Potential Dead Beat Dad

Tierra - posted on 01/27/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Im 34 weeks pregnant and just found out the sex of my baby. The day I found out I immediately called my sons dad to give him the news. However every time I called he was not there, or at least thats what they told me. I have called a total of like 6 times in one week and I'm starting to think he has instructed his family to tell me he isnt there. As far as I know he still isnt working so he really has no reason to be so busy everytime I call. Does anyone think Im over reacting or do I have reason to be concerned?

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Sara - posted on 01/29/2010

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My son's father went back and forth the entire time I was pregnant. He came to one dr appointment when we found out the sex. I didn't see or hear from him from February 09 until April 30th of 09 when i called him to tell him i was in labor. He seemed very excited so I thought he would turn a corner on being responsible. My father had told me all along that sometimes for men it doesn't become real until the baby is in their arms because they don't have the attachment and stuff that we get by carrying the baby for 40 weeks. Well .... we saw him for the 3 days in the hospital and then again when my son was a week old. My son is now almost 9 months and we are MUCH better off without him. I stayed open for his father to develop a relationship and was as supportive as i could be ... you can only do so much for them. They have to stand up and want that bond in order to get it. I would just start to prepare yourself to be a single mom and if he decides to step up then it will be a nice surprise ... but if he doesn't you haven't set yourself up to be disappointed.

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i agree with everything that Sara said. except that i would not let him come and go as he pleases. That will be really hard on your son. He either needs to be involved or not. and believe me, if he chooses not to, your better off without him. i dont know what state your in but child support, and visitation are two different things. so even if he never sees your son, he is still responsible to pay.

Jessica - posted on 01/28/2010

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I would give it a little more time, maybe he'll get back to you. Has he been involved with the pregnancy up to this point? If so, I find it hard to believe he wuld disappear now, after so long. If not, then maybe he has decided he doens't want to be involved.

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Amanda - posted on 02/03/2010

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you have every reason to worry...if you know he gonna be a dead beat and you dont wanna deal with the drama you can always say you dont know who the father is...or after the child is born take him to court for child support and once he gets so far behind they will arrest him and make him do jail time...good luck



oh and also go to court asap for full custody since you have the doubt of dead beat....otherwise its gonna take a lot longer later!

Noel - posted on 02/03/2010

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Why even give him the benefit of the doubt. Start the child support paper work NOW. You need to cover your back and take care of your child. If he comes around, neat. If not, then you're covered. Don't let some idtiot dictate your life.

Carrin - posted on 02/01/2010

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i was 8morths pregnant.and my son's father left me 5weeks b4 i was due n he got another women pregnant he dont have nothing to do with my son and it is his 1st son and today it is my son's 1st brithday

Tanisha - posted on 02/01/2010

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I'm right there with you, I will be 34 weeks on thursday.Since the day I told him in July he has been back and forth. The messed up thing is that we planned this pregnancy was trying for 6mths. He moved out on Oct 6th and been in and out every since. He went to two appointments with me. It takes a miracle to get him to answer the phone or a text. I'm hoping that when the baby is born he will come around more for her sake, but I'm at that point where I don't even want a intamate relationship with him anymore. It's hard when your feelings are invovled and being pregnant does not help, it just makes you more emotional. So no you are not over reacting. You have feelings and he is just being inconsiderate. I wish you the best and do not let him stress you. Focus on the new life you are preparing to bring in the world. It will be his lost not yours if he does not come around.

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2010

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YEAH!! You know, Jonathan is a really good name. A really GOOD name.. I do not know if anyone on here is into the Bible.. but Jonathan was the backbone (wise mentor) to David the King.. David needed Jonathan as David tended to get off track sometimes :) I love it!! I sometimes know things in my instincts as well, and just need a push into the right directions and have to post things as well.. you know how our emotions and desires can sometimes make reality a little "hazy".. I just love your picture and it made me smile so much to see it yesterday!! Blessings!! :) jenny

Tierra - posted on 01/29/2010

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Thanks you guys. your comments were very helpful. My inner gut kept telling me to let it go and move on, I guess I just needed to here from someone else! Thanks! Oh and Jennifer, its a boy! His name will be Jonathan.

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2010

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i agree with everything that Sara said. except that i would not let him come and go as he pleases. That will be really hard on your son. He either needs to be involved or not. and believe me, if he chooses not to, your better off without him. i dont know what state your in but child support, and visitation are two different things. so even if he never sees your son, he is still responsible to pay.


This is what Reagan said above (i did the whole reply with quote wrong).. but I agree 100%!!! It may seem so mean, right? Nope. Its called wisdom.. :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2010

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Oh, and NO you are not overreacting.. this is called a "mind game" and its time to clear your life of those and get ready for more fun ones ahead.. like "balloon toss" or "candy land" we like checkers in our home personally... :) There is so much more to life and do not let yours be consumed with him.. there really is joy without a guy.. I am so serious.. men are great.. but not the one's that play games with your head. Is it a boy? I am just guessing.. you should have us all on here guess and we can see who the winners are at the end. My guess is a boy..

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2010

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I LOVE THE PICTURE FIRST OFF! That is just too cool. So what is the sex of the baby? I know its exciting to know these things and how disappointing it can be to not have anyone to share with the awesome moments of your child's development.. I would honestly girl.. and you can do whatever but I would just stop calling him.. if he really wanted to be a part of it then he would.. I would not assume but instead resume

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