Am I the only mom of an ADHD/ODD child who feels like crying all the time?

Joy - posted on 06/22/2009 ( 355 moms have responded )

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I take meds for anxiety & it doesnt seem to help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2013

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I about balled my eyes out when i FINALLY read this and all the other comments!! I just joined today as a last ditch effort. I have two girls, 9 n 5.. My 5 year old is a saint. Listens to me, has tons of friends, couldn't ask for a better kid, but my 9 year old is soooooo out of control. She was diagnosed with ADHD and has been on medication, but still is a handful. EVERY morning i question why I became a mom because its so horrble.. the talking back, not listening, not caring attitude she has is pushing me to the edge.. I'm at the lowest point in my life becuase the stress in raising her has become to much to handle.. i wish i could run away at times. I have taken steps and do start counseling on Monday, but still.. I just wish she was a normal kid.. I hate yelling, but thats all we do. 95% of our time together is negative.. I just wish I was a better mom and knew how to handle this.. I'm glad I have this group to vent to and for advice. I do feel better i truly am NOT the only one going through this..

Zenovia - posted on 01/19/2013

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Mothers, please, although my child wasn't ADHD she still had ODD and mental health issues. I totally get being depressed as I needed to go on meds and my husband was no support blaming me for her being the way she was and my taking medication as my "crutch" of not dealing with reality. Our other two children were fine. Please know this...there is hope, lots of it. My husband finally left us, this turned out to be a good thing as the house was calmer. I joined a parent support group which keeps me sane and gives me great advice and information. It's free and it is probably in your area because we only have one in Canada and I am part of it. It started over 20 years ago in the United States and it is called "Because I Love You" or B.I.L.Y. Please please help yourselves and get some support with other parents who are struggling or even turned a corner. Call them if you can. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself. I also learned that I do not need to participate in my children's crises and that no matter what, no matter when, I am number one and need to take care of me first because if I don't I will be worse off than my child who needs me. I posted on Circle of Moms a few years ago because I was desperate and didn't know how to face another day with my child. She is better now because and only because I am better now. They sense when we are worn down and not strong. We need to be good to ourselves no matter what anyone else says because we are the only ones who will be there for them and who will get them through this. You are number 1 never forget it...and call, please call or join BILY or start a chapter in your area. It will save your life and your childs. Hugs to all of you. By the way, my child was violent and aggressive and nasty. She once beat me with an ice scraper while I was driving her home from a psychiatrist appointment (she was 7) and it was because the shrink said she was a sweet kid and he didn't know what problem I was having with her. She was a jekyll hyde and sometimes still is.

Tina - posted on 01/30/2016

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Wow. On one hand it's good to know I'm not alone, on the other hand my heart breaks for all of us parents. Raising a kid with ADHD and especially with ODD is, a lot of the times, hell, to put it frankly.

My daughter just turned 11 and we met with a psychiatric nurse. (She has been under the care of a pediatric developmental specialist for years). She was very stern and told me this behavior: rages, violent outburst, screaming, tantrums, breaking things, hitting people, etc., are within my daughters control and must be stopped before she turns into a full-blown personality disorder/narcissist adult. No matter the diagnosis, the bad behavior must be addressed.

She was essentially kicked out of regular public school. I homeschooled her for 6 months. It was OK for the first 2 months or so, but when I got stricter with her needing to get her to work, her oppositional behavior would kick in then all bets were off.

I was completely miserable. I gave her multiple warnings and it didn't improve so back to public school she went. This time she is in a program for kids with social and emotional problems. She absolutely hates it and complains every day but you know what? I take that as a good sign. It means they are being strict with her, not putting up with any of her nonsense, so I expect resistance. One thing about kids like this, you can't always trust that you're getting the real story. They twist things in their minds, their version of reality is skewed so be careful before jumping to conclusions.

I had to go on antidepressants because I was at an all-time low about a year ago. It greatly helped. She has been on every med for ADHD and anxiety. Now she's finally on a mood stabilizer. Haven't noticed a change but it's only been a week. Puberty has kicked in and things have gotten a lot worse. (And yes, we tried all sorts of diet changes and natural stuff.)

The best possible thing for me is to talk to my friend who deals with the same thing. No one else will get it. They will look at you like you have three heads. They simply do not understand don't try to make them.

The other thing that I have done to get her to lessen her horrid bullying behavior towards me or a sibling, is to remove privileges which are important to her. She has had to sit out on sessions of ballet, lost her iPad and TV privileges for weeks at a time, I stripped her room of everything but her bed and clothes, donated a lot of it too by the way. Now after years of indulging her and making excuses for her behavior, she's finally beginning to see that I am serious.

I give her lots of grace, plenty of warnings, she has many tools for coping skills, i.e., the swings, trampoline, music to calm her down, a stress ball, pillows to punch, and angry bag, (paper bag filled with magazine pages she can shred when she's angry), unfortunately when she is in her "red zone", she doesn't remember to use these tools. Music does help though. Putting on music she likes seems to distract her brain.

