any wives out there whos hubbies work away for 2 month at a time ?

Leigh - posted on 09/06/2010 ( 116 moms have responded )

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My husband has just recently started a new job in angola working away on a barge for 2 months at atime with a month home, never realised how daunting this would be until he went 10 days ago. i m really struggling with this any advice from anyone who been through this would be of great help cheers !

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Kimberly - posted on 02/08/2013

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Not trying to "complain" but come on it get's old being married for 17 years and sleeping alone, eating alone, going to family events alone, raising kids alone and for what a pay check and I'm suppose to bow down and kiss the ground because I have a roof over my head. I don't have anyone to touch , to talk to , to sleep with , to help me, to be with and to have a relationship with. Yes I'm grateful and maybe that's why we stay because we feel quilty because we know they are just working but who can wake up day after day after day and feel happy when they only see their mates 3 or 4 times a year??? I honestly think it's a very hard thing to deal with and I've been really depressed and lonely for years . If being happy my husband works is enough to make someone happy then I commend them!

Julieth - posted on 04/28/2013

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My husband works away for 8 to 10 weeks and now is only coming home for 10 days.

We have a 4yr old daughter and I see how it is becoming harder on her everytime He leaves and of course that makes it more difficult to me, I am SAHM live in a place where I have no family nor support from anybody and He have been working like this for about 3 years now. I do know He is trying to take care of the family and provide a good life to our daughter but at this moment I really feel like I can't do it anymore. I am extremely in love with him and when He is home He does try hard to be a good husband and father but I am really having doubts about how I am able to continue to live this way. It is nice to read other moms who have been doing this for longer than me and seem to be happy with their families and continue to try make it work, it makes me feel a bit more optimistic.

Regina - posted on 03/31/2014

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My husband is a chef and he works away on a cruise ship 11000 miles away, 5months at a time and comes home for 7 weeks. What makes it really hard for me is that I can't call him at all...he tries to call daily but if the line is bad he won't get through and I only get a call every two to three days and it is usually a 5 mins phone call because of his job n time difference. I think I will still be ok if I get quality time on phone or FaceTime but that doesn't happen. It's so frustrating to do everything alone and not being able to talk to him when I need to. I feel whenever I say this, most people who's husbands have regular jobs don't have the slightest idea what we feel. It's so hard to keep everything inside...

Natasha - posted on 03/05/2013

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Hi Rose. We probably all feel the way you do but unfortunately it's not very realistic. In 2011 my husband's contract was ended abruptly and he had to come back to h/o where he earned half of what he used to. I have been working my whole life but could not support the family on my salary. Two weeks after he came back he was in a motorcycle accident breaking his ribs, multiple fractures, etc. He was home for 2 months where I nursed him, worked full time and looked after the kids etc. By now even less money because he does not get sick leave as a contractor. Last year we almost lost our only car, our house and school fees hasn't been paid for a year. We couldn't afford medical aid or insurance, so still had to pay the motorcycle as well. Luckily we do not have additional debt like clothing accounts, etc. This contract he has now has come as a godsend! We have a 5 year plan while our kids are still young which will enable us to pay up the house, the car, school and actually send the kids to university some day (or at least give them a choice) . We skype each other every night and text during the day, he feels loved and we support him any which way we can. You can't possibly say the money is not worth it?? It's not about the money or a bunch of stuff but what the money is taking care off. Have you actually been poor? Nothing to eat, looking your children in the eye when you have to mix milk and water to stretch it? Trying home remedies when the children are sick because medicine are too expensive? The numerous phone calls a day from creditors? Your husbands depression because he can't take care of his family and making him feel less than a man which will eventually turn into resentment because you convinced him to come home. Now he has a choice at least, when you're "poor" he forfeits these choices. It sounds like you and the kids absolutely adore him! So support him, write letters, text and skype if possible as often as possible. I live in South Africa and arranged with one of his co-workers in Madagascar to give him flowers on Valentine's Day (he doesn't even believe in it). I got a picture of him smiling from ear to ear!!! He was extremely impressed (even loved me a bit more I think lol) He never expected me to go through these extremes! Main thing is we are trying to make things work. Do you have a job? Are you contributing in enabling him to come home sooner so that he doesn't feel like he has to work abroad for better money and get a less paid job closer to home? Please do not think I'm at all lashing at you but like I said....we all want our hubbies home like it should be. In reality though we are not doing this to get "rich", we are trying to provide for our family and this is our main priority....oh and not to depend on welfare.

Mary - posted on 03/18/2013

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All I can Say is be grateful if he didn't love you, he wouldnt b with you plain and simple he has all the money in the world.. H e can leave you right now if he wants too, i learnt its not worth nagging and becoming depressed when he s not their. He brings the bacon home he sill loves yous so give him the best time of his life when he gets home so he'll never forget you when he s gone. Give him good memories, I know its hard but it works. My husband always remembers me when hes working I try.

