Do You Just Lose It Sometimes?

Siobhan - posted on 06/18/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Today was so difficult. We are trying to get our 3 yr old daughter into a good routine and tried to enroll her in tennis lessons this morning. She did well until the maintenance men turned one loud machines to blow the leaves then she lost it. The day just stayed the same from the point on, screaming, holding momma and constantly stroking an already sore ear (momma's) as comfort. Finally, after 12 hours (8 of which I was a single parent), and at 10pm, I lost it. I just screamed and yelled. She tried along with her brother to find me and get comfort, but I just couldn't provide it for those few minutes. I was so angry and resentful and just tired. On top of an extremely challenging 3 yr old with SPD, I have a 8 mo old who never sleeps and just never stops moving. Anyways, after things calmed down and we snuggled on the chair and she went to sleep, I felt like the worst mother ever. I should never lose it like that with my children. I want to be there for them, but I just can't 24 hours a day - I need them to either sleep or go with someone else (both difficult things for the 3 yr old). After a day of just constant crying, what else do you do? I guess my real question is, how do you find relief when you just can't hand your SPD child off to a daycare or to a friend because they refuse to go and need you. What do you do when you lose it and are just at your end? I feel I have been yelling more lately and am heartbroken when my daughter looks at me and says, "it will be okay, momma." Am I really at the point in parenting this challenging child, with a husband working 6 days a week and another baby who refuses to sleep that I need a 3 yr old to calm me down? How pathetic is that! Thanks for letting me vent.

20 Comments

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Janet - posted on 07/16/2014

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We the parents of children with SPD should feel proud of each moment we connect with our children, find new research to help our children and take one moment at a time. Do we lose it? Yes! Do parents of children without SPD understand our frustration, dark circles under our eyes or lack of strict discipline when our kids act out?? No. I have recently had my 21 month old son diagnosed with SPD and realized that my 18 yr old daughter definitely has it and am having her evaluated in October (long waiting list). I have felt like such a failure as a parent because I could never connect with her, she would not allow me to comfort her when hurt or emotional, she didn't like being held (but likes to be held by her boyfriend now, lol) and would not wear anything but leggings until she was 8. No one ever suggested any diagnosis back then, I just suffered through her melt downs for 18 years, but at 9 yrs took her in and she was diagnosed with bi-polar, now I think it has been SPD all along. All this to say my dear sisters, take heart! I believe my brother has this also and my mother suffered alone. We have more resources and support than ever before and even though I (and perhaps you) may not have friends or a spouse who understand what we are going through, we have each other, and I thank God for that!

Michelle - posted on 01/24/2014

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I have four daughters ages 3,5,7,9. As you can see my hands are full. Then I try to be super mom with softball, dance class, sleepovers you get the point. My 7 year old has spd. I have thought for years that she was just "out of control." Then after she started school I felt like I was a slacker because she wasn't doing well in school. After many flash cards and long nights of homework I knew there was something wrong. Apparently her teacher felt the same way. After many many meetings they finally diagnosed her with spd. I have never heard of it so I spent a lot of time online and attended a workshop for children with special needs. The workshop was called TASK in California if interested. Once I learned about SPD it was a breath of fresh air. I have lost control so many times. Locked myself in a bathroom and cried. I felt like I was the worst mom. Now I'm still not perfect but I am more patient because I recognize its not me and it's not her fault. She is in ballet and doing wonderful. One day at a time and talking in a soothing tone can get annoying but its effective. All of us moms need to hear we are doing a great job. It's like fuel for us. YOUR DOING GREAT!

Candice - posted on 01/03/2014

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I am so glad I found this site. I am a mom of 3..our 5 year old daughter has been diagnosed with spd. We are seeing an OT but just recently started. I too loose it...more often that I care to admit but it makes me feel like a horrible mother. The one thing we all need to remember is we are amazing moms for just the sheer fact that we are all here trying to help our little people. Chin up ladies and peace and love to you all.

Jacklynn - posted on 11/11/2013

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I LOVE YOU ALL! These are the posts I needed to see because I am ready to lose my mind over here! My almost 4 year old son has SPD and I have a 15 month old little girl with a wild little temper who is just naturally loud to begin with so her screeching on top of my son's constant need to bang and make as much noise as possible is way too overwhelming most days. Who won't share, who hits, who has a nervous breakdown over the tiniest of things..it's very very defeating. My husband works 6 days a week but for the past month it's been 7 days, so by the time he gets home he is more exhausted than I am. The last few nights trying to get my son to calm down for bed is just wild..I yell, he shuts down, I read him a story until he crashes, and then sit there crying my eyes out because I feel like the worst mother in the world for not having the patience I know I should have. I know that once he progresses more through his therapies that it will get better for him and for the household, but right now, I'm praying I make it.

