Who's last name if the father isnt around?

Gianinna - posted on 03/19/2010 ( 425 moms have responded )

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If the father of your son/daughter is not around would you still give them there last name or would you give them your last name and why?

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Katlynn - posted on 03/20/2010

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I gave my daughter my last name, and there are many reasonings for it, its way easyer dealing with medical issues, schooling, and travel, and why should your child have the last name of a dead beat low life that isnt around when youa re doing all the work YOU DESERVE ALL THE CREDIT!!! If he cant be there he doesnt deserve to have somthign so precious named after him

Kekua - posted on 03/19/2010

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my thinking: last name = surname = family name. who's his family? YOU!!! =)

Jeanna - posted on 03/20/2010

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I am a former teacher. I gave my DD my last name. He wasn't around for 9 months while I was pregnant. He has not been around for the 19 almost 20 months since she got here. It took 18 months to start getting child support. I did not want to go through my life being called Mrs. So and so. At the dr and school and other places. My daughter is also biracial as well, so I already get the are you Mom? question. It is annoying as hell. No it will not affect the kiddo that much later in life. Tell them about their dad and do what you can.

I intend to tell my dd about her dad. I will not down talk him. I will give him opportunity to see her if he ever wants to. He will make his own bed and have to lie in when she wants nothing to do with him. They screw themselves on their own, we really don't have to do it for them.

Supora - posted on 03/19/2010

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my thing is if hes not gonna be around then i dont want her trying to figure out who is this strangers name that shes holding on to! it just lets her know that shes apart of me and im not going anywhere

Nicole - posted on 03/29/2012

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If you are not together at the time of your childs birth and you don't think you will ever get back together then I wouldn't use the guys last name.... I had the same situation when my oldest daughter was born, since me and my ex were not together I gave her my last name and there is not a fathers name on her Birth Certificate. He was excited at first to find out that we were having a girl, but then after she was born I hardly saw him and he wasn't a good person anyways.. we did live together for 5 months then I broke it off and he hasn't seen her since she was 8 1/2 months and she is now 6 yrs old... so glad I didn't put his name down, was the best decision I made. Good Luck !

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425 Comments

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RENEE - posted on 03/30/2012

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Both of my boys have diff. last names from each other and myself, their dads out of their lives. My 21 yr. olds dad stop seeing him when he was 10 and expressed that i should have given him my last name ( he is not bitter nor angry @ sperm donor) because i have always been there. My 11yr. old hasn't said anything as of yet but i do wish i had given him my last name, not because his father hasn't seen him since he was a week old or out of bitterness but because i feel he is "all" mine. Although we all have diff. last names it hasn't been at all a factor, we r but one fam; One unit and we love and respect each other as such! By the way my comadre's ( god daughter's mom) two girls and 1 son all by diff. men all have her last name. Good luck and many blessings.

Chanda - posted on 03/30/2012

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My daughter's father and I ended our relationship when I was 3 months pregnant. When she was born, I gave her my last name and did not list a father on her birth certificate. My reasoning in giving her my last name was that then we would have the same last name and I knew he would not be involved with her. She is now almost 22 and he never did pursue a relationship with her, so for me, I feel that I totally made the correct decision. Do what you feel is right in your heart. Best of luck to you.

Kate - posted on 03/29/2012

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My Daughter has my last name because legally I did not want any trouble with the father whom is not around.

Medusapain69 - posted on 03/27/2012

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If you are not with the dad, and will be doing the lioness's share of bringing up your child, then i certainly don't think the child should get the dad's name! My girls only got their Dad's surname because were engaged and planning a wedding (which has since taken place, so we all have the same name!) if he was not on the scene then my girls would have had my maiden name.

[deleted account]

I gave my son my last name and my father who didnt have any sons was very happy that I named him after him. and you can give a baby any name you want. your last name your mothers maiden name. the choice is yours.

