New mom, Living in new town, boyfriends works outta town. What do I do??

Cera - posted on 06/04/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )




Hi everyone. I'm looking for some opinions/advise on my situation.

I found out last year I was pregnant. At the time my boyfriend and I lived together in an apartment. He's not working oil rigs, but is a diamond driller. He decided that the best thing to do would be to move into a house where we would have more room for the two of us, our dog and our baby on the way:)

He figured in order to get a house so young (I'm 20, and he's 22) a good idea would be to move out of town, to make some extra dollars then, by "working out of town".

Thing is... now I'm all by myself with a new baby (now almost 9 months old), in a town where I know no one, have a dog and a house to take care of. His parents and aunts and uncles live in the town we do now, but its totally not the same as were I did live... where I grew up, where my siblings and parents and all of my friends live, and where he is STILL working.

I don't now how to deal with not having any friends, my own family around. In a town I don't know, and being a first time mom. As apposed to having been in a town with my family, friends, and having been in school and working at the same time. I dont know what to do with myself. Especially once all of the house cleaning is done ( which doesnt take much because it's rare that anythings out of order).

Should I go back and stay with my parents (considering I couldnt afford an aparment or anything now)... or should I tough it out in our house? Also, I looked at going back to work to get me outta the house..but by the time I pay for daycare and gas and everything I can't really afford to do that.

Please let me know what you think


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Shantal_spicer - posted on 06/09/2009




I know how you feel. I am 24 and my BF and I have one son and one more that will be her in July. I do live very close to family, but we did move away from all of our friends. Not to mention I am the only one out of all of my friends to have kids, so soemtimes it is really hard for them to relate to my life. When I had my first son (21 months ago) A month after our son was born my BF left for 6 months, It was really hard not having anyone to talk to or not having anyone to relate to. I knew that there were mommy groups in our town, but everyone seemed to all have their clicks and I did not feel that I fit in at all!! So I stayed at home! For almost a year it was just me and my son ( and when my BF was home it was all of us) then one day I decided I would go to one of the groups! It was hard at first but now I have GREAT new friends!! And now I look back and think why did I wait soo long!!? If you do not mind me asking where so you live!? Most towns big or small have play gorups!! Do you have a swimming pool in your town!!? I took my son to mom and baby swimming lessons, I met a lot of people there!! And it is fun for mom and baby!! ( Also a good work out) My advise is DON'T isolate your self, it really sucks!! It does get easier trust me!! I now find my days full of things to do with my new friends!! Wether it be at a mommy group or just sitting around having some coffee while the kids play! Ohhh and the park is a good place to meet some other moms!! Keep your head up!! :) If you ever need to talk just message me!! Hope this helps a little!!

Amanda - posted on 06/09/2009




I would rather live in an apartment and be with my family and friends than own my own house and not be around any of them! If that's not a possibility, then certainly try to find things to do and ways to stay busy. - But I know that is often easier said than done! Good luck!

Brienen - posted on 06/09/2009




Oh Hun, I totally understand where you are coming from. I moved to Australia with my husband when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I had no friend or family even on the continent let alone in the same state/province. All I can say is that it does get easier, having a 9 month old is hard cause it ties you to the house with nap times and things like that, the older the get the more freedom you have to take them places and get involved in things. One of the best things I found was making time for me at the gym and putting my baby in the nursery there. Even getting out for walks and simply getting out of the house for an hour really helped. Are there hobbies you like to do, you could see what your local community centre has to offer and you might find some friends in a mom and tots swim class, or a strollercise group. Joining a church has also been really wonderful for me, there are so many moms who genuinely want to help you with no string attached. Play groups are good too, but I found they were too focused on the children and most moms become child obsessed, rather then have adult conversations not involving their children. I really sympathies with you and wish you all the best. You can also be comforted that this is just a season and eventually you will find friend and things will change. Be sure to find support esspecially if you feel depression is setting in, Be on the look out for that postnatal Depression and enjoy your beautiful baby.

Liz - posted on 06/05/2009




I can relate. I left my life in MN to move to MT to be with my husband. It is like starting over. Join a playgroup or start one of your own. Find activities/groups in town that you can get involved with to meet new people. talk to other moms you may see at the park. Get a sitter once a month and have a date night. I don't know what the distance is between towns for you, but my husband has been working about 8 hrs from home for the last almost 3yrs, so he is not home much. Was there no places to live in the town you moved from? Now that my son is almost 3yrs we get out more, I try to get him out for fun activites. We live in my husband's hometown, so I have in-laws there. They are great but not the same at my sister and friends. I struggle with a double life being at home and then going to stay with my husband. Not sure if we want to move there. Don't think we could sell our house right now anyway. So it is tough.

Cera - posted on 06/04/2009




Also, I feel so alone when he's gone... when he's back, it's his days off too, so I understand that he wants to get out and do things, but this usually involves, visiting with his friends and family, out working in the garage and cleaning his vehicles, etc... so again, what do I do with myself. When I stay at home (sometimes I do go visit my parents) I never really feel like I do anything for me or with my life anymore.

I know my post is long, sorry but please give your advise.

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