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Jillian - posted on 07/27/2017

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wow..if you want your Ex back..contact Email- (dr_mack@yahoo. com)…He is the best..

Victoria - posted on 06/25/2017

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Hi yes me!!! Husband works away for 8-10 weeks at a time. I feel like each rotation it just gets harder. He worked when we met so haven't known any different. We've been together for 6 years x

Melissa-williamson - posted on 12/19/2016

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Hi,
I have been with my husband for 5 years this coming February. When we met he was in the Marine Engineering Course. I knew his job would consist of months away. We made a deal at the beginning that he would only be gone a away for 6 month a year no more, some how along the way our bills got higher and we bought a bigger house so now he is working 8 month out of the year. Sometimes I think he is money hungry and loves his job so much that he would rather be there. Although he says it's because of our bills, i have suggested buying a cheaper house. He gets mad and doesn't understand my reasoning. We have a huge lot with a driving shed, the house and property needs constant upgrades and maintenance, like snow removal, cutting grass. His parents are great to help out specially when I pull my back out but they are in their 60 and won't be able to help much longer. I get lonely being all by myself in this huge house, most times I feel single although I am married. We talk on the phone when possible probably 4 times a week but we have nothing to talk about. He is there and I am here. I have a lot of resentment, he promised me more time home then away. I am willing to change our circumstances so he can be home more but he is not. I love him so much but I don't know how much more I can handle. My back is really bad, and living at this house just doesn't seem doable. Wish I had more anwsers

Lina - posted on 01/28/2016

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Dear JB,

Thank you for your post. My husband and I are empty nesters but my husband is an environmental attorney working on a very big case in the Amazon. He has been there since August. I was there in October and returned to the US in November, yet he was unable to return for the holidays, he keeps pushing his return back because of complications. He is defending pro-bono the people without a voice so there is a moral obligation involved, yet, the distance is horrible....

I feel very lonely, he feels the same there are times we both cry on the phone missing each other non the less I do believe this kind of distance is unhealthy on an emotional level.

Your words where comforting, and moving! Your wife is lucky and your children someday will understand what a great father they have, don't beat yourself, our kids eventually understand.....

Thank you for your honest words,
LM

James - posted on 12/10/2015

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Hi,

Ok I'm a dad, not a mum, so apologies for gate-crashing, but I thought some of you might like to know what it's like on the other side of the fence.

I work away for long periods, all over the world. Sometimes I sleep under the stars and sometimes I stay in fancy hotels, and I work on jobs you might hear about on the news, and some you definitely wouldn't. My family and friends think I have a glamorous "James Bond" lifestyle. The reality is very much different.

The novelty of staying in 5 star hotels soon wears off. Aeroplanes cease being glamorous the first time you get cramp and that kid two rows back won't stop crying. Okay, we have a job to do, and that sort of passes the time, but being away from our loved ones is still hard on us dads too.

At night I usually cuddle the pillow pretending it is my wife, and I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes I cry myself to sleep.

One weekend when I was at home my son, who was about 8 at the time, told
me he was being bullied at school. One bully taunted him "what is the point of having a dad if you never see him". That was the most hurtful thing I have ever heard. When I am at work if someone says something I don't like I demote them or kill them. At home I can't do a thing about it, and that is really difficult.

In my dreams I live in the Middle Ages. No aeroplanes, no cars, no working away from home.

I know it is difficult for all you mums out there who's husbands work away, and this modern world is a horrible place for forcing us all into that position. But spare a thought for the dads also. It is just as difficult for them, dare I say even more so? At least you have your kids all year, and us working dads only see our kids occasionally.

Maybe if you discussed with your partners how you feel when they're away from you, you would see that your partners feel the same. It won't solve the problem, but it might help you to deal with it.

In the end, you can only be the best that you can be (or at least that's what my training tonight me).

JB

Billie Jo - posted on 05/22/2014

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my husband has just left me and my seven kids for work for a whole month the longest time apart has only been three days it now been five days since he has gone i miss him heaps so do my kids i find the hardest time with out him is dinner time my kids love been with there daddy so we talk everyday and night my friends say u will be busy doing that much kids on your own but really it not that busy at all