Many, many times I think "What on earth was I thinking having kids?" Her siblings are normal though so thank God for that. I also get mad at God and say "what did I do to deserve a kid like this?" Who knows. I have cried rivers. But at this point I don't cry anymore. If I get upset or angry I vent in my journal or to her dad, and look for solutions. It's tough. Sometime she reels me in though. I take the bait and next thing I know I'm arguing with her. It goes nowhere. So to end the argument I tell her "I'm done," and ignore her and stop talking. If she continues to harass me, to her room for a long timeout she goes.

I know one mom who had to send her 11-year-old son to live in a group home because of his violent attacks.

Anyone who is having their children 8, 9, 10, 17, whatever, attacking them, being violent, call the police. Have an ambulance take your child to a child psychiatric hospital. Maybe they will be able to help. If not at least you will remove your child from the bad situation and they can see that you are serious and not tolerating it any longer.

Another friend I had who has been through this, her son is now 24 and doing wonderful. She tells me "It really does take a village! These types of children are needy, and drain of every ounce of energy you have. It's not that they're trying to, it's just the way it is. No one should try to do it alone!" I couldn't agree more!

One day at a time, this too shall pass, are my mottos for many more years! Good luck and God bless all of us! It's a tough road to travel. In the end I hope and pray that we will reap the rewards of our hard work.

Meanwhile take all the breaks you can and seek as much help as possible!

Samantha - posted on 10/11/2016

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Someone please help me! My daughter is 11 years old she has ODD/ADHD and I feel like it's more ODD than anything. Nothing seems to work and I am losing my mine and I'm losing it on her. Which makes me feel horrible I feel like a crappy mom all the time because I'm not making my child happy and I'm a mean mom all the time. But nothing works. She breaks all the rules I set. She is not allowed on electronics because she charged 400$ to our phone account on apps. (We were able to get it fixed) so she is band from having any. My oldest daughter has a cell phone and she keeps taking it and getting on it, so we went and got her a iPhone so she can use the finger scan and we won't have the issues of willow getting on it, well she found a way around that too. While my daughter is asleep she takes her finger and puts it to the phone and unlocks it. I can't do it anyone no matter how many time we tell her no she does it anyway. We hid ice cream because if not we never have anything for us adults (I know why should be have anything yummy in the house ) she got into it and ate a whole box. She was grounded and not even two days later she did it again. Like wtf you just got in trouble for this you days ago why would you go and do it again. I need advice or help I don't know what else to do sadly to say im losing my love for this child on how many times she is told not to do something and she does it anyway all the time.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2014

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Lori,
You "claim" to be a Christian with your "have faith" comment after you call us LOSERS?? Well, your a hypocrite!! We come here to vent and you judge. It's people like you that give Christians a bad name.

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Happymengyan - posted on 12/05/2018

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Kalistak87 - posted on 11/06/2018

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My 11 yr old daughter has always been difficult to deal with. She has been diagnosed with ODD and AdHd. I dont think the medicine helps for the ADHD at all. She will refuse to move in the morning so most of the time I have her her dressed at night so she is mostly ready in the morning, it is really the only way. She refuses to ever do her homework and I can't make her, she is in special education with about a 2nd grade level of understanding but she is in 5th grade. She has no social skills what so ever and she has basically 0 friends. Sometimes her defiance and
the things she has said to me make me lose it, usually I get mad but them time like today I just want to break down and stay home from work. She is also getting am evaluation for intelligence testing and autism.

Cyber_kitten00 - posted on 01/22/2018

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My husband and i are exhausted beyond belief with our 6 year olds impulsiveness. It is now to the point where if were not watching his every move we're afraid that is a danger to himself and others. We also have a 2 year old and their behaviours are extremely similar. He cannot control what he says and does 100% of the time!! and we are at the end of our rope. He is talked to and shown right from wrong all the time. He has consequences for all of his actions yet he will do the same again and again and again without a climpse of change. We dont knoe what to do with him. Please help

Slraup - posted on 01/20/2018

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I feel like a horrible mom, My daughter is 7 has ADHD and ODD and i find myself doing nothing but screaming and yelling at her, even cursing then i just break down and cry for being such a bad mom. I dont want to be this mom!! I dont know how to handle the constant crying, whining, meltdowns, tantrums, arguing, talking back, throwing things, violence, getting in trouble in school, hitting her baby brother, not doing anything shes asked. time out doesnt work, shed rather go to time out than do whats asked of her, Positive reinforcement doesnt work, she just decides shed rather do what she wants than to earn the reward. she is on medication but I have to fight with her and threaten her every morning to get her to take it, and sometimes physically force her to take it. I also have a 2 yr old. so the past two years have been extremely hard. I dont know what to do. somedays i think about just packing up and leaving and then i feel terrible for having those thoughts. this is my child that i was told id never have. she is my blessing. how can i treat her this way or have these thoughts? then my mother and husband always making me feel guilty about the way i am. I was so glad to read some of your comments and know that i am not alone. I was having a terrible morning and have decided to call and schedule an appt for myself for therapy. I already have Anxiety, OCD and depression since childhood. I have coped without meds for years. but definitely feel i need them now. Its not fair to my child or myself to continue like this.

Oria - posted on 10/09/2017

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I feel like a horrible mom. I can’t take my daughter’s behavior anymore and I sometimes lose it and yell/scream. It makes me hate myself. I often think I wasn’t the right kind of person to have children. She gets notes and I get phone calls constantly from her kindergarten teacher. It’s been getting worse every day since she started kindergarten.