Christy - posted on 03/22/2012

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I gave my daughter her father's last name and now I regret it. She is only four and has already asked why her last name is different than her brothers and mine. She even asked if I would change her name. In my opinion, if he is not in the child's life than I would not give the child his last name

Jami - posted on 03/20/2012

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Your last name. Firstly, then you don't have to explain why they have a different last name than you. Secondly, makes it easier at doctors or whatever in my opinion when your child has the same name. Thirdly, in some states you aren't allowed to give the baby the father's name without him around to sign the birth certificate.

Jacynthia - posted on 03/19/2012

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My son has my last name. His father isn't around and I believe it is a privilege and not necessity to have his last name. Some thinks that it will cause problems in the future but that's what DNA and birth certificate signature are for. Don't let the last name stress you out.

Toni - posted on 03/17/2012

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In Florida, you can't put an absent parent on the birth certificate.. so my son got my last name. And he would have gotten my last name even if the father was present. He did nothing but help make my son... he doesn't deserve any type of reward.

Sian - posted on 03/14/2012

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My daughter dad isnt around and i have named my baby the same name as me i am her mam and if he is not around why should she have the same surname as him pretty stupid if you ask me

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2012

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I gave my baby my maiden name, but later changed it to something unique that had meaning to me.

Cs19862 - posted on 03/10/2012

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i am recently divorced and i kept his name and my ex boyfriend and i got pregnant and i am a single mom. i gave her my ex husbands last name, i think if i am going to have two kids they should have the last name, and i am keeping my exhusbands last name myself because i dont want the kids to have different last names, i grew up in a family where we all practicaly had different last names. my ex husband isnt happy about it and my duaghters family isnt happy about it but i am the one raising her with out any help her dad doesnt claim her i wouldnt give him the satisfation of that. everyone is unhappy but i am not. i am happy with her last name. but thats just me.

Erika - posted on 03/09/2012

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I am a single mother and the father is not around. I gave the father's last name because that is his father. I think the child needs to know where they came from.

[deleted account]

My oldest son's biological father dumped me when I got pregnant. When my son was born I gave him my last name. Two years later my husband was able to adopt him and gave him his last name.

Jodie - posted on 03/08/2012

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i MADE THAT MISTAKE .....i gave my kids his last name, hoping he was gonna stick around, but he didnt, and when my daughter was 9 months old I moved out, so now that she is 6 years old, I am trying to get her name changed and its a long hard battle to get it done

DEANNA - posted on 03/06/2012

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I AGREE YOURS IF THE FATHER IS NOT ACTIVE UNTIL FURTHER ACTIONS ARE TAKEN WHEN HE DO FEEL LIKE HE WANNA BE A FATHER AND NOT HALF STEP THEN HE CAN PAY TO CHANGE THE BABY NAME UNTIL ROLL WITH YOUR LAST NAME!!!

Victoria - posted on 03/05/2012

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I gave my son my last name becuz his father wasnt around. Also becus I didnt want him thinking becuz child had his name that he automaticly had a right to say "no he's not having passport, he's not going to this school" If he isnt around and just decided to walk back in why does he have that right? I never put father on birth certif either, for these reasons as well. You have to be so careful these days

Ricketa - posted on 02/26/2012

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I gave my son my last name because his father wasn't around to be there for him. And since my father is a orphan it was another way for his family name to live on

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2012

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@ Velina if i remember right if the child(ren) have the fathers last name you have to get his permission and or if he has joint custody. but i believe it's the same way you change your name when you get married. the best way to find out would be calling the number on the back of your health care and or calling a lawyer.

Velina - posted on 02/19/2012

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How do come about changing your son/daughters last name? I am considering it too

Nyree - posted on 02/17/2012

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nope not at all, my oldest has my mom maiden name and my youngest has my last name.

Amanda - posted on 02/17/2012

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for now my 3 year son has my last name until i get married this summer to a man that isn't he's father but treats him like he is and has since he has come into our lives then he'll have his last name. i choose to give him my last name because he's father wasn't around and when my son was born he wouldn't sign the live birth forms (birth certificate). also i know from experience with having a different last name as the mother the mother will be called that last name from their schools and programs. my mom went thought that after she remarried, and it had to hurt. my second son does has his dad's last name only because i had a ring on my ringer over a year before we had our son and were getting married when he's nine months old. that and i know he wouldn't leave me high and dry and or treat me like crap bc he's parents love me and my boys and they would step in like they have since him and i start dating.