Tabatha - posted on 05/12/2014

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I am thrilled that i found this site! I have been sitting her all week feeling selfish for feeling the feelings that ive been having. I have been with my fiancee for the past 3 years, engaged for the past year and a half. He got offered to go work out in Nunavut Canada, I live in Quebec. The turn arounds for the camp job up there is he works 12 weeks and then comes home for 3. In the winter he will be off for about 2 months as its just too cold up there to work. So he took the job, with my full suport..even though my heart was twisted in half, but i felt this was a good job offer that paid too well to pass up. Its been just over a week, and i tell you, i have had every single emotion known to man up till now. I get days when i feel like its just too hard doing everything myself and what is the point even staying together when we are not realy? Then i get days i worry he will get so used to being without me, why would he even want to come back here? yes i know its insecurity at is fullest, but its hard not to be. Then i have days that i feel, yes i can do this for sure, and it will be great to finally have enough money to buy a house next year, and that this is only temporary. WEll today he messaged me telling me that they are willing to give him an apprentiship into carpentry and that he wants to sign the papers. So this means he will be up there probably for at least 3 or 4 years with continued turn arounds every 12 weeks or so...SO...at first i was kind of depressed thinking about it, but now im thinking this man is working very hard to become something in life, and ive decided to be as supportive as possible, cause i do love and adore this man, and the only reason im acting so crazy is cause i AM crazy over him. otherwise, i wouldnt care, miss him or be worried. I also have to add that i had 5 children when we got engage that didnt belong to him, but they all look at him as a step dad/ dad...there bio dad is not in there life. My oldest is 20 years old, and my youngest is 4. They are all very close to him, and love him dearly...this man is doing for my family unbelievable things, and i am so very grateful to him. I am so happy that i found a place to vent my concerns without having to vent them to him...i do communicate with him every day, but he doesnt need to hear me whining about him not being here.

User - posted on 05/05/2014

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My hubby has been out even before my second son turns 1. He is 6 and half years old now.. I know by sacrificing we get to give a better life to our children but it's disheartening when people think that we are rich and keep on asking money from us..my husband will give at times even without my knowledge. .not a small amount sometimes 2 to 3 months of his salary...of course he ensures that it doesn't affect us..but this is where I feel betrayed and my sacrifices is not appreciated. . It's not easy to do everything alone... He first left when I was only 28+ years old. .life getting hard but I keep on moving positively. . We love him so much that it hurts a lot everytime he leaves us... whenever he is back.. We don't get quality time to spend as we will have non stop visitors. . I am getting tired......even I have told the visitors indirectly..They just seems to not care and in fact getting worst.. They will come everyday..what can I do? God knows what I am going through. .I love having people around but of course I don't expect people to bug in everyday. .:(

[deleted account]

I am scared and depressed. Just got married last year and moved in together. Already, he is away every week, comes home 2 days which he works at the office and comes in while we sleep and leaves for work while we are asleep.

I am labeled unfair when I suggest spending time together. I have been through this before and I know that he suggests such jobs and avails himself to work away from home. I used to blame people he was reporting to, but it came out he pushes for such and makes sure there is somewhere to go!

He is doing it again after 4 years now, and this time he expects me to believe that it is his sister, business owner, who needs this done. So every time I hurt I should think of her breaking my family by keeping my husband away from us? Not true.

I work as well, for a much bigger company in fact. I have made it clear from the very beginning that I have children and have never availed myself to go work away from home or at branches. If it is a day's work and I am back later - I'm your employee of that day. Anything else is not worth sacrificing my family on - including sacrificing my husband.

But as for him, he is thrilled, it is like climbing the Kilimanjaro for him - so why are you people not happy? There is something wrong with you guys.... I don't want out of my marriage - I want my husband to lead a balanced lifestyle. I want a family.

Jamee - posted on 04/16/2014

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Hi ;

So I know exactly how your feeling as well. Some of you on here have your husbands away for months at a time which is horrible I dont even know how I would be able to do that, currently for the last 3 years my husband is working 7 & 7 which is 7 days working , 7 off , 7 nights working , 7 days off. I know to some of you that may not seem bad but for me having him home every other week is like a tease , he comes home and we still have a connection but it isnt how it used to be before, so by the end of the week of him leaving is when we feel closest to each other but then he leaves again. Everytime he leaves it is like my heart is being ripped out because I love this man so much. We have been together for 8 years and I have 2 beautiful children (21 months & 11 months). I dont live near really any family and we just moved to a new town so i dont know anybody. Having 2 kids like that so close back to back is going to be easier later on i know but right now i &@$#$ just get so angry sometimes because I never wanted to be considered a "SINGLE" parent. Yes my husband is away working to make sure theres a roof over our head and food to eat , i get that but it doesnt mean you cant do that closer to home where your family is. My kids dont understand quite yet that there dad is gone for a week at a time , but already my oldest knows when dad isnt here and he acts out and tests patience because he knows. I just want too feel happy and i havent felt happy with where i am in a long time, and yeah i am a mom i should be sucking my own feelings up for my husband and kids and i do ... but when is this ever going to happen for me when will someone as me what i want or how i feel.

Christine - posted on 03/25/2014

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Hello, I just met a guy who works offshore and we started just a couple of months. Like to know more.