Oria - posted on 10/09/2017

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I feel like a horrible mom. I can’t take my daughter’s behavior anymore and I sometimes lose it and yell/scream. It makes me hate myself. I often think I wasn’t the right kind of person to have children. She gets notes and I get phone calls constantly from her kindergarten teacher. It’s been getting worse every day since she started kindergarten.

Charlene - posted on 09/07/2017

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well, this is an older questions which is still getting answers so I will answer too
Sure you are most definitely NOT alone! I think you would be alone if you were just going through it without tears and frustration. Parenting an ADHD child is challenging every day. Just go through the days moment by moment. When it gets tough, you find the ways to get through. Often times a good energy release is helpful and sometimes it seems impossible to get back to "right" but given some time, you will find your way there. Take a deep breath and power through.
It takes patience, understanding and strength.

Kirsty - posted on 08/24/2017

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My just gone 5 year old is under assessment for asd and ADHD, he also has spd and is on social communication panel. I am struggling with his behaviour and the constant destroying things ( we can't have anything nice) He is different when I am not around, I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation?. My partner thinks I need to toughen up but in all honesty I don't think I do. I don't believe shouting and smacking works and I don't think it's just "naughty" behaviour. My partner often makes me question my ability as a mum and if it is my fault my son is this way. I'm at the end of my tether and have just been to a consultant app today where they said they don't usually give medication to under 6s but they think he will need it. Would love to hear how other people feel and deal with things as Ive hit a brick wall x

Leanne - posted on 08/16/2017

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I am a mum of 3 boys... 2 toddlers and a 7 year old my 7 year old is going through Cahms at the moment and has been for nearly a year now trying to find out if he has ADHD and learning disabilities, I spoke to them only last week and they said they can't tell me for sure but they think he has ADHD, I have thought this for a long time now because he is hyper daily and swears when angry or something doesn't go his way and also hitting and just hurting his younger siblings everyday when playing he will just hurt them nip or push them it is all very stressful for my husband and my self, I am just looking for some good advice on how to deal with ADHD ? Thank you :( :)

Cristina - posted on 07/31/2017

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You are not alone, I have an 11yr old boy and almost every day I feel like breaking down and cry! Maybe packing a suitcase and taking him and my family away from everything to Hawaii or some remote all natural country, where maybe there is no pollution, no pesticides, no angry people and no clocks! I say to myself that maybe that will help him get better; but then he comes around me and after a little while manages to brighten up my day like no other person in the world can, and just makes me feel so hopeful that my beautiful boy is in there still, and we just have to keep fighting. My son is diagnosed with Tourretes Syndrome, ODD, ADHD, Severe depression, Separation anxiety and DMDD. Sometimes I just think maybe he doesn't have all these things, maybe they just want to find a reason to prescribe medications.... but then there are days that he becomes so angry that he doesn't recognize me or his sister, or Days that he is so depressed that he just wants to die, then there are days were he is the happiest, sweetest child in the planet. We eat with spoons at home, and when ever for some reason someone leaves a knife out by accident you will most definitely find him with it. He is an amazingly smart child with a verbal IQ of 130, but a performance IQ of 88. So its hard to find balance when it comes to teaching him, because if he doesn't want to do something, there is no way to make him.

So I just wanted to say, you are not alone and thank you for the post although a few years ago, but atleast I know we are not alone. I hope your son is doing great, and that you have been able to find some kind of balance, and if so... please pass along your methods lol, because I'm at a loss.

Stephanie - posted on 07/14/2017

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Hi I thought I would let u know that ur not alone out there with the long list of all the different quirks u have to learn to work around or sometimes feel like accepting would just be so much easier ! I totally understand ur pain hun an I I wish I had the answers to give u to solve it all but I don't yet ! But I have a 12 yr old son that has been very trying child dealing with depression,ADHD an other things that are yet to be diagnosed! He has no friends at all an stays in his room on Xbox most the time an I constantly live with guilt since he has nobody besides me an his Nana to hang out with ! But I hope u can feel a little hope soon ,I'll be praying for y'all . god bless

Fleurblakesley - posted on 04/25/2017

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Preach sister.
I have a 12yr old son with adhd and odd.
It's like talking to a brick wall. I honestly feel.like his brain chemically wipes anything he deems a mistake, wrong doing or a feel bad moment every night as he sleeps. He refuses to believe he ever dies anything wrong, didn't move the remote, didn't steal that ten bucks in the kitty etc etc.

I honestly used to feel like I could smack his head right through a wall. I used to get so angry. Hr is disrespectful and rude, smart arse whenever confronted.

What to do???? I learned to walk away, not ti get involved in any kind of argument with him. I stated more if what I wanted vs what I didn't. Next time try to consider.....or think about how this might work.....what if you tried....and leave straight away so they can't respond its like planting the seed. I don't clean his room, I inform him that if there's a fire I need him to be able to get out alive because I love him....leave him to think and what do you know.slowly but surely the room gets better over the week. Lower your expectations but these kids think they're adults so start treating them a little like one. What's for tea?...what are they making? Where's my socks and uniform? Did you out then in the wash? Thus kinda helps.ny sob to think beyond himself, takes a bit if the pressure off.me.

Also, let it go, visit a.matr and have a wine/beer, go out for.coffee and cake whatever tickles your fancy to make time for yourself too.

Jenifer - posted on 11/14/2016

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Hello, my son is 12 turning 13. We have been struggling with ADHD anxiety, depression, sucidal thoughts, OCD all wrapped into my son. He has been through psychomistrists (sorry about the spelling) 3times in 2 years as well as counciling for the last 7 years. Medicated to the point that no doctor will take him on now because he is heavily medicated....I can't punish him, because the depression-he already barricades himself so when I get upset he says I'm the worst child ever---why do I even exist? I limit his video games times---unfortunately he is very defiant when it comes to everything electronic. Doesn't help that all school work is done with computers now...I work approximately 50 hrs a week....on my days off I have to chase him around for him to do his medication, have to walk him to the shower and turn it on for him to use it. Stand outside the door to make sure he showers...I feel like I have officially lost my mind....I feel like a horrible parent....I have called the police on him for his anger issues, (I couldn't control him) he had his younger sister in a headlock and she was having a hard time breathing....he wouldn't let go....took him back to the dr and all dr told me was that's a kid thing...they all do it....I have called child protection services and asked for their help and they refused to help me because I just need to get control of my son....I know I'm not alone, nor the only one going through this, but wow I never thought I would be going so crazy....I love my kids!!!! I just wish I was able to understand them better. He always gets teased at school for being a loner, has no friends....family even have a hard time with him, when he is in his moods...I honestly think sometimes that maybe he would be better off with someone who can understand him a lot better than me....I have a 9 year old boy as well that has ADHD....and an 8 year old girl ADHD. Plus a 14 year old girl (no issues at this point) I feel like I need help, I feel like I'm going crazy....I'm super happy to hear I'm not alone....I'm wondering if anyone has some suggestions on techniques that have worked for them that maybe I can try??? Thanks a billion!!!!!! A very tired and stressed mom!!

Kim - posted on 11/07/2016

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This post helped me as I'm crying as I type this. I feel like I can't take my child any longer. He is 10 years old with ADHD and SPD. All of his friends do not have any disabilities and I forever feel like I'm the worst mom. I know I'm being judged by these parents with each tantrum, each hit, each comment, each excuse I make and so forth. My husband truly thinks he will grow out of these behaviors. It's only getting worse.... as I'm sinking each and every minute. I'm so overwhelmed with parenting him I'm losing who I am. My life consist of only parenting him. I don't want to be around anyone because I'm tired of explaining why I'm tired or making excuses for his behavior. I plan as many social activities with his friends to keep up his friendships. I feel like the kids understand him more than their parents do. Yes, he is on medication, yes we go to therapy, yes, he goes to a private school to help, yes, I'm a stay at home mom to help him and keep up with all of this.. only one child- he is adopted from day 1 of birth..... I'm exhausted!!!!! Life has to be more than this..... it has to be.....

Victoria - posted on 10/27/2016

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No maam you are not... I honestly feel like I could bang my head against the wall constantly because I don't know what or how to deal with it... I sit and cry because I feel like I cant take him anywhere or do snything fun with him because he will make it a miserable experience when it shouldn't have to be...;(

Jessica - posted on 09/29/2016

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Sammy yes my son gets rough around other kids he has ADHD and SPD. Unfortunately most people don't have any knowledge about sensory overload . They just think my kid is being a brat and that I'm a bad parent . Anways thanks for your post it's nice to know there are people that understand !!!!

Jessica - posted on 09/29/2016

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Dorothy I am going through ththe exact same thing with my 3 year old son. We stay home mostly because I can't handle him along with my 23 month old in public settings . It's a helpless embarrassing feeling !!!

[deleted account]

The original post was in 2009. I hope I'm not too late to help some of you.

As a mother with a child on medication or with a diagnoses, you absolutely NEED to go to this website and see the truth about these medications. It is not for the faint of heart but is an absolute necessity if you love your child, which I know you do.

Watch this 10 minute video with other mothers like yourselves. It's the most eye-opening thing you can do. If you're ever upset by this situation, you NEED to watch this.

https://www.cchrint.org/2014/05/15/215/

Christy - posted on 07/20/2016

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Boy he is really struggling with his impulsiveness and frustrations. I Never found that reasoning and logic was at all helpful to motivate my sons behavior at that age. It is equally as frustrating to him as to you. I found what worked to some degree was a differnt approach. It was very valuable to him to feel that there is someone in this world who understands him. You have to ask him questions about how it feels from his perspective. Also, pick your battles. If you make this a battle of wills, no one wins bc he will NEVER give in. My husband also feels it is only about discipline. I think that it was maybe six or so before he started responding to discipline in any sort of constructive way. I Think it is important to have both discipline and understanding. This was the age my son started to express negative feelings about himself as just being bad and no good. The constant disapproval and correction (although warranted) does take its toll. I guess this is what motivated me to start dealing a little differently with him. I also went the route of a full evaluation by a psychologist. This process took about 10 months due to the wait for the Initial appointment then for the eval appt. However, you need an accurate comprehensive diagnosis in order to best treat him. It really will get better. Hang in ther.