Mollie - posted on 01/01/2012

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I Hyphenated my daughters name, when she's older then she can make the choice. I didn't think it was right for me to exclude him.

Mollie - posted on 01/01/2012

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I Hyphenated my daughters name, when she's older then she can make the choice. I didn't think it was right for me to exclude him.

Cynthia - posted on 12/30/2011

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My oldest sons father is not around - he has had my last name, he is now 10 y/o and I don't regret it for a second!!! :)

Cheryl - posted on 12/29/2011

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My daughter has my last name, as he walked out of our lives when I was pregnant and has not shown an interest since she was born. He doesn't deserve to know her, and he probably never will (by his own choice).
In actuality I gave her my last name, because if I don't know where he is and she has his last name, I wont' be able to travel with her if I need her passport, I would need a custody agreement for school and daycare, and clearly he is not reasonable enough for that. He prefers his friends and weed to his daughter and trying to make his family work.

Christine - posted on 12/29/2011

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I also had to consider my ex carries his mother's maiden name, so I said to myself why would my child carry this woman's fathers's name and not my fathers's name. The patternal grand mother is not good either and never in my son's life. So what ever you do do what is right for you and child/ children and you.

Amy - posted on 12/29/2011

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My sons father and i had split up prior to the birth of my son, my son has my surname. This had been my intention to give my son my last name from the moment I found out I was expecting as I point blank refused to have a different name to my child. His father is however on the birth certificate, he was unhappy about it but it was my choice. It will most definitely make things easier in regards to school/passports etc having the same name.

Christine - posted on 12/29/2011

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That's not true, you can still have him on the birth certificate as the father but if you are not married the child doesn't have to carry his name. You can hav
e the father as the father and have the baby have your lat name. If you are not married and you want the fathers's name as the their last name you have to get him sign the birth certificate forms, proving that he is the father. In that case if you want child support you. An still get it, the child doesn't have to share the same lat name with the father to get child support, all you need is to put the father on the birth certificate.

Christine - posted on 12/29/2011

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Give your child your last name, it's not worth it giving them a deadbeat fathers name. Plus it's a lot easier for you to be associated with your child, when your child is in school and shares the same name with you it's alot better and it makes the child feel less alone knowing they share a name with their mum, the only person who is in their lives and loves them. I had to change mine, my son was born in CA, his father never in his life after 3 yrs I took him to court, I got all custody responsibility but the so called judge game me so much hard time for no reason and I was furious for this. I wondered what kind of man he was to give a woman who has raised her child all alone so much time, when clearly the father didn't care if I change the name or move away. The judge in LA refused to change the name but I changed it when I moved to another country but even herei had to get the fathers's permission to change it. He never did anything for him, no child support and he knew he wouldn't mess with me. He signed the papers and I changed it. My instinct was telling me not to put on his birth certificate but I listened to my friends who told me all the wrong reasons why I should give him his fathers name and I hyphenated it with mine.
Again, you can listen to what everyone is telling you to do but deep down, you should listen to yourself and do why's right for your child and you and not anyone else including his upsent father. Make life easy for child, remember it's easy when they feel connected with you and that means sharing the name too. Good luck.

Nicole - posted on 12/28/2011

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I say your last name. I wanted my son to have the name of the person who raises him, cares for him and is there for him 24/7 so he has mine. I tell him we're a family and so we have the same last name. He's very proud to carry it,and it makes school, dr's appts, etc very easy. In Ohio, an unmarried woman cannot add the name of the father to the BC unless a DNA test or affidavit has been signed by the father. My son has two BC's one with and one without his father on it. Your child deserves to carry the name of the person who cares for him/her - you!

