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DEAD BEAT DADS

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alahnna - posted on 09/25/2010

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It sucks, but you have to push through it. If the father's aren't going to help, someone has to do it. My ex is now planning on having his vasectimy reversed so he can have a baby with his new wife, but he's not paying for his current children. How lovely eh? He tries to tell me he's not working and can't afford it. Yet, he can afford a plane ticket to come within 3 hours of where we live (he currently lives in Holland and we live in Canada). Strangely, there's been no mention of visiting the kids when he's here for his appointment either. I just don't understand fathers who CAN be a part of their children's lives but choose not to

Alahnna - posted on 09/25/2010

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I agree to a point Lanie, it is easier for US that we don't have to argue with the father. That being said, it is harder, especially for my daughter who remembers daddy being around somewhat (she was 3 when he left). She misses him and doesn't understand why he can't be here with her. I try my best to comfort her without saying negative things to her about her dad, but it's very hard when I just wanna tell her daddy COULD be here with her if he choses to, because I never kept him from the kids ever, he chose to move away.

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2010

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i know how ya feel been there done that im dealing with a deadbeat dad too.. he doesnt see them or have anything to do with them.. i took him to court and he lied and everything almost lost my boys but i had all the proof in the world tha the denied my youngest saying that he wasnt his when he was..he hadnt seen them in over a yr but it was once a yr he would see them and it was only when it was convient for him.. i took him back to court and got sole legal physical legal custody.. hes gotta pay child support and medical.. how can a parent have a child and basically throw them away like garbage like they never even existed hes got my two and hes got a 3yr old now hes throwing away like garbage now hes a deadbeat from a far you dont have kids than just do that..been going through this for 6 1/2 yrs he was good with my 7 yr old till he was 6mos old than he was basically forget this.. and my 4yr old wanted nothing to do with him but changed his mind only cause he had to pay child support now thats just dumb if im gonna pay than im gonna make myself see him but yet hes paying child support and doesnt see them.. who knows im sick of him and being a deadbeat he has no idea what hes missing out on.. any parent whose a deadbeat has no idead what they are missing out on.. when they just up and leave there kids just like that.. they need a reality check so they know but than again nobody can change who they are and how they act.. wishing i could though.. but im getting through it i have a bf who loves my boys to death and i wouldnt have it any other way..

Nikki - posted on 09/15/2010

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I think it's so pethodic and sad these biological fathers simply vanish on their children, no child support paid, no contact with their child etc. I have struggled four years with my abandoned son and I know God tends to these matters and they shall reap what they sow. I am not out for vengeance as the Lord says "vengeance is mine" and again I know these dead beat Dads will not prosper in their lives after walking away from their children, They get what they deserve and meanwhile our children suffer the consequences of their actions so it is painful as a Mother to go through it with your child. AS of now my four year old son who was born ten weeks premature and fought for his life has done very well however he was born with a hemangioma on his back of which the pulmonoligist has us referred to a specialist in another state as they suspect it has grown inwardly as well as outwardly which is causing him to not be able to get full air capacity to his left lung and i worry of course but I have faith and sadly I know the irony is his father could care less if he has breath in his body and that is exactly what he lacks right now . I do not contact him , only know his cell number but have no idea his address, where he works etc . as again sad as it is he could care less. On the positive side we have God and God is all we need :) Amen , God Bless Moms , Nikki

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L - posted on 07/17/2012

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My I cry, my kids cry we struggle and yet he has this glamous life, fancy c ars his own business but of course nothings in his name, so child support says because he states, he's not working they can only use minum wage, so i get a grand total of 50.00 for my twin boys 15 and my 16 yr old daughter. My son stated that his dad just bought another Hummer yes another Hummer and purchased 3800 rims and tires. Along with a 2009 suv. I texted him and asked him for 50.00 to help cover a bill, he texted me back call security finance I'll pay my child support later, that really hurt, he has said a lot and done nothing before but that hi at me hard, sad to say that if I could kill him and Gaway with it I would. I feel as if I've failed my kids and my ex husband has faild them

Simone - posted on 02/25/2011

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its hard work dealing with dead beat dads that want to see their child but only cause you stress, or dads that use their kids like my 3yr olds dad did to get him and his son a bigger house, havent seen him sense and it hurts bad because all i wanted from any of the kids dads is support and them to play their part in their flesh an bloods life in a possitive way! instead i get absence an abuse! im strong i will get through it!

Brooklyn - posted on 02/21/2011

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I am 23 and 10 weeks pregnant. This is my first child. My boyfriend of two years is 26, no job, smokes weed daily and still lives with his mother! He does job search but it doesn't pay because he refuses to stop smoking weed. I really think he is going to be a dead beat dad. I am scared and very upset. I cry constantly and all of your stories made me cry :*(

Alexis - posted on 09/30/2010

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my babydad is a huge deadbeat he has no job but yet still he doesnt even want to sped time he hvnt always been dis way jus wen we brke up an he got wit a new gurl he lies an tells ppl he do dis or dat for her wen he really does nun

Tina - posted on 09/30/2010

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when i first got preg my son his dead beat dad wanted me to get fid of the baby and i refused thats when he started hitting me to try to make me loose him but i left and never went back to him but he still wants to be with me but dont want nothing to do with my son but thats not me so now my son is 2 and i have been single since any im happy

Shannon - posted on 09/29/2010

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Maybe it is just a chance to vent.. My sons dad has learned to beat the system, by working his own cab under the table all to not pay child support. He started out paying $100 a week when we separated, to when he realized it wasnt going to work, to now nothing. Along with seeing his son on a regular basis, to now barely seeing his son. This past weekend, my son asked where his daddy was.. I knew of nothing to say, except that daddy does not live close( 2 hours away ) It's tear*breaking, I refused to be a mother that went after the father bc he payed no child support, but now its gotten to the point of not seeing his son at all...

Nikki - posted on 09/28/2010

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What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. Your children will appreciate the fact that you did it on your own and did such a good job. My mom was a single mom, and I guess Im following in her footsteps, I have my ups and downs but I love my kids and would do anything for them. I work 2 jobs usually about 20 hrs a day every other day, and I work 6 days a week. Its exhausting! But Ive been doing it for 4 years now, and everyday it gets easier. And it is a reminder to my ex that I dont need him, I wanted him.

Lanie - posted on 09/25/2010

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we are lucky to not have the man around. we decide what we want and do it. no if's and's or but's.. i havent seen a couple thats together have anything easier than i do other than more money.. and to be honest. is the money really worth the hassle. i take pride in knowing i do what i have on my own and my child acts right and is too smart for her own good. she isnt a baby. she is a little girl. who listens and understands with empathy for others. thats something that comes from us mommies.. the connection is fantastic

Tiffany - posted on 09/23/2010

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I'm 5 months pregnant, and so far my childs' father is in deed a dead beat dad. When he found out I was pregnant he told me to get an abortion and has been mean to me since. His mom and sister use to talk about how he said he would be there and stuff like that and I had to tell them both that actions speak louder and that I definetly don't need them speaking for him.Eventually, now that I'm 5 months pregnant they have finally seen the light and are probably just about as tired of him as I am. I continue to keep in contact with his mom and sis as we have no problems with each other for now, but that's not to say if they start to act strange I can easily lose contact with them too. I want my baby girl to come into this world with peace not a whole bunch of bs.

Dana - posted on 09/18/2010

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i have a dead beat dad how and why did this happen? im so stressed doing a two man job...omg

Leigh - posted on 09/17/2010

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hello i have 2 children my daughters whos 4 her dads been in jail for 3 years has a year and half left. it hurts when she tells me her daddy dont love her asnd when he use to call she didnt want nething to do with him. And as for my sons father whos 14 months, he has only seen his dad 2 times when he was a mnth old. my son doesnt and prolli will never get to know his real father. my dad plays a huge role in his life. And hasnt even offered to pay for him.

India - posted on 09/15/2010

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so seriously...what is up with these guys not wanting to take care of their children and yet getting upset when you try to put them on childsupport? get over it guys! if your mother took care of you then why cant you do the same for your own child!

my situation is crazy! my daughters father wanted me to get pregnant (or so he claimed) and when i told him that i was he gonna try and tell me that i should get an abortion (which i dont believe in) i think my daughter was about 5 months old when i started realizing that he wasnt about nothing! WORST, his mom is crazy too! i spent about a year putting up with their foolishness until i realized that i didnt have to deal with them (esp her) and childsupport was one step away!

as far as childsupport goes, i dont get any and i did go to court when i was suppose to and my daughters father never showed up! i thought that he was suppose to get arrested or a warrant or something and he hasnt yet! he has my number and doesnt call to check on his daughter or anything....then when i do call him...he wants to speak to her. and whats crazy is that she dont even know who he is! HA!

and futhermore, im not mad. i love my daughter and i love that its just me and her. we struggle but we do make it, because who has time for the BS? i just wish that their was more and worst consequences for fathers who dont take care of their kids, because its not fair to us women!

Kristine - posted on 01/27/2009

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The last time my son saw his father was 11 years ago but the child support is always there, every month.  My son could be walking down the street and he could walk past his dad and his dad wouldn't know.  I've told my son that we had him young and that his dad didn't know how to be a dad.  I've told him that it has nothing to do with him and it's his dads loss for not being there.   My son has some issues and is in counceling right now.  My son is 14 now.  I'm taking him to his dads this summer because my son asked me to.  He wanted to confront the SOB.  I will be standing right next to him when he does it and I've told him that this will be his get out of jail free card where he can say anything and I won't punish his swearing.  I'm hoping that this is something he needs to end the chapter in his life.  I have told him many times that I will never abandon him and I will always be there.  And his dad's choices in his life have NOTHING at all to do with him and what kind of person he is.  When your children get older you just have to keep reminding them that this was NOT their fault and that you will always be there.