Valerie - posted on 03/13/2014

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Hi Leigh my husband is on the oil rig in Angola and he is also 1 month at home and 1 month at sea. The first time it was extraordinarily difficult for me because now I had to be mom and dad. It's been 2 years since he been working like this and i had to just be there for him and support him as it's not easy for the both of us. I had am looking on the bright side and just knowing that it won't be forever that he will be working like this. That's why we need to make the best of the time we have together with them. As stressfull it is for them there they worry alot about us so i understand fully how u feeling, sometimes we just want time for ourselves and just not want to feel lonely and depress. So hang in there they doing this for a better future for all of us just be surportive.

Sara - posted on 02/13/2014

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I'm so happy to have found this! I'm a stay at home mom to a two year old, I don't have any family or friends here and my hubby / boyfriend works on the pipeline (Alberta). Sometimes I feel so lonely and I ask him often what the point of this is. Money isn't everything, although I think he'd disagree. Yes he makes ridiculous money but at what cost. Our son is growing up without a dad, I'm lonely and getting ready to spend yet another valentines away from him. Plus the trust issues, seeing a new female friend texting him when he is home, that also works in the oilfield / stay in the same camp as him. Plus he's only home every few months for a short time, it seems like we don't feel close again until he's basically ready to go back to work again. I loved reading through these posts and knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this....I never agreed to this lifestyle. He was only going away for "a few months so we could catch up on bills" but it's been years now. I'm getting tired of being a single parent in a lot of ways. He calls me his fiancée but still hasn't put a ring on my finger and won't commit to actually setting a date / getting married either. Although he does talk about us being together forever and he really wants more kids. Sigh. Sorry for venting, this is my first time on a forum and I have a lot to say haha.

Lee - posted on 02/10/2014

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I am so happy to have found this forum! We have been doing the exact same thing for about a year. We moved to Alberta to be closer to him 4 months ago but still only see him on the weekend for about 16 hours a couple times a months, while he is on the pipeline. We have a good marriage, we appreciate the money and what comes with that, but we still are struggling through some issues with trust. Isn't it normal in some sense though because of the nature of this family dynamic? And how do we fix this?

MaryJayne - posted on 01/08/2014

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The question is, do you regret choosing your husband? It's a hard one to answer honestly. I don't have kids. I'm 28 with a boyfriend who is likely to leave for months at a time throughout the year. I knew this coming into the relationship but we were having so much fun that I ignored it. Fast forward a few years and we are now talking seriously about engagement. He even let it slip that he was trying to order a ring but wasn't sure which jeweler to trust, and that I would be engaged before summer. That's awesome because I love him so much! But I'm also a very practical woman looking for a man who can fulfill my needs in the long run. Knowing that I will likely have kids, I can't help but wonder whether or not I'll be happy without having someone to come home to, help me out, or sleep with. And it's hard to think about raising my kids alone, and breaking their hearts every time my future husband has to leave. But he loves his career and would never let anything hinder it. He's adamant that Skyping and visits will be enough. The last time he was gone, I did what I had to to get through it, but it's not something I imagined for myself for an indefinite amount of time when I thought of my future. If you could go back, would you have married for love as you did? Or would you have tried to be more practical about it knowing that you were committing to hardship?

Shannon - posted on 12/12/2013

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My husband is active duty military, and when he deploys he's gone for 12 months at a time! It's hell! We have 4 kids and the hardest part is hearing them ask when he's coming home, because I can't promise he will even make it back. He has been deployed 4 times. And been military for 10 years now. I'm sooooo ready to be done! It never get any easier.....

Rebecca - posted on 10/25/2013

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My husband is also gone for 2-3 mos at a time. He works in oil and gas refineries. I absolutely hate his job. I have three kids...11, 9, 7. And he moved us to florida where we have no family. When he leaves, it's just us. We moved a year and a half ago, and I continue to struggle with sadness and loneliness and fear of being left. So I can completely relate.

Kao - posted on 10/24/2013

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I'm so happy I came up on this page. My husband works in the oil field for the last 11 years. We have three kids ages 11,7,and 6. I have to be the mother and the father to my kids. It was hard at first, and all these emotions will take over. The best thing you could do is try to stay busy and try not to think about him. The more you think about the distance, it might make you feel more sad. I'm used to it now. I feel sad, but it's not as bad as it was before.

Jess - posted on 09/22/2013

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Hi, my partner works away on the mines, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, its been like this for about 5 years and we have a 2 year old daughter. It is really hard having your partner away, months at a time would be especially hard.

I find the hardest thing is balancing work, life, social and family on your own, then when my partner comes home its almost like you have to readjust to the usual way of life and that can bring its own issues.

I don't have much advice apart from don't be scared to ask for help from families, friends and work.