Nancy - posted on 07/06/2016

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Please tell me things are better now? Its been 7 years - how is your then 9 year old boy now? My son is 9 -- same thing. I am praying that you have a success story?

Dorothy - posted on 05/18/2016

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My son will be 5 in November and it kills me to say this but I dread getting up in the morning because I know how my day is going to play out. He makes life a living hell most of the time for no reason. I used to get a break at nap time but he don't take those anymore and most nights are the same way he stays up till 1 or 2 am. He gets so angry at me the minute I look at him and if wants something and i say no or we'll see if you can be good first its a wrap the screaming inappropriate things and hitting starts. We've tried everything time outs dont work' taking his T.V doesn't matter to him , spankings dont faze him . My husband seems to think if I spank him when he gets out of control he'll get tired of being spanked and change. But in reality if I spanked him every time he was out of control he would be spanked 20 times in a day so I don't spank him. And my husband blames me for the way he acts because of that. Im so overwhelmed. I cant him out in public because of the way he talks to me and how he refuses to listen , running off in a store because he didnt want to come with me in the first place throwing a fit when I tell him I dont have the money to buy the toy he wants untill i have to leave the store because he's screaming and crying hitting me or his little brother. I have to keep him with me when we are at home because he hits and slaps his 3 year old brother just this morning my husband heard my youngest screaming that sounded muffled and found Adam laying on top of his little brother and its not the first time so Adam knows he can seriously hurt him by laying on him but its like he doesn't care. He punches and scratches his self when he gets angry and then even though I watched him do it to his self will tell me his dad did it or that his little brother put the marks on him. When i tell him Adam I watched you scratch yourself he get so mad telling me he doesn't love me anymore and tells me to leave him alone. It kills me to watch him so frustrated and angry and knowing I dont know how to help him. I feel like my whole day is spent referring fights or dealing wirh a temper tantrum I find it hard to get anything thing done that I need to. Even taking him to a park ends in disaster he wont wait his turn and ends up pushing or hitting another child then goes in to a full blown rage when its time to leave throwing his self on the ground refusing to walk and screaming to the top of his lungs. I sometimes want to just pack a bag and leave thats how overwhelmed I truly am with my son. I Love him with all my heart and it hurts me to realize how bad things are getting. My marrige of almost 10yrs is in jeopardy because of our different feeling about how to handle him . I truly need some advice and support

Sammy - posted on 05/17/2016

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I am not a doctor, but I am on a few good support groups through Facebook and my eight yr. Old son has Autism, ADHD and tics. ALL the rough play you are describing sounds like sensory to me, most of it is called proprioceptive input that is needed. They will hv outbursts manifested, especially together with frustration. My son does Hang in there steal, but there are many people saying in. the support groups that this is a tic. If you're on FB, try looking up a group called Tourettes and other tic disorders. You will really be surprised. The school district should also be helping you. If the school does not help you, go to the district. Keep calling the Special Ed unit and/or the Autism specialist. The Regional Center in your area should help also if your son is not a client yet and you are in Cali. Hang in there mama. Xoxo libraeyes@msn.com :)

Tracy - posted on 05/15/2016

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I have a 14 year old son. My youngest of my 4 children. I knew from the time he was 2 years old that he was "different" from his siblings. He was extremely difficult. His tantrums were unwarranted and extreme. He would scream and cry until his throat bled. Finally diagnosed with ADHD and ODD at 10 years old. He's been to counseling and we've tried many different ADHD meds, all of which made him very depressed, along with a few which caused him to have suicidal thoughts. Due to this, I stopped medicating him, which made school extremely difficult. He would have panic attacks every morning. About 2 weeks into 6th grade, he was on the verge of being expelled. I withdrew him from school and began homeschooling him. However, over the past year he has become more aggressive and difficult to deal with. I don't know what to do anymore other than cry. He is so disrespectful to me and his dad. This morning he told my husband F you, then left. He's going back to counseling ASAP. I just want to run away. I know how y'all feel. This is so hard. I often wonder where I went wrong.

Trista - posted on 04/28/2016

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My 11 year old son has not been diagnosed as ODD but I often wonder. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Autism spectrum. His first response to everything is no even when it is a good thing. No matter what the consequence is writing, no IPad (from the school cause we would never have bought one, it has ruined him) spanking, cleaning toilets- he still will take whatever he wants, school property, family property, even from the home of our bible study group. He says sorry but he won't stop because he is only sorry he got caught. Got kicked off the school field trip because he keeps getting in trouble for saying inappropriate things "screw you" to another team. Sad thing is he really thought he was being funny. Never has figured out the inside voice thing. Constantly interrupts. Pokes holes in the walls, takes anything sharp (even breaks light bulbs to get them) to cut into furniture or anything else, like his little brother's bike tires (and not because he was mad just because he likes to break things). He broke about $800 dollars worth of windows just for fun. Screams at us when he gets into trouble because he doesn't recognize that his actions, like lies about homework or taking things from the classroom are his actions. He just sees it as us being mean. He'll sneak food in his room or playroom and just spit out what he doesn't like. He blew his nose on the dog! He'll shove his brother to the ground to get in front of him. For a long time now we don't leave them alone together in the bedroom or playroom all doors must stay open. It isn't safe for his little brother even though there is only 2.5 year difference. I just don't know what to do anymore. Funny thing is I get accused of being too strict by people in our scout pack but look at the history. I can't turn my back for a minute. And when I do? Bad things happen. I'm really afraid he is going to end up in jail before he can finish high school that's how bad he is about recognizing that he isn't the center of everything. He is really very smart. In 3rd grade he was reading books my freshman kids were reading. Then... The school bought IPads and know it is either a screaming match for half an hour to get him to read or he just flat out won't do it. His dad just can't take it. His dad has gotten to the point of leaving the house about 5 minutes before the bus gets home everyday. Which I am thankful for cause at least he isn't home arguing with our son. I can only ask how do you not cry all the time?

