Cutting out the inlaws?

Krystle - posted on 05/18/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )




Okay, this is a bit of a long story...I just want to explain my situation and hope that I might get some feedback from you girls on here....What would you do?

I cut my bf's Dad and his dad's wife out of the picture. There are so many reasons why I did this and honestly, I'm really not the type of person to do such a thing b/c I grew up on firm beliefs that family was everything...but I really think that I'm doing the right thing.
Here's the thing, his Dad has never been there for him because he was in prison for a long period of time for something that he claims he is completely innocent, and I believed him until here recently. His crime was serious...he served like 10 or 12 years for it and because of his crime, he's a sex offender. Now, he decided to step back into Alex's (my bf's) life 5 years or so ago, right before he and I got together...ever since then, his Dad has done nothing but expect Alex to call him dad and call his wife mom (he'd never even seen or heard of his wife until the day they met)...he's always expecting alex to "donate" money to him, or give him a ride across town without providing gas money, even when Alex drives him several places to pay bills or money, no gas. He'll get upset if Alex asks the same things of him and he's usually too busy to return the favor. He went behind Alex's back and started getting his friends to come hang out at his house (his reasoning is completely unknown)...when we were staying at their house with them a little more than a year ago, his dad blamed me for something I didn't do and proceeded to yell at me and call me a liar in a room full of people. When I got a job at 7-Eleven, they expected me to pay their bills and still pay our bills and save up the money to move back into our house we had (the electricity was turned off) and still take care of my kids. But the thing is that when I would give them money for the water bill or the electric bill, they would leave and say that they went to go pay the bills but a week or so later, they would be complaining about a cut-off notice. When I would say "well what happened to the money I gave you to pay it?" They would say, "I payed it but that was last month's bill and this is this month's". Come on guys, really I'm not stupid, I could see that the bill in their hand was the same exact bill from the week before...and it was obvious that it was for the same amount. I also know that when I was in the hospital and I had just had my c-section for my youngest child, they had cocane at their house and they were trying to pressure Alex into doing it, (he was there to watch our other two boys for a few hours so that they could go to their dart league and then he was coming back up the the hospital to be with me and the baby). And I know for a fact that his Dad was on it when he dropped Alex back up at the hospital and came to say hi to me...I'm not a dumbass and I know what a person on that drug looks like, it's not hard to notice. Not to mention, I know that's not the only drug they do. And it's not like they only do it every so often, it's kinda the opposite, if you know what I mean. I really don't care what you do on your own time, but when it's invilving my kids in the same vicinity or when they are under your care, I expect you to be on your best behavior. All you mommies understand what I mean, right?
Anyway, those are only a small handfull of things that they have done in the past to me and my family...not to mention the farovitism that is shown towards one of my kids from his Dad's wife....but that's a whole other ballgame. I just wanted you guys to get a small feel for what it is I've gone through with them...and it's not like they're totally HORRIBLE people, in the past they've done some really nice and helpful things for us...but that doesn't make up for the bad things they've done. Would you do the same?


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Krystle - posted on 05/20/2010




Thanks for the helpful notes guys! I'm so glad, I thought I was like the only person with a dirty secret to hide about my family! I guess I happens more often then I really knew.
The thing is, though, that they have tried to beg us and beg Alex's sister and some of our friends to get us to come back over there claiming they would do anything to get us and the babies back into their lives, and I almost agreed to talk to them about it not to long ago. But I realized that I already knew deep inside me that it was only gonna end up either not changing a damn thing, or just a big argument that made things worse. And let me tell yall, arguing with these people is like arguing with a brick wall! I would get NO WHERE! So I decided to go back on my word and not talk to them. I usually don't break my word but this is different, ya know?

Jessica - posted on 05/18/2010




Sweetie you have just explained enuf for me to undestand alot of things that stresses you out.... The thing is I understand everything you say because in some sorta way I live the same way with my life... My husbands mother's bf does drugs and stuff like that and I keep telling her you have a son and grandson and you still choose your bf over your blood family... and i soon realize the promis that she made to me when I was pregnant which was not to have druggies down at her house while our son was down there nore any one be doing drugs or trying to buy or sell them, but soon after he was born I eventuly let her baby sit Nicholas and we came down to see druggies down ther and her bf sniffing crushed pills up his nose so I went off on her and told her if you see that Nick is important enuf to see and be in his life you will not do this kind of stuff. So me and my husband gave her another chance and it never failed she let it happen again. So now we cut her almost out completly we go visit rarely and dont call or talk to her much. She made her bed and now she will have to sleep in it now. She will one day realize when he is older and dont want nothing to due with her then she will know why we gave her chances til we stoped... The point is that Im trying to make is children are not supose to grow up picking pills of floors and taking them nor know what drugs are. I want my lil Nicholas being so innocent that he loves his life and lives it very happy without having to worry about things that I have to worry about as a mother and wife... We are here to protect out children and to keep them safe from harms way. Also I have noticed if you dispose of people in your life that stress you out you end up happier in the end and less stressed... Please I hope you can get the strenth up to say no no longer will I have to suffer having to put up with this and just say my job is to only take care of my children and not you so find your own way in life without us... I know you can do it!!! Im saying this because I have been in your shoes before so I completly understand what you have to deal with... Believe me I am so much happier knowing my lil Nicholas is safe and I dont stress out... Good luck gurl!!!

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I fully believe that I would have high tailed it out of their the second I heard about the drug usage and saw my high FIL, c-sectioned and drugged up myself, lol. I think you are well within your rights, as a mother, to protect your children from obvious bad influences. What would it tell your kids if you ignored the problem and let it keep happening?

Amber - posted on 05/18/2010




Honestly I would and have done the same. Similar situation, just with alot more drugs and some major mental illnesses involved. yea, family might be everything in the end, but whats more important is your children's health and well being. Letting them watch this whole fiasco year after year will only be confusing and overwhelming to them (plus not to mention the tons of awkward questions they will be asking when they get older) In the end, you just have to do what feels right :)

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