wat do i do?

Priscilla - posted on 09/30/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )




i am white an my baby daddy is black an my dad always talkn shit bout ma baby daddy to our daughter. he love her but he jus wants her to be white an hate black people. he teaches her to say mean things an tells her to say tha n word.. also all of the other degrading things. how do i get this to stop. i dunno wat to do


View replies by

Jenequa - posted on 11/22/2009




in my opinion u must limit his involvement. Grandparents r supposed to teach a level of wisdom only grandparents can pass on. Maybe once he feels the loss he'll act better. You are the parent of your child who has an involved father. He is ur father and must understand that now u r a parent and won't tolerate his behavior and he keeps it up the result will be not seeing his grandbaby. Don't be mean or disrespectful but stern and stand strong to ur emotions.

Danyella - posted on 11/22/2009




OMfreakinG! Your dad, if he were mine, would have been kicked to the curb long ago. Disrespecting your man is already bad enough, but teaching your baby to say the N word, hate black people (which means she hates herself) is just downright SICK! If you allow your dad to stay in the picture, this is going to cause some serious problems between you & your man, if not break you up all together. You also don't want your man to go postal on yo daddy & catch a case!! He's a black man, which means he already has a strike against him. Catching a case gives him 2 strikes & a much more difficult time to find/maintain a job so he can take care of his family.

Your daughter will also develop a complex about her blackness--you don't want your child growing up w/ self hate & being confused. She can never be white b/c she will always be half black. Now is the time to start teaching her to love her blackness to counteract that ignorance her grandpa's been teaching her.

Your father is as toxic as they come. He may be your father, but that's where it stops. Cut off ties w/ him. This may be painful, but think of the unneeded pain that you'll be eliminating from your family, especially, your innocent baby girl. He doesn't deserve you & your family (baby & man) don't deserve this.

Your family now consist of you, daughter, and bf/baby daddy. A mother's job is to protect her family at all cost--to a reasonable extent. Protecting your family means telling your dad "to the left."

LeAnn - posted on 11/21/2009




Take her out of the situations. Completely unhealthy. Best interest of her as well as your family

Tresha - posted on 11/21/2009




Distance your self from him before your baby realizes what he is doing. If you don't what are you gonna do when she realizes that he is really talking about her. Someone will tell her what he is saying really means one day then she will be so confused!!! Let your dad know that it hurts you when he does that. Thats terrible geez

Eileen - posted on 11/21/2009




and u let this go on? she needs to be far away from ppl like that whether its her grandpa or not...children are taught racism and this is where it starts....save her because when he talks about her daddy being a *igger he is calling her one too.

Michelle - posted on 10/29/2009




Tell your dad that if he carries on this stupidity youll walk away with your child and hell never see you both again. Your dad doesnt understand the hurtfulness this will cause your daughter in later life nor the fact its hurting you.

Samantha - posted on 10/06/2009




My dad tried to give me grief about my black boyfriend when we first got together. I told him his problem with my boyfriend was just that, HIS PROBLEM. If he wanted to be a part of my life, he would have to accept it and behave. I can only imagine what he thought when I told him we were pregnant! He has done well on the rare occasions we see him. Stay strong and stand your ground. Be ready to stick to your guns and follow through. If you give him an ultimatum (be nice or he won't see you or the baby - don't think I spelled it right), be ready to stick to it.

Iysha - posted on 10/06/2009




You should simply tell him that if he can't be respectful toward black people, particularily the father of his granddaughter, than he can't be respectful toward your daughter. That by making her Hate one part of her, she will ultimately have a bad perception of herself. Those words are used to degrate ALL people of her own race...Her and her father! Let him know that he is your father and you love him, but that NOBODY is going to hurt your little girl like that... and if he can't act in a respectful, civilized way infront of your daughter than he can just forget about being in her life. He doesn't need to change how he thinks, just how he acts and what he says in front of his granddaughter.

Your father is your father...but your daughter is your daughter... I don't know about you, but I would protect my daughter's feelings/self image before protecting my father's feelings. There are some boundaries that nobody can cross when it comes to our children.

Tara - posted on 10/04/2009




Unbelievable! That will only hurt your daughter's self esteem & I would NEVER let ANYONE spew that poisonous filth to my child, not even my father! It is your responsibility to set boundries as the parent & if your father can't respect that than I would NOT let him around my child. Period! Sorry to be so harsh but that is horrifying & it has to be stopped!

Lyndal - posted on 10/04/2009




I agree, you need to let your Dad know how unacceptable it is and tell him if he doesn't stop you will not see him. He has to accept her for who she is. Tell him she is neither black nor white but a human being first and foremost with feelings and an intelligent mind.
Your father will either respect that or not. I told someone when I was pregnant, who is very close to me, in no uncertain terms that I will NOT accept derogatory comments about my childs skin tone - such a chocolate drop or any other reference to brown coloured confectionary. They love me very much and stopped right away and we've not had an issue since. The person just wasn't quite sure how to say anything about my baby's skin tone so I gave the person the right words to say. Now we are all cool. :)

Gillian - posted on 10/03/2009




well thats is some f**** up shit. if that was my dad i would tell him that if he is going to keep disrespecting my babys daddy and telling my daughter to say offensive things then he can not be around her. maybe that will get him to stop. cause you should not beteaching babys to say that. i mean how do you think your daughters dad feels. what if his dad was telling your baby to say offensive white words you would not like it either. so as rude or mean it might be sometimes things like taking vists away from grandparents have to be done if they can respect your wishes. hope this helps good luck.

Kristy - posted on 10/02/2009




He will NEVER change!!! You shouldn't have your child around someone who is going to confuse her and make her think it's bad to be who she is! Sometimes you have to let people go even when it's family. That's not fair to your child or your baby's daddy. You have to do what's best for your child.It may be hard but you need to keep your child away from your dad.

Megan - posted on 10/01/2009




I totally agree Mary Kate, you must remove you and your daughter from the environment. If that means not visiting your Dad, well then tell him that is what your going to do and tell him why your doing it. Hopefully he will value his relationship with you and your daughter enough to keep his opinions to himself. You can't tell him to change, but you can ask him to keep those opinions to himself.

Mary Kate - posted on 09/30/2009




The truth... you will never change your father.. you can only change your circumstances...I had to eliminate people in my life who did things like this... I realized that they were causing more damage to myself and my son if I would have stayed. My suggestion is remove yourself and your child from the situation it is the only solution that will truly solve what you are going through.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms