staying over with dad!

Rachel - posted on 11/29/2008 ( 12 moms have responded )

2

1

0

Hi again! something else has been really playing on my mind, do I let my baby go to sleep at her dad's for a night? she is 10 months old and sees her dad nearly every day. I think it is just me being selfish not wanting her to go as I'm sure she will be fine! However, if i let her go to stay he might want her to stay every week!! not sure how happy i would be! we haven't had legal advice yet so him seeing her so often is my good will!

anyone else in same boat?

xx

12 Comments

View replies by

Yvonne - posted on 06/21/2009

29

0

3

Hi Rachel



My little girl just turned one but she's been spending every saturday night at her dad's house since April. He picks her up after work from nursery everyday and keeps her in his house til i get home from work then drops her off..

It was hard at first especially when you aren't sure that they are getting the same level of care as you would give.. but he is her father and the fact that he does spend time with her during the week and she is happy and not distressed or hurt in anyway when she comes back to you, should tell you that he is doing a good job and is trustworthy for an overnigher. I don't know what your situation is but you've got a man their WANTING to spend time with his child, you should feel lucky! Many others would love and appreciate that kind of help and interest without getting the courts involved!! Whatever my feelings are towards my ex, i try my best not to let it get in the way of their relationship, if anything these nights away have brought them closer and have given me a bit of time to recuperate and get ready to the hectic week ahead.

Our rule is that no one is allowed over when she is around, it works both ways and seems to be working for us upto now..

So give it a chance and see what happens.. Good Luck!

Rebecca - posted on 06/18/2009

172

10

25

dont thing that this doesnt go thro every person head its either the ex husband or the ex wife doesnt matter wfhich one that there is an kidnapping of the kid weather u have him or her or visa a versa due to the one parent thinking its not fair u have this kid he should too so they kidnapp there own children . do u know how many moms and fathers face that in a divorce? quite a few... this is and every day thing. takeing legal advice its the best step i ever did and for any one that belives in it . they do the same thing.

Beena - posted on 06/18/2009

1

5

0

yes, my son is very close to his dad. and he also tries to take him every second day. i feel very scared that one day hell take my child away. ive taken legal advice and my lawyer will send him a letter advising him when he can meet his son. take legal advice it helps before he goes to the lawyer u should go.take care

Rebecca - posted on 06/18/2009

172

10

25

Posted by Holly Lepp (June 15, 1:01 pm)

If i were you i would have a contract written up with the cort thts how mine is my ex argues with me all the time on dates and times ,what ever the court order says its what we do we do an every other weekend and i have full phsicial custody and joint together = childs lives with me most Of the time ,and we have to agree on major medical and we spilt major hoilidays mothers day with me fathersday with him no matter what or whos weekend or week .this is how it is spilt up on odd # years for the non-custodial 1.Easter vacation will and is spilt in to two time periods ,easter 1 and easter 2.easter 1 will be from the day school lets out at 6pm untill the evening before easterat 8pm .easter 2 will consist of eastersunday from 10am untill the evening before school commences at 8pm (i understand that she does not attend school but you could do something like this ,some years she will not be with you on the hoildays )depending on the year .THanksgiving is a long weekend and shall consist of wednesday evening at 6pm untill sunday evening at 7pm .Christmas vacation .Christmas will also be devided into two segments ,Christmas 1and 2 christmas 1 will consist of the day school ends untill 10pm christmas eve christmas 2 will consist of 1010am christmas morning untill the evening before school commences at 8pm .memmorial day and labor day shall be from friday at 6pm untill the following monday at 7pm .you have some thing written up that works for the bouth if you hopefully this works ,i think tha it is ok but it shard to plan stuff if you dont have more of a defonite schudle .odd # years

1.Easter 1

2.Memorial day

3.Labor day

4.Christmas 2

5.childs birthday

even # years

1.Easter 2

2. 4th of july

3.Thanksgiving weekend

4.christmas 1

mothers day ,fathers day ,4th of JULy and minor childs birthday are one (1)day hoildays from 9am -9pm (child must attend school if school is in session that day ) since she is not in school do a cupple days on and cupple days off .see how that works .hope this helps any more questions please feel free to ask i will help in any way i can

HOLLY i agree with Holly here this is how we had ours worked out...

Holly - posted on 06/15/2009

327

34

32

as long as you have no reason not to distrust him ,let her go !even if you take it slow at one (1)nite at a time see how that goes ......

Holly - posted on 06/15/2009

327

34

32

If i were you i would have a contract written up with the cort thts how mine is my ex argues with me all the time on dates and times ,what ever the court order says its what we do we do an every other weekend and i have full phsicial custody and joint together = childs lives with me most Of the time ,and we have to agree on major medical and we spilt major hoilidays mothers day with me fathersday with him no matter what or whos weekend or week .this is how it is spilt up on odd # years for the non-custodial 1.Easter vacation will and is spilt in to two time periods ,easter 1 and easter 2.easter 1 will be from the day school lets out at 6pm untill the evening before easterat 8pm .easter 2 will consist of eastersunday from 10am untill the evening before school commences at 8pm (i understand that she does not attend school but you could do something like this ,some years she will not be with you on the hoildays )depending on the year .THanksgiving is a long weekend and shall consist of wednesday evening at 6pm untill sunday evening at 7pm .Christmas vacation .Christmas will also be devided into two segments ,Christmas 1and 2 christmas 1 will consist of the day school ends untill 10pm christmas eve christmas 2 will consist of 1010am christmas morning untill the evening before school commences at 8pm .memmorial day and labor day shall be from friday at 6pm untill the following monday at 7pm .you have some thing written up that works for the bouth if you hopefully this works ,i think tha it is ok but it shard to plan stuff if you dont have more of a defonite schudle .odd # years

