When they come home...

Leah - posted on 11/08/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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College brings a lot of new freedom (no curfew, eating what they want, drinking, ect). How do you handle these habits when they're home on break without making them feel like a little kid again?

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Teresa - posted on 01/22/2014

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Betty,
I know that it is very hurtful to be supporting a kid who thinks you don't know anything now... I mean your kid is in college... you know nothing. LOL but that is how their brains think. I went to orientation days at my kids college ( 2 of them were freshmen together) and they told us to expect a little of that, My sister has a daughter in college and when she comes home she says it takes a few hours or a day to adjust back to life at "home". They are so use to being in control of their own time, money, and life and they desperately miss home. They hear horror stories from friends on how their families try to control them or won't help with finances and then they brace up to come home. They are trying to be independent which is what we all ultimately want,,,but they just don't know how to handle it.
I always make a decision not to discuss anything of importance or anything that will make a argument until they have had a good nights sleep. Kids at college usually do not eat or sleep like they should. I then don't argue but firmly say that if they would like their school bill paid so they can return or car or phone or whatever you help them with... then they need to respect what I say. I know they are tired and on so many schedules that I treat the first week they are home like vacation> Not caring when they get up or clean their rooms or whatever but then I remind them after that they need to help and to do it with a good attitude, I think they realize if you don't fuss with them right off and just let it go the first day,,, that they let their guard down and enjoy their time with you, Pick your arguments wisely and know that even though they think they are adults ...they are still in training. Do not accept the disrespect, shower her with love, remind her firmly but patiently of who is paying the bills ( but don't do unless absolutely needed as it is not something to keep throwing in her face) and accept that they are there for a break and allow some of the laziness for a few days. Hope it gets better

Allison - posted on 12/13/2013

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The most important thing to remember is trust.Set clear expectations right from the start.Trust your instincts, they still need your guidance & your rules.

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Amy - posted on 03/27/2016

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Very excellent and wise advice. I try to do as you do, along with listening more than talking. I wish my husband would do the same. He starts badgering them the minute they come home and they shut down to him (and me!)

Betty - posted on 01/22/2014

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I'm lost Leah. My daughter and I argue like crazy when she comes home, and it is not about those things. It's about attitude, disrespect, laziness and realizing your parents are still supporting you. Put forth a little effort when you walk in the door ! We went ahead and gave her all the freedom she has at school. We only asked that there be a 1am curfew, so we don't wait up worrying. As I said, my biggest struggle is attitude, down right nasty !!

Teresa - posted on 01/21/2014

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If it is for a short time such as Christmas break then (I have 2 in college a boy and girl) I tend to let the little stuff go such as eating what they want, sleeping in late, and such. Remember they don't have to come visit at these times. If it is longer like the summer, then I tell them they have a week or so to readjust and then these are the rules. Not as strict as high school but I do have some expectations concerning work and etc. Now drinking, drugs, and such. Not under any conditions.

Kim - posted on 11/18/2013

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for no curfew i just have to bite my lip and remember to trust her. we don't drink so it hasn't been a problem.

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