is it right for me to deny visitation?

Catrina - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 238 moms have responded )

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i have received little to no support from my ex. in the past 4 months he has only bought 1 pack of diapers. and given the kids a couple dollars here and there. he stopped paying child support in october of last year. i recently told him that i did not want him to see the children. i feel it is unfair that i am burdened with all the responsibilities, yet he just comes by randomly and gets to play. is it unfair to tell him not to see the kids?

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JuLeah - posted on 04/24/2010

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It's hard, I know.
I don't think, in my opinion, visitation ought to be based on child support.
Your childs relationship with their father is their relationship with their father. It is not yours and not about you.
To punish him doesn't seem right, 'cause you punish the children too and this is not their fault.
Kids know where home is. They will see for themselves who and what he is. There are many good lessons for them to learn through their interactions with him.
You don't need to say anything negitive about him. They are half him and when you slam him, you slam them too.
I'd say let things unfold as they will. You don't have control over him or his behavior.
If you don't let your kids see him then you become the bad guy and the more you try to explain the why of it to them, the more you become the bad guy.

Christie - posted on 04/23/2010

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No, what's unfair is thay we as mothers seem to have to do it all. I feel for you. The sperm doner I dated for a year has been little help with my child. Of course, NOW I find out he's married. His story when I used to ask for money was I give you what I can, which woudl make me want to tear his head off, becasue I had to come up wioth it (child care, money for medicine, diapers etc...) whether or not I has it. I don't get the luxury of "when I have it." Anyway, He has not paid child support but yet somehow feels that I should drop what ever it is I'm doing and let him get our child when it is convient for him.

BUT he hasn't done his homework, I would check you rstate laws, in the state of Georgia, in order for him to petition for visitation formally, he has to have our child legimized through the state since we were not married when she was born. So, at the advise of an attorney, I sent him a certified letter stating that if he wanted to be part of child's life there would be a visitation schedule. (I decided to go through the state for child support. I knew becasue he does side jobs, I may not get exactly what I wanted money wise, but given the break down of communication, I felt this was best. ALSO I don't think it's right that I have to beg you for money to take care of OUR child.) That all communication regarding our child had to be done in writing either through regular USPS or email. He of course has called me a bitch and everyother word in the dictionary, but things have been quite for four months now. I was very shocked, when I stuck by my guns, he backed down. I hate my baby doesn't know her father, but I personally feel it's better for him to just not be around, and that's what she knows, than for him to breeze in and out of her life when it suites his fancy. I do't want her to see such inconsisitancy. When you say you are going to do something DO IT.

I did take him to court for child support. The state handles all that for me and I don't have to worry about it. Most states have an office of child support services. I feel it's one less thing for us to disagree on.

Also, in response to the first post, unless you have been ordeed by the court, you will not be found in contempt for not allowing him to see the children. IF you have been to court, I would keep VERY good records. You should have a visitation schedule if you went throught the court, if not set one up. Tis allows you to make plans and keep better records. You can show we agreed he woudl see them on this date and he didn't show or call. He was supposed to get them at this time but he came at this time etc...... If he doesn't adhere to the schedule that would be a reason to have his visits reduced or eliminated.

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Ditto Alicia. Yes its not fair that you do most of the work. BUT Ive always firmly believed children deserve their dads and moms. Like a lot of moms always take the kids away when the dads dont do what WE want them to do. Not cool. Kids have a right to have a relationshop with their fathers. Id put more responsibilty on him. Like Id say when do you have free time? Im dropping your children off to spend time with you.

