The challenges of raising an only

Lucinda - posted on 01/03/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Only children present special challenges. Mom/Dad becomes playmate, confidant, sparring partner. Share your stories, successes, failures here. Ask questions, get answers... Enjoy being the mom of an only! It has perks, too!!!

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Lori - posted on 08/03/2011

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We adopted our daughter, but then because we exceeded the age requirements (and it was not financially feasible), we couldn't adopt a second. My daughter had begged for a sister for a while. We explained that we would not be able to adopt a sister, but that she could see some of her friends as sisters. For instance, the twins next door are like her little sisters. The other girls in our Chinese adoption group are her "China sisters." It lets her expand her sense of family and not feel so isolated. On the other hand, we still have the problem of what to do when friends and their families are not available for playdates, and we have nothing planned. We have those lonely moments, which drive everyone crazy. Would love to hear what you all do in this situation? As my daughter's getting older, it's getting a bit better, since she likes arts and crafts and such and is finding some things to do on her own.

Luisa - posted on 07/23/2009

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It seems to parents of multis that our lives are so much easier! They have no idea what it's like to be parent, playmate, housekeeper, wife, business owner, etc.! My other pet peeve is the assumption that it was a "choice!" For some of us, it wasn't and the impertinent, "why wouldn't you want a playmate for him/her..?," always makes me cringe though after 13 years I've gotten better at clever responses.

Cherri - posted on 01/27/2009

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I understand what you are asking and often ask the same question. I have a 9 year old daughter. She was excited/ disappointed twice when I got preg and miscarried . We finally told her after my hysterectomy that we could not give her any other siblings. She was very upset but as she gets older , she seems to be okay with it.  She understands that some of the things we can give her we wouldn't be able to do so if there were siblings.

Trish - posted on 01/24/2009

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It is had when they getting older. My daughter is 9 and she hates being an only child. She doesn't always want to play with mom and dad.

Lucinda - posted on 01/18/2009

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When my son asks about siblings, I simply explain that he was everything we ever dreamed of and we decided just to focus on "the three of us".  I've also said that, by the time a baby was born and had grown enough to be a decent playmate, he'd probably have other interests and prefer to spend most of his time with friends and doing his sports.  I think it's a little different with boys than girls, who tend to be more social-minded.  We spend as much time as we can with family and that helps him feel less lonesome.

Peggy - posted on 01/18/2009

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Any advice on how to explain to our only daughter (9) that we probably will never have another? She begs for a baby brother or sister A LOT and it makes us so sad because we did want another but after 3 years of trying, fertility procedures ending in a miscarriage we decided to focus on the family we have. I think she feels like such an outsider because all of her friends have siblings. I may be totally off base but it seems that some kid's personalities are better suited to be an only and that is not my daughter. Anyway, it's good to connect with other mom's with only children since all of my friends have at least 2 most 3!

Diane - posted on 01/04/2009

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OOPS!! I posted on the wrong place. That last post was from the other string of conversation!! Oh well!! Happy Birthday to your son! I've got a Feb b-day party to start planning for my daughter!!

Have a great week!

Lucinda - posted on 01/03/2009

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Oh, my parents so did that! I finally had them convinced that we were never having kids and they stopped asking. Then, after 11 years of marriage, we decided it was time. My son (7 next week) asks often for a baby brother or sister. I figure he'll get over it!

Diane - posted on 01/03/2009

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Kinda like when you get married and at the reception everyone is asking the couple when they will start the baby machine! How do they even know if the couple wants kids! People are funny, but they are usually just asking because what's happened to them is their 'norm'.

My daughter (8) goes through phases of wanting a brother or sister. It's really quite funny since she has no control over it! Dad got snipped and I had my ovaries removed for preventive measures!

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