Just need to vent.

Rachel - posted on 05/05/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I really hate to admit this but this whole thing trying to figure out what is wrong with my son has ruined any desire i had to have anymore children. My hubby mentions that he wants to haven more kids and the mere thought brings on anxiety. The worry I feel daily consumes me. I'm completely exhausted from trying to keep my son stimulated and then calming him when it gets to be too much. I feel like I have failed somewhere. I've been breastfeeding him for 20 months, I've had him on a reading/early language development program since he was 2 months old which didnt turn any result until recently and he still has great difficultly vocalizing them. And everytime we think we have figured out the problem with him, something else happens. first the drs thought it was autism, then they thought it was his ears we got tubes placed and there was improvement but then he kept on with the stimming behaviors and then these seizure type episodes happened. I feel like I'm constantly on edge waiting for something else to happen. his constant slamming into things and stumbling has me so frazzled that i feel in constant anxiety until he goes to sleep. I'm not searching for sympathy, maybe just some advice. I feel horrible for feeling this way I know so many other people that are in such worse situations and they dont seem to be worrying the way I do. thank u for reading my rant lol! n

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Schyla - posted on 05/15/2011

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My oldest has SPD she's five and it's a daily struggle to keep her simulated and then to help her clam down. We didn't sleep a wink from the time she figured out she didn't have to go to sleep. until we found melatonin which has seriously saved my sanity, My other two children are 3 years and 5 months and I love them so much and sometimes I feel guilty because Miss Bit requires so much and other times I feel guilty because it's so easy to enjoy the other two without the struggle (not that I don't enjoy my oldest it's just so much more work) but I wouldn't trade any of them or give any of them back if that was an option. I keep reading about every time we think we've got it figured out something else comes up and that's EXACTLY how I feel. Miss Bit was Diagnosed at 3 and by then we had Goose and Little X came along out of the blue. However I can understand your anxiety as I was getting ready to have both of the other two I worried NONE stop about Miss Bit she's not a huge fan of change but let me tell you the number one thing I've found. Playmates!!! I can let the two of them play together and she can get stimulation from that. I've also read a few others with seizure type episodes she dose that too however I cannot get her peditrition to take my concern seriously even though we've charted and mapped them her OT has stated a concern along with the behaviorist we see (another amazing resource) and her Head Start teachers have noticed them as well. I'm going to have to get on the ball about that. So your not wrong to worry your little square pegs don't fit into this round world we live in and that's such a challenge!

Constance - posted on 05/05/2011

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Racheal, This your baby, your child. maybe some parents might have things that also affect their children. I have a daughter who we were fortunate enough to have a diagnoses at a month old but that has stop new things from being diagnosed. Don;t ever feel bad that you have some much worry when it comes to your child. It doesn't mean you don't think about anyone else.
As far as having another baby that is something you need to be ready for and it seems like you are not ready. He is only 20 monthes there is more than enough time to have another if you so choose. Take your time all will come in time. Just keep focusing on your son you will get answers. Keep fighting for him ad remember let im be a kid he will feel more normal if you treat him the way you would any other child with in his limitations of course.
Take a breathe and breathe nice and slow. Then take a break go have a drink with a girlfriend or get a massage. You have to give yourself space away from him it helps keep your mind clear. Talk to your husband and just tell him you need his support and you just aren't ready and give him a time limit say 6 monthes that he can bring upa new baby. Then he should understand a little more that yo can't handle another one right now and you don't need the pressure as well.
You will get the answers yoou need. I promise. Good luck. I will be ok.

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Stephanie - posted on 06/06/2011

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you need him evaluated by a pediatric neurologist, they will point you in the right direction. We al need to rant once in a while!! i also think you need to discuss your concerns and doubts with your husband. a special needs child takes a lot of energy and i couldnt imagine having another one after mine! i feel like he takes every waking minute of my life! when he is at school, i am worrying if i will get another call from them, when he is at home i am on edge because he is like a ticking bomb most days. Since my son's diagnosis about 2 months ago, (he is adhd/ spd/ od/ and a couple other related things) we have started him on adhd meds (a VERY low dose) and got a trampoline and a sit n spin. He seems to be getting more calm and even, not 100%, but much improved in a very short time. Get evaluations and diagnosis! then you can work on helping him to live with everything and maybe relieve some of your additional stresses! I love the trampoline when he is not home!!!

Rachel - posted on 05/05/2011

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Thank you Constance. Its really hard to find anyone to talk to about this. I feel like everyone feels like I'm overreacting and gets sick of hearing about it. Its so difficult for me to watch him go through this. I try to stay positive but its hard when he is still such a mystery.

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