Mommy guilt!!!

Pamela - posted on 03/24/2009 ( 163 moms have responded )

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I have an 8 year old son with ADHD. He was diagnosed at age 5. It has been such a long road!! i have so much guilt for having him on medication!!! I wish I could home school him, but that just is not a possibility financially. I have to work! It scares me to death to think of what this medicine may be doing to his body!! However it really helps him to focus in School and help his impulsiveness also. I only give it to him on School days, but I just can't get over this guilt!! Does anyone else feel this way??

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Renae - posted on 03/24/2009

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Guilt is a useless feeling and only makes you feel bad. Would you give your child insulin if they were diabetic? Your child can not help that he has ADHD. This is how God made him and we as moms must do all that we can to support our children and make every effort to help them in a crazy world. Only you can decide if the guilt is helpful or not and choose to decide to let it go and focus that energy on your son and help him become a productive person and a great man some day. I Would have guilt if I was not doing everything I can to help my son. Good luck.

Gabrielle - posted on 01/22/2013

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Being raised in a holistic household myself and imparting that wisdom in my own childrearing, has made giving my son medication extremely hard. I do feel for you on so many levels. When our 10 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD and GAD when he was 7, I was so sad and confused on what to do. He couldn't keep friends, he was bright but was not able to focus in school and was disrupting his class. I took him to a myriad of alternative doctors ( homeopathy, holistic pediatricians and a holistic psychiatrist). We even took dairy and gluten out of his diet to see if that would help-recommended by his holistic psychiatrist. Unfortunately, my husband did not want to do the diet for the recommended duration so I can not say whether or not that might have worked in the end. When he finally looked at me with beautiful big eyes and said, "Mommy, why can't I control myself?" and he would cry because he was having trouble with friends. He had no trouble making friends but keeping them was very hard due to outburst of anger if they didn't play the way he wanted.
For me it came down to quality of life. I felt that now is the time for confidence building and learning. I don't want to take that away from him. So I conceded and we began the medical route. When I saw him keeping his friends, he is above average in math classes, is good at Tai Kwon do and snowboarding, I knew that would never happen without the medications.

I don't believe the diagnosis of Adhd is stagnant and will keep changing as we learn more but what I do know is there are many symptoms; depression, inability to focus, agression and lack of social skills. I didn't want my son's ADHD to create a scary, sad world for him. On a positive note, I have heard of children growing out of ADHD, so as long as you stay informed and keep checking in with is doctors and ask all the right questions, I feel everything will be okay. The main questions I ask psychiatrists are how long has this been on the market and what are the long range studies on children. The hormones in adolescents can alter everything so be very mindful when he gets older.

Good book:
http://www.katherineellison.com/

She isn't completely holistic but she did try many things and her journey is quite inspiring and enlightening.

Libby - posted on 04/04/2009

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Oh where do I begin? I not only have 1 son with ADHD, but 2. They are going to be 13 and 9, both in July. My oldest was 8 when he was diagnosed. The school psychologist, (who happened to be a schoolfriend of mine) said, Libby, you have got to do something, or he's not gonna make it". I bawled my eyes out for days! I didn't want to "drug" my son! I didn't want him to be different from the other kids. I felt so absolutely, horribly guilty. So I took him to the Dr., then got him a counselor who specializes in kids with ADHD, (whom I love!). She's great with both of them! Cried my eyes out in her office too! Our first visit to her, she said, "Levi, if I can give you a medicine that will help you in school, and maybe help you make friends, do you want that?" His answer? "YES!" We went through 3 different meds before finding the right one for him, (Adderall xr). Once he was on them, he went from a D/F student to an A/B student. His teacher couldn't believe the difference! Now, my youngest was diagnosed in 1st grade. He's ALOT more hyper than my oldest. Oh the trouble he'd get himself into!! Sooo, into the counselor he went, and since the Adderall worked so well with the oldest, she just put him on it too, and yes, it works well for him also. Well, we decided to take Levi off them sometime in Dec because he had started puberty, and I felt that the med's were affecting his mood. He just didn't seem himself. Seemed depressed, and down alot, and not as happy as he usually was. So, we took him off for a trial run. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. His grades dropped drastically. So, I called the counselor, and we decided to put him on something else. She started him on Daytrana, which is a patch, and worked REALLY well!!! No mood swings, no depression, no loss of appetite! One big downfall? His skin was too sensitive for it, so now we have to find a different one for him:(. Did I feel guilty about having to "drug" my children? Heck yeah!! Do I still? At times. I, like you, don't make them take them on the w/ends, nor during summer vacation. I just let them be themselves...which does at times make me want to pull my hair out! Now, you want to hear a success story? My little brother, who is 12 years my jr. has ADHD. Our parents took him off his meds when he was 16. His soph, and jr yrs were a little rough for him, but not so bad that he had to go back on them. But his 12th grade yr, it was like BAM!!! I can do this!! And this month, he graduates from Med School!! He's going to be a Dr. of Research! And I couldn't be more proud of him! He's already been published in Medical Journals, and is doing his PostDoc out at Stanford University. When he comes home from college, it's like he lets loose and loses all control of himself, and I still want to cuff him upside the head and tell him to settle down, (unfortunately, he's bigger than I am...lol). But when he's at school, he has learned to control himself. Am I going to tell you to stop feeling guilty? No. Just don't let it run your life. I hope everything works out for you and your son;-)

Pamela - posted on 03/24/2009

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Quoting Sharyn:



Yes. My son was diagnosed in Kindergarten but we waited until 1st grade to put him on medication because we didn't want to put him on meds and thought there had to be a better way. A long year later, trying many things and methods and we ended up putting him on meds and he did SO much better in school. However, we are like you and only give him meds on school days. We take him off of it on weekends, holidays and the summer. I don't know if that is good or bad but it makes us feel a little better. I know that it has helped him not "outgrow" a dosage and have to be upped in medication as quickly. He is 9 now, and in 4th grade and we actually tried again this year to not do medication but after a month he started failing all his classes and disrupting the class so we put him back on. We are hopeful that one day, when he is older, he will be able to learn to control his impulses and won't need medication anymore. We can only hope.






I think that taking him off on days off School has helped him not become immune to his dose.  I thank you for your kind words!  it is so nice to know that there are other mommies out there feeling the things I feel!

AMANDA - posted on 01/24/2012

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It is such a tragedy that parents give their children Adderall. It is a amphetamine stimulant and is basically shoving SPEED down a child's throat. Children who are given Addreall are more likely to develop substance abuse problems as adults. It is like the army giving soldiers speed so they perform better in war. Look at what happens in the long run. I was diagnosed as having ADHD as a teenager and given Addreall. It is highly addictive and you should see how college students abuse the drug. They sell it, snort it, etc. If you have ever taken it it's basically like doing a line of cocaine. If gives you energy, focus (almost hyper-focus), can increase the speed of how you speak, you lose your appetite, can't sleep. Initially, I loved it because I got a high off it. Over time you build up a tolerance and it stopped working. It made me antisocial, irritable, but totally unable to function without it.



Adderall is the biggest HOAX of the pharmaceutical world and sad to say, half the doctors in this world prescribe drugs without really understanding the long-term effects, or properly diagnosing people.



Just because a child is dreamy, has a short attention span, is challenging, hyper or even has bad grades you shouldn't FORCE them to take this horrible addictive drug, that has long-term consequences as it will forever change their brain chemistry. Those things you are trying to "fix" in your child are not a DISORDER, they are your child's unique personality and don't need to be FIXED. It's better to let a child be a little hard to handle then turning them into young drug addicts by feeding them pharmaceutical METHAMPHETAMINE, which is exactly what adderal is.

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Imagine a blender spinning and spinning never turning off. That is most likely how your son is feeling when he isn't on medication. ADHD and ADD medication has come a long way and many have minimal side effects. Would you not give your child insulin if they were diabetic? Don't feel guilty about doing what may have been what is in the best interest of your child.

Kirsten - posted on 10/25/2012

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I know exact ally how you feel , my son is 3 years old and is been diagnosed with ADHD. I feel wrong for giving him a pill at such a young age. However, if it's going to help him then I am doing the right thing. I am still going through emotions but it is a long road ahead of us. However I know the outcome will be wonderful. I just talk to my son and make sure he knows how smart and wonderful he is. I have found the only answer to this question for me is give him what he needs to succeed and love him alot!

Christal - posted on 10/24/2012

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You are Not Alone! I cry everyday...Just being overwhelmed, worried about my boys future, saying "when is it gonna get easier", seems like every step he takes forward, I get this little vioce inside saying "he's gonna be O.K.", only to have another issue emerge..I feel the pain even in my dreams..Something between mother and child, we feel their struggles everyday God bless All our children ♥

Lisa - posted on 10/20/2012

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Hi pamela,



Infact my daughter was just diagnosed with add and adhd and i still didnt start her off with the medicine yet because im also concerned do you have any advice for me or any info of what to expect for the first time taking the medicine?

Mommy - posted on 10/17/2012

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I also have an 8 year old and he is just starting on the medicine route. I have cried a thousand of tears already.... He is struggling in school because he can not focus on the subjects... agghhh I feel your pain!

Tess - posted on 10/16/2012

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I feel the same way. My son was diagnosed a month ago and I have only given him the medicine twice! His teachers are going through a tough time because they have to watch over him constantly but also attend to the other kids. My son's case isnt so bad but he cant sit and concentrate on his wowrk. All he thinks about is beyblades (a toy/cartoon series). This is why I am confused about him being diagnosed because he will sit through a whole series of that show and play with the toys for hours.

Ninaquick - posted on 10/13/2012

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yes! I just started my son on medication and we haven't gotten it right yet. I have tried several things first before putting him on it and nothing really worked. I hate that he has to take it but he hated going to school because he felt he was just going to get into trouble all the time. Now that we started he is getting into less trouble and for the first time last week he said he liked going to school.

Ninaquick - posted on 10/13/2012

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yes! I just started my son on medication and we haven't gotten it right yet. I have tried several things first before putting him on it and nothing really worked. I hate that he has to take it but he hated going to school because he felt he was just going to get into trouble all the time. Now that we started he is getting into less trouble and for the first time last week he said he liked going to school.

Nicole - posted on 10/06/2012

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no. i did at first but i got over it. ive raised a son the had ADHD whos 31 now and i refused to medicate him. he was arressted for the first time at the age of fourteen for hurting another child at school pretty badly. he was dangerous. after that i had to medicate him and what a difference it made. i felt guilty after that for all the rough years we had as a family and for how rough things where for him too after i seen how much the medication helped him

Sdb - posted on 09/27/2012

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MY FAMILY DOCTOR WROTE I HAD AN ORGANIZATIONAL PROBLEM when I was put on it against my will because my mother used psychiatry SO abusively---she wrote u a report about my ---- 'upped dosage'''........................... EXACT QUOTE,,,, "organizationl problem" ... YES... the brick wall is a problem. and no one else had a problem.. not me or teachers.. and worst thing about it is that, i DID have ADHD- she was extremley abusive and I was never able to use my healthcare. IT ended up almost killing me, because she used it to then LOCK ME IN AN ASSYLUM in ghe ghetto of a big city more drugs were given, CTO,, the ridiculousness KEPT GOING ON AND ON AND ON...

it is only A DISORDER.. if you dont fit in.... and I did.

I had a family that was ABUSIVE WAS PUT ON THESE DRUGS FOR---- AFTER SCHOOL PROBLEMS..... and wow,, fuck you.

MOTHERSS WHO LIKE SICKNESS TO RAISE THEIR KIDS SHOULD BE SHOT.

Lori - posted on 07/28/2012

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Don't feel guilty. Our son is 21 and yes it was a long hard road but so worth it. He works full time and was recently accepted to a school he desperately wanted to attend. e. I was so afraid of the medicine he didn't take it right away we tried Feinghold diet for years first diet did help him along with the medicine. School is good for him but don't except him being treated different. I had to put my son in a private school to have him treated normal and he thrived because they gave him Structure. add kids thrive with structure. Good luck mom. I know your pain my husband and I cried ourselves to sleep many nights,but it was all worth it

Lisa - posted on 07/26/2012

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no because i know im giving my son the help heneeds my son has ADHD, PPD anixety and has been on different meds for 5yrs hes 7 the worse part is the hitting!!! hes 87lbs so it hurts now.he is nowon addrell we are hoping this helps i just feel so sorry for my son to see him suffer breaks my heart!!! so i will try almost any med to ease his problems

Christina - posted on 03/12/2012

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i agree with karen on this one. my son is so out there i would be bald. and with having 2 other kids to handle that have their own medical issues. yeh it helps alot

Karen - posted on 03/12/2012

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I think personally if i did not have my child on meds I would kill him...we have great results with meds and i do not have one regret! it keeps him focused and he is so smart I would hate to see him off meds! hope this is helpful. He was on meds sicne the age of 6 and will be 9, he does however need to be seen, not working the same...