1.Easter 1

2.Memorial day

3.Labor day

4.Christmas 2

5.childs birthday

even # years

1.Easter 2

2. 4th of july

3.Thanksgiving weekend

4.christmas 1

mothers day ,fathers day ,4th of JULy and minor childs birthday are one (1)day hoildays from 9am -9pm (child must attend school if school is in session that day ) since she is not in school do a cupple days on and cupple days off .see how that works .hope this helps any more questions please feel free to ask i will help in any way i can

HOLLY

Steffany - posted on 06/14/2009

11

5

0

WOW are all single mom's this dumb. If the father cares enough about taking care of the child on a daily basis. It is probably killing him that she is not with him during the night. He should have her every weekend at least!! Just because he cheated or blah blah blah...get over it. Put your personal feelings on the back burner...and remember the guy you fell in love with! That is the man who is raising the child with you. I just can't believe how stupid you women are ...especially you Alex Scarpetta.

Michelle - posted on 06/14/2009

4

5

0

i just started leaving my kids to stay at their dads, my 2 are older so they understand a little better the situation, however its like when i get them back i have 2 different children, takes me a whole day to calm them down, saying all this though i wouldnt stop them, he is their father and to be honest us mums need a break too, at first it will be hard but it does get easier and soon you may actually enjoy having some time to your self

Bonnie - posted on 06/13/2009

8

8

0

My daughter is 2 and her father and i recently split and he moved in with a woman 3 days later. He has pulled me into court and now is blaming me because the court didn't give him what he wanted. He wants to keep my daughter overnites well 3 nights at a time. She has never been away from me at night ever. He has never been able to get her to sleep even for naps she just cries for me for hours so I am fighting overnites until she is a little older. I have rally struggled with this because I don't want to use my daughter as a pawn and given that I am still very angry about everything I worried that I was just being selfish. But then my daugter started coming home from this womans house and trying to go to the bathroom standing up on the toilet(she has a 4 yr old boy) and I am now sure that I am doing the right thing. She is my only child and I don't want anything to happen to her. Not that he is a bad father he is just very selfish and lazy, he doesnt keep a very good eye on her he leaves it up to other people. And I know that it has to happen eventually I want it to be when she is talking better and can come home and tell me if something happened while she was there. Also when you do go into court for set visitation the courts will usually go by what visitation has already been set up so just be careful that the amount of time that he has her is because you want him to have and not because you feel bad. Good luck.

Carolyn - posted on 12/01/2008

17

13

0

Hi,

I just joined the group, but I totally understand what you're going through. I have been dealing with this issue for ten years. I still don't like it, but I had done the same thing for a short time. I then had visitation set with child support. I hated sending my girls, but i just kept thinking, that "it's only for a short time". What was bad was that he lives in West Virginia, and i live in New york, so if they wanted to come home, that was hard to do.

If you know that he's a good dad, then I wouldn't worry. Just do what I did. I would think of activities and outings I would do with them when they got home. You can focus on the details of time, location, money to be spent, ect. By the time she comes home, you not only didn't worry every minute, you have a great day planned! Oh and by the way, you can also think of it as a "mini vacation" for you! You and your daughter will be fine. Good luck!

Erica - posted on 12/01/2008

5

20

1

I think that you should allow her to sleep at dads house. There is nothing wrong with this. Thats her father. Stay away from lawyers and think about what is best for her. How would you feel if your own Mother told you you couldn't spend time with your father? Sounds kind of silly if you ask me. Alternating weekends are fine aren't they. Got to remember it took 2 to make a beautiful baby and it would be a shame for her to miss out on one of her parents. That could come back to haunt you one day. You said yourself your sure that she would be fine. What if the situation was flipped and she was with her Dad and he tried to tell you No; I don't think she could spend the night with you. How would that make you feel? Think about her! She needs both of you! Don't let her miss out on bonding with her Dad. Life's to short! Children aren't pawns. She may be little now but one day she will be able to make the decision on who she wants to stay with. Just my opinion you don;t have to take it. Just think it could be nice to have a nite to yourself and soak in the tub or go to dinner with friends. You know she's safe because she is with her Dad. He should be responsible for her as well. Hope I didn't offend u. Just know from experience. TC

Alex - posted on 11/30/2008

2

11

1

I have a 2 year old and her dad has been asking when he can keep her over-night on the weekends. He works 2nd shift and I let him take her every morning during the week. I don't let her stay during the weekends becuase I worry he may find something he rather be doing and leave her with a family member or friend for the night. I've never spent the night away from her and I think I will wait until she is school age before I allow over-night visitation. That way she can let me know if she's actually staying with her dad. I dont blame you for not wanting to let her go.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms