I see the other kids outside playing...

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

and I have just sent my son to his room. Why? He wanted a big piece of paper again, because the line of numbers he was drawing was crooked. I told him he needed to work around that, and continue with the same piece of paper, and ensued the big meltdown. 5 minutes for fussing, then 5 additional minuets for yelling "NO!" then 5 more additional minutes for yelling "NO!" again. I'm feeling like a drill sergeant, and I hate it. I fluctuate between wanting to keep him calm, and indulge his obsessions, and wanting to help him overcome them. It takes a lot of energy to him help overcome them. It is energy I don't always have. But I know that consistency is of utmost importance, and I feel incompetent to this task. It is draining. Has anyone else ever felt this way?!?!


Regina - posted on 01/22/2011




sometimes I just send myself to my room. It's easier. (but yes, my kids are getting older and wont destroy the house as much in my absence).

Michelle - posted on 02/25/2009




the thing is mate, your boy needs to be able to learn how to calm himself down (hang on, how old is he? sorry, should have asked that first!). i am in aus, my 5 yr old attends an early intervention group here and they have a programme called engine running, the idea of it is basically to enable them to verbalise how their engines are running (for example, too slow too fast or just right). it has been excellent for nate, as he can now tell me if his engine is running too fast and i'll just say well, you need to go and sit somewhere quietly and read junk mail (its a thing he likes to do to calm himself down) until its just right again...took a bit but works a treat now. eventually you will find something that works....but its sooo hard because none of them are the same!!! i think we all have days where it feels as though we do everything wrong and not alot right.....but you know, as long as you still love him and you are trying you are without doubt doing the right thing by him!!!!!! easy to say, though...i took nate out yesterday to a shopping centre, he had a fairly decent sized meltdown and was pretty loud...hubby and i were just sort of standing there, wondering how we were going to tackle it. i looked up to see this old woman standing there just shaking her head...i asked her if she thought she could do any better...she was suddenly busy with something. i jst walked down the nearest aisle and had a cry....could have been avoided if we had just given in to what he wanted but you are right to not indulge him every time he cracks up...one day these kids are going to be out there in the world...keep looking forward and you are sooo not alone, hey!


View replies by

Sophia - posted on 09/20/2012





Tami - posted on 02/19/2011




My Grandson is 4 and my daughter has been feeling the same way. It's like everyday, everything is a battle with him. But he is the "opposite boy" and even if I say to him "look at those flowers, they are beautiful", he will make a mean face and say back to me "no they aren't, they're ugly!". I babysit him every day and honestly there are days I just want to cry:O( I feel bad for him, and for me. And I know he can't help the way he feels and what he says. His Mom also seems to be an Aspie and she was opposite and difficult. So we are going to start the diagnostic process for him soon, and I want them to see if he has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) as a co-diagnosis. He is doing pretty good in preschool, but I am worried about when he starts regular school, and has homework to do. I'm sure that will be a big, never ending battle!

Oh and alot of, or most Aspies are perfectionists so maybe he wasn't being difficult maybe he was just trying to get the lines on his paper perfect, or what seems perfect to him. Good Luck!

Janine - posted on 03/04/2009




Hi, if that had been us (and I wasn't feeling tired LOL) I would probably have just given him the new piece of paper and if I was feeling *really* on top of things, I might have tried to help him work out the best way to draw a line of numbers without it being crooked, or, I might have suggested drawing with a pencil & using a rubber if the line gets crooked.

I've done lots of shouting in my time & even while I was doing it I'd be thinking "why am I doing this, when I *know* that the only result will be a meltdown?".

Anotther idea might be to set the rules on paper use (especially if you're running low), but he'll have to agree to them before the rules come into effect. We've found, in the past, that a rule sheet makes it much easier for our son to cope because he doesn't have to worry about the possibilities & uncertainties.

It's my guess that it was hard for him to cope with not having a new piece of paper because it never occurred to him that he wouldn't be able to.

Luckily for us, our son's obsessions fluctuate, when his obsession was padlocks & keys I used to plan for a career as a self employed locksmith. I'd help to develop his obsessions to something useful. Maybe that's why my son moves on LOL, because he gets fed up with his Mum joining in!

I think the important thing here is to choose battles carefully, and as logically as possiible. A friend once said to me "don't pet sweaty things & don't sweat petty things".

[deleted account]

Every day, Megan! You need to take care of yourself and the others in your family because it takes alot of strength to cope. No one is judging you and it's important to focus on the things that you can control more so than on what you cannot. I've been exactly where you are and on any given day I am faced with a similar emotion. You are not alone.

Lise - posted on 02/04/2009




My daughter is 4 and was diagnosed with Asperger's just recently (but we knew she was aspie for over a year). I hear ya about the yelling "NO" all the time...and not being able to get through to them...I also feel like I'm yelling all the time...that my patience is running out...and that I just don't know if I can do it anymore...but then we have a great day where she laughs and is in great mood all day and then I feel like it's all worth it...just stick in there...there's bad days but there's really great days too.

Karen - posted on 11/25/2008




Sounds familiar! I am new to this site but have 2 boys (1 with Aspergers). It is incredibly hard work and I just take each day as it comes - think I would go insane otherwise! I invested in a white board (a few actually) with the proper white board pens - if they make a mistake or it isn't 'just so' they can rub it out and start again. It wasn't ideal but it lessened the melt down. Hope this helps. Karen

Helen - posted on 11/23/2008




There have been many times of doubting myself and feeling guilty and overwhelmed and angry. You are definitely not alone!! Feeling drained doesn't even describe it sometimes. When I look back on the tougher years, I don't even know how I got through it. Hang in there!!

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