CHILD SUPPORT.

Carissa - posted on 04/01/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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my son's father tells me that if i believe in him he will be around. he has told me that he will have money for us and has not yet came through on anything he has said. Actually my son is 3 1/2 months and he has not even seen him. i am afriad if i go for child support he will never want to see me or his son, wich he has yet to do. so can someone please give me some advice? idk what to do. thanx

18 Comments

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Rosanna - posted on 04/14/2009

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First of all a child deserves to have both parents supporting him/her. Just because one is not in the home it does not give them any right to not take care of what is part of being a parent. You didn't get yourself pregnant. Go for the child support asap. My ex is ordered to pay child support but doesn't. He wanted to just send me money every month but i knew he wouldn't pay it so i went for child support.  He is over a year behind and I'm waiting for his idiocy to catch up to him. Recently they did pass the bill for child support that staes if a parent is like 10 grand in the hole they go to jail until it's paid off. unfortunatly that doesn't help me since it doesn't count for those who are already behind. If and when you do go for child support and if he does get behind call your local support office everyday until they do something about it. I know they're tired of hearing from me.

Claudia - posted on 04/10/2009

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your child is entitled to having both biological parents supporting him financially...if your ex does not want to voluntarily then if you file your case with the state he will do it by force. Don't worry about whether he will want to see you or his son....eventually when he sees that his hard-earned money is being deducted from his paycheck, he will wonder about custodial rights and most likely seek the child he has to be paying a monthly allowance. If he doesn't, you do not only have him be financially responsible for the child he also brought to world but your baby is all yours to share with a man that really wants to be part of his life. I hope this helps you!

Emily - posted on 04/08/2009

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Don't listen to him.... file for support through the state ASAP. I live in Colorado and after being married to my first child's father for 2 years we got divorced and he paid nothing. A year later I filed for support and it took about 6 months, but now I get $319 from him/month. Better than nothing. My second child's father is good at just giving me $400/month in cash... but my son is only 4 1/2 months, so we'll see how long it lasts.



 



I will wait til I find Mr. Right to have another.... :)

Jennifer - posted on 04/08/2009

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I think you should do what's best for you and your son, which is to file for child support. He is responsible for this child whether he likes it or not, and he should support him financially.

Lisa - posted on 04/08/2009

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the father of my son is a dead beat, he acts like he's "the man" n all that shit but he isnt and at some point you need to be the one to stand up for you and ur child and not just sit there and let him treat you like that, you need to go for what will help you and ur son in the future!!!

Tasha - posted on 04/08/2009

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Wow, your situation is so much like mine that it is scary! The thing is, it's not about you believing in him anymore, it's about you taking care of that baby. I finally realized that you'll never be able to force them to see the child, it's not your responsibility to do that anyway. You have so much to worry about, don't worry about this. Go to the state, most states will start the child support process for you at no cost. They will set an amount and take it out of his wages automatically. So, get the money you deserve that will help you be the wonderful mom you already are!! And, so that you can lower your stress level and get on with your life. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 04/07/2009

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definetely go get child support....whether he gets mad and wants anything to do with you and the baby or not! that is part of being the absent parent is helping support your child. what he misses is his loss!

Candace - posted on 04/06/2009

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the da's office will make him pay for a portion of child care (when you get it), medical insurance (if hes not doing it already), and theyll factor in extra amounts because he doesnt spend time with the child.



my sons father was paying $1151, totalling $1326 because he had arrears and a damn good job. the district attorneys office doesnt play, and neither should you. take that man to court and get what you and your child deserve.

Candace - posted on 04/06/2009

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when i was 20 i met a guy who i thought was the "one". he was six years older, funny, a marine, good looking, smart, and a LIAR. he wanted me to have an abortion although we were using no birth control. i had my son anyway. he came around every once in a while, but i had long since filed for child support. i did it before my son was born. i just had a feeling that he wasnt going to be responsible, and i was right. after a few years, he stopped returning calls, emails (even those that were from my son) and wouldnt even respond when my son wanted to spend time with him. he even lied to his mother and the rest of his family and told them that my son didnt exist and that i was the liar.



the child support never stopped coming; he always paid it (his employer deducted it from his check and sent it straight to the da, and they sent it to me; i even got HIS tax returns for 2 or 3 years in a row). as a matter of fact, in calif, you can go to court once every 3 or 4 years to modify it (given that there are no other factors that it should be modified). and thats what we did. i would see him in court...and that was it.



calling the district attorneys office is not going to run your childs father away. nothing can run a REAL MAN away from his child. nothing. at least if he is out of the pic, you can still care for your child properly...



best of luck to you. oh yeah, my son julian, is 12!