Mercy444 - posted on 08/01/2013

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Leigh - posted on 06/14/2013

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Hi Lee, what an awful thing to do to you, that is just so selfish, whilst your struggling on he is totally disrespecting you. I really don't understand how the guilt he must have felt didnt overwhelm him . I have also had personal experience of how these women will prey on western men! But I also believe that each one of us ultimately has the choice to say no and respect your partner and be faithful.He obviously thought he could get away with seeing these women behind your back and now it's out in the open the novelty may have worn off ? But now your left with the devastation and having to either work through this awful situation or to walk away from your marriage, either way its going to be really difficult . I wish you all the luck in the world to come out of this with your head held high and your spirit strong.You deserve so much better than how you have been treated. There are many many women whom I have spoken with whom have had the same thing happen to them , and a lot of there husbands have been away working in Asia. If you do a google search you will see just how many are going through this destruction to there marriages and maybe get in touch with one of them to gain some extra support. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on x

Lee - posted on 06/13/2013

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My husband starting working in Malaysia several years ago. I was suppose to stay in the US till our kids finished high school. Well he sure did take to that right away. Every time he came home he would go on and on to everyone about how much he loved it. Well that's because it was a bachelor pad! By the time I was suppose to go there, I didn't want to because he was always making comments about the asian women over there. And many times, people would tell me how the asian women will steal your man. And so sure enough, my son finds out by accidentally logging onto his dad's email (they have the same name) that he has been seeing all kinds of women. Well I never, ever, ever would have thought this of my husband. Now I am learning from other people that most of the men that go overseas do exactly that. That is why they seem so happy over there. My husband said he thought I would never find out, but now that I have, things are a mess. Apparently a lot of men like the way the asian women treat them because they are willing to do anything to get a western man, even if he is married. Now that I know, my husband's not sure he wants to stay married. All this time, I have struggled with all the responsibilities at home while he did whatever he wanted over there. I'm just so depressed about the whole thing. I wish my husband had never gone overseas.:(

Leigh - posted on 05/23/2013

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hi, I think the best advice if you are going to stay is to talk with him and set some ground rules. You need to try make him understand how your feeling, he needs to make you his number one priority, if he can't or won't do this then you have no choice than to leave him . You've got somewhere else to live , and I think that without all the stress this relationship is bringing, you will in time find a new job and be able to give it 100per cent without feeling constantly drained from how he is making you feel . Ask yourself truly what he is bringing to this relationship? Write it down if need be so that you see it in black and white . Only you know how much your prepared to put up with, each one of us have different breaking points, if it were me I couldn't put up with how he is being towards you , and as much as I loved him I would have to leave for my own sanity and give myself chance of true unconditional happiness. I wish you all the very best in dealing with this , it needs addressing my friend . Let me know how you get on .

Jessy - posted on 05/22/2013

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.sounds like he's having the time of his life traveling and i'm left home with all the responsibilities...have you found anyways to deal with this?

we are getting serious and I want to marry HIM but I don't want to marry into this job...any suggestions? would you take back getting married if you could have? That's a bad question...but I mean...would you have picked a different life for yourself after living it for years...
I know that I love him and if he was home we would have an amazing life together but I don't know if love and depression is better or lost love and no depression is better.

Mary - posted on 04/28/2013

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My husband has been working abroad for 2 years now and has extended for a further 2. I'm on my own in a foreign country raising our 3 daughters as a full time stay at home mum. I love being a mum but sometimes life is really challenging with no family support at all and I feel physically, mentally and spiritually drained. There a times when I feel that I could just leave my kids with someone and go out and just breathe some fresh air but I can't. My husband on the other hand tries to come and visit us every 3 weeks but only stays for the weekend and he is on that plane again. We have everything we need but I feel that my kids are missing out on their dad big time. My oldest is 12, My middle child is 10 and I have a 2+toddler. (all girls). The first time their dad left, they would always cry as they missed him so much and now they think it's normal and whenever their dad is on the phone and asks to speak with my 12 and 10 year old, they just refuse to speak to him and I do not know what to do. I feel like my kids are forgetting the Father figure they once had or knew.

Natasha - posted on 04/22/2013

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With all due respect...I think you are full of shit. Your hubby working abroad "Heather"???