Elizabeth - posted on 03/22/2016

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I know that frustration. I am no longer working and only have 2 family members houses that we can visit. No one else like to be around my kids for more than a short time. I have 3. My 11 and 10 year old daughters are ADHD and ODD my 6 year old son is so far not diagnosed. I had gotten a call from the school yesterday to come give my 11 year old her meds. She had not gotten it that morning do to a babysitter. It took over an hour to get her to take it. The school went on a holding pattern (lockdown) twice, do to her rage, and then I had to carry her out with a police escort. She was so overwhelmed. We have taken every distraction away and gave her ideas on how to ear things back and she told us ways that she will try harder to control herself. The other parents and staff at the school were making comments and giving looks as if it was a lack of my perinting that had caused this.

Aleigh818 - posted on 03/16/2016

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I feel the same way. You're not alone any of you. I have an almost 4 year old daughter that's on her way to an ADHD diagnosis. It's obvious I don't really need a doctor to tell me. My life is a living hell with her most days. She hits, kicks, spits at and treats all of us like crap. She also never sleeps!! Never has since she was born. I'm falling into deep depression because I don't have ADHD and I don't understand it. How can someone be so mean and bad at that age. And I just ask why everyday. Why? All the help and ways to cope is exhausting to me. She's so different from me it's heartbreaking to see her treat her loved ones like this. I'm so embarrassed all the time. And so angry it's never gonna change.

Estrella - posted on 02/11/2016

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I am at a loss. My son is 9yrs old and he is in a gifted magnet school. But he can't handle the class size. So, last year it took them 8 months to complete an IEP and they decided that categorizing him autistic would help. They said it's because he'd need a special ed class that was half the size of size magnet class and that he'd get the best of both worlds. Now, going into the second semester, he's dropped a reading level because he's not challenged enough. They say that he cannot mainstream with his magnet class because of his behavior and disruptions. Last year he wasn't allowed to go on any field trips unless I took him myself. Then he wasn't even included in the group. He doesn't understand why they treat him this way or why he's so different from the kids in his special ed class. This adds to his frustration and he acts out. I can't keep getting calls at work to come down to his school and calm him down. Last week he hit 3 kids and broke a table. I feel for him, for my job because I run out on them, for the kids that have to go through this with him and for my other kids that feel that I don't give them attention because I have to tend to my son.

Amy - posted on 01/28/2016

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You are definitely not alone!! My house was the same way I didn't know what to do I started seeing him differently and I was always annoyed at him why couldn't he stop!!! I couldn't leave the house with him he couldn't function in school( a whole different story) he just started concerta in August and that first day I felt like he really "saw" me it was amazing I could have cried .. All those terrible years and I finally have a child that sees me and others.. Not sure I could have gone on much longer I would leave the house and not want to come home:(

Kristen - posted on 01/27/2016

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I feel completely lost. We have known Izayah was ADHD since about a year old, but diagnosed at 4. He's has been through almost every type of medication before settling comfortably with Ritilin. The behavior is outrageous! He is 7 and does stuff maybe a 2 year old experimenting would be doing. Filling up water bottles with crayons, water, mouthwash, pouring it all over the bathroom, flushing things down the toilet, flooding my bathroom...it's crazy that I have to make him use the bathroom with the door wide open, and I, myself, have to keep the door open to see and hear at all times. I have bought alarms and put them on the doors. It's happened multiple times, but I've woke up to a destroyed house, juice or milk everywhere, food smeared all over, open sitting in the middle of the kitchen...at 7 years old!! I feel at my wit's end!!! I broke down in front of him this morning and said some not very nice things. I just don't know what to do anymore

Jessica - posted on 12/09/2015

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Yes my adopted son is 7 and ADHD and so out of control, idk what to do anymore. We have 4 other sons and he seriously is so bad all the time that we don't ever get to spend time with each other or our other boys. He goes to school and tells them that we don't feed him and we hit him, and damned if I don't want to hit that child every day but we've never even raised a hand to him!! The school calls CPS and they come investigate us nearly once a week due to his lies. I am so lost, I spent so long and worked so hard to adopt this child after his biological mom actually abused him, and for what?!?! For this!!!! I cry every day!!! Every day!!!

