my family memebers are undercover racist...HELP

Christina - posted on 06/13/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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So i need some opions on my thoughts, my whole family is racist but I dont want my kids to feel like they dont have no family but at the same time I dont want them growing up around people who hate black people who are always making comments about them reguardless they are joking or not I dont want them to feel like they were born the wrong color. they werent but my family is always making black jokes and saying stuff like your so lucky they arent that dark and your lucky the dont have kinky hair....they are always saying the "n" word...I really dont know what I should do I have to talk to them but they seem to not care and tell me I shouldnt date black guys anyways...I feel like i should keep them away but i think my kids should atleast know their cousins and stuff. It just breaks my heart that I have people like that in my life because if they werent family i wouldnt even waste my time on them. What should I do?

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Brianne - posted on 06/14/2010

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Your babies don't deserve to hear people ... especially family .... making comments towards them or about them! I didn't talk to my mother for 2 years because she didn't accept my fiance. When I told her I was pregnant she didn't want anything to do with me! She eventually came around and is completely accepting of my baby and my fiance! She loves them both!

I know it is hard but family or not ... your babies don't need people like that in their lives! If they can't accept your babies for who they are then ... cut them out!

You show your children the way they should be treated and respected! Love them and give them extra kisses!

Elisha - posted on 02/19/2015

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You know I know what you are going thru, but instead of being white, I'm black. The thing is your kids need to be around people that are going to love them, black, white, red, brown, green, yellow; it does not matter. And if you ask me I would just stop going over there. I would not place my children in a situation that I know that was going to effect them in a negative way. And if your kids ask, just tell the truth. Let them know the real reason why they don't go over there. You and your kids, that's all the love you need. There the ones that are missing out on your beautiful babies cause they want to act silly. And I know that it's hard, but as parents our job is never easy. We are suppose to protect our kids and keep them safe.

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2010

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My son is half black and I have one cousin whos racists and I dont let him see my baby boy. I let him kno that he;s not welcome around my son or me. Its stupid to me that people are still so racist and I think those types of people are hateful! Family or not hateful people should not be around children. Ive already had people call my son names for it and I'll be damned if my families goin to do it. Your child will be much better off with out that hate around them. Light or dark im sure kids are beautiful and if your family cant love them then you and your children are better without them. Thats just my opinion nd I hope it helps.

[deleted account]

My family disowned me when I started dating my now husband. They tried to tell me it had nothing to with race but because of the way my husband "carried" himself. But I know the truth. My dad told my husband straight to his face when he asked him for my hand in marriage that if we got married he wouldn't be there or acknowledge our kids because they would be "half-breeds." Sure enough they didn't come to our wedding, my mom wasn't there during my pregnancy, and they are not involved in our daughter's life. Recently my siblings and my mom have started coming around but I am VERY cautious. My child does not need to be around people like that. I used to be very passive and "nice" but when it comes to my child it's my job to protect her.

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2010

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I feel ya girl....most of my family is rasict and I had to be the black sheep of the family and pop out 3 half black kids. It only took me once to realize that my family wouldnt except my first mixed daughter...so i stopped talking to most of my family. At first it was hard, but then a few came to me and basically said that they wanted to be a part of our lives. Everyone else just calls me the mom of those N***** babies and talks crap about me. But I could care less because I have my own beautiful family. To hell with those racists I say...but thats just me.
Maybe you could sit your family down and explain to them the damage they can cau8se in your kids by calling them names and treating them they way they do. It may or may not help. But if it doesnt help at least you will know that it is best to keep your kids away from that sort of environment. As mixed kids, they will have enough crap to deal with outside of the home...it would be a shame for them to have to fight the crap at home as well as away from home.
hope things get better.

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Your kids need you more than you need your family. If you live in the same house or neighbourhood move out. Ex-communicate until they come around their attitude. While keeping away am sure your children will make you happy and you will never realise how much time has passed and believe me it will be a matter of time they will come around changed. Protect your children

Charmaine - posted on 06/23/2010

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Tell them if they dont stop your cutting them off... your children dont need to be around that kind of negativity they will end up growing up hating who they are.

Ginger - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree with all the posts and they generally say the same thing. If the things your family is saying offends u think of how it makes ur kids feel. Ignorance is very painful sometimes
Explain y u and ur kids will not be coming around and when they are accepting they will c u again. My stepfather cut me out when I married my first husband because he was black. He has since accepted my choices and has changed his attitude. Be patient and pray!

Shanika - posted on 06/19/2010

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Well, 1st: they are not undercover--They are racist, PERIOD.
I do know the feeling, my daught is half black & half puerto rican. I have always feel that her paternal side is racist or at least her grandmother (although she claims shes not b/c shes sleeping with a blk man lol) With family its hard to barred them from u and ur kids because they are family, but its important that they know that what they are doing and expressing is very negative and disgusting and that if they want to be in their lives, they need to respect them. If not, then they need to stay away from them until they can learn to respect them.

Jessica - posted on 06/19/2010

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Good question. I have a few young family members who call my son the n word to his face and their parents do nothing about it. I have tried to limit how much time he spends with them but we live in a very small town and they all go to the same school. Besides my son loves these people. I talk to my son about it and explain to him that some people are cruel and they will never change but it doesnt change who he is or how special he is and that there are plenty of people who love him and think he is perfect just the way he is. It's their short coming not his.
Keep your head up and let your kids know that they are special and that it doesnt matter what others say or feel about them. What matters is how they see themselves.

Shaniqua - posted on 06/18/2010

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it is tough to make that kind of choice im so sorry but you have to do what is right for them now you dont want them to be around that sort of negativity... i kno i am part Mexican but i look jus black an when i was a child i had to be around them i could jus sense that they didnt like me or want me around it sucked the only one who accepted me was my grandmother but even she didnt like blacks she jus loved me an my sister cause she knew we were family an u cant choose them or what they look like but she hate my husband cause he is half black an Mexican an looks Mexican but cant speak any Spanish i guess she feels him to be a sell out or something but if i was in you shoes i would wait until they were old enough to make a choice that they wanna be around them but as a child that will scar them.. but it is up to you

Rachelle - posted on 06/17/2010

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This is ashame but you should absolutely not have your children around them. Trust me, if you understand it, soon your kids will pick it all up as well. If you talk to them and they dont DRASTICALLY change it all, then I would absolutely not expose my children to that. Family isnt always blood, family are people who love and SUPPORT you.

Renee - posted on 06/16/2010

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Family is what you make it not blood.I'd keep my kids away.I walked away from my family for 10 yrs when they didn't like my choices with my now deceased husband.You build support around you of people who love you and your kids in a positive light.

Manige - posted on 06/14/2010

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I say you give them a frank and honest talking to. Give them 1 chance. Then they are making the choice if they are in or out of your child's life.

Kelly - posted on 06/14/2010

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unfortunately our children will face people like that at some point in their lives. They might even face white kids saying your not white and black kids saying your not black..I think it is all in the confidence you teach your kids to hold their heads high and from an early age build confidence. I often have my 3 year old repeat this " I have a purpose, I am beautiful I am brilliant"

There is not a whole lot you can do about people that are ignorant other then limiting contact, or talking with them.

be proactive about preparing your kids to stay positive...

Rosalina - posted on 06/14/2010

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i know how u feel. hen i was pregnant my grandmother slapped me across my face when i told her my daughters father was black. i then realized that my daughter does not need to be around people that tend to think like that so i left. later she called nd apologized sayin that she is family and only a human being who has done no wrong in her life. so now she is okay with it and loves her to death. honestly i say remove them from that situation cause it will only make them think different and grow up hating them trust me my grandmother did it to me cause im the darkest in my family

Carolee - posted on 06/14/2010

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Family or not, assholes are assholes. It sucks, but that's just the way they are. The only thing that would possibly make them think to change what they say around you and your kids if for you to completely cut them off, but let them know EXACTLY why they are being cut off. Leave it open to "when you can accept us for who we are, not who you WISH we were, you can call me".

Jessica - posted on 06/13/2010

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oh hun... im sorry that you have family that are like that. But for your childrens sake, I would have a talk with those that are closed minded and remind them that these children are there family, like it or not.... and if they are going to continue to use such stupid and hurtful words like that that they will not have anything to do with your children... but thats me and the way I think about things lol I hope that atleast helps a little lol

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