Yolanda - posted on 02/15/2012

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I understand how u feel about being guilty and its okay because thats your child and u feel he/she shouldnt be taking or be on no medication because u feel like u can try to do something a little better so they wont have that stuff in they system and yes how does it affect their bodies? i was the same way. i took him off for a good minuted and thought he didnt need it but then i saw how he was acting without it and i said i see a BIG difference and i switch him to another doctor and we talk and he did ask me questions and etc and he was on it the next day. but my reason was the side affects. He had bumps and he was itching and whining he was hurting so thats why i took him off for a minuted, everyone has they reasons. but he back on it he take it mon-fri and sometimes on the weekend. the only thing is he have to eat before he take it cause when he do he dont have a appetite for a while. LOL i like that part cause he greedy Its okay to feel guilty bjust dont let it get under your skin. i hope i help alot

Yolanda - posted on 02/15/2012

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I understand how u feel about being guilty and its okay because thats your child and u feel he/she shouldnt be taking or be on no medication because u feel like u can try to do something a little better so they wont have that stuff in they system and yes how does it affect their bodies? i was the same way. i took him off for a good minuted and thought he didnt need it but then i saw how he was acting without it and i said i see a BIG difference and i switch him to another doctor and we talk and he did ask me questions and etc and he was on it the next day. but my reason was the side affects. He had bumps and he was itching and whining he was hurting so thats why i took him off for a minuted, everyone has they reasons. but he back on it he take it mon-fri and sometimes on the weekend. the only thing is he have to eat before he take it cause when he do he dont have a appetite for a while. LOL i like that part cause he greedy Its okay to feel guilty bjust dont let it get under your skin. i hope i help alot

Maria - posted on 02/13/2012

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My guilt only lasted for 2 years... My son was diagnosed at age 2 by a family pediatrician. Then the pre school requested testing. He was formally diagnosed at age 4, I did nothing. Then at age 5 his pediatrician prescribed stimulants, I never took the prescription to the pharmacy. He struggled in 1st grade and in 2nd grade. He was too hyper to focus. I felt so ashamed, guilty and afraid of the side effects AND THE STIGMA of my child on psych meds. Now, after 2 years of medications, he made it in the B Honor Roll of his regular large private school. He is still impulssive, hyper when medication runs out of his system but he is not as disabled as before.

I myself wear glasses to drive. If my mom had not given me the opportunity to wear glasses..... I would be sitting at home on an "optional disability" because the medication normalizes them enough to get advantage of educational opportunities. It is the love they need, it is the care they need. Love. Maria.

User - posted on 02/13/2012

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I feel the same way. I have cried due to feeling so bad, especially when they know that they have a problem and they can't help themselves.

Amy - posted on 02/09/2012

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Amanda I totally agree! No one can really tell you as a parent what is right or wrong for your chlild.

Amanda - posted on 02/08/2012

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I posted on this before and feel the need to post again. My son has now been on meds for 3 years and he's 8. We recently lost our health insurance and he was off meds for a month. He was doing awful in school and his school saw such a discrepancy that they paid for his meds (almost $300 without insurance for a 1 month supply) and he is back where he needs to be. I was petrified having him on meds and felt as of maybe I was only doing it because I had a hard time.dealing with him w/o meds. The school told me now to feel that way and that I was doing.the right thing for him. Hearing that from them made me feel like I have made all the right choices for HIM and reminded me that all kids react different to adhd and something work for other families that don't work for others. Keep doing what you are doing for your children despite the guilt you feel and what other people say. after all the only opinion that matters is your own based on how your child reacts. Like i said, its the only thing that works for my son. Don't feel guilty, as you are helping your child focus and be as great as a child as they can be!!!

Amy - posted on 02/08/2012

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My son was diagnosted at age 5 also and is on non stimulant meds. I was a hard decision. His psychiatrist recommended a gluten free diet and that has been very helpful. IDK how sever his symptoms are but it might be something to talk to his MD about.