Michele - posted on 04/04/2009

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I am confused, so your saying, he has not given you any child support as of yet, and he isn't seeing you or your son either?????



 



If that is the case, why not turn him in for chidl support, what are you going to loose? Don't be scared, he is trying to 'talk' you out of going after him for chidl support, and child upport is your right, you did not make that baby alone, nor should you have to support that baby alone! He should be responsible enough to help with the bills, it doesn't have to be ALL on you fincially!

Danielle - posted on 04/04/2009

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As hard as it is, you need to worry about you and your son and remember you're the one that's there for him. My daughter is 6 and haven't heard from her dad in 2 almost 3 years. I don't have him on support, but it's a struggle. It sounds like whether you put him on support or not, he's showing you he won't always be there. You have to do what's best for you and your son. 

Sarah - posted on 04/04/2009

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I have had to force my ex to pay support and he was not happy. But oh well. He laid down with me and helped me make this baby so he needs to help support the baby as well. Your son deserves that money and so do you. If he does not want nothing to do with you or your son because he has to pay child support then he is not the kind of person you want in you life. Sorry you are going through this.. Good luck..

Amanda - posted on 04/03/2009

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My son father is a ddruggy and still wont give me child supports so i am go to take his butt to court and get i have a court date this months so i hope i get something i cant work because i dont drive so i live my mom

Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2009

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Hi Carissa, I know it can be hard maybe you feel like you would be betraying your relationship and the trust in it if you went and filed for child support. Believe me when I say that if he is already leading you down the road of broken promises it isn't going to get better, only worse.



I went through the same situation, I was a young mother and my son's father turned his back on us and left before he was even born. I would get calls here and there and he would tell me he was coming back but just trying to get back on his feet or some other type of excuse. Finally I went and filed for support, it was a bit of a long process for us because my son's father was making it difficult to track him down. When my son was about 6, he is 13 now, they were finally able to track him down and I was able to get my support order. Get your support order sooner then later because where I live, California, they don't do back suport anymore. They only go from the date of the support order forward. So check with your state.



Don't hesitate to do what is best for you and your child. Stay strong and take care of your son. You will find amazing strengh within yourself, just keep your head up and stay focused and you can do anything you put your mind to. If his father doesn't want to take a part in his life that's his loss. Family was key for me getting through the tough times and I was fortunate enough that my own father has been a wonderful male role model for him. Take care!

[deleted account]

if possible, go through your state and have them garnish his wages for child support. You will have to contact local agencies to see how this is done in your own state. The state will generally represent you and they will also be ordered to pay for back child support in many cases.

Jennifer - posted on 04/02/2009

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I was with my daughters father when she was born and he told me the same thing and didn't do anything to help either of us. I was working full time and barely making ends meet. Winter came and I couldn't afford the CILCO bill. I was able to get assistance if I filed for child support. I didn't hesitate to do so. I knew that I would get help from the state but I couldn't count on him for it. It has taken six years for him to pay on a regular basis and it is 30 a week at that. If nothing else it is the principal. It is his legal and moral obligation to help support his child whether he is there or not. He probably wont pay even if you do file but it will catch up with him. Actions speak louder than words and his are screaming at you loud and clear. He is not a man of his word. Don't let him turn this on you. Don't second guess yourself, you know what is right. Do for your son what you need to but don't get caught up in the game with him. File your support and be the strong woman that God made you to be. He doesn't give us more than we can handle. Hang in there it's all gonna work out.

[deleted account]

Go for as much child support as you can get.  I am currently not seeking more child support (need to finalize my divorce first), but my husband is supposed to be paying the state $150/month for my kids.  He owes them over $1500 right now.  He is of the mindset that if his kids aren't w/ him then he shouldn't have to support them.  Sorry, not sacrificing the well being of my kids for a man who won't put them first.  Good luck!

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