Leigh - posted on 04/04/2013

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I honestly don't think he is being fair at all! If it were the other way around and he was looking after 3 children while you were out in bars after work and didn't want him to come stay for summer can you imagine how he would be ? he has to look at this from your point of view. If there is any chance that you can be together for the summer then that is what you should do, there is no point in being married and not wanting to spend time with your family even for just a couple hours a day if its at all possible, what is he thinking ? Mess his schedule with his friends ? What planet is he on . You will end up resenting him so so much over how he is treating you that he will push you away from him emotionally , and its very hard to get that emotional connection back. Once you hold resentment for your partner over how they have treated you it's very hard to forget . You will constantly ask yourself why , why don't he want to spend time with his friends and not his family . He will end up selling your marriage out for the sake of what ? Fair weathered friends !!!!! You need to tell him exactly what you feel , your not going to play second best to friends and work end of girl , go for it Hun

Liz - posted on 04/04/2013

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I am so relieved to see that I am not the only one out there with having to be without their husband. My husband works in the same state and has been gone for a year maybe have seen him 9 weeks out of year. We have 3 kids ages 3 months 2 years and 9 years. I am not going to lie I feel lost and abandoned.

When he is gone he seems so happy hangs outside of hotel after work drinking with guys. Sometimes he has went to bars during the day. However I am the stay at home mom with no friends and not able to go out because he refuses to have anyone watch our kids. I went to see him last weekend and the guy he rooms with is married with baby on the way. He was getting ready to go dancing and asked me if my husband could go... I said no he also said no. I asked the guy if his wife knew he said no he uses different name to women so that they don't find him in Facebook. I couldn't believe it it discusted me. I had a great time with being with husband past weekend he showed me the bars he went to on occasion. However I can't help to think about does my husband really go out with these guys not telling me..
I also mentioned wanting to come see him for the summer since no school and for us to have time to be in the family mode. He freaked out got mad saying we can't afford a rental and he would still never see me. Which with his per diem it would be the same. He then said he don't want to mess up schedule with other guys. WHAT ABOUT US!!!! He just gets up tight about everything never does he like my opinions or wants to try and bring us together. Not to mention we bought this house to be together then he moves 4 hours away. I need advice on the whole situation including how to deal with him. Thanks gals!!

Leigh - posted on 03/30/2013

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Hi, my husband is the same , tells me how hard it is being away from us all then ever time he rings me he sounds like he's having a ball , it's so hard to hear him feeling all happy an carefree when I am really down and struggling with him being away and the insecurities I have with him . I don't feel he listens to me when I try to tell him how I'm feeling, it goes in one ear and out the other !!!!

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2013

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I'd love to give another example : He was working on a show in detroit called Detroit 187. IMy son and fly out to meet him , can he pick me up from the airport no he has his crew do it. So we go to set and hang out for bit . Time goes by the next day my son wants to go shoot hoops in a park in detroit and the whole morning my husband says ok sure. well they get ready to leave and my husband tells my son he'll drop him off at the park ??? WTF? HE"LL DROP HIM OFF AT A PARK IN DETROIT THE KIDS 13 . First off why wouldn't he want to spend some time with him. He hasn't seen him in 8 months. I got mad and said "what?" he said he was trying to teach our son some independence NOW THAT"S MESSED UP THINKING. Thisis what I've been dealing with...........thus I give up@ All the fame and the money in the world isn't enough to deal with this the rest of my life.

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2013

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Leigh yes for years and years he would call me in the morning all happy cause he's off ready to go make his movie in egypt or china or wherever he is. He calls right in the early morning when I'm making my sons lunch getting him ready for school , I'm getting ready for work and as most mornings go with kids it's not all joy joy smile smile. It's usually hurry get dressed , get ready , get in the car. And he would call like he was in paradise happy as a claim. After years of it , I finally said you know I'm not happy when you call me in the morning I'm stressed out with zero help and he acts like he's on a damn vacation. Yes it bugs me. I'm stressed out and he's just doing his thing WORKING and playing GOLF on the weekends and he thinks that's enough for a women to be in la la la land , I think NOT!

Kimberly - posted on 03/30/2013

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No he's not helpful. I beg him to spend time with our son who just wants his dad to play Basketball with him for oh 20 minutes and he can't even do that. I just can't do this anymore. He works on that show "glee" isn't that special. Well "Glee" is more important then his own family. He didn't even bother coming home for easter because he thinks we should go out there and we didn't want to because my son has scuba diving. I went to visit him in LA and guess what there was a golf game on and he wanted to watch the game instead of walking on the beach with me. So we were in the same state yet I was still walking around alone. I deserve better and I'm going to get it. I have officially asked for the divorce after 17 years of dealing with this it's all made me an angry sad lonely person. I have so much resent and anger that I think it's going to be a long time until I can be happy again , I just hope someday I will be.

