amy - posted on 04/01/2012




Talk to him just like he is still there. Fill him in on everything. Ask questions for advice as if he is still there. Let daughter draw and or write little things or record her and you talking. They love to hear voices if they cant talk on phone. Send him a tape recorder and a book or two so he can read it to her and record you things also. Try to include him like he is home. You will have to make some decisions alone but it helps with the returning home if he knows the changes a little along. Good luck. Holler if you need someone yo talk to.

Angi - posted on 04/01/2012




We're getting ready to send daddy on his third deployment, and what he has expressed wanting to hear about are the everyday things. I think you're already doing a terrific job! When you get his deployment address, try to send some drawings your daughter did, or photos. Take LOTS of photos... the boxes during the move, the funny label the mover put on a box, the truck before it is sealed up! PCSing without your partner is super hard, so be sure to call upon your community resources as well. Military One Source can hook you up with almost anything throughout the deployment, and your Family Service Center should have lots of military deployment oriented services. There are often deployed spouses dinners, and you can get drop in child care for free at many base child care centers. Be sure to talk to both your FRO at your current duty station and then at your new duty station! They'll help take care of you! Just keep in touch and make your husband as much a part of your day to day life as you can. And remember to take care of you! Find a sitter, some Mommy friends, get a pedicure... You're doing a great job! Keep it up!

Katie - posted on 03/31/2012




I wrote a little each day while my husband was gone to boot camp. I just wrote about whatever i did that day from my kids throwing a fit to things about my day at work. He told me that stuff was important to him because it made him feel like he was still apart of things. Even though you are talking about stressfull things they want to hear it so they do not feel like they are completly cut off from what is going on with you or ya'lls kids.

America3437 - posted on 03/30/2012




First off THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I feel your a hero! I could never live with my husband deployed! I would be a basket case. He is my rock and I am his roll so I can only imagine what you are going through. I would think he would want to know how his daughter is and celebrate her progress even if he isn't there to see it. Write whatever is in your heart. Tell him how much you love and miss him. I think all our soldiers need to hear that from loved ones. Write him alot and tell him how much this American appericates him and the job he does!!!! Thank you!!!!!

Erin - posted on 03/30/2012




When/if he gets the chance to call you, what do you talk about on the phone? Write that into a letter. Writing about the mundain, everyday stuff will help keep him connected to you and your family. You could talk about the tantrum in such a way that he knows about it but won't stress him out. Like: "'Jane' was unhappy when we went shopping because I didn't get her a toy. However, we did have a talk about appropriate behavior and she knows I mean business." You can do that for your move too. And talk about the progress your daughter is making. He may feel like he's missing out, but he will also then be able to picture how his daughter is changing and growing.

As far as the length of my letters, it depended on what I wanted to say. Sometimes, it was just a paragraph or two. Other times, I wrote so much that it printed out on two different printings (don't worry, they mark the pages so he reads them in order).


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Crystal - posted on 04/11/2012




Just write him as if you two were having an everyday conversation. Regardless of him missing out on things, he would still like to hear about them...I am a navy wife and my hubby loved his letter and phone calls when he could call home... He enjoyed hearing what was going on here in the states. It would hurt your husband more if you didnt tell him what he was missing. I hope this helps!

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2012




Those are all things I plan on doing or have been doing. Unfortunately, they don't get to skype unless they hit a port and find a wifi spot or their phones work internationally. Which we have yet to find out if his does.

I know one time we were chatting through e-mail but he wasn't getting any of mine but I was getting all of his. So frustrating but, I guess it is what it is. I think I'm doing ok considering this is the first deployment we're going through. I have my good times and I have my bad times. I always try to keep my letters with a positive undertone even if the topic is not so positive, like the fits. Lol.

I'm surprised I write as much as I do. I thought for sure I wouldn't have anything to say but all of your advice has helped me think of more things to say. So, thank you to all of you. :)

Charity - posted on 04/04/2012




I think everyone that have posted already has excellent points. When you write, just write about every day events. From the kids to having to mow the lawn. Ask about what he would like for you to send him in a care package. One thing I learned, is don't let him know of any problems that you can't handle on your own first. Also add pictures, any person enjoys getting pictures, be it you, the kids, his parents or even around the house. Kids art work is also an added plus. That way he can put it around his sleeping quarters when he gets one. Just keep doing that, and don't get upset when his letters comes late. You can also chat with him online through skype Things have changed since my husband and I were enlisted. It was just letters and a chance of a phone call every so often.

Jennifer - posted on 04/01/2012




We're not PCSing, I'm just moving to stay with his family while he is deployed. I'm packing everything myself. His mom and dad are coming down here and they're going to tow the uhaul trailer and help me load and everything.

I'll start putting in more little details. I've made sure to mention that DD just loves the book he recorder for her before he left. I heard they may get opportunities to record a dvd for us and I'm going to mention it to him that I think DD would love to have one. She loves the book and she loves her daddy pillow. I am wondering if there is anyway to make a build a bear but send the audio part to him so he can record on it and she'd have something she can play with all day.

I think about him all the time but our days are so ordinary and uneventful I find it hard to find something to talk about. :/ I'll write a few times per day, little paragraphs. I wrote about forgetting to get packing tape and I wrote about when I went to the store and when DD was singing.

She loves drawing so, one of these times I save one of her drawings and mail it to him. I will probably save that and pictures for his first care package. I picked up something totally random at Walgreens. I was just walking down an isle and saw something called a bear claw. It's a back scratcher that retracts to save space. I thought he'd just love it so, that's going in his first care package as well.

Only bad thing is, I let him take my camera so now all I have is my cell which does not take very good pictures.

Jennifer - posted on 03/30/2012




So far he hasn't been able to call. But he's only been gone a few days. In the past whenever we've been apart it was just talking about what we did that day, bills, the usual.

This first one I wrote about what I was doing that day, what I planned to pack. I wrote about our daughter counting to 5. I wrote about a friend offering for me to move in with them but that I am sticking with moving to his family's house. Just random stuff. He just never expressed if there was anything specific he wanted me to write about.

I guess I'm just not sure if him being deployed calls for special topics that we would normally only touch on every once in a blue moon. And I've always been told not to write about negative things but, idk. I just want to do thing "right", I guess. If there really even is a right way.

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