Feeling guilty

Sarah - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi,



I'm new to this community so thought i should introduce myself to you all and share my story with you... Well, my name's Sarah, i'm 31 and come from the UK. I live and work in Uganda and i've been married to Steve who's Ugandan for 3 1/2 years. We have a beautiful 10 month old son called Dylan who is just the most amazing thing to happen to me.



About a month ago i found out i was pregnant. At first i was really unhappy about it as Steve and i haven't been getting on so well recently and it felt like only yesterday that i had my son, i thought it was way too early to have another baby. Anyways about two weeks later i went to the doctor and ended up getting a scan and seeing the midwife that day too. Everything looked fine (i was about 6 weeks gone) and i started getting excited about the new baby i thought we were going to have.



Two days later i woke up to find i was bleeding. I'd been spotting for about three weeks but this was much more. I didn't have any pain or anything so when i went to the doctor they said maybe i was losing the baby but it was too early to tell. The next day though i woke up with really bad cramps and i was still bleeding so i went back to the doctor and now they told me they were pretty sure i was losing the baby. I was given some medicine i guess to speed things up and had to spend the day there. The bleeding continued for a week but the pain stopped after a couple of days. Physically that is.



Emotionally... well, i'm trying to be strong but it's so hard. I feel so guilty that i never wanted this baby until right at the end of it's life. Would it have lived if i'd been more happy about it? I feel like it's my fault i lost it and i'm really scared this will happen again in the future, maybe when i'm much further along. Everyone around me was really sympathetic at first but i don't feel like i really have anyone to talk to about this stuff, i think everyone thinks i'm back to normal. And outwardly i am - i only had a day off work and am carrying on like nothing happened. But it did. I lost a baby. Next June i was going to give my son a brother or sister and now i'm not. It hurts. But i'm very very thankful for Dylan now. He is even more precious to me now than he was before.



Sorry to go on so long, guess i just needed to get everything out there.



Sarah.

2 Comments

View replies by

Amber - posted on 05/21/2010

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I understand feeling guilty I got pregnant with my son Christopher when I was finishing college. I was shocked I had 2 older chilkdren and couldn't figure out how I would ever make it work. It took me months to get excited about it. Then when we lost Christopher at 36 weeks and he was stillborn I was crushed. I still feel guilty because I feel like I didn't deserve him because I wasn't happy when I found out I was pregnant.
Over the last few months I've come to understand that these things are just out of our control.

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2010

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hi
sarah. i've had 4 miscarriages, and so really know what you're going through.
i does get easier with time, but you must try not to feel guilty. it was not your fault, and thinking that you didn't want the baby at first, is not a cause of miscarriage. you said you were excited about the scan etc, so obviously you had decided to keep the baby once you got used to the idea.
unfortunatley for us, we didn't even realise i was pregnant the last time until i was already miscarrying. so we felt guilty for not knowing and not wanting it enough etc. but that really didn't help us, or our kids.
i am sure you will go on to have another beautiful baby, and whilst you will never forget the one you lost, you will be able to move on.
i hope you are feeling better now
sarah xxx

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