Leigh - posted on 03/26/2013

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hi, I understand how your feeling Kimberly, I was wondering how your husband is with you when he is home? Does he give you a lot of his time and support then ,so you can at least draw some positives from how he is back at home ? I am sort of getting used to my hubbie being away now , I find the worst part is the few days before he is due to go back , I just want the departure day over and done so I can gather my strength and thoughts for the weekss he is away. I don't know how any one else feels but the hardest part for me is when he calls and he sounds so happy and upbeat whilst I feel anything but happy and upbeat, then I end up feeling resentful that how come he can seem so happy when he is away for all this time without seeing his family! I don't want to mask my emotions and pretend to be all ok when in reality I'm not but I also don't want to bring him down. It's a no win situation . I believe you have to be honest and true to yourself and if your feeling down you shouldn't try and hide it. I realise that we also have to be grateful he has work and we do get to have a comfortable life , it's just sometimes a lonely one , but I also have friends who have hubbies who work at home and can end up feeling lonely even though there husbands come home of a night !!

Kimberly - posted on 03/25/2013

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I honestly can't think of anything my husband would be doing differently if he was single. ALL HE DOES IS WORKS..........same thing every man in the USA does. A husband shouldn't be a husband if he's going to be GONE for years and years and years. Question: What's my husband actually doing differently because he's married, answer NOTHING!!!!!! I'm not happy I"ve sat alone for 4 years with no more then 10 visits is that a family. Should I be grateful for roof over my head. All my memories are of me being married and lonely what a JOKE.............I"m about to pull the plug on the whole thing!

Mary - posted on 03/18/2013

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Hi i'm from brisbane and my husband goes away for 29 days and hes only comes home for 9 days it really sucks but i have 3 sons and 1 daughter all 20 to 25 but it really helps the family you definitely have more money but less time together and then you have to fit all your time in 9 days its shit its really lonely but youve got to think if he was home could I afford everything we have nice car holidays when you want never stressing over money its a no win situation but in the end you get really independent and you learn to do things on your own. Still miss them I don't like to say it but you'd know what it was like if they died it feels like that when they go away you really do grieve. I cry now and again and then i feel alot better.

Northern - posted on 03/10/2013

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You stole the words right out of my mouth Lisa and its so nice to know women here that have been married longer than me :) In regards to Kimberely, being resentful and angry will only bring about destruction. Rather, work to open communication lines, sit down with your husband and have a serious talk. Be honest with eachother! Ask yourselves what have you contributed to the marriage downfall ? If each one of you will deliberately point fingers at the other without a drop of self accountability, there's reason for suspicion. If you do this properly, you will eventually develop a better understanding and more affinity towards your husband. It takes two to make a marriage work and marriage needs to be constantly nourished in order for it to survive.
In every divorce, there is a guilty third party involved that helped create the divorce. I would encourage you to find that third party and cancel communications with it.

I am speaking here out of my own experience.
I know I had to deal with a lot of low individuals who tried to influence me into a divorce by telling me how miserably my husband must feel for leaving me behind to work in the oilsands for months on end. In time it took me many years to develop a hard shell) I learned to brush off their negative comments. I understand now that they were really just trying to break up our marriage... What my husband and I offer eachother is unconditional love and loyalty. We share a moral responsibility to be there for our children and teach them the same principles so that when they grow up and get married, they don't jump ship whenever a problem presents itself.

Lisa - posted on 03/10/2013

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Northern Mom, I respect your attitude. I've come to much the same place, but, I will say it wasn't easy. We have been married for 17 years, and my hubby has always traveled, it has just gotten more frequent and for longer periods of time. I think you are right attitude is everything!
Kimberly, I feel for you! I have been in that same place where it just didn't seem worth it. What helped me was understanding that my husband worked the way he did as an expression of his love. For him being a good provider was a way to communicate to me and the kids how much he loved us. I used to struggle with the idea that his job was more important than me and the kids. Part of the challenge for me was learning to understand WHY he does what he does. Changing my attitude changed everything, hope this helps!

Northern - posted on 03/10/2013

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Rachel,

I only have one month to go ... The last two months just flew by, this one feels like forever.
I find that it is sometimes difficult for my husband and I to reconnect when he gets home. Its because he is tired and exhausted after travelling across country to see us. I am usually tired from organizing and cleaning the house in preparations of his arrival. It takes us two weeks to get back to ourselves, and that's a minimum. I am grateful for having him home for minimum two months. I just got the news yesterday that he will be namehired to start work on the Keystone Pipeline in July. The project will last three months ...

Communication is so important and I understand thats hard for you because your husband is away at sea. That must be a lonely job :/

Anyway, youre doing great. If you ever need words of encouragement I'm here. We're pretty much in the same boat :)

Kimberly - posted on 03/08/2013

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I also want to add that decisions should be made by both people in the relationship. I do not like that he works away and he will not change . To me that's wrong and it's selfish. I tell him I'm stressed, depressed, lonely and he just says you should be happy I'm working. so he's really not caring much about what this is doing to me and our son , who's basically never had a father and I've lived my past 16 years as a single mother with zero hands on help . It's not good for my me but he doesn't change , his jobs more important then his family .