Holly - posted on 12/13/2011

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As I read through most of the posts in response to your question about visitation and child support, I am both understanding about how you feel, but also a bit a bit upset at what I read. I am a single mother of two children, both by different fathers in similar situations. My son's father does pay consistently finally (after accruing over $30,000 in arrears), but has no contact with my son since he was 4 (he is now 14). He was physically and emotionally abusive to me and we divorced. He had a visitation schedule and did not comply with it so I brought him back to court to have his visitations taken away. My daughter's father and I separated when my daughter was about 1 and we had shared custody (3 1/2 days with each parent and neither paid the other). When my daughter was a month shy of her 4th birthday, she disclosed what every mother fears the most -- he was sexually violating her. 4 year old children DO NOT make this up. After a long and emotionally exhausting investigation, mediators, counseling, etc. he was neither exonerated nor found guilty despite several disclosures by my daughter to doctors, counselors, DSS an a doctor's report confirming she had visible injuries (there is still an open case pending at the D.A.'s office that will remain open indefinitely). I don't want to get off the topic of visitation and child support so I would like to offer some advice. I agree with the people who said that child support and visitation ARE two separate issues. I don't know the details of your case specifically, but I would do it legally -- meaning I would set up a visitation schedule through the court. If he is not dependable and does not comply with the order of the court, then you are within your rights to go back into court and request his visitation be suspended. When parents separate or divorce, there are a lot of emotions between the parents and one or both want to make the other suffer. Men don't want to pay child support because they see it as hurting the mother. When parents deny child support or visitation it is to hurt the other parent. In many of these situations, we allow our emotions to control what we do, only wanting to hurt the other parent and not stopping to really consider what is best for the child. In both cases involving my children, I did everything through the court (and believe me, there were many times I just wanted to take things into my own hands), but I am glad I did it the right way and in both cases and they hung themselves. I never talked bad about their fathers nor did I deny them seeing their children -- they chose to not pay or comply with the court order. I was then able to go back into court and file for a modification for non-compliance. Don't let your emotions affect what is in the best interest of your child even if you completely disagree that he should not be seeing the child if he is not paying. Just one more thing, when I finally got sole custody of my daughter, her father was ordered to pay, based on his financial report that he put all zeros on, $20.00 a week!!! I guess in his little brain, he feels he is making it harder for me and making me suffer by not contributing more to her needs, but he is the one who is suffering. I get to be there for her pinning ceremonies at school, when she loses a tooth or to see her growth, to celebrate her birthday and attend her activities, to tuck her in bed and get kisses and hugs. He is the one suffering - I will always make sure I support my children with or without their fathers. I do agree they have just as much obligation to their children, but the most important thing is knowing she is safe and does not have to endure being molested by her father. That is something no amount of money could make up for. She is a happy child and she is doing great! I agree it is not fair and the court system is a joke, but my children have everything they need and more than enough love from me!

Sherry - posted on 07/18/2013

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I completely understand what you are going through, until my older children were ages 3 and 2 I was a single mom; doing it on my own. Their father did not and to this day does not want any responsibility concerning our children; now he has married and is the proud step-father of three boys, but he still does not want any responsibility for the children that he had a hand in creating. This is a sad individual believe me I pray for him daily... that being said I decided a long time ago that I would not allow someone who continually calls the child support office and requests that he be allowed to stop making child support payments decide what is or is not going to happen in the lives of my children; he lost that privilege. My husband of 8 years has been a wonderful father to the children since he entered into their lives and I consider them very blessed. So to me yes you have the right to deny your ex's visitation with the children he needs to show them and you that he is responsible enough for that. God bless.

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Nona - posted on 05/15/2017

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This is exactly what I've been going through. Right now, both parents have equal rights. No one can deny visitation. But you should start the legal process for custody, that way you can deny - possibly.

Rayna - posted on 01/30/2017

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I would say make the age gab a little higher. My oldest daughter was 7 almost 8 at the time she had visitations setup through the courts with her dad. She is now 14 yrs old and just informed her therapist and I how her dad was treating her on those visits. All these years I didn't know he was doing those things (nothing sexual) to her but she is hurt very bad so now I know why she has been acting out all these years. His abuse didn't stop with me it went to her. 🤐

Michaela - posted on 01/16/2015

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In america they made changes to the child support laws that make it so the child support agencies as soon as the custodial parent goes to them and gets in their system, lists the support obligor in a central data base, and the agency system does bank checks every month or couple of weeks (and the banks must comply with freezing the amount owed) as well as support orders served on employers within a couple weeks of the support obligor getting listed on the payroll. They also garnish all tax refunds and support is not dischargable in bankruptcy. The system also checks the social security database for name matches in case the person retires or becomes disabled, but in that case, the child can get enrolled for auxiliary benefits, meaning they receive a montyhly check from social security, it isn't taken out of what social security pays the obligor, it's a separate check, based on how much the obligor paid into social security while working. It is pretty exhaustive, unless you stay off the books completely they will get the money. I am glad, but having easy access to the money no matter how they treat the support obligor (still often is the dad) I think is why since the support law changed to make sure the custodial parents got the support money by these all knowing databases is related to the incredible rise in the number of parental alienation cases. Canada should do someting like that for the support.

Jessica - posted on 05/02/2014

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I see everyone's point here and everyone's situation is different. I am on both ends. I pay child and have visitation. I live in a different state than my child but have visitation. I also have a younger child and the dad ditched us, drained the bank account and left almost two years ago. My child (4 yrs old) has seen him twice in those two years. I have not gone after him for child support and he sends money when it is convenient for him, but now it's been about 8 months since he has sent money. He moved out of the state I live in...so I am wondering how that is going to go.

He technically abandoned us two years ago. Honestly I don't believe he deserves visitation due to the fact he don't even call and talk to our child, not on her birthday or on Christmas. I am just so fed up and trying to figure out what to do.

Claudia - posted on 04/29/2014

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Wowwww there is a LOT of anger here, hun I am not going to blast you I understand where you are coming from and yes he is doing you and his kids wrong. A dollar or two here or there and a pack of diapers a daddy does not make, if he isn't trying its time to go back to court. Don't deny him the right to see the kids but he does need to step up and help. The courts can help you do this and not make this about a tug of war do it the right way. Let him know your concerned document what is going on and maybe find a different board because honestly I am shocked and a little ashamed of how those on this board reacted. And if he is coming by randomly you need to set up visitation so the kids are not on an emotional roller-coaster kids need stability and that means dad not showing up 2 days in a row then being gone for a week and then maybe showing up here or there. And don't let it get to you as the kids get older they are not going to see OH he was the better parent because he got to do the fun stuff they are going to see the work you put in and the love you have for them.

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Decimus - posted on 04/22/2014

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Yes and its fucking evil. Instead of thinking about the petty rivalry with your ex-husband and your monetary needs you should be thinking about the well being of the people you forced into this world.

Mr - posted on 03/22/2014

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its he's kid too! its not about child support or being a dead beat its simply hvaing some respect, merely asking the question he should get full custody rights! i'd fight to the death for my child and he probably would to, i suggest you let him visit or risk losing your child all togheter

John - posted on 03/11/2014

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Jesus H. Christ! We do all the work. We deserve all the credit. Do any of you crazy, oh yes I mean you, bitches realize that Parental Alienation Syndrome is a real and actual emotional disorder? When you deny a man rights to see his kids, and you think you should collect money from him, you belong in jail, not him. Plain and Simple. The system is changing, Sistas! So keep it up with your crazy baby mama drama shit, from the ghetto to the 'burbs 'cuz these judges are not the same old white haired men from the 70's-80's-90's that just say "Oh well, poor lady, she just deserves money", and that was the standard. Get ready for the REVOLUTION.

Jaialec - posted on 02/22/2014

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Ive read most of the post and i agree on both sides, i am a father who wants nothing more han to spend time with my children i have 4 biological and a daughter who is 13 that ive been taking care of since she was 6 months, i am a musician who works very hard at trying to stay aflot but i contribute what i can to each of the mothers but one of them denies me my parental right whenever she gets upset all because i had another child with my current Woman, i dont think its fair for me to want my daughter every chance i get and she tells me no i get to see my other children but my daughter i have with my ex, and if i could she would be with me alot so, i miss my daughter so much.

Mairet - posted on 08/02/2012

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Everyone has an opinion and the heart can cloud the mind. In my case I was alone thru my pregnancy he came around after she was born mind you he was engaged to someone wese while I was pregnant and never so much as wondered if I needed anything. After a few mounths of "Good Behavior" I amended the birth certificate and added the father. I am trusting god that it will all be OK but truthfully I am regreating the day I did that. He also ended up moving in with us. He just moved out on July 2. Left us high and dry. Self Employed makes all his money on the side, already dating someone else and like you left to figure out how to make ends meet, no car, no job etc. I did not take any chances I went starait to my Legal Aid office and asked for help and guidance. Let the Judge decide Child Support Visitations etc. Now I have done my homework I have documented information on his financial information and as it turns out he also has a history of criminal mishaps which will work in my favor when the judge orders visitation. I have launched a Investigation thru Dept of CHild and Family and I did this together with his ex wife who has also been siffering now for over 7 years. SHe clearly put up with more then anything I was willing to do. As it stands right now in FLORIDA I can deny visitation until the judge enters an order and thanks to the investigation he will be lucky to get restricted vists. As far as financials now they look at his current finance expenses such as rent utilities etc ...and they will figure out how much he will have to pay based on that not what he claims. SO dont worry yourself go get legal help and pray for god to guide you. Hope this helps. In my opinion we go through all the sacrifice....are left with the mess and if they want to be part of the childs life thats great but with reward comes RESPONSIBILITY also!

Chaya - posted on 07/18/2012

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Don't deny him access to his children, you can go to court to make him pay child support, in fact, he can get arrested over it, but don't punish your children for dads behaviour, and be careful of speaking poorly of their dad. It could easily be used against you.
Yes, it is unfair to be burdened with financial responsibility, but you can return to court if he refuses to pay child support, if you live in the US, you can require support to be taken out of the paycheque. If you deny him access to his children, you are also denying your children access to their dad.
I require my ex to give me 24 hour notice prior to his non scheduled visits. If our daughter wishs to see him outside those peremeters, they can meet elsewhere. I just don't answere the door if he comes over unannounced.
Additionally, it became necessary for me to give my daughter a password of sorts, a certian knock on the door will tell us if it's her dad. I had a death threat some years past, (not her dad) so we give trusted friends that information if they need it.

Blossom - posted on 07/12/2012

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You can get a court ordered visitaion schedule, you most likely need to get "Legal Custody" of your children first. Just because you're the mom & they live with you, does'nt mean you have more rights than the father you have to go to court and establish your rights as the legal gaurdian in some states.
Be prepared to take documentation of his behavior and how it affects your childrens day to day lives and yours as well. Depending on what state you are in , you may need a lawyer too.
Despite what some people tell you, you do have the power to control "chaos" in your family. A visiting father does not have the right to bring chaos in your house! I've been thru that and know how it feels!
You can get a child support order that will allow the courts (and police) to force him pay child support as well.

Ana - posted on 07/06/2012

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If you haven't already, go to children's court to apply for a custody agreement that includes child support which is to be enforced by the court at all times. Don't deny your children the right to see their father. Take care of business. As long as your children are not placed in harms way when with their father, i.e. alcoholic stupors, violent threats, drugs, ... they should be allowed to visit with their father while you get the court mediation, custody order in place.

Caroline - posted on 07/02/2012

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Children are a lot of responsibility and it is unfair that he is not doing his part, either emoitionally, financially or physically. However, it's called child support....not a visitation fee. They are two separate issues.
Cutting him out of your children's lives may be easier for you right now....but it is emotionally damaging to the children in the long run. I've dealt with an ex who paid religiously and never called and rarely saw the child....made it easy for me in not dealing with him....and hard for me to explain why daddy didn't want to see/talk to her. Children need both parents as much as possible.
Unless a parent is abusive, they are still the parent and the child needs them.

Tara - posted on 03/25/2012

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I think each state is different. But he has no rights until it is court ordered here. Actually lawyers suggest not doing visitation of any kind until it is court ordered. Like I said its different in each state so I would check with the state.



I'm not sure why a father would not want to take care of his children.



I have not received a dime since May 2011 of any kind of help from him. We had an agreement last october and when I wouldnt come back home he stopped all contact with the kids. We just recently have a temp hearing in febrary so this weekend coming up with be the 3rd time hes taken the kids. They like it but wish he would help out financially too.

Dafne - posted on 03/24/2012

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If he has the legal paper attached for his visitation rights whether he pays or not the law still and will follow the ruling agreed. Better change the agreement and have him questioned for the child support or he will end up in prison for non payment.

Put things in order.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2012

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The Judge told me that visitation and child support are unrelated and that I could go to jail for refusing to allow him to see my child whether or not he was paying support. Be wise! Take him back to court for the support. My attorney told my ex that she would go for work release...meaning he would spend all of his time in jail except the time on the job to pay child support. Good luck!

Barb - posted on 03/19/2012

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In Canada the father could come vist even if they don't pay. I am assuming this is in the US cause it's a bit different there. It's not fair at all he gets to play with and just check out. My ex didn't support refused to do it told me he was struggling too much maybe some day he'd be able to not now. He only saw her every few months 7 times in a year for an hour and didn't even play with her just was able to tell people he saw her and make it seem like he wasn't a bad guy. Guys who don't want to pay or just don't are scum! Makes me so mad there are so many men doing this. He hasn't seen his daughter in over a year partly because of me mostly because he couldn't make an effort. Ps- Do what is good for your kids and your sanity your kids that what they need!

Dawn - posted on 01/22/2012

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I would see what kind of dad he is towards them and if it messes them up I would limit visitation. I am for them knowing both parents but I am not for dead beat dads or what I call fun dads. Here today gone tomorrow. I feel for you. Go to court. keep strong and know you are not alone.

Bev - posted on 01/19/2012

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Visitation is not a priviledge it is the right of the children to know both parents. It is always best to have it all written up legally so there are no questions. Supervised visitation is only ordered when there is danger to the child and non payment of child support does not rise to that standard. If you let the courts handle it then you are never the 'bad' guy....think of the kids.....which frankly, we should all think about before we ever have sex with someone - is this a person I want to be bound to thru my child for life? is this a person I want to parent with? sobering....but children have rights and they include knowing both parents and not feeling like they are a financial burden or the reason their parents argue.......think about it

Deborah - posted on 01/19/2012

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Is there a court order of visitation in effect? if not, you can't get in trouble for denying him his children. THere has to be a court order in the first place for you to be held in contempt.



I think you should tell him that being a father, and a parent, is more than just random playtime. There are other responsibilities when it comes to parenting - teaching them to use a cup, potty training, socialization...the list NEVER ends. If he is not going to be a parent enough to take part in those very important lessons, than he is not a father, but a sperm doner.



Tell him that, until he starts acting like a father and taking care of his children, he has no right to them. A biological connection does not make you a parent or a daddy. and you should call CSEA (Child Support Enforcement Agency) and complain that he has not been paying. IF you throw up a fight, they'll hopefully come down on him. In Ohio, if you are more than 3 months behind on your support, you can lose your driver's license. (WHile I Think this is bogus, how is a person supposed to get to work to pay child support if they cannot drive there?) some people need to see the reality of their responsibilities.

Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2012

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It's not ethical for you to deny visitation to the dad, even if he is a flake. And, fathers who see very little of their children are often not emotionally connected to them enough for them to get involved in financial support. If you want him to be a better provider you should encourage him to be there as much as possible. Remind him how important he is to his children and how much they need him. If it works, then you all get the best outcome, if not, then you can be proud of yourself that you never got in the way of the children having a good relationship with their father and no one could blame you for that.

Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2012

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It's not ethical for you to deny visitation to the dad, even if he is a flake. And, fathers who see very little of their children are often not emotionally connected to them enough for them to get involved in financial support. If you want him to be a better provider you should encourage him to be there as much as possible. Remind him how important he is to his children and how much they need him. If it works, then you all get the best outcome, if not, then you can be proud of yourself that you never got in the way of the children having a good relationship with their father and no one could blame you for that.

Michy - posted on 01/16/2012

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I agree with you about the father should not be allowed to see the kids. I also want to let you know if there is a court order for him to pay child support and there is a parent plan in effect you can go to jail. It will depend on the ages of the kids, but get them into counciling because if the counslor could help you if stop visitations if they can tell that there is major behavior problems due to the father only showing up every now and then. I totally understand the fustration of not getting the support that you need. I have a 14 year old son that I am lucky to see a dime every three to four months from. I am furtnate since he is old enough to make the visiting his father decision on his own now. I would contact a lawyer before you do anything since it is a really fine line.

Vickie JO - posted on 01/12/2012

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I still disagree "bio dad" flew the coop a long time ago on his own free will and has had nothing to do with my kids since PLUS he has been in and out of Jail and has paid zero support he owes over 50,000 and i will never see a dime. Our daughter has special needs and he really does not care. The more pathetic part is he has 2 other kids . 1 he has nothing to do with and the other has not seen him since he has been in jail for most of her life.. stick to your guns if they are a dead beat dad your kids are much better without them

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AMEN TOMI. Its only hurting the kids taking them away ...very selfish. really. I was taken from my dad I know how it hurts and can scar for life.

Tracy - posted on 12/31/2011

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Get the courts involved. They will demand payment or garnish his wages. He needs to step up and be a father who provides for his children. When he shows up don't let him in. No money = no visitation.

Tomi - posted on 12/31/2011

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Again I will say this. He is their father, regardless of how you feel and THEY NEED HIM. If your children see you keeping him from them and vice versa, regardless of how justified you are or your lack of other recourse, then you will only be hurting your children and in the long run they will blame YOU. You need to let your kids figure it out on their own. If making sure that your child is fed and clothed is not important to him, than likely other things like birthdays and school plays wont be either. Take your fight to the court but keep it away from your children. If you take the high road, you will win in the end.

Dusty - posted on 12/24/2011

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Is there something done through the courts that says he is allowed visitation? If so, you really have no LEGAL right to deny him visitation. But if you do want to deny him visitation, I would take him to court over it. If he was ordered to pay child support & isn't paying it, you can file a motion through the courts that would get his wages garnished, or put him in jail. Once a parent gets so far behind in child support, the court WILL take action IF you notify them.

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I feel u girl... I am doin the same thing and im goin to continue to do it unless he changes.

Rebekah - posted on 12/20/2011

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In my opinion is comes down to what is best for the kids. If they enjoy seeing him and he is good to them, I would allow it. If you need child support then by all means take him to court and make it legal. No one should have to be 100% responsible for a child as it took 2 people to make them however it often falls back on one parent to be the main care giver and financial support, I know from personal experience. Think about what it best for your kids and try to keep your personal feeling about your ex and the financial side out of it. I feel for you and know how it is. For me, it all comes down to what is best for my son.

Teresa - posted on 08/18/2011

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Hi It sounds like you are a wonderful mother who is trying her best to cope with a very difficult situation. Unfortunatly you are not alone as you can see by the many posts on here.

Unfortunatly there are parents who take the responsibility of parenting their child as the most important job in their lives, and part of that responsibility is making sure that your children are taken care of finacialy as well as supporting their many other needs.



However there are those parents for whom this one priority is one that they feel for what ever reason is not something they feel they need to do.



Your child has needs that have to be met and one of those needs is having a father figure in his life, even though understandable, you may feel anger towards your ex partner for not contributing finacialy.



It is at this time that you have to put aside all of your anger especially around your son, I would suggest you let a family mediatator handle this for you where you can express your anger, and explain the situation, not only will they support you, but also try to mediate on your behalf to make your ex partner understand that legally he will be made to support your son throughout his childhood.



Trying to get your ex- partner to disscuss this may lead to further confrontasions that will only make the situation worse for you and your son.

However your son will not at this age fully understand why you are angry. I am sure once you feel you are getting support and someone is listening to your needs this will help, in the mean time keep the visitations open, and conversations only to about your son, and the finacial situation can be dealt with by those who have had a lot more experiance in this area.

You are a very good mom and the important thing is that you are there for your son, and he will feel loved and secure by what you have done for him and continue to do. good luck

Keri - posted on 08/17/2011

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I actually can refuse visitation. In my state both parties are required to take a divorce class. He insisted he did not have to take it since he lives in another state. I found him the class in his state. He never took the class therefore technically he can't see his son. Not that it matters I have not seen him 7 years or heard from him in at least 7 months and then only because I emailed him. Otherwise I don't hear from him at all. I go through the state for child support.