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2015

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I can say your not the only one all I do is cry. I have been on meds and nothing has helped. I always worry and feel like I am doing everything wrong. My son is 5 and was diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago. He struggles in school and making friends. My other children feel left out cause I am constantly spending my time monitoring my son because he is so impulsive I am afraid of what he might do. I can't remember the last time my husband and I have time for us let alone time for ourselves. I don't remember what sleep is due to extreme night Terrors and everyday all I can think is I have failed and keep failing as a parent cause I can't get it right for my son. You are definitely not alone. I am happy to know that I am not the only one but not happy that we are suffering I am pretty sure so many beautiful moms go through this too and it's just so hard

Callista - posted on 11/07/2015

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What's really sad is you lose the person you once were, I never yelled, always really chill..my son was diagnosed at age 4 by 3 specialist with the CHADD program ever since my life has been very difficult, my son now a week away from being 9 with ADHD/ODD has worn me out to my max, I'm only 30, I also have 2 other children age 6 and 3 my 6 yr old has very mild case of ADHD but my 9 year old has been a handful, doesn't sleep well, still wets the bed has trouble tieing his shoes, is on concerta 54mg which at this point has become very tolerant, I find one of the generic brands DOESNT work so we switched to another thats almost identical but he really is ready for a higher dose, I've noticed he is so impulsive at times, always off the wall when he wakes up, never thinks before doing something now my son also excels in school. Above average reading and above average in math, very smart, can retain information like a computer, but he can be mean, says he hates me for rediculous things has a hard time stopping something when told, almost like he feels he has to finish "the task" excels in soccer and likes basketball but that comes with challenges because practice is at night which means meds have worn off so impulsivness is at a all-time high, distracted, can't participate like he can during the day, thinks things are funny that are completely inappropriate, extremely embarring btw, he looks so normal other parents just think I can't control him, they have no idea. Sometimes I feel completely lost in this world. His father also diagnosed with ADHD passed away this yr for pneumonia in his heart he also struggled his whole life but was very intelligent and creative, we had separated 2 yrs before his death, he saw his children a few times a week. My son I can tell can see he's different now. He tells me he can't control somenof his actions, I just wish we could go out at night or he could just listen to me when we're out in public I feel bad too because I feel like I'm the only one who understands why he's doing something, and explaining things to a stranger or someone in the extended family they just don't understand. It's completely debilitating, you can't have a normal life its rediculous. I'm not on any medication I do have times I feel like calling it quits but I love my son were going to start some counciling soon hopefully he will get some strategies to cope himself because I know eventually he won't want the meds which only coat his symptoms and he will be all alone in his own mind having to deal with all his troubles, and seeing what his dad went through its a tough road, keeping him in active sports helps a little. Hes also very loving sometimes and loves animals its so difficult I really can relate with a lot of these mothers..

Valory - posted on 10/23/2015

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hey hun im right there with ya! ive got a 6 yr old boy whos off the hook! angry ,mean, getting kicked out of school?all the above and i feel lik running away!!!!!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/07/2015

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My 7 year old son has adhd and odd. He is verbally abusive and mentally and physically abusive. We fight daily and I feel like he needs serious help. He's recently started abusing our kitten and hits the dogs! I feel so alone sometimes and I just want a normal son!! Any tips would be appreciated!! Jenn

Brenda - posted on 09/01/2015

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My 7yr old son got diagnosed with ADHD December 2014, he is currently taking medication for it. He has fallen behind in school and we are trying to get him caught up. It has been a rough several months. I hate seeing him struggle so much, it breaks my heart. As a mommy who is working a full time job and having to be there for my child and help him on his struggles that are school related, I sometimes feel like its too much for me. I wish I could give him more of my time but its hard when you get home pretty late and still have the home duties to attend to plus another little child. I get very overwhelmed and very emotional at times. I lose sleep because I am constantly thinking about how he might be feeling through this. I have thought about quitting my job and just dedicating all my time to my children's needs. I love my son dearly, any advice from ADHD mommies would be greatly appreciated. :)

Deani - posted on 08/26/2015

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I am young single mother of 3 children aged 6,5 and 2 my oldest my only girl who will be 7 at the end of the year was the best baby anyone could ask for ! By the age of 3 1/2 she began to cry excessively over every and anything worse then I've ever heard a child cry before . First thing every morning and last thing at night she is crying over something . She also has episodes where if she doesn't feel like talking to you or anybody she will stare into space and not speak at all . She also is beyond up my booty all the time which makes it all worse . I've had to lock myself in my room before because I almost snapped a few times bad . I feel like I'm at my breaking point I just need answers !!? Does anybody know if there is something medically wrong with her , should I be concerned ? (That is not me in the picture I use my mothers account ) But please any advice is welcome !!!

Chris - posted on 08/19/2015

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This is just a hopefully helpful tip for the laundry (because I've been there). I took her clothes away. Stuffed them in a bag or put them in a box or mock dresser in my room and gave her just enough for a couple of days. We also do nightly dirty clothes out, before they go to bed all the dirty clothes go to the laundry room. Sometimes it's all just to much for them (along with us) to handle. The best thing to do otherwise is have open discussions let her talk it out. Bless you hun, I'm walking the road with you.

Chris - posted on 08/19/2015

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How about an add mom fighting with her add child. I feel like I'm losing my mind! When we have good days they are really good, but when we have bad days they are really bad. Thankfully the good out weigh the bad, but days like to day I just want to curl up in a hole and disappear.