Kimberly - posted on 03/08/2013

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It's nice to know I'm not alone. :). I guess I have a "sour" attitude about my relationship. As I explained before it's been 4 years since my husband has been home for longer then 6 weeks. My main problem is that this seems to be a one way support system. You see , he can't really support me and what I need because what I (WIFES) need is help around the house , help raising children, someone to talk to , someone to touch , someone to share activities with...........BUT THAT"S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO DO. So what's left US supporting THEM and much THEY do. What do they need for support , well they need a wife who's extremely emotionally supportive of them, telling them thank you for working so hard for the family. This WE CAN DO. So I'm basically at the point where I can see that my husbands really not being a father or husband he's just WORKING. Now I say to myself so he WORKING well what's he really doing differently if he wasn't married. NOTHING he's just doing what he's always done which is work. So we sacrifice our lives for their jobs, our jobs and our children and what exactly have they sacraficed????? On the brink of a divorce :(.

Rachael - posted on 03/08/2013

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Hi northern mom the reason I say I want it to be his choice is because he was in this job when I met him , he says all the time that if I asked him to leave he would ! Problem is work is scarce at the moment not many jobs at all .
I do trust him its just times of insecurity always pop up when hes at sea and we cant talk . 1 month down 3 to go ha ha anyhow life goes on :) x

Northern - posted on 03/08/2013

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Hi, Rachel.

I read your sincere comment and I think it's wonderful that you are acknowledging your insecurities and coming up with coping strategies. Its great that you are focusing on happy moments to carry on through the days. It is a challenging lifestyle on the relationship.

It will be three months till I will see my husband again. He is working away on the pipeline project in Alberta. The kids miss him and so do I, and i have a lot of good days and bad days. I dont have issues with trust. We've happily been married for twelve years. He worked away from home for most part of our marriage, first as a truck driver then as a Teamster. We had many to endure many hardships that tested the strength of our relationship. We are at a point in our relationship where we trust eachother, we try to communicate on a daily basis and are not insecure. I find that constant communication is very important when you have trust issues. Trust strengthens over time and it will get better. You are doing the right thing.

By the way, its also important that you make family decisions. Its not his decision to work away, its both of your decisions because you are both committed to the survival of this relationship...

Rachael - posted on 03/08/2013

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My husband works away 4 months at a time I hate it , I would never ask him to leave as this has to be his choice ! Its so hard at times , the kids miss him , I have good days and bad days todays a bad day ha ha .
I was married previously for 14 years , he cheated so as a result im so insecure , luckily my new hubby is understanding and sympathetic to me .
Its hard to balance life and work when your alone and the slightest romance on tv or even seeing couples sets me off .
When you love someone its very hard not to have them around you . He rings alot when hes not at sea , it doesnt get any easier you just learn to live with it and you train your mind like a flip chart when you have your insecure days or your lonely you
Find your mind trains its self to adjust to happy thoughts and to keep busy . Good luck and if ya ever need sympathy im here x

Rose - posted on 03/04/2013

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What I am wondering is, at what point do you, as a couple, decide it isn't worth it? I would much, much rather be financially struggling than have my husband gone. He has been working 3 on 1 off in North Dakota for over a year. He feels that he has to keep working there, because the money is good and economy is so bad where we live. But for me, it's not worth it. Our kids need their daddy. I need my husband. I would so much rather be poor! He feels strongly that, as a man, he has to support us in a certain way, but I just don't see it that way at all, I don't know how to make him understand that I would rather have him then a nice house or a bunch of stuff.

Sharee - posted on 02/15/2013

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Hi Leigh,
My hubby started working a 3 week on 1 week off roster out in the mines at Coppabella, CQ in November.. I also work in a mining town with my own business out at Blackwater with family & friends 10 hours away from me in Brisbane.
The first month was the absolute hardest, I was so lost & just didn't know where to start with getting into my own routine without having anyone else to care for - the second month was so much easier as when I seen him again I knew everything was going to be okay & that our relationship is the strongest it's ever been!
Just as I was getting my mind & body on track with health & fitness, finding hobbies (photography) & really coming into my own, I have found out I am pregnant (1st time mum) & as lonely & scary as that is atm we both know that we are working towards providing better future for ourselves & this situation is not forever.
Focus on number one in the meantime hunni, cos that is what is going to make it so much easier - your relationship will grow & distance truly does make the heart grow founder.. It's not easy but will be so worth it :)

Kind Regards, Sharee x

Natasha - posted on 02/13/2013

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Hi Kimberley. I understand where you're coming from but after reading your post I think you should start investing time in yourself. It's time for you to make you happy! I know it's difficult but according to your post your son is a big boy now??? Now is the time to start working on the wife your husband is going to come home to. It will be a difficult journey but I'm sure you are up for it??

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