Chelsea - posted on 03/08/2012

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I am so glad to read these posts!! I am just at the end of my rope lately. My 3 year old son was just diagnosed with SPD, and my 9 month old is walking, and teething, not napping and just as needy as my 3 year old! My husband works more than he is home so not much help there. And to top it all off no one believes me when I tell them how crazy my house gets!! They say yeah thats all pretty normal with 2 kids. um NO! its not. I am a full time mommy and full time student its all getting to me and I feel just aweful getting so angry with my boys.. I dont know what to do sometimes!!

Cristy - posted on 08/10/2010

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We have a "yelling" household. My sister-in-law told us (just after she and her husband adopted 1 year old twin girls) to practice 'yell free parenting'. Guess what -- she yells as much as we do now and her girls do not have SPD! I feel vindicated! It is exhausting to have a crasher that never stops moving, melts at the smallest things and completely ignores you when you yell. We are not perfect and we have so much to deal with. We can't hold it together every minute of the day. It is understandable that we yell and lose it with our kids. Take heart, though. As our son gets older, he is able to deal with more and more, so we don't loose it quite as often :)

User - posted on 07/28/2010

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I can totally relate and have a 3 year old with SPD and a 9 month old he does not nap!! I am interested in the responses here as I am losing more and more patience lately and feel horrible about it. I am typically not a yeller and have been yelling at my kids....yikes!!

Andrea - posted on 07/16/2010

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I know exactly what you are talking about...I have two sons 3.5 and 2.5 both with SPD and every day is a struggle....Lately my 3.5yr old has been wanting his daddy and I cant seem to keep my son grounded and my 2.5 yr old always wants me and its hard because I get treated like I am favoring him and its hard. My poor 5yr old doesnt understand what is going on with them and I dont know how to explain it. I lose it more than I would like to I wish I never did I feel horrible when I do. Sometimes (lately) I just feel like giving up but I know I cant. My husband too works 6days a week and it is really hard. Along with him working different hours each day. Just know we will get through this we moms just have to stick together!

Sylvia - posted on 06/04/2010

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I have been there done that. I feel for you as it is not easy. I have two boys with sensory issues and it is a challange daily. Keep the faith and remember it is not you it is the disorder that leads you down the path of exhaustion. Try calms forte they sell it at place like walgreens it will helpyour child relax and sleep.

Tara - posted on 05/21/2010

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I'm so glad that I"m not the only mom who "loses it" Lately, I've just wanted to run away. I think it's normal for you to feel overwhelmed. If you weren't you wouldn't be "normal" whatever that means. I also have a needly 4 month old and feel resentful sometimes because I can't give him as much attention, bc my oldest child need such extensive attention. He used to play on his own, but is at the point where I can't even go to the bathroom without him following and banging on the door. I'm so glad that we have this community where we can ask questions and vent. YOu are perfectly normal and as another mother mentioned are a better mother bc you recognize this behavior in yourself. I try to take it day by day and go into a room for 10 seconds before I just explode....it's better to leave him for a minute or two then to yell excessively because then they start to feel that they are to blame. With that said, we are human and always evolving,.

Sammy - posted on 01/24/2010

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My son also has SPD and probably ADHD, but has not yet been diagnosed with ADHD. He is 2 yrs. old. I am a single mom with no father involved and direct relatives just don't understand and can't handle him for more then an hr. or so which is very rare. He has recently started ABA therapy which is not helping much. And sometimes we can't put our complete faith in the therapists as they ALL have different experence, methods and tactics. Some just don't have the experience with our unique child. My son bounces off the walls sometimes, other times talks/jargon very loud, he also has a speech and languange challenge and some muscle tone issues. I am an extremely patient person, but lately under some unfortunate circumstances I've been more stressed out and have been loosing my patience also. It's tough!! But I try and take a step back and breath when I get that way even if he is having a melt down. As long as he is not hurting himself I will walk away for a couple minutes just to gather my thoughts......it's very hard. Fortunately and unfortunately I lost my job after 13 yrs and I have been home with him for a little over year now. Early intervention services have been awesome for the most part and they also offer many educational classes. He has speech and languange weekly, OT, PT 3x/wk, Child development and ABA 10hrs/wk ............i feel like ughhhhhhhhhh sometimes, but I wouldn't change anything in the world =)........we need to count to 10 and breathe lol I'm glad I got to vent and that I ran into you all =).

Shelly - posted on 12/01/2009

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Don't feel bad, we all loose it at times. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. I think it makes us better Mom's, really, because we can look back and know where we've missed it. The fact alone that you were feeling badly for getting frustrated, tells me that you are a wonderful mom and love your child very much. I have a 5 year old son who has SPD and many days I get very frustrated. Therapy is great, it's a Godsend, but it doesn't always work, either due to environmental reasons, or my own failure to follow through. Frustrations are bound to happen. Allow yourself a break, have a time out/quiet time and step away for a few minutes. Sometimes I just put my son down to one of his favorite movies and go lay down for a while, or take a hot bath. It does wonders for my outlook. Hang in there, you're doing a good job!