Elizabeth - posted on 12/27/2011

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the child should have the mother's last name would u want 2 b clld mrs. so & so whatever the father's name is for the rest of ur life while the childs in school & everythin i did it it's much easier

Elizabeth - posted on 12/27/2011

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the child should have the mother's last name would u want 2 b clld mrs. so & so whatever the father's name is for the rest of ur life while the childs in school & everythin i did it it's much easier

Barbara - posted on 12/24/2011

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My children have MY surname. Makes it easier for the kids to have the same name as mom. My son's dad had the opportunity to have his son carry their family name, but the grandparents refused. I have told both my son and daughter, when they turn/turned 18 if they wanted to change their names to their dad's I would do that for them. Neither of my children want to change.
Dad's not around. YOU choose! I think the dad has to be present to sign the birth certificate in order to have the father's surname.

Jessica - posted on 12/21/2011

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My son has my last name because he shouldn't have to carry around a reminder that his father didn't want anything to do with him. His father shouldn't get the honor of your child taking his last name.

Amanda - posted on 12/20/2011

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definitly yours. my sons father isnt around, and i wouldnt want my son to be running around with his last name specially if i got married.

Sylvia - posted on 12/20/2011

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definitly your last name!! maybe consider changing it to his if he mans up and becomes a good father to your child. but you're going to be playing the role of mom and dad so it only makes sence that its your last name!

Delores - posted on 12/19/2011

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I gave her a hyphenated last name but my name is primary and she can drop her father's when she is old enough to make that decision for herself. Once your last name is the primary one, they can actually do nothing especially if he doesnt sign the BC!

Michele - posted on 12/18/2011

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it seems there are 19 pages of very helpful advice, I gave my daughter, my last name, even though I know that one day she will get married and probably change it (and thats ok!) but I was alone when i was pregnant, he isnt anywhere around, i dont want his $, I didn't even put a name on her birth cert. in the "father" area... One day, her REAL father will ask me for the privilege of being written in that slot, and I don't mean the genetically matching guy either... i mean the guy who calls us family, and is going to watch her greatest acheivements, and be there for her worst let downs.Your baby deserves the best.... and for your baby, You and the people who are taking care of this baby, are THE BEST.. don't confuse them with a different name. you're doing a great job by concerning yourself with all the details though : ) it just shows how much you love your baby.... but don't worry, when you sign that birth cert. and put a name in that slot, you will know what it should be... your the mommy after all :)

Claire - posted on 12/18/2011

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If anything you can hyphenate it. "Gionti-Smith" or whatever his last name is. But Ya, if he isnt ever going to be around for the baby, there's no point honoring the father as a constant reminder to the baby in his/her name. Maybe talk to the father, if you can and try and see what he wants to do

Leah - posted on 12/18/2011

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nope. he wasn't there so why should i give him that respect when he didn't respect to be there for that child.

Danielle - posted on 12/15/2011

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In some states you cant give the child the fathers last name unless he signs the paternity affidavit and birth certificate. I know Rhode Island doesnt even put the fathers name on the birth certificate unless the paternity affidavit is signed or the state has seen a dna test and proved him to be the biological father. So depending on your state, you may not have a choice, but to give the child your last name. And in the case of the father stepping up later down the line, you can always have the childs last name changed when the father puts his name on the birth certificate. I personally chose to give my son my last name until his father was later given the proof he needed to break his denial. I then gave my son his fathers last name and I havent regretted it yet. Good luck with which ever decision you make.

[deleted account]

I did with my daughter. We weren't married or even talking when I had my daughter was born! It was a personal for choice to me. I thought that if he had the connection with our daughter then maybe. 4 years later he has only seen her 3 times so I KNOW I made the right choice for me. It's, also, makes it much easier on all the paperwork you will have to fill out to have their name the same and then there won't be all the akward questions of who you are to the child! I put my-ex name in my daughter's middle names so she has 4 names but when she gets older she can change her name to what she wants it to be. Since she has no relationship with her father I don't see that happening though. That's my thoughts!

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