are you sick of hearing........

Serene - posted on 05/28/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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We are all single parents and some of us have dead beat fathers/sperm donors to our children that don't want anything to do with them , and then there are those other women that choose to raise there child without them ever knowing there sperm donor because that it what we perfer to do. We don't want anything from these sperm donors not even child support. Well, I am one of those parents that does not want my unborn daughters sperm donor in her life. i don;t care for childsupport or anything else. The only way that he will see her is if he takes me to court and gets a DNA test. He doesn't know where i am delivering or my daughters name. If that tell you how involved he has been with my pregnancy....Therefore he does not deserve to say that he is the father of my daughter, hes a sperm donor...
Why do other women always says that your child will hate you when they get older for keeping them away from there father? or they are going to become criminals because they don't know there father or if you meet someone that treats your child like his he is concidered not the father because he is not her biological father....... I'm so sick of hearing this come on give me a break just because you are a single parent does not mean your children are going to be a criminal or end up hating you, and if a man steps up and takes care of my daughter then he is her FATHER!!!! Do any of you other ladies feel the same way as i do about this? I'm just wondering.

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Heather - posted on 05/28/2010

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I understnad where you are coming from.



I was Engaged when I got pregnant he knew I was pregnant when he ended the engagement. He decided he didnt want to be a daddy to my son at 5 months pregnant. He caused me so much stress in my first trimester I almost miscarried and my OB recommended discontinueing communication. He changed his mind when my son was 6 weeks old I said fine then you !) send $30 a week (one can of formula I couldnt breast feed) and you must call/email/text about him DAILY. He never sent any money and the daily thing lasted 2 weeks. His exscuse, He got sick, I dont get to stop being a mom when I'm sick so I had no pity. Gave him another chance it lasted 4 days. My son is now 13 months old, has TONS of great male role models in his life, but he is very clingy and protective of me (hit my boyfriend for hugging me while I was holding him) but thats also part of being 13 months old!



I get tons of negative remarks STILL (after a freakin year!) because I did not report my pregnancy to his command while he was still in the Navy and I have not hunted him down since he parted from the navy for child support (first it COSTS ALOT to hire people to find him, and the court filing fees alone (not including a lawyer and PI) are $750 in this state oh! and I would have to pay for the DNA test!)



His latest thing, Lenix isnt his (even though he looks alot like him, fortunantly my dad has alot of similar features so my mom and I say it was immaculate conception)



I say more power to you! I have struggled emotionally and financially. I rarely get to go out. But I have a great BF right now, I am in school to get a much better paying job, and I have a very well adjusted son.



If YOU feel you can do it then you can! If you feel low shoot me a message! We all have our moments as single parents but YOU are strong enough!



I could go on and on about the horrible things I was told while I was pregnant and willingly answered that "yes I will be a single mom" and I am so much ahppier doing it alone. I dont have to worry about him leanring bad habits at HIS house (like my sister has to deal with with her ex husband) Would I like child support? Sure But NOT if I have to deal with the sperm donor.



I am very happily a "Fully" Single Mother

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Vanessa - posted on 05/30/2010

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See I've read my son's diary and he wrote "Why did my Mother drop her underwear for a man who didn't respect her?" While I hated reading this, I immediately got us both into family counseling. My son's father broke every promise to get with his son or buy him a certain something. But I told my son, that until he reached age 16, he had to spend time with his Dad or waiting for his Dad to keep his promise. Whenever his Dad didn't come through, I told him to tell his son his excuses. If my son questioned me about his Dad, I told him to ask his Dad. This kept me out of the middle and helped me keep my mouth shut, without making negative comments. My son couldn't wait to turn 16 and tell me he no longer wanted anything to do with his Dad and that his Dad wasn't the kind of man he wanted to grow up being. In the long run, I did far less damage to my son by reading his diary, getting us in counseling and continue communications with his deadbeat Dad, even when it meant pinning the tail on the donkey. Ultimately, my son respects that I went all out to make the relationship so. I think the problem is that a lot of us MAJOR IN MINORS. We overprotect our children and underestimate their powers of observation and critical thinking/judgment. If I'm a cow who slept with a bull, I can certainly grab him by the horns! I meet every challenge head on, honestly and to the best of my ability, minus the emotionalism. I'm not the first woman who didn't take the time to figure out before I slept with a man, if he was Father material. I'm one of a few who won't disregard the part I played in accepting a sperm donor or a man afraid of being responsible/intimate. How dare I point my finger at him, after the fact? I won't continue this cycle nor perpetuate this behavior with my children. By arming them with knowledge beforehand, instead of putting the man down so I can be up, I've prepared them to make healthier choices and asked them to consider what kinda parent they'd like to be.

Jacqueline - posted on 05/30/2010

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I understand what you are saying. My son's father and I were together for 8mos. When I found out I was pregnant he tried everything to get me to have an abortion, saying it was unfair to my daughter (who was 9mos at the time), and how he didnt want to pay child support. Luckily, while I was pregnant I met my current boyfriend who is absolutly wonderful to both of my children. So far he has been "daddy" to my son. If my son asks me who his biological father is when he is older I will tell him, but other wise my boyfriend is daddy,

A friend of mine kind of had the same situation. His "stepfather" adopted him when he was 3years old and gave him his last name. So he has always been "dad". My friend does know who his biological father is, he has seen him maybe a handful of time, but this man he calls by his first name.

Vanessa - posted on 05/30/2010

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I don't feel the same way. I've lived on both sides of the fence: with the Dad and am presently raising kids on my own. The bottom line for me is acceptance of my own responsibility and where do I stand morally? Not every person is meant to be a parent. I'm a firm believer that a child has the right to know who their biological parent is, whether the Dad is a bum, visits them regularly or not, pays child support or not, etc. A child is entitled to child support from both parents, whether the custodial parent needs the money or not. Child support and visitation are two totally separate issues. If the custodial parent is financially self sufficient, then the child support received should be put into an account, for the child, hopefully for college. It's far easier to say "I don't need or want HIS money," when the kids are young. When they get older, their needs and education become much more expensive. Our job, as parents, is to prepare and guide our children for the long run and this includes getting past our own emotionalism. Why should a child be limited by poor, or uninformed/unrealistic choices? I haven't researched percentages of single head household whose children became criminals or hated their Mother for not including the Dad. However, I've lived long enough to have seen children who've turned against their Mom for these reasons. I've also become aware of destructive cycling put into effect by uninformed/poor choices. I chose, personally, to counter the effects: get a positive role model (applied at the Big Brother/Big Sister Foundation), start college funds, stop badmouthing the absent parent (getting hung by my own tongue and making myself look stupid), make every effort; minus my emotions, to secure my child's relationships with family members, congregate with; positive, bible believing, older moms (who don't cosign my immaturity, unrealistic expectations, or naivety), establish healthy boundaries, and make healthier choices. In the long run, I want my child to see my footwork, in going full out, to give them a solid foundation in every area of their lives. There are no guarantees in life. For me, it's not about what the Dad did or didn't do. It's about what I'm gonna do and the model I want my children to follow. I've raised two to adulthood and got two teenagers to go!

Tia - posted on 05/29/2010

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I feel the same way. I'ld rather reaise my son myself, than to have his dead beat father pop up when he feels like it. , he did it for two days then he called himself daddy, don't change his diapers, don't feed him nothing, I told him he's not daddy since he hasn't done anything, he gets pissy, haven't seen him since, then a week later he comes over with his sister, I let her see her nephew, kept him from his son and told him to stay away from us, honestly, I think my son not knowing his father is better than knowing him and in the future will ask why doesn't he come see me[in his words] on the days I want him over

Candice - posted on 05/29/2010

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i guess people say it because there may come a time when your child asks why they don't have a daddy. they'll learn about daddies from other kids, from tv, from books, and they'll wonder and they'll ask. then there will come a time when they are older, and will wonder more...

but if he's not making an effort to be a father, then it's not your fault that he's not around, so i can't see why your kids would hate you for that...

JuLeah - posted on 05/28/2010

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Being a single parent is hard. It does make it easier if there is another adult in the home sharing her/his part of the load.

If that is not going to happen, raise the kid yourself

I do think children need positive role models (men and women) in their lives, but that can come in many forms; Aunts/Uncles, teachers, troop leaders, faith based leaders, mentors, grandparents, coaches ......

I have never seen any research to suggest that a child raised in a single home will be a criminal

Single parents: greater chance for poverty? Greater chance for the kid to have unsupervised time? Parent less involved at school? ..... being a single parent does put risk factors in the kids life that are a factor in criminal behaviors ..... but they do not cause it and many signle parents homes don't have the risk factors at all. And, many criminals come from two parent homes with money and means ....

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