Kelly - posted on 08/13/2011

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Until this weekend, my ex hadn't seen his son in 2mths. He hasn't given me any money since 14th March. And all he does is tell me it's my fault that he's broke and that he doesn't see Tyler. He argued with me for like 2 days to see our son. I was fine with him having T, I just wanted T to go to daycare. It costs me $50 a day even if he doesnt go. And I wanted him home Sunday (tomorrow) because we're have visitors. Ended up agreeing for ex to have T Thursday night - sunday morning. It's Saturday and it was clearly too much work to have him that long because I had him back at lunchtime today. Although he did give me $100 because I had no nappies or anything, and I told him so. *shrugs*

Kat - posted on 08/12/2011

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i think u have every right to deny visitation i recently had to stop visitation with my daughters father she is almost 17 months hes never bought her anything that she needs and i have yet to see a penny in support since shes been gone

Kat - posted on 08/12/2011

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i think u have every right to deny visitation i recently had to stop visitation with my daughters father she is almost 17 months hes never bought her anything that she needs and i have yet to see a penny in support since shes been gone

Amber - posted on 08/10/2011

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I know how frustrating it is. My ex has NEVER paid a dime and actually asks me to send them with money when they make their once a year visit (his choice) that is if he takes all 3 instead of his favorite two. However he is still their flesh and blood. If he is trying to be part of the kids life I feel that happen regaurdless of ability (or willingness) to pay. My hubby's situation is this......he loves his kids and wants nothing more than to be part of their life their mom only allows him to see them when she gets a check plus she harasses his family over him not paying and TRUST me he really is trying. he's worked at 13 different temp services trying to get steady work. I think theres a difference in not paying and REFUSING to pay. Either way the kids will eventually see who REALLY takes care of them. Good luc to you

[deleted account]

JuLeah has the right idea...it's not about money or child support. And I hate to break it to ya, but most women that are married still do all the work too! Kids need to be able to see their father, they may really hold it against you later in life if you try to keep him from them.

Donna - posted on 08/09/2011

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Unfortunately, is not fair to the kids... I was in the same position... 2 babies and no child support. he was just irresponsible.... BUT.. though still irresponsible, he is their best friend. Kids need their Mom and Dad however they can get them... Unless he is abusive... take whatever you can get... I had a hard time too.. working 2 jobs...sometimes 3... after they got old enough, I had a break because they would ask to go see him and they'd spend the night....That's when I finally got my sanity back...

Beth - posted on 08/09/2011

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In California, if a parent does not pay, they are not eligible for visitation. period. If I don't feed and cloth my child, that's neglect and the state will step in and remove him from my life. I fail to see how not paying child support is not neglect. If you aren't feeding and clothing and sheltering your child, you are neglecting him. I for one, will not reward that behavior. If for no other reason, I don't want my son to see that bad behavior is rewarded. He is being raised to be a responsible and accountable person. That starts at home by holding the sperm donor accountable.

Kelly - posted on 08/09/2011

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then they should not make babies. yes it takes two to make a baby. But its not all up to the women. DONT PLAY IF YOU CANT PAY.

Kyleigh - posted on 08/08/2011

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i dont mean to be "mean." just saying unless he is abusing the children he needs to be seeing them, in the court system paying support vs. visitation are totally two seperate issues

Beth - posted on 08/08/2011

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C, I'm so sorry some people on here on so mean spirited. As someone who is walking in your shoes, I know what a moral dilemma this is. hang in there. follow that mommy heart of yours, and you'll be just fine.

Doris - posted on 08/08/2011

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I most definitely agree that children need both parents. But responsibility also goes to both parents. Unfortunately the norm today is that too many children have only one parent or two moms or two dads. You can hear resentment when one parent does all the work takes on all the responsibilities and then the other parent comes along and just wants to eat the cake and leave. Resentment spills over on the children, so then it's best for the father to pay his dues to help mom and then he can enjoy the children much more. It wasn't said that the dad has financial problems so he needs to pay child support.

Kyleigh - posted on 08/08/2011

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children both need their mom and dad, unless a sex offender and had his rights terminated because of "child abuse" clearly not the case.

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