Jolinamanley - posted on 08/18/2015

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I don't know if I can do this anymore .... It's to hard I can't breath I feel to overwhelmed he just is to much ,ges 6 an I feel like I wanna run away

Anonymous - posted on 07/07/2015

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whatever you are feeling, your child is feeling something much worse. Even if they seem perfectly bubbly to you, in public, with their friends or in the day, you have no way of knowing if they cry themselves to sleep. If they tear apart books and clothes, if they pound their bedding. If they shake every night with anxiety or fear. Don't be so selfish. Mental disabilities are indescribable, but terrible. As a woman with ADHD, I felt like crying all the time. When people with ADHD or other mental disabilities have attacks, or explosions, they are often seen as exaggerated. Trust me, it's muted. Take a look in the mirror and think before you blame something on your child that's not their fault

Amber - posted on 06/22/2015

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I feel fortunate to have found this site, I'm sure any parent who has an adhd/odd child already knows the daily battles - and they are battles..... I'm obviously just as hurt, omg stressed and in general at my wits end. My daughter is 7 and I love her with every breath I take. But we have really struggled in kindergarten (daily notes home) first grade at least there was a decrease in negative notes.
Most days I feel like a failure and just cannot mentally or physically follow her every move to make sure she actually does the simple things I ask.......other days I am more empowered. (I also have adhd) and I view it as an advantage to be able to juggle and multitask as much as I do, I am left wondering where is the line where we as parents make zero excuses for our kids and force them to be accountable for what they do or don't do? I am in no way judging anyone's parenting I am simply trying to understand the very very drastic differences in my upbringing and how our society views acceptable punishment now.
Yes, I am from a generation that if and when you got in trouble you got a serious spanking (well at least I thought it was serious) as I look back I am more than thankful for how I was raised, I would not be the driven indepentent mom I am today had other methods been used. I can openly admit I am to stubborn to have been a child who was given a curtain to hide behind - I am seeing this more and more. Are there any other parents out there that have picked up on this? I actually was told by another parent that it's ok for her son to bully my daughter because he was recently diagnosed with adhd.......... I have so many questions, what are some good/solid methods of discipline for when I literally wash all her clothes only to find them in a mass pile in her room? They have to all be rewashed, as she mixes the clothes up and we do have indoor animals? I wash more than 6 loads of just her stuff a week. It's exhausting (and that is the tip of a massive mountain)
I want to face this head on, I'm just not sure what to do, so please if any mother out there has had even a small improvement with behavior please do share.

[deleted account]

No, this ADHD is hard to handle and I am a former special education teacher. I wanted to cry the first 6 months and still do, but know you are NEVER alone. Be honest with people, if they judge you have saved time on being friends with someone who doesn't get your journey. That is what this is a journey. Several famous people have ADHD Adam Levine to name one. This is treatable and not a death sentence. I ask why so many time and I will never get an answer... But mediation and yoga have helped me so much:) Also a back massage once a month would not hurt. Remember if you don't take care of yourself you can't help others so hang in there and again you are not alone. Hugs to you and stay strong, one day you will look at this as one of your greatest accomplishments. I promise, you may even laugh....Hugs

Tammy - posted on 03/10/2015

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OMG, I am so glad I found this. I have had zero support. People with kids without a disability don't get it or what all the fuss is about. They basically think I'm not able to handle it. It drives me nuts. I am a single mom to a 6 year old boy with ADHD and ODD symptoms. His behaviour is out of control. I'm struggling with the decision that I may have to medicate him. I feel like such a bad parent as I'm so exhausted and burnt out.

Andrea - posted on 03/03/2015

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no you definitely aren't the only one! I struggle almost daily with it. It's something we do because I am sure it's because we care deeply and want our children to be happy and healthy. I am thinking of trying to exercise with my little ones with help....a suggestion maybe?

Scentual_devotions - posted on 03/02/2015

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Sweetie, you're not alone. I wake up every day walking on egg shells because I have no idea how he will be. He's 12 and an only child. I live him to bits, but there are times when I just want to give up, but I don't because he doesn't have anyone else. I've tried everything that I can think of; just wish that I could find him the help that he so desperately needs.

Jamie - posted on 02/05/2015

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Lori.. Good for you that "you" had faith and the your son got a scholarship for college. It is not like before having children you stop and say....well what if???? Children are a special gift from God and made with the most wonderful love! You can call people what you want, but it really is childish and immaturity on your part to call someone a loser. Parents go to hell and back for the children. I know that I do. I have 2. One is 9 with ADHD/dyslexic and dysgraphia. Every situation is different for everyone in the daily battles that are fought every day and the strain that it puts not only on a marriage, the child, but also the closeness bt a parent and child. Sometime people say things that they don't mean or don't think about how someone could take it, but you thought and you posted. This community is for help and communication. Not for degrading words from your mouth. It to me and as just plain rude. When I read some of the post and came to yours I could not help but sign up just so that I could say something to what you said. Shame on you and God bless!

M. Karol - posted on 01/29/2015

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Bless your heard....u r not alone!
I have two much loved adopted brothers that drive me to my crying point on a daily basis.
I'm doing research now to see if there is any relief.
Good luck to you.....
Karol

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