Lorri - posted on 02/02/2012

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You are being a good mommy! And yes, I went through the same thing! However, my daughter now tells me that she needs her pill to help her in school. She also 8 years old. I do not give it to her on the weekends. And I was feeling sooooo guilty when we first began the meds. Because, they could not find the right one for her. One would make her a zombie, one made her lose her appetite, and it felt like it took FOREVER!!! And the meds that they do use scare me because I worry about the long term effects. I do not want my children to have health problems later in life because of this.

Just know you are not alone. I feel guilty as well, but everyone reminds me, it is to help her.

I will stop rambling on. Hope you have a good day!



Lorri

Elisha-Kay - posted on 01/30/2012

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I have that guilty feeling quite a bit. Both my boys are ADHD and on medication at this point. I feel horrible, almost like I'm a bad parent and I can't handle my own kids. But then I look back on the 2 years of hardship my oldest had in school, the frustration he felt and the constant battle he had in school and his social activities. The changes and massive strides he has made in these areas more than overwhelm any guilt that I may come across. Don't feel guilty...we do our best but sometimes these little guys just need more help and I want to see my boys suceed. So if medication is the key for them to make it then I am 100% for it. Putting them on medication was very, very difficult decision for me but in the long run it is for the best :)

Jera - posted on 01/19/2012

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We tried all kinds of diets, exercises, Occupational Therapy, behavioural modification etc. etc. the fact is, my child has a brain issue. His brain chemicals are not right. His impulse control is non existent because of his age combined with his ADHD I felt guilty the day we finally went to the pediatrician for "the meds talk". I went to explore the options. I cried in the office for an hour (child was not there- no worries). Our pediatrician posed the following life changing remark for me to ponder: "If your child had a heart condition and you had to medicate him to fix it would you feel guilt? Would you withhold treatment to his heart because it was a medication if it could help him? Why are we treating the brain any different?" NO of course I would not feel guilty to help him. I would be thankful that a medication could help him. I believe many of us feel guilty because of what OTHER PEOPLE think, what society has told us about stimulants .. not because of what we truly know in our hearts. Every parent must take the medication plunge at their own discretion, but if you do take it- get a good doctor that does check ups, and take the plunge without looking back. Forge on, release the guilt. Except the differences and rejoice in the days when your child excels. Let the days he/she does not go.

Tina - posted on 01/16/2012

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Absolutely, my five year old has just been diagnosed with ADHD and possible bipolar disorder. We tried 5 mg of focaline and all it did was speed him up, magnify his bad behavior and cause him to have horrible stomach aches. now they want me try him on abilify, have you ever tried or read the side effects of abilify,? It is really scarry. I have it still sitting on my shelf, because I don't want to give it to him.I know we need to do something, because my son's behavior is so extreme, and it is wear me down, but it kills me inside to put him on these horrible meds.

Kacie - posted on 01/02/2012

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My son is four now but been on meds since he was three and I hate him being on it but it was for his safety and the safety of his younger sisters. Try finding a school in your area that deals with ADHD kids, I found one and I think it will help relive some of mine and my husband's stress. So maybe there is one in your area.

Kacie - posted on 01/02/2012

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My son is four now but started medication when he was three. I hate having him on meds so young but it was for his safety. He was so dangerous and hurting his younger sisters. I found a school where I live that deals with just ADD,ADHD, and Ashberger's sorry can't spell really well. It is a private homeschool but looks like it would work. Maybe you could find one in your area. I only give him his meds when he goes to preschool or we are going out somewhere.

[deleted account]

My 8 year old son also has ADHD and I hear you on the guilt. Try to think of what life would be like for him without the medication right now. Then remind yourself of what a great mom you are because you are taking care of him by tackling all of the challenges as they come.

Nancy - posted on 10/25/2011

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I completely understand! My son is 5 and recently diagnosed. He is currently on Adderall (we're looking for the right dosage) and has to take somethig to sleep at night. I never thought I'd put him on meds. But with my tons of research and we have a caring psych and therapist who monitor very thoroughly. I can't help you with guilt. I think we'll always have that. Just know how much you love him and how much you would do to make sure he's he's having a terrific life. You're a good mom!!