Rebecca - posted on 01/26/2009

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I know exactly what its like. My son is now just over 2 months old and his father has only seen him once, the day he was born. I had told him of my sons birth right after it happened, only to wake up in the hospital at 5 in the morning with him standing over us, because he didnt believe me. He has never seen him since and hasnt even tried to contact me, but in the meantime i had to change my cell number because of the continuous prank calls from his gf calling me immature and degrading names. I hate him but at the same time it hurts because my son is so beautiful and he deserves the best, and i dont want him to go on in life thinking what is wrong with him that his father doesnt want to be there for him. I worry what i will have to say to him when he asks where is his daddy?

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Jane:

Here in the UK we had a wonderful system called Child Support Agency which was supposed to track down dead beat dads and make them pay. Guess what? They chased the ones who were already paying on voluntary agreements they had in place with the mothers and making THEM pay more, but for people like me who knew the missing fathers were working for cash but still claiming social security they did nothing! They told me that the most they would make him pay would be £5 per week out of his benefits and that would be split three ways because he had twins with another woman who he also never paid for, so I would only get one third of £5 per week!! It just wasn't worth the hassle! My son is nearly 10, I've never had a penny from his father and my son has had no contact with his father since he was 16 months old. My son knows that every single thing he has ever had I have paid for and that his father has never done anything for him. People say I shouldn't "bad mouth" my ex to my son, but I don't see it as that - I'm only telling him the truth - that his father would rather buy a packet of cigarettes or go to the pub for a drink or put a bet on a horse race than he would ever spend money on his own children. My son knows that he is the most important thing in my life and he is very happy and very secure. He's better off without his father and has no interest in seeing him.

I would say that not all men are dead beats and there are good ones out there. You just learn to be much more choosy and ask a lot more questions before they get in your life!


Totally agree with your point of view, I also told my son everything abotu his father and the bit's he diddn't know he simply asked about, he is 8 now and made up his own mind that he did not want to see him, luckilly for me because me and his father wern't married or living together he did not gain automatic pr because my son was also born before 2003 which is when the law first come into place, CSA is a really shitty pointless company, I've never gone for it because he wont pay money anyway and if he did i'd feel like he has a hold over my son if that makes sence??!! but i dont want anything to do with him and will do the right thing and tell my son everything he wants to know, well done for not wrapping your son up in cotton wool :o) xx

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Jane:

Here in the UK we had a wonderful system called Child Support Agency which was supposed to track down dead beat dads and make them pay. Guess what? They chased the ones who were already paying on voluntary agreements they had in place with the mothers and making THEM pay more, but for people like me who knew the missing fathers were working for cash but still claiming social security they did nothing! They told me that the most they would make him pay would be £5 per week out of his benefits and that would be split three ways because he had twins with another woman who he also never paid for, so I would only get one third of £5 per week!! It just wasn't worth the hassle! My son is nearly 10, I've never had a penny from his father and my son has had no contact with his father since he was 16 months old. My son knows that every single thing he has ever had I have paid for and that his father has never done anything for him. People say I shouldn't "bad mouth" my ex to my son, but I don't see it as that - I'm only telling him the truth - that his father would rather buy a packet of cigarettes or go to the pub for a drink or put a bet on a horse race than he would ever spend money on his own children. My son knows that he is the most important thing in my life and he is very happy and very secure. He's better off without his father and has no interest in seeing him.

I would say that not all men are dead beats and there are good ones out there. You just learn to be much more choosy and ask a lot more questions before they get in your life!


Totally agree with your point of view, I also told my son everything abotu his father and the bit's he diddn't know he simply asked about, he is 8 now and made up his own mind that he did not want to see him, luckilly for me because me and his father wern't married or living together he did not gain automatic pr because my son was also born before 2003 which is when the law first come into place, CSA is a really shitty pointless company, I've never gone for it because he wont pay money anyway and if he did i'd feel like he has a hold over my son if that makes sence??!! but i dont want anything to do with him and will do the right thing and tell my son everything he wants to know, well done for not wrapping your son up in cotton wool :o) xx

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2009

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My son is 8, his father has never shown an interest since day 1, he's seen him a few time's but only when he wanted to show him off as a trophie to his friend's, his family are deadbeat too and also dont have much to do with my son, i find older fathers are more likely to bail on the mother's then when they decide a few years down the line that they want to see their child and the child say's they dont want to because they never been their before the stupid dead beat's go join the other dead beat father's with RF4J!!............. but all goes the same for the deadbeat mom's and relatives who are deatbeat, family mean's nothing these day's where as year's ago it ment so much

Larissa - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

Tell me about it.. immature lil kids who shouldn't be allowed to be called fathers... sad thing is, you never realize it until you're having their baby! haha



Couldn't agree more. He apparently didn't learn his lesson the first 2 times and went and had another kid (with someone who had twins already... they barely had started dating and she was pregnant... like less than 48hrs into the relationship). The kids are less than 22 months apart. He isn't even close to a father... he is a sperm donor basically.... thats how I see it. He has maybe seen the kids 2 hours in the last year and a half.... my son doesn't know who he is. He says "hi guy" the few times he has seen him.