Andrea - posted on 11/05/2009

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Hey, I too loose it and I hate the feeling when I do. I try not to but after awhile of dealing with the same stuff day by day its hard. Especially when you can't get a break. I do get some breaks now with daycare but, when my 3yr who has sensory disoder comes home he is bouncing off the wall and really hard to handle. With the daycare thing...you have to be comfortable with the daycare and you have to just let them cry or scream they will eventually get adjusted and get used to going. My son has attatchment issues and we leave him and he cries but when we pick him up he is happy until we get home then its over. If his day was stressful we know. I think all of us moms who have children like this loose it every once in awhile. I wish it wasn't as much but I personally do not know what else to do.

LIsa - posted on 08/18/2009

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HI!
I am new here and I am so glad I found this community. I thought I was the only mom who yelled and have lost it also. My daughter is 4 1/2 and I had been trying like hell to get some help but people just look and talk to me like I am nuts. She's got alot of the symptoms plus a speech delay. She's in Special Ed for speech 4 days a week this year, versus only 2 days last year. At her IEPs I have brought up her issues repeatedly but it's just insinuated that it's my parenting. We have Autisum and other disorders under the umbrella. My husband and I have ADHD, her cousin has severe Autisum an uncle with Asburgers. She is better since starting school and her speech has improved but she still has some issues that I have trouble dealing with. My patience isn't the highest at times. It's nice to finally find people who are in the same boat

[deleted account]

I was glad to see your post on here. My daughter was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with SPD after 6 years of all kinds of tests and mis-diagnosis. I have always been a calm. caring and compasionate person until recently. I have become someone I hate because of my daughters problems. I feel like all I do anymore is yell and scream which of course does no good anyway! I need so badly to help her so I can find myself again! Vent all you want...we need to! If you find something that helps you stay calm please let me know.

Niki - posted on 07/18/2009

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Hi Siobhan... wow thank you for writing this post. I too have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. I have a 13 month old, she hasn't been given the full SPD dx but just the sensory processing, vestibular and motor processing issues. I am not a single mom but husband works, is going for his masters, and is involved in many other things (sometimes I feel like a single mom). I don't know how you ladies can do it all the time being a single mom. It is very hard when you just snap at your little one, I always feel like a horrible mom too. I have cried lots of times and she just looks at me like why are you crying. It is hard when people don't understand what is going on with your child and even when your husband doesn't. They all say that it isn't real, "It is all in your head." I was glad to hear everyone's posts and realize that I wasn't the only one. Thank you... I enjoy this support.

Siobhan - posted on 07/03/2009

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Thanks for the support and the stories. Hearing other people's plights is always a humbling experience. I give my admiration and just "awe" to you single parent moms - god, you are amazing! And just to every mom of a special needs child, we just need support and those who understand. So thanks for your stories and I continue to think of each of you and send you support in thoughts and prayers.

Shannon - posted on 07/02/2009

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I have SO been there. Yes it feels like you are the worst mom ever, but you are not. We are the worst at taking time for ourselves because you are right, can't just get anyone to watch them people don't understand SPD which leaves us with it 24/7. Sometimes i just have to go to walmart by myself or drive around to calm down. It is exhausting sometimes.

Stacey - posted on 06/26/2009

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I lose it too, you're not alone! I'm a single mom to an almost 8 year old boy, and I work full-time and attend classes full-time. My son has PDD-NOS and sensory processing disorder -- and some days are terrible the whole day. I get so frustrated that we can't go enjoy things that most kids would love. Plus, when I plan a fun activity it usually is too much for him too handle and it results in a meltdown, which then puts me in a bad mood too. It is hard when our children are not able to react to everyday situations in a calm way because of sensory issues. It is especially hard because there are too many people who don't understand and do not see this as a "real" problem. Of course, all of us with children with this disorder know without a doubt that it is very real! Try not to condemn yourself for the times that you lose it -- because it happens to every parent, even those without children with special needs. When I do "lose it" and yell at my son, I try to apologize later, and I just say "I'm sorry I got angry earlier... I shouldn't have yelled at you." He's usually not concerned with this, but I'm trying to show him that even adults should apologize when they do wrong. I find comfort in finding other people vent because so often -- I need to vent as well! Good Luck and Stay Strong.

Sandy - posted on 06/21/2009

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I do lose it sometimes.....more then I would like to admit. I am a single mom with 7 children. The youngest 2 are twins with ASD (Autism & PDD-NOS) In addition, they have sensory issues as well. I have no one to help me, their father is not in the picture, it is just me and the kids. Time out is becoming my favorite tool. I recently purchased a visual timer.... so far it is working pretty well. AS soon as they start having a meltdown they go to timeout, otherwise it could last for a while. They also don't sleep like normal 5 year olds...so I often only get 4 hours a night. Somedays I just wanna give up, but I can't.

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