Laura - posted on 10/22/2011

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pamela i did at first but when i saw it was helping i was gladd i ahd him on it he is now 19 yrs old has been off it since he was 12 he was working with his stepdad on vechiles and then he started using a punching bag to get his frustrations out he was also drinking caffenine

Mary - posted on 10/20/2011

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I do every day. My daughter is 12 she has headaches everyday from the meds says she feel loopy all the time. I have talked to schools doctors adhd doctors they all tell me that Vyvanse 50mg is just right for her. I just dont think so. She is not developing at this point and I do not know what to do. They say it has nothing to do with the meds but I have a good feeling it is. I have no idea what to do she is so small looks like a 2nd grader and is in 6th grade. We are now going to a endocrinologist to have her tested.....do I continue with the drugs or not that is the question? I have spent thousands of dollars and been to 6 different doctors and still I have no answer. I just know something is just not right with all these meds!

Mary - posted on 10/20/2011

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I do every day. My daughter is 12 she has headaches everyday from the meds says she feel loopy all the time. I have talked to schools doctors adhd doctors they all tell me that Vyvanse 50mg is just right for her. I just dont think so. She is not developing at this point and I do not know what to do. They say it has nothing to do with the meds but I have a good feeling it is. I have no idea what to do she is so small looks like a 2nd grader and is in 6th grade. We are now going to a endocrinologist to have her tested.....do I continue with the drugs or not that is the question? I have spent thousands of dollars and been to 6 different doctors and still I have no answer. I just know something is just not right with all these meds!

Linda - posted on 08/10/2011

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I understand. I feel guilty every time I have to give my children their morning dose. I try to keep it only on school days or when we have things to do or if they wake up completely wired. Our pediatrician said it was fine, just monitor them. I noticed my youngest will have trouble falling asleep after several days in a row of taking it so I like him to have some "free" days on weekends. We curb the increased energy by making sure he has plenty of activity. He does well with lots of physical activity - so he's able to control his impulses. It's at school that he has the difficulty. I delayed putting my eldest on medication until he was starting 3rd grade but my youngest started at the end of 1st grade. One thing I've noticed, they both respond better when they've eaten a protein based breakfast and lunch and have good snacks during the day. We also cut out the red dye and try to limit junk food. I hope one day they can go off the medication completely but for now it's helping them to be successful in school. FYI, mine are both on Concerta 27mg daily.

Brandy - posted on 08/10/2011

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I sat here reading your post over and over again, because I have been thinking about this for the last three days. My son is 6 and getting ready to start kindergarten. He was diagnosed with ADHD and put on vyvanse. I actually kept him home an extra year hoping that maybe he would calm down a little (that didn't work, things just got worse :( ) so here we are again with school starting next week and me in tears because I know that I am going to have to give him the medication. Over the summer we worked on all of his kindergarten things, and what I learned was that after half an hour of learning, a 15 minute break, we were back at it and it was okay. It took a lot of walking around and pacing, but he did really well. But all of those are things that I know he can not do in a classroom. I feel beyond guilty for having to give him the medicine. It seems to change him into someone else. Still my little boy, but just so quiet and still. So I know what you are going through and what you are feeling. I was just trying to figure out how to put it into words. Thank you.......

User - posted on 08/09/2011

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I am going through the guilt thing right now as well. It hurts me to see my son go through symptons when trying out a new meds. which is what we are doing now. we are trying intuniv. tonight im sitting here trying to stay positive about it and know that we have no other choice at this point. we have tried everything else and nothing has worked. Its hard for us parents. I am thankful for sites like this one, people here know what you are going through and they are there for you. i have been crying off and on through out the night due to the guilt that i feel but when i got here on this site it helped me understand that Im doing what is right for him.

Leah - posted on 08/06/2011

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Kristol,
I just read you post! What kind of meds does your son take and how do you plan on taking him off of this because what it does is it affects the dopamine transporters. Your son is in elementary school and you say you want to wean your son off of the meds, the medication is given for a reason and yes I know no parent likes their child on medication, I know I don't but if my children was not on their medication it doesn't help them because then they get confused of what is going on and then they act out even more.

Kristol - posted on 07/19/2011

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i am a mom who has just had to admit my son has adhd. he would do great for me he would do school work he would learn and progress just took some effort and time and he got it. but then he started kindergarten. the very first week of school he was stealing from the teacher kicked a kid in the eye and would not stop being the class clown he was mister popular with all the boys who were rowdy in class and the teacher could not control him. he needs to be medicated is all i heard all year long. i fought it. untill the end of the year i was working with him on his list of words every day all year long he was not remmebering a single thing i myself taught him that was not like him i couldnt get him to sit i couldnt get to him period nothing mattered no consiquence no punishment mattered he was like a different person. i am not convinced that it wasnt the school setting to much for him and he learned bad behaviors for sure but the retaining of info is something eh truly was suffering with and one night i asked him do you think you are learning as well as the other kids he cried and said no i am stupid i cant do it and then i get in trouble. broke my heart n to the dr i went i am against medicatin for so many reasons but he couldnt do it and no 5 year old should think they are stupid. now i am in the right medication stage finding one that fits it is such a hassle but i think we got one and i plan to get him on track with learning learn how to behave and wean him off before elementary school is over dr recomended that. i feel bad but doing nothing and making him feel bad made me feel worse so dont feel guilty. look at the good in it dont worry about the what ifs and get him off it as soon as possible because if he can go all weekend without it and behave he probablly doesnt need it too much longer.

Kristol - posted on 07/19/2011

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i am a mom who has just had to admit my son has adhd. he would do great for me he would do school work he would learn and progress just took some effort and time and he got it. but then he started kindergarten. the very first week of school he was stealing from the teacher kicked a kid in the eye and would not stop being the class clown he was mister popular with all the boys who were rowdy in class and the teacher could not control him. he needs to be medicated is all i heard all year long. i fought it. untill the end of the year i was working with him on his list of words every day all year long he was not remmebering a single thing i myself taught him that was not like him i couldnt get him to sit i couldnt get to him period nothing mattered no consiquence no punishment mattered he was like a different person. i am not convinced that it wasnt the school setting to much for him and he learned bad behaviors for sure but the retaining of info is something eh truly was suffering with and one night i asked him do you think you are learning as well as the other kids he cried and said no i am stupid i cant do it and then i get in trouble. broke my heart n to the dr i went i am against medicatin for so many reasons but he couldnt do it and no 5 year old should think they are stupid. now i am in the right medication stage finding one that fits it is such a hassle but i think we got one and i plan to get him on track with learning learn how to behave and wean him off before elementary school is over dr recomended that. i feel bad but doing nothing and making him feel bad made me feel worse so dont feel guilty. look at the good in it dont worry about the what ifs and get him off it as soon as possible because if he can go all weekend without it and behave he probablly doesnt need it too much longer.

Claudia - posted on 07/18/2011

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hi just reading your posts iv had my son on meds for 9years he was so bad doctor keept giving him meds but i did lots of research on the meds and what was realy causing his behaviour was the side effects of one med would interact badly with other meds this had some serious consiquences for him and us so i took him off everything and put him on melatonin with unreal results im sooo proud of the child i have now he has ADD,ADHD,SEVERE AUTISM,BIPOLAR DISORDER,DYSPRAXIA,DYSLEXIA,KYPHOSCOLIOSIS,ASTHMA AND BRAIN DAMAGE,thats alot for him to deal with so since coming of meds hes totally toilet trained able to swing in normal swing,tell me how to make tea,etc His age is 11 and on meds his brain age was 24mths..hes great! best of luck to all you moms keep in touch.

Deborah - posted on 07/14/2011

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Pamela,
would you feel this guilt if your son was on different meds for a problem our culture sees no problem having like diabetes. See we need to rember in our culture haveing mental illness is some thing not good (some still use the old turm crazy). Do not feel guilt you do what you know to be right! I am a mother of four that have mental illness and I myself have a different form of the illness but their is no one who should feel guilty for trying to be a good parent,and who love's their child!

Dawn - posted on 07/13/2011

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Donna thank you for your post, just wanted to say something I recently found out is that adhd sometimes can go hand in hand with Bipolar Disorder, if this is the case which it is with my son when the doctor prescribes the medication for the adhd they must also prescribe something for the bipolar condition because a lot of the meds for adhd can cause a manic episode in a bipolar person. If the two medications are not combined you will find yourself pulling your hair out and constantly seeing your child go through the worst moodswings of bipolar disorder. It is not uncommen for children with adhd to have bipolar disorder and if this is the case for your child my son finally has agreed to the counseling with a licensed therapist and I am praying this works for him because I know he does not enjoy the ups and downs of the bipolar mood swings at all. I wish it had not taken so long for the doctors to speak with one another. It would have saved my son a lot of pain over the long run.

Donna - posted on 07/13/2011

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I used to feel the same way! I was depressed for a while thinking I was the worst mother ever! But then I thought about it, what if she had diabetes or some other kind of problem "would I not give her medication for her to feel better?" I feel that giving my daughter her meds she is calmer and feels she is NOT constantley getting in trouble or getting yelled at. I can tell you that putting her on medicine has benefited her as well as me. I could not control her at the small age of 7!!! I would talk to a counselor if this comments don't make you feel better :) trust me you will feel much better if you do!

Tamika - posted on 07/10/2011

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I have a 4 year old that is a twin, and i recently realized that he had no choice but to go on the medicine in order for him to focus, learn and not hurt himself. I began my journey when he was 2 and finally a month ago came to my decision. If you know in your heart that this is the best thing for him. Comfort yourself in that and as he grows, he can possibly be taken off the meds or even a better, less side effect med will come out.I felt horrible, and blamed myself for the trouble with my prgnancy and so on. A good mother is aknowlegding that your son needs help and getting it. Some parents are in denial and never try to help their kids, and you are not alone.

[deleted account]

I think mommy guilt is inevitable. If you didn't feel guilty about this you would find another reason to feel mommy guilt. It's what we do. Personally, I am very grateful that medicine seems to be helping my son. He is so much happier now, too. I feel guilty that I didn't try it sooner.

[deleted account]

I think mommy guilt is inevitable. If you didn't feel guilty about this you would find another reason to feel mommy guilt. It's what we do. Personally, I am very grateful that medicine seems to be helping my son. He is so much happier now, too. I feel guilty that I didn't try it sooner.

Danielle - posted on 06/28/2011

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My son was just diagnosed, he is 5, and i am stuggling with myself trying to decide whether or not to put him on medication. I don't know what else to do he starts school in august and im scared to death!! any suggestions?

Debi - posted on 06/09/2011

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Pam,
one question why do you feel he only needs to focus at school? I totally understand the guilt of meds , but look at it this way what if (you) could only focus part of the time could we as the parent do our jobs home and work only focusing part of the time? My son is almost 15 in September he takes his meds all the time! Mind you he is an extreme case with anxiety and bipolar. I was at the pool with him and his friends yesterday thinking about how his brain works, adhd doesn't allow to him to hear me calling him he cannot block out all sounds they hear are unable to to hear separate conversations they are all mangled together unable to distinguish one from the other. I laid there listening and being able to hear conversation's separate them even with the background noise with add or adhd they cannot do that. I went to a Chadd convention when he was younger. Wow what a eye opener. I wouldnt feel guilty Ritalin has been around for 50 yrs with no huge side effects long term. My son's is he hates having to take meds but understands the difference when he does and doesn't. It is not easy but can be effective when done correctly and have great doctor which took me yrs to find! he will be ok! I felt the same when he was only 4 when he had to start! Hope this helps Keep your chin up!

Christine - posted on 06/09/2011

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Pamela, I felt the same with my first. Its natural. your a good mom and you want to do right by him. But trust someone who has not only had two more since diagnosed but also herself. It really is helping him and he needs it. Do not stop for weekends though, it confuses his body and some meds actually need to be at a consistant level to work thier best. Useing these meds will help him learn the difference between his behavior on the meds and off. It will give him the focus and control needed to learn and build valuable skill for his future that will help him potentially learn to one day cope with out them. Remember, ADHD is a chemical inbalence of brain, it is not a diet issue or an excuse to medicate, it's real, have you done the research of children left unmedicated? Sure some get lucky and learn to "cope" and if you ask them they will probably argue with you on that concept. While others grow up to have serious issues of deprecion, inability to fit in with there peers, anxiety, OCD, ODD, medical issues, abuse issues etc, etc.... Forget what the people who do not have kids say. Forget what the supposed "expert" who never studied physiology, psycology or medicine but like to spout there dietary miracles down your throat - have to say and repeat after me " I AM A GOOD MOM! I AM DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR MY CHILD!!!!!"
Yours - Christine (Mom and three kids whith ADHD!)

Teresa - posted on 06/09/2011

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If your child truly needs the medication, you are doing the best thing for him. I would prefer not to give my child stimulants but he needs them so much that it would be cruel for me NOT to medicate him. He learns better with the meds on board and is not as impulsive which helps his social skills as well. There are non-stimulant meds we have tried (intuniv) but it changed his personality so we went back to stimulants and are so glad we did.

You cannot help the way your child is wired but you CAN assist him with the meds. It is a good thing mama.

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