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2009

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Tell me about it.. immature lil kids who shouldn't be allowed to be called fathers... sad thing is, you never realize it until you're having their baby! haha

Larissa - posted on 01/26/2009

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Oh yea it is. This was after I was nice enough in June to settle for 400 a month not the 580 state figured he could afford to pay me and not start it til July 1st so he had no extra back child support for. It is so nice how cruel they can be. He never sees his kids and I don't care any more lol. They don't know him or his family and it is his doing and theirs for not talking to me.

Danitra - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Larissa:



Quoting Danitra:




Quoting Larissa:





Quoting Danitra:






There are alot of them around, which is very unfortunate.  But you just gotta keep your head up for your kids.  You being there for them is the best!   My 11yr old's father is still owing 18,000 in support.  He is married and is very active in the community, but can't even be involved in his son's upbringing!  Amazing to me.  I mean what idiot of a woman who wants to be married to a selfish man who doesn't even help, see or let alone provide for his son voluntarily?  The state has to at least take away $235 of his money!  And that is barely getting it!  And my son is mentally handicap!  So it's pains me too!  But without God, I don't know how I could have made it thus far!
















My kids father owes just over 1500 to me and 70 to the state. Most of which is back child support. My daughter is 5 and son 3 and the child support started in march of 2006. He had finally got caught up and now can't keep a job. My daughter has Down Syndrome and I lose out on her SSI because of child support. Now I am not recieving it and it makes things hard. They finally are going after holding him in contempt of court. They reached an agreement and if he isn't following through with it they are going to go after jail time. Mind in the mean time he has taken the father role for what was at the time they were born his friends kids and now they are supposedly "engaged" only because he got her pregnant within 48 hours them starting to date and that baby was born in Nov. and he currently isn't working and one of the terms is to stay current with support... like she will give him $400 for Feb. child support when they have a house payment and bills and 3 kids which 2 of just turned 2.












You know what hun??? these guys can't get away with this kinda stuff to long.  I am starting to see that these guys are just selfish, and they can't help who they are.  We just have to advocate for our children.  And not allow silly behavior to continue.  Meaning allowing the state to handle all business matters.  because when it comes down to it, they will get theirs in the end!  BELIEVE IT!  so yes, I understand the whole SSI siutation (which sucks by the way) and I am sorry for that, and i know that these guys will never get a clue, but when they get older or good luck comes their way (winning the lottery or inheritance) they won't see it~  And God forbid something bad... but hey they never think of the (what goes around, comes back around)  really, keep your head up!!  your doing a wonderful job~!










I think he is learning his lesson. I found out from the child support case worker what the terms of the agreement was and all I figure is he is going to be saying HELLO JAIL TIME and me and a mutual friend both think that his current girl friend (who he is suppposedly engaged to) won't be waiting for him when he gets out.





lol, see what I mean!  :)  yeah, life is a trip!

Larissa - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Danitra:



Quoting Larissa:




Quoting Danitra:





There are alot of them around, which is very unfortunate.  But you just gotta keep your head up for your kids.  You being there for them is the best!   My 11yr old's father is still owing 18,000 in support.  He is married and is very active in the community, but can't even be involved in his son's upbringing!  Amazing to me.  I mean what idiot of a woman who wants to be married to a selfish man who doesn't even help, see or let alone provide for his son voluntarily?  The state has to at least take away $235 of his money!  And that is barely getting it!  And my son is mentally handicap!  So it's pains me too!  But without God, I don't know how I could have made it thus far!













My kids father owes just over 1500 to me and 70 to the state. Most of which is back child support. My daughter is 5 and son 3 and the child support started in march of 2006. He had finally got caught up and now can't keep a job. My daughter has Down Syndrome and I lose out on her SSI because of child support. Now I am not recieving it and it makes things hard. They finally are going after holding him in contempt of court. They reached an agreement and if he isn't following through with it they are going to go after jail time. Mind in the mean time he has taken the father role for what was at the time they were born his friends kids and now they are supposedly "engaged" only because he got her pregnant within 48 hours them starting to date and that baby was born in Nov. and he currently isn't working and one of the terms is to stay current with support... like she will give him $400 for Feb. child support when they have a house payment and bills and 3 kids which 2 of just turned 2.









You know what hun??? these guys can't get away with this kinda stuff to long.  I am starting to see that these guys are just selfish, and they can't help who they are.  We just have to advocate for our children.  And not allow silly behavior to continue.  Meaning allowing the state to handle all business matters.  because when it comes down to it, they will get theirs in the end!  BELIEVE IT!  so yes, I understand the whole SSI siutation (which sucks by the way) and I am sorry for that, and i know that these guys will never get a clue, but when they get older or good luck comes their way (winning the lottery or inheritance) they won't see it~  And God forbid something bad... but hey they never think of the (what goes around, comes back around)  really, keep your head up!!  your doing a wonderful job~!






