my 16year old dont want visit or talk with his dad, in a nasty custody battle!!

Darla - posted on 03/09/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i need help im going throw a nasty custody battle with our son, hes 16years old. we have a trial coming up in april.we already went to court in jan hes trying to get sole custody of my son. my son is still with me and his dad asked to take this to trial. what i need is help or advice. after we went to court my son went and seen his father 2 week ends my son and his dad dont have a great relationship befor we went to court he didnt see or talk to his dad. its when i filed for child support and thats when the battle started.my son dont want to see or talk to his dad, it broke my heart as a mother to hear my son tell he how his dad treats him he said he criticize everything he does very insulting and is always negative. after we went to mediation i got a ear full of what my son was saying. he had nothing nice to say about me or his own son.i was shocked he said my son was stupid and his IQ was of a 8year old he told the mediator u will see when u talk to him,it shows he is lacking education. mind u, since the 8th great has got b's and c's. my son wants absolutey nothing to do with his dad. my ex told the courts i was keeping him away and he tryed calling his son and i would never let him return any of his calls so i went and pulled up phone records for the past year and his dad called ONE TIME!!!!!
there was 5 callsfrom my phone to his dad. anyways now i went a bought my son a phone so he cant blame me well this is ware thing are getting ugly, his father is sending me text messages asking if my sons phone really works or is this another lie, he said hes been texting my son and calling him leaving voice messages and he gets nothing in return. then he wanted my sons grades i said ok ill get them and send them to u and he said no that he wanted the teachers # couse you and YOUR SON, no offense are liers but i guess thats from the high education he gets living with you! theres so much more1 he kept sending me . rude and hurtful messages bashing me as a mother calling me a lier and that im brain washing my son, and keeping him away from him and that side of the family. throw all the text messages not once did i say anything mean and i didnt respond to any negative comments that he throw at me, i gave him the numbers to the school like he asked and even asked him to come to counseling with me and my son. i put my son in professional counseling about 3 weeks ago and and we are dealing with the resentment he has with his father. ive ask his father to come everyweek but i never get a returned text until the other day when he told me he works and working people cant take the day off. i just thought that would be a good start for him and my son to repair their relationship,im committed to helping my son and his emotional situation. im determinded to do what ever it takes rather then focusing on the negative opinions his father has. ii dont want to waste my time or energy pointing the finger at his dad i need to make sure my son stays on the right path. he said im keeping my son from him and he told me that this is wrong and we will deal with it at court, I dont know what to do, my son is 16 almost 17 and i cant make him call his dad or talk to him or even make him get into the car. im stressed and very overwhelmed. and this battle is tearing our family apart. this is the most painful experience ive had to deal with. in a way i wish i never filed for child support couse then i wouldnt have to deal with him it was peaceful for many years. my question is, CAN I GET A PROTECTIVE ORDER FOR MYSELF? until the trial date, i feel hes harassing me. plz help

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Natalie - posted on 05/02/2012

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What a mess! I feel so bad for you son. I will commend you on that even though your ex is a lunatic you still work on developing a relationship for him and his son. This is probably why your son wants to live with you...much more positive atmosphere.
Courts are going to do what it is the “best interest of the child” and yes, they can speak with your son, but I can understand that no "normal" parent like yourself would like to put a child in that kind of predicament unless they have specifically asked to.
Make sure you have an attorney. I know in Fla when things get "he said / she said" they just spilt it down the middle 50/50. No judge I have seen has gone through texts, emails, or phone records….at the end of the day, they will make a judgment call on who they feel is most fit for the child...look presentable, don’t cry, don’t let your emotions take over, be organized, listen, etc…
An attorney will at least get you a fair shot and present the right material needed for you to win.
If you can’t afford an attorney, file a motion to see a General Magistrate, they tend to listen more and have more time to really look at a case (unlike a judge), they can make the same judgment as a judge. After their judgment the paperwork gets signed off by the judge, done deal.
As far as a protective order, you have to prove that your ex wants to harm you in some way….he would have had to text you something like…”I’m going to knock your teeth out the next time you come to pick up our son early.” Or any kind of threat that can indicate that he is or could harm you. Filing a harassment suit will be a waste of your time…it’s a joke. He will get a slap on the wrist, etc…not worth it.
If you feel you are in danger go after a restraining order and try to protect your son in that as well.
Good Luck

[deleted account]

Okay- you are really dealing with a lot! I went through a lot of troubles with my son's dad.
Since your son is 16, the judge will take into consideration what he wants to do. The "child" is old enough to decide for himself what he wants.

I dealt with the nasty phone calls and text messages. I saved all of them and took pictures of every nasty message that my ex sent me. I had over 170 text messages, 35 emails, and 30 some-odd instant messages. I printed it ALL out, took it to the magistrate, and filed for harassment. It took a few times, but I got it.
If he is being negative towards your son in public and especially to a mediator, then I can't imagine the judge giving custody to your ex.

I see this is an old post and I really hope everything worked out for you....

Megan - posted on 07/10/2011

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did you try to file for a harrassment, I did on BD 1 week ago. it was just awful of what Im going through

I know its been 4 months wasnt sure how you have been doing.

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