I think he is learning his lesson. I found out from the child support case worker what the terms of the agreement was and all I figure is he is going to be saying HELLO JAIL TIME and me and a mutual friend both think that his current girl friend (who he is suppposedly engaged to) won't be waiting for him when he gets out.

Danitra - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Larissa:



Quoting Danitra:




There are alot of them around, which is very unfortunate.  But you just gotta keep your head up for your kids.  You being there for them is the best!   My 11yr old's father is still owing 18,000 in support.  He is married and is very active in the community, but can't even be involved in his son's upbringing!  Amazing to me.  I mean what idiot of a woman who wants to be married to a selfish man who doesn't even help, see or let alone provide for his son voluntarily?  The state has to at least take away $235 of his money!  And that is barely getting it!  And my son is mentally handicap!  So it's pains me too!  But without God, I don't know how I could have made it thus far!










My kids father owes just over 1500 to me and 70 to the state. Most of which is back child support. My daughter is 5 and son 3 and the child support started in march of 2006. He had finally got caught up and now can't keep a job. My daughter has Down Syndrome and I lose out on her SSI because of child support. Now I am not recieving it and it makes things hard. They finally are going after holding him in contempt of court. They reached an agreement and if he isn't following through with it they are going to go after jail time. Mind in the mean time he has taken the father role for what was at the time they were born his friends kids and now they are supposedly "engaged" only because he got her pregnant within 48 hours them starting to date and that baby was born in Nov. and he currently isn't working and one of the terms is to stay current with support... like she will give him $400 for Feb. child support when they have a house payment and bills and 3 kids which 2 of just turned 2.





You know what hun??? these guys can't get away with this kinda stuff to long.  I am starting to see that these guys are just selfish, and they can't help who they are.  We just have to advocate for our children.  And not allow silly behavior to continue.  Meaning allowing the state to handle all business matters.  because when it comes down to it, they will get theirs in the end!  BELIEVE IT!  so yes, I understand the whole SSI siutation (which sucks by the way) and I am sorry for that, and i know that these guys will never get a clue, but when they get older or good luck comes their way (winning the lottery or inheritance) they won't see it~  And God forbid something bad... but hey they never think of the (what goes around, comes back around)  really, keep your head up!!  your doing a wonderful job~!

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2009

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We need to remember that we as mothers will always be ther for our children, that's just our nature....if these fathers can't take the responsiblity of excepting that, our childen will realize that when they are grown. We need to stand strong and remember that our children will know who took care of them and who showed them love.

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2009

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You would think that would show the courts the type of charecter he has, that if he's not willing to pay to support his child what type of role model are they expressing to there children.

Jamilah - posted on 01/24/2009

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Angie I have an interstate case, involving 3 states. I first filed in MA, where we both lived. Since then he has moved to GA and my son and I moved to NY. I was in court all last week trying to get someone to serve him in GA so we can proceed with the case. He owes close to $10,000 in back support and my son is 15 so soon it will not matter. He is only paying $100 a month (or should I say ordered to pay...he has not actually paid anything) because he was unemployed when we went to court in 2002.



Anyhoo...in answer to your question I do not know what state you are in but in NY there is this group called Corporation Counsel, they are a group of lawyers that the jugde can order to work on cases in another state. I met with them Friday and they were very helpful. They are different from Legal Aid (we have Legal Aid here as well) because you do not have to have special circumstances for them to get involved. They told me that the only way to move the case forward is to have it registered in the state he lives in so that that state can enforce the order. After I gather so more paperwork (of course) I will go back to them to have them open the enforcement and increase case in GA. You should be able to find out from the court if they have Corporation Counsel or an agency like them in your state. Good luck!

Rita - posted on 01/24/2009

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i ask the dad to help me buy giving me money he said no i can not and i ask him fine buy me dipers wipets cloths nope he can not do that either he works under the table gets paid 1000 a week or more cause sometimes he gets paid 2 or 3 times a week but helps out his mom and sister with there bills and etc and now he has a girlfriend and her kid and new 2008 truck and a house but he says its all in her name its all her stuff all her money paying all it oh ok then i said so you get you pay to yourself so why can you not help me he says well when i left him i sold all his games and cloths and etc he had yes i did i need money for bills so playstation game cube xbox atarri;s other game systems that were worth money cause they were older then atarri well i got for all of it 400 paid some of the bills he left with cause i would give him money to pay the bills when he did not and after i left him the landlord said i needed 5 months of rent and rent was 850 a month and then lights heat phone cable was all 5 months over due so i sold all his stuff to pay some bills but got no were to catching up it was way to much money i had 6 people wanting to move in with me to help me pay it all up i said no i can not do that to anyone its way to much money to ask anyone to help me and i got the 2 kids so were you all sleeping in my living room they said they did not care but i lost everything left everything in that place but a few cloths blankets and went into the shelter i had a restraining order on the dad so they took me outta my area i lost my job my older daughter hated me i listened to her everyday in the shelter mommy i hate you i dont wannt be here i cried all the time he did this to us and i could not fix it i broke down and i have become strong now i been throu alot and both kids falling so behind in all the work i did to get them up to a good point to loose it and every 5 min have your older daughter say she hates you hurts so bad then for the school she was put in telling me my kid was bad and did not wanna be there and told the teacher off and said she was runing away then she met 4 kids her age that talked to her they became very close in the shelter alway together hanging out playing games going to the groups they had for kids but she stayed mad hurt angry she lost all goodness to her she was a completely different kid and i had lost my nice good loveable sweet girl she wanted nothen to do with me and that hurts so much you can not even imagine that feeling if you have not been though it i cried half the day i kept to myself then i made a few friends and started going to the groups they had i felt bad and so hurt i wanted to let her go stay with my friend so she could go back to her school but the shelter said no i had to have my kids with me it will keep me strong and it did and now its been a while a year outta the shelter i really wanna start dateing but i am scared to get involved i dont wanna get hurt again......

Angie - posted on 01/24/2009

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I have 22 month old twin girls. We broke up when I was pregnant because he couldn't handle the responsibility apparently. He was not there when they were born, he has never met them. He has sent me a total of about $100 since they were born in March 07. I filed for child support when they were 2 months old and they have still not even established paternity. I had to move out of state to live with my Mom to have help when the girls where first born, so now it is an interstate case and it is taking forever! I am so so so frustrated. I really can barely survive without any help and he doesn't care, at all! I hate to think that anyone else is in the same situation, but it does help to read all your stories and know that I am not alone. I don't have faith in the system at all, I feel like it will never get resolved. I can't afford an attorney, have checked into legal aid but they won't help me because it is not a divorce or domestic violence case. Any suggestions on how to move things along?

Rita - posted on 01/24/2009

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my kids dads work under the table child support sayd not much they can do even though i have all the proof adresses car/truck licence plates coworkers adresses everything i did and they can not do anything cause he works under the table so i am waiting on court dates and they told me i might loose they will win they will say like the other ones under the table that they do not work and the case gets dismissed so . i work hard to keep things ok its very hard with no help at all only wic until my 4 year old turns 5 in june and i got a small amount of food stamps and that really helps when i get paid 2 times a month and that pays the bills and rent and have a small amout left to get things we reallly need we went with out food and dipers and etc. my parents and sister help me when they can and my uncle did help a few times and 2 of my friends helped me out to and i owe them but they said forget it . its hard very hard .......i been in 3 homeless shelters cause i could not keep up with the bills and buying food and dipers and etc. that was a bad sight i hated it my 13 year old was a and b student and when we went into a shelter her grade became d and f and my lil one stoped talking and went down hill stoped the potty and everything now we have been out in this appartment for a year and things are slowly getting back to normal and i am still haveing a hard time but i have to do it and not let us go back to a shelter.. it was scary there and alot of bad things happened at the end i got thrown out of the 3rd shelter due to the 25 year old punching my daughter and well i took off after her and buy the time they pulled me off her she was bloody and blue and she wanted to press charges for attempted murder on me and i wanted to press charges on her for punching my 3 year old in the face but the police and the shelter talked it over and we both were told we would both go sit in the cell and both loose our kids forever they go up for adoption to perople we do not know so charges were not brought up and we both had to leave the shelter so it is not always easyier to go to a shelter like everyone says cause you got no bills to pay but there are bad people there and they make things bad happen........ ok i am stopping here cause i can write a book .............

Kristine - posted on 01/24/2009

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Quoting Andrea:

Oh and another thing I forgot to mention...but it is EXTREMELY important (especially in the courts eyes/the judge's eyes...NEVER, EVER...EVER hold back visitation because of a DEAD BEAT who refuses to pay support. The courts nationwide (and this is a LEGAL fact) will always SEPARATE the two issues...you can NOT DENY visitation because you ARE NOT getting support. Judges will reprimand you if you try (I didn't, but WANTED to) because their opinion is this ; A DEAD BEAT DAD is better than NO DAD in a child's life. So....as much as you want to kick him to the curb when it's time for visitation and he hasn't paid a dime....DON"T do it! (plus, if you think about it....your child doesn't necessarily, depending on age, understand that DADDY isn't paying, and therefore shouldn't suffer from seeing them because of it) I learned that the hard way.....


One thing to mention to this....btw...I totally agree.  Is that with my daughter I told the courts that it hurt her more for her dad to be in and out of her life like he was.  So the courts said that they couldn't not let him see her but said that he would have limited visitation.  Which means he can NEVER take her alone.  Either I or someone I trust be with them when he does see her and the minimum time is an hour.  Which means that I was in control of how much he saw her, when and where.  It never hurts to talk to the courts and explain everything that has happened.  Also write EVERYTHING down.  All the times that he doesn't show up for a visit.  All the bad phone calls.  The time he does see your child.  With the right documentation the courts will hear you out.

Larissa - posted on 01/24/2009

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Quoting Danitra:



There are alot of them around, which is very unfortunate.  But you just gotta keep your head up for your kids.  You being there for them is the best!   My 11yr old's father is still owing 18,000 in support.  He is married and is very active in the community, but can't even be involved in his son's upbringing!  Amazing to me.  I mean what idiot of a woman who wants to be married to a selfish man who doesn't even help, see or let alone provide for his son voluntarily?  The state has to at least take away $235 of his money!  And that is barely getting it!  And my son is mentally handicap!  So it's pains me too!  But without God, I don't know how I could have made it thus far!






My kids father owes just over 1500 to me and 70 to the state. Most of which is back child support. My daughter is 5 and son 3 and the child support started in march of 2006. He had finally got caught up and now can't keep a job. My daughter has Down Syndrome and I lose out on her SSI because of child support. Now I am not recieving it and it makes things hard. They finally are going after holding him in contempt of court. They reached an agreement and if he isn't following through with it they are going to go after jail time. Mind in the mean time he has taken the father role for what was at the time they were born his friends kids and now they are supposedly "engaged" only because he got her pregnant within 48 hours them starting to date and that baby was born in Nov. and he currently isn't working and one of the terms is to stay current with support... like she will give him $400 for Feb. child support when they have a house payment and bills and 3 kids which 2 of just turned 2.

Larissa - posted on 01/24/2009

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My kids father is a dead beat dad. He drives me crazy. Never wants to see the kids and then someone else in his life does so magically he wants to. I figure when he takes me to court (good luck getting anything but supervised... a suspected abuse case opened up was closed cuz they didn't have enough to press charges and my daughter has been in early child hood and she has a case worker (who is a social worker) and they don't ever see him, the dr has never met him, and he likes to get drunk... good luck at getting anything that my opinion. I have gotten to the point where my kids are better off without them. My son is 3 and very smart he has no idea who he is... I can say look here comes daddy and he says hi guy cuz 3 five minute visits in over a year does a lot and is so active. When I found out I was pregnant the 1st time him and his mom tired to convince me to have an abortion along with the 2nd time. I told them no way will I do that and the 2nd time I said why would I even think about that when I wouldn't do it the first time. They also tried to convince about adoption but I was keeping my kids. They are my babies.

Trish - posted on 01/23/2009

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okay not all men are deadbeat dads. My ex has a total of three children and has never paid a dime in his life. I also don't understand men like this. I have been single for almost 2 years now and also scared to date My track record is not the best with men either. I am very thankful to have the loving support of my family and friends. My daughters uncles pick up where he left off, she looks up to them as role models and it takes some of the burden off me as a single mom. As single parents all we can do is our best and at the end of the day be thankful they are with us and not them.

Danitra - posted on 01/23/2009

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There are alot of them around, which is very unfortunate.  But you just gotta keep your head up for your kids.  You being there for them is the best!   My 11yr old's father is still owing 18,000 in support.  He is married and is very active in the community, but can't even be involved in his son's upbringing!  Amazing to me.  I mean what idiot of a woman who wants to be married to a selfish man who doesn't even help, see or let alone provide for his son voluntarily?  The state has to at least take away $235 of his money!  And that is barely getting it!  And my son is mentally handicap!  So it's pains me too!  But without God, I don't know how I could have made it thus far!

Andrea - posted on 01/23/2009

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Oh and another thing I forgot to mention...but it is EXTREMELY important (especially in the courts eyes/the judge's eyes...NEVER, EVER...EVER hold back visitation because of a DEAD BEAT who refuses to pay support. The courts nationwide (and this is a LEGAL fact) will always SEPARATE the two issues...you can NOT DENY visitation because you ARE NOT getting support. Judges will reprimand you if you try (I didn't, but WANTED to) because their opinion is this ; A DEAD BEAT DAD is better than NO DAD in a child's life. So....as much as you want to kick him to the curb when it's time for visitation and he hasn't paid a dime....DON"T do it! (plus, if you think about it....your child doesn't necessarily, depending on age, understand that DADDY isn't paying, and therefore shouldn't suffer from seeing them because of it) I learned that the hard way.....

Andrea - posted on 01/23/2009

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Just a piece of wisdom I once heard from someone...
You can't force FATHERHOOD on someone. So for anyone frustrated (as I've been thousands of times in the last 8 yrs) you have to sit down and accept that you can't force your child's father to WANT to be a part of their life. When I realized that, and it took me several YEARS, I found out that lowering my expectations helped me, personally. Didn't help my soon to be 10 yr old, but....I got peace of mind..
I'm going through a battle for support, after my DEAD BEAT quit his 60,000 per/yr job, moved in with his coke addicted g/f, and stopped paying support AND then FILED FOR CUSTODY (I have full legal - have had for 7 yrs now) And, I've watched him travel abroad, make house payments (on his) car payments (4 yr old truck) go out partying every weekend....ALL THE WHILE, he's telling the COURT, HE HAS NO JOB!!! Says the g/f pays for everything....He's a 44 yr old man with NO ambition to work, and/or pay support. IN fact, he just took off to Florida (we're in Pa) to sell his late mother's home (of which he has 1/3 stake in) AND still....I can't get $ from him. He plans to 'give' eh hemm, cough...give his share to his brother and sister to AVOID paying support!
Bottom line...he created a cushion buying a house and moving out of state twice now (makes it harder to collect - interstate support orders are HARD to pursue) And the one who suffers is our son. I can literally say he MAKES me sick. But I realized I can NEVER make him WANT to be in our son's life.......I can chase him forever for the support, ALL TO MY OWN FRUSTRATION, TIME, EFFORT AND ANGST..But in the END, it's for our son.

Moral to my story.
Realize you may NEVER get your child's father to participate in their life. And you may NEVER make them care. Some just don't care. And have NO moral compass. You can't change that. Only thing you can do, is LOVE your child enough for the both of you...

And finally, PURSUE child support and NEVER GIVE UP! Use every government resource available to you. NEVER let them rest or off the HOOK! It's not YOUR battle as much as it is for YOUR child. And your child DESERVES at least ONE parent who's willing to do what's best for them.

Good Luck to you all and God Bless you in your fight and troubles.

Julianna - posted on 01/22/2009

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My son's father came around when he was almost 2 years old telling me he wanted to get married and do this together and be a father to our son. He joined the Marines, we got married, and then he went off for duty in San diego. 2 weeks later he got a tattoo of his ex's name on his chest and and expected me to be fine with it. Then he stopped sending money, giving me excuses like he had to move or something equally lame. It's been 5 months since we got married, meaning he has been making more money, off of me, and sent me none. And on top of it all because we got married and I lost my single mom status my public assistance, including my student loans, got cut off!! I wish he had just never come around. I at the point that I want nothing from him except a divorce and a promise to stay away!

Julianna - posted on 01/22/2009

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My son's father came around when he was almost 2 years old telling me he wanted to get married and do this together and be a father to our son. He joined the Marines, we got married, and then he went off for duty in San diego. 2 weeks later he got a tattoo of his ex's name on his chest and and expected me to be fine with it. Then he stopped sending money, giving me excuses like he had to move or something equally lame. It's been 5 months since we got married, meaning he has been making more money, off of me, and sent me none. And on top of it all because we got married and I lost my single mom status my public assistance, including my student loans, got cut off!! I wish he had just never come around. I at the point that I want nothing from him except a divorce and a promise to stay away!

Cori - posted on 01/22/2009

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If you are, I am too...that's why I don't even bother anymore. We got divorced almost 2 years ago, and I haven't dated anyone since...I can't trust anyone...

Brittany - posted on 01/22/2009

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Last August I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. It only took him a week to move out and break up with me. I didn't understand because we had been together for over two years. I resently found out the he has a daughter who is almost two years old and he has never met her because he didn't want her. Now he is going to do the same thing to my son. Now I'm afraid every guy that I have a relationship with will leave when things start to get hard. Everytime I find someone that seems like a good guy, they turn out to be a big jerk. Am I just a loser magnet?

Jamilah - posted on 01/22/2009

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I just spent 7 hours in child support court today to try to get a 6 year old order of support enforced! He owe's us close to $10,000...it is sad that some father's choose to be so irresonsible.

Mittie - posted on 01/22/2009

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My son's father has had a younger stalking him and harrassing him and has made false charges against him. Now he is in jail until his family can get a lawyer. It's really disturbing to know that a young girl would lie bout things to get a person put in jail. My son is 7 months old and I know he misses his father terribly. Please pray that a good ending comes from this nightmare.

Ceri - posted on 01/22/2009

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my sons dad aint paid a penny since april last year (oh sorry he paid £10 in July)...hes only supposed t pay £5 a wk and dont even do tht...since he got his new g/friend he stopped even askin how his son was and hasn't seen him since July/Aug 08...his loss tho...i dont bad mouth him in front of my son as i want him to make his own mind up about his dad as he grows up...im the lucky one cos i get t enjoy my son every day!!!!

Clair - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hmm I have a daughter whos dad does pay .... yet he won't give her the precious gift thats time. He has taken her out twice over the past 18 months.... she doesn't understand why daddy says he coming and never shows.

Cori - posted on 01/22/2009

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My ex is in and out of jail/prison. i honestly think he keeps screwing up and getting caught so he doesn't havre to pay child support...

Kel - posted on 01/20/2009

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hi meag, i have had to try and set up supervised visits in a contact centre for my kids b-7 and g-5 because there dad was very abusive towards me and lots of times in front of them. If you wanna chat or any advice if i can send me a message. kelly.

Meag - posted on 01/20/2009

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And he's not the kind of person you want around your child so trying to get supervised visits only has